Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to Cecily von Ziegesar. The lyrics belong to Jay Brannan.
A/N: Just something I thought up. The lyrics are from the song "Half-Boyfriend" by Jay Brannan.
Don't Know Where We're Going But I Know We've Gone Too Far:
Don't know where we're going,
but I know we've gone too far.
And I hope it isn't showing,
but I think I love you.
Blair's lips crushed against Serena's, pain intermingled with the desperation of wanting to forget propelling her forward. Her glossy ringlets tangled with long, flaxen waves as they fell onto the bed after stumbling around blindly. They didn't talk, their form of communication coming in soft gasps and lustful moans in the places where voices should've been. Blair didn't want to think about Nate or her mother or the fights she'd encountered with both. When she slipped up in not thinking about it, she pressed herself up against Serena harder, willing herself to lose those thoughts and focus on the feel of Serena's tongue instead.
Serena ran her hands up and down Blair's smooth arms, surprised at how skillfully Blair was removing her clothing. She didn't want to think about the fact that she was blatantly being used as a form of evasion. She didn't want to think about the fact that Blair most definitely wanted a certain blonde, but it wasn't her. She ignored the nagging reminder of heavy guilt that she'd just only slept with Nate the previous day. When Serena slipped up in not thinking about it, she squeezed her eyes shut and focused desperately on the feel of Blair's hands instead.
Serena stood up cautiously, slipping out of Blair's extravagant, messy bed with trepidation. She picked up her various articles of clothing from around the room, stepping into them soundly. When she finished dressing, she looked across the room to the figure on the bed. Blair was sleeping peacefully, her face calm and innocent. Serena smiled slightly, content with the obvious happiness on her best friend's countenance. Although she knew that her heart would crack in half when she boarded that plane with the knowledge that Blair was seeking comfort in Nate's arms, it was all worth it just to spend these few moments looking over the other girl.
And I can't believe you're leaving,
just when I let you in.
And when you had me believing,
I could feel again.
Blair let her cell phone drop with a loud thud onto the hardwood floor, waves of shock seeping into her racing mind. She could hear Lily still on the phone, but she couldn't register what the older woman was saying. When she'd woken up to find that her bed was empty, she had called the van der Woodsen residence in search of Serena. She'd received the news that would define her life for the months that had yet to come: Serena was gone. Gone. When the realization finally hit her, she crumbled to the floor in a heap of wet sobs and designer clothing.
"Why do you always have to be such a bitch?" stormed Nate, his eyes dark with anger. "Goddamn it, Blair! I'm trying to make this work!"
When Blair stared blankly at him in response, Nate threw the bouquet of roses onto the floor and stalked away, slamming the door to Blair's bedroom behind him. Unsurprisingly, she'd found herself unable to care about his fury or the lovely roses that had just gone to waste. She'd found herself devoid of any emotion since Serena had left. Apparently, she'd taken Blair's heart to Connecticut with her.
I could give a million reasons,
why we should not be friends.
Our moods change like the seasons.
My mood ends, your mood begins.
A fourteen-year-old Serena screamed into her pillow in frustration, gripping the material tightly. Blair had been in one of her moods today, seemingly on a rampage to wound every ego in sight. Nate, in what could've been his only intelligent move since growing out his hair, had decided to avoid her completely. Serena, however, refused to ditch her best friend, determined to lift her grouchy mood. As the day progressed, though, she found that it was increasingly difficult to be around Blair. The smaller girl seemed intent on purposely agitating Serena to no end until she'd finally exploded, walking out of Blair's room in a flurry of blonde hair and tan legs.
Serena stared up at the ceiling of her new, foreign room, smiling slightly at her memories of the silly, insignificant fights she'd had with Blair over the years. But for that brief moment of happiness at the thought of Blair came another pang of hurt that radiated through Serena's whole body. She missed Blair sorely and thoughts of her felt like pouring salt into an open, throbbing wound. She hated herself for leaving without warning, but it had felt like the only option at the time. She was falling for Blair—and she was falling hard.
Somehow, through her fucked up logic, Serena had even resorted to sleeping with Nate as a way to bring her closer to Blair. Once again, at the time, it seemed like a good idea. After all, the only reason she'd even given him the time of day was to reclaim what he had taken from her: Blair Waldorf.
You're a tease,you're a cockblocker,
you're a loudmouth bitch and a big-talker.
But that's okay,
you'll grow up some day.
Serena sighed deeply, swiping at her eyes frantically. Her roommate was going to come home soon and she really didn't feel like explaining why she was so upset. She stood up and paced the room only to encounter a photograph if herself with Blair accompanied by Nate and Chuck. At the sight of the picture, she was pulled back to the tenth grade and she was fifteen once again.
Serena watched from the corner of the room as Blair danced—and she used the term loosely—with Nate. She already knew how this would end: Blair would tease him a little, offering what she would undoubtedly not give him, and Nate would storm off to the Bass estate, angry and frustrated and overall pissed off. Chuck, slimy bastard that he was, would start some completely untrue rumor concerning Blair, which would, in turn, infuriate Serena. Before she could take action, though, Blair would stop her and take care of it herself. Read: she'd bitch out Chuck in front of all of his macho friends and generally emasculate him. Classic Blair.
You're the pill I never wanted to take,
an anti-misanthrope.
Mine was the heart I never thought you would break.
My one hope was that I'd survive you.
Blair watched as Serena danced carelessly around the room, beautifully inebriated as a result of the various assortment of drinks she'd had. Despite wanting to ignore her, Blair couldn't help but stare at Serena, completely mesmerized. She observed the light dancing on her golden skin and hair, making her glow in a way that most girls would have to pay for. Her long locks bounced freely over her face while her pearly grin lit up her cobalt eyes. God, she was perfect.
"Blair-Bear!" slurred Serena, making her way towards Blair. She fell onto the brunette's lap, wrapping her arms around her neck.
"Hey," said Blair softly, smirking at the jealous leers she was receiving from the guys. "You're…quite merry."
"Only because I have you!" Serena leaned forward and planted a kiss on the side of Blair's cheek, leaning her head into the crook of her shoulder shortly afterwards. She stared up at Blair from under thick, long lashes, an innocent smile playing at her lips.
Blair merely smiled back in response, forcing the butterflies in her stomach to stop fluttering and thankful she was seated…because, if she wasn't, her knees would've buckled under her. If she was being honest with herself as well as with Serena, she would agree that the latter's statement went both ways.
Blair sat on her bed, sniffling and hugging her legs tightly against her chest while resting her chin lightly atop them. Never in a million years had she fathomed that Serena would be the one to break her heart in tiny, irreparable pieces. Nate had been the only one to ever upset her, not Serena. Then again, if she thought about it, Blair only really surrendered her power over to one other person. And that person was a Dutch wunderkind with dizzyingly blue eyes and sun-kissed hair.
I've shown up for you in ways that boy never would,
but I know you'll go back to him and maybe you should.
I hope you don't go backwards,
'cause I'm going on ahead.
And, one day, you'll wish you had stuck with me instead.
Serena held Blair in her arms, quietly rubbing her back and murmuring words she hoped were consoling. She hated seeing her best friend like this, especially over some boy that wasn't even worth half of the trouble he caused. She desperately wanted to believe that this would be the last time Blair would take Nate's shit, but she knew, in the back of her mind, that it wouldn't be.
"Blair Waldorf-Archibald," muttered Serena to herself, flipping her pillow over to its dry side. "Sounds fucking perfect."
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