The Value of Love and Friendship

By the green baron

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The sun was low enough to kiss the horizon and radiate Anna's surroundings in an orange haze. Looking around the meadow she had guided her horse into, the only thing she could see for miles were emerald green forest and the jagged edges of a mountain range a dozen miles or so in distance.

Looks like a good spot to set up camp. The princess thought as she took in the beauty of Arendelle's furthest southern province.

I've got to bring Elsa out here one of these days. Well better get a fire going before the sun goes down

As she reached into her saddle bag looking for her timber box, Anna noticed a Siamese cat sitting on a boulder. The feline had a rather dour expression that was accented with dark brown circles and a mouth that resembled a human like frown. "Well hello there little kitty, would you like to be my friend?"

"No, fuck off," the cat replied with the voice of an agitated middle aged woman.

Anna gasped in shock. She had met intelligent animals before but even Kristoff's reindeer Sven couldn't speak. "You can talk!"

"Apparently so can you... unfortunately."

Anna was a bit surprised at the cat's sour disposition but she would not be deterred. "So do you have a name?"

"Yes, but if I told you it would imply that I wish to continue speaking with you."

"Well that's not a very nice thing to say."

"No, it's not. I'm not nice. Think you would have caught on to that when I told you to fuck off."

"Well I have a felling that deep down you're a nice kitty."

"And I have a felling that you're a dumbass."

Anna placed her hand on her hips and frowned. "Don't you think that was a little mean?"

"Don't you think that you are a little old for twin braids? You Pipi Longstocking looking motherfucker."

The redhead gasped at the cat's vulgarity and disregard for her feelings. No, I won't get mad. She has obviously had a hard life and this hateful attitude is just a coping mechanism. "Well I'm just going to pretend that I didn't hear that. My name is Princess Anna of Arendelle."

"Great so you're literally a royal pain in the ass."

Deciding that she would just ignore the mean spirited quips, Anna continued with her introduction. "My sister Queen Elsa sent me on a good will tour of the kingdom."

"I see why she wanted to get rid of you."

"Well I'll be setting up camp here tonight, and with a little luck, we might just become friends."

"If I'm truly lucky we'll both be eaten by a wolf before sunrise."

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Yellow and orange flames from Anna's campfire licked at the black gloom of the night.

"Are you sure that you don't want to come share my bed roll with me? It might get really cold tonight," Anna asked from the comfort of her quilt.

"Yes, I'm as sure about that as I'm sure that you are a disappointment to your parents."

The comment about her parents stung a bit, but no one could say that Anna wasn't determined. "Come on, you'll freeze on top of that boulder."

"That's the plan. I embrace the sweet release of death."

Anna sat up and crossed her arms in a pout, "You shouldn't make jokes about that sort of thing."

"Who's joking? If were capable of shooting myself I would have already ate a bullet."

"Well why haven't you, if you truly feel that way?"

"Because I'm a cat you fucking moron, I don't have hands."

Anna stood up, walked over to the feline, lifted her from the top of the boulder, and walked back over to her bed roll. "Well no sweet kitty is going to commit suicide on my watch."

"No! I have a date with oblivion!"

"You have a date with a comfy blanket. Now no scratching or I'll give you a smack on the bottom."

"I should feel honored. I'm sure longshoremen pay you at least a buck ninety-five for that."

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Anna guided her horse towards a road that had a sign that read:

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Fredilskot Station 10 miles

Arendelle City 158 miles

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Anna glanced over to the cat that was perched on top of her shoulder. "Well only a couple more hours of riding and we will make it to the train depot. If we get there early enough we'll have time for lunch."

"Or we will have time to lie down on the tracks and die together."

"I know what your doing, this whole mean kitty bit is just your way of dealing with a world that has been less than kind to you, but when we get to the castle you'll have all the mice you can chase and saucers of cream you can drink. You're going to be loved from now on."

"You're just a bucket of sunshine, rainbows, and unicorn farts, aren't you?"

"Now, now, don't be a sour puss," Anna said and then giggled at her pun.

"I swear to Christ, I will kill you in your sleep."

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After two hours of silent riding that was broken up by Anna's failed attempts at conversation. After the princess donated the horse she had used for the trip to the local orphanage, they reached the train station. Anna walked up to the ticket agent who was a middle aged man who smiled kindly at the cat perched on her shoulder.

"One for the next train to Arendelle City, please."

The agent started filling out a boarding pass while he looked at the Siamese resting on Anna's shoulder. "Well I'll bet that you're a handful."

"I'll bet that you're a bottom bitch faggot. Don't lie; you know that you love the cock."

Anna gasped. "Bad kitty! We don't say things like that!"

"No, you don't say things like that because you're a Poly Anna dipshit. I on the other hand do."

Anna looked back to the agent. "I'm so sorry about that. She's had a rough few days."

The agent was too shocked by the talking cat to be offended. "No problem ma'am. Enjoy your trip."

