The sunlight was blinding as I looked up against the glare, my heart beat was peddling out of my chest. I was waiting for him, I was breathing for him. My eyes close as a shadow passes between me and the warmth. The soft brush of full lips and my eyes sprung open to a sea of the clearest ocean.
"My love." I whispered, the words breathed into his mouth, his hands were cupping my face in the most loving of gestures. My own hands moved up to cup those warm fingers, to hold them in my own.
My love, he only smiled and I knew why.
The warmth of the sunlight returned, and I was showered in those golden rays.
"Are you ready?" A voice asked, as a hand touched to my shoulder, and I turned to a man dressed in a prim black suit, the tears that pricked my eyes were only slightly painful.
I nod, even though deep down, I knew I wasn't ready. I wasn't done waiting. I wasn't done breathing.
The male took my hand and he held it softly, the brush of his fingertips so unlike my loves. The sun, the warm sun was so bright. I close my eyes. I was lead to a place full of people. The black circle they made was enclosing my love. The tears they cried were for him. They were a sea of depression waving and wavering under the brim of about to fall tears behind my eyes. A large tree marked as some sort of ever standing mile stone for his grave, the hole in the ground so final. His casket was open as requested, he looked like an angel.
I felt my heartbeat quicken, I was waiting for him, I was breathing for him.
The preacher gave me a smile that said it was time. So, I took my final place by his side. He was sleeping like an angel, he looked so happy.
"My love." I whispered, breathlessly, the feeling in my chest tightening and closing.
I wasn't ready to stop breathing, to stop living.
The word of the lord was passed around, echoing in the bright morning sky. My heart beat quickened, and I watched the first drip of rain touch his cheek, caressing along the side of the pale ivory flesh.
I knew I never should have let you go. The rain must have continued to fall for my loves beautiful face was becoming wet. People were murmuring and I was falling.
"My love, my love!" I cried, as I clung on tight, my knees were buckling, and I was sinking to the ground. There was a squish, wet, soaking, mud sinking through the knees of my pants. "My love, My love."
I was begging.
Why were you leaving me? Why did you have to go? I am not ready to stop breathing, I am not ready to stop loving you.
"Please." I cried,my hands clinging to the side of the wood structure. The rain was still falling but wasn't touching me, it only soaked him, the rain, they were my tears. I began to wipe them away. my hands reaching down and grabbing his much colder one. I entwined our fingers bringing it to my lips. The cool brush of that soft flesh a reminder you were so far away.
"I am not ready to stop breathing, My love, you can't leave just yet." I leaned over him, my tears leaking down my face dripping onto his mingling with the stale smile of my loves death, "I can't let you go." His fingers closed between mine, and I felt the warmth of the sun, and saw the clearest of ocean eyes.
"I am not going any where, my dear, my heart, I am merely taking a new residence, some where closer where I will never leave." His lips brushed mine, and I shattered into a million pieces. He was alive! He was alive!
"I need you here, My love." I sobbed, "I can't go about it alone." I was clutching to him clinging to his suit with hope that tomorrow would never come.
His ocean eyes closed and he sighed with love, "I will be here, always, just close your eyes and dream, I will be there, holding your hand, just breathe." His hand touched my face as he always used to, the warmth of the sun bathing me. "Now, say your goodbyes, and love me always."
I nod with sadness as I knew it was the only way, I would continue breathing for him , he would always be with me. I opened my eyes to the world a new, he was gone, but not truly gone. I hurt it's true, but I still was here. I would make it, even if it was alone.
Making my way back to my feet, I leaned down over the cherry wood decorated casket and smiled. He looked like an angel with a twinge of a smile, I could see his humor even in death, I could see his love even though he felt nothing. My love was beautiful, pure and lovely. My love, my love, I forgive you for having to go. I forgive you.
My breathing was slow and deep, I knew, I wouldn't be just breathing for him anymore, I would be breathing for the both of us. My rain had stopped, and I felt nothing but a warmth that consumed me like summer sunlight. Now, I was drifting away on the clearest of oceans. My hand dunking in the silken water, moving through velvet waves.
I whisper with a smile,"I will always hold you here with me, my love."
And in the crash of the far away shore, the clearest of oceans returned, "I will never leave, my love."