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Anna gestured to the landscape unfolding outside the window. "Isn't that just beautiful?"

"Let's see, there's a tree, there's another tree, oh and if you look to your left, there's another tree."

"Come on kitty, you have to find beauty in the world around you."

"No I don't, and my name's not kitty."

"Are you going to tell me your name?"

"No"

"Then it's kitty."

Before the cat could respond, the report from a pistol filled the air bringing screams from the various passengers.

"Everybody shut the fuck! This is a robbery!" A man wearing a bandana around his face cried out while two similarly dressed men began to walk down the aisle holding canvas sacks.

Holding a skilling up while looking at Anna he made the comparison between the image of the princess who was printed on the coin and the young redhead in front of him.

"Well, well, what do we have here?"

"A dumbass in a bandana?"

"Oh that's real cute. Do you think just because you're a princess that I wont shoot you?"

"She didn't say that, I did."

The gunman's eyes widened as he realized it was the cat speaking to him. "A talking cat?!"

"A talking moron?!"

The robber got over his initial shock and trained his pistol on the feline. "Talking cat or not, nobody disrespects me like that!"

"I just did."

"Unless you've got a death wish. I suggest you shut up."

"Well since I do have a death wish I won't be doing that. Pull the trigger slap nuts."

Anna glanced over to the cat. "I think he means it."

"And I think that your father should have rolled off of your mother and shot you out the window, yet here we are."

"Kitty! That was mean! You don't talk to your friends like that!"

"We aren't friends. You kidnapped me from a meadow in south Arendelle remember?"

"Hey! Don't ignore me!" The gunman gestured with his pistol violently.

In frustration, Anna did the last thing anyone, especially the robber expected. She doubled up her fist and knocked him unconscious with a solid punch to the side of his head. Falling backwards, the outlaw lost control of the pistol that twisted in the air until Anna caught it. The other two robbers, who were unarmed, raised their hands in surrender as the princess held the pistol.

"Um... what do I do now kitty?"

"First make sure that the safety is off. That means that the small lever next to the trigger is pointed downwards. "

Anna quickly turned it to the side and saw that it was. "Check."

"Pull the hammer back with your thumb."

Anna did so. "Check."

"Now point the barrel at your head and pull the trigger."

"Kitty!"

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The princess walked through the front entrance of the castle with the unique cat on her shoulder and was met with a concerned hug from her big sister Queen Elsa. "Oh Anna I was so worried when I heard about the attempted train heist."

"Please stop hugging. All of the loving sweetness is painful."

Elsa looked at her little sister's shoulder. "Well I had heard rumors of a talking cat, but I just couldn't believe it."

"Aren't you the queen with magical ice powers?"

"Why yes I am."

"Yet you found a talking cat too fantastical to be real. Well I suppose your limited intellect is verification of the whole inbreeding amongst royalty thing."

"Kitty! That is my wonderful big sister and the Queen of Arendelle, you will show some respect."

"It's alright Anna. I'm sure our new friend is just stressed out from the incident on the train."

"Again with the assumed friendship bit."

"We'll catch up latter Elsa, I'm going to get kitty all cleaned up and feed."

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"Hi! Were here!" Anna shouted after she and Elsa dismounted the ice Pegasus.

After a few days of genuine and patient effort from the royal sisters, they still couldn't fix 'kitty's' sour mood. So it was Elsa who remembered that the trolls were love experts and perhaps they could teach kitty the value of love and friendship.

"Such wasted opportunity," the cat commented as they walked towards the grouping of boulders.

"You should have realized that we wouldn't let you jump from the Pegasus mid-flight while shouting 'take me into your gentle embrace oh mighty death'," Elsa said as she opened the pet carrier that she had constructed from ice to let the cat out on to the ground.

Grande Pabbie, the leader of the troll community that lived in the valley approached. "Ladies, I received your message, and I am more than happy to help your friend..." The ancient creature stopped speaking as he looked down to the snide cat and saw the one thing the frightened him more than anything.

"NO!" He looked back up to the sisters. "What have you done?!" Turning back to his fellow trolls, the terrified leader shouted commands. "Take the children and run! The dark one has returned!"

Kitty looked back up. "Hello old man, I said I would return."

Before the surprised sisters could question the odd turn of events, the cat magically grew in size until she was over one seventy-five feet tall. Without a word the now gargantuan cat began to eat the trolls in a single gulp. Elsa did try to stop her, but the blast of ice she fired bounced of the beast harmlessly, and she was decapitated with a swipe from a two foot long claw as a reward for her bravery. Anna fell to her knees screaming in hysterics next to her sister's lifeless body as the cat finished off the last of the trolls. Saving Anna for last, the grumpy cat pinned Anna to the ground with one paw like a normal feline would a mouse. Looking down at her prey, the cat smiled for the first time since she met the princess.

"So, still want to be my friend?"

Anna screamed in horror until a single claw plunged through her for forehead killing her instantly.

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THE END

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Merry Christmas Melissa