I don't own The Night Before Christmas, or Ninja Turtles. Though I do have an old TMNT sleeping bag from the 80s and a fondness for writing parodies.
This one I wrote as a gift for Mary Mikell after the first couple lines of the poem part got stuck in my head.
Merry Christmas Turtle Fans!
"All right, story time dudes!" Michelangelo cheered as he joined Leonardo and Raphael in the kitchen for some nighttime tea.
"Calm down Mikey," Leonardo said chuckling. "See if you can make it through without interrupting this year."
Splinter peeked in, "Remember my sons, one must be asleep for St. Nicholas to stop by."
Donatello slipped past Splinter, grabbed a cup of coffee, and joined his brothers. "Don't worry Sensei. We read this every year. If Mikey can keep quiet this time it won't take too long to read.
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Let's get reading!" Mikey was squirming in his seat as Klunk dodged around attempting to avoid the Turtle's bouncing feet.
"Okay, okay" Raph cleared his throat. "Ahem
"'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the lair
Not a turtle was stirring, not one would dare.
The stockings were patched by Donatello with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there."
"Thanks for always patching those up for us Don." Mikey said. "I was so afraid our candy would fall out!"
"Mikey." Leo scolded gently.
"Sorry dudes. Keep reading the story."
"Young Turtles were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of pizza-pies danced in their heads.
And Splinter in his kimono, a good looking Rat,
Had just left the dojo for a long Christmas nap."
"Mmmmm, pizza."
"Mikey."
"Sorry."
"When out in the tunnels there arose such a clatter,
Mikey sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away through the lair he flew like a flash
He braced himself to defend his family fast.
The moon and the lights on the new-fallen snow
Made visible the city from the sewer below.
When what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer."
"I always wondered, shouldn't it be nine? What happened to Rudolph?"
"He was sick that year. Now listen to the rest of the story."
"Sorry Leo."
"With a little old driver so lively and quick,
He knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than the Foot his reindeer they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name!
"Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!
To every apartment and dwelling and lair
To every young soul who believes I'll be there."'
"Aww, Raphie! You didn't do the voice."
"Mikey."
"Sorry."
"Like ninjas facing hordes of Purple Dragons may fly,
When they battle with Hun and take to the fight.
Then down through the sewers the reindeer they flew,
With a sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas too.
And then in a twinkling he heard near the lair,
The prancing and pawing of each little reindeer.
As he scratched his head and was turning around,
Down the tunnels St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished from fighting the Foot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a tourist just opening his pack.
His eyes glittered like Mikey's at the sight of hot pizza,
His cheeks were like Donny's when April-"
"HEY!"
"Uhh… skip that bit before Donny's blush becomes permanent."
"His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of his pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the bubbles encircled his head like a wreath."
"Bubbles?" Leo asked.
"Santa wouldn't smoke a real pipe these days, dudes. Not when it's a bad influence on all the little kids lookin' up to him."
"Oh Mikey." Leo shook his head feeling rather bemused.
"He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And Mikey laughed when he saw him, in spite of himself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let Mikey know he had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word but went straight to work,
Filled the Turtles' stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
With a quick nod, out of the sewers he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, and to his team gave a shout,
Away they all flew like Hun once his men're knocked out.
Mikey heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"'
"Bravo, bravo!" Mikey cheered. "Thanks for the story Raph."
Raphael growled mildly as Michelangelo gave him a pat on the shell.
Donatello leaned over towards Leonardo. "It was the only way to get Mikey to stop asking for it." He muttered.
Leo chuckled softly.
"My sons, it is nearly time for St. Nicholas to arrive. Perhaps you should be getting to sleep soon." Splinter said, peeking into the kitchen on his way up to bed.
"Yes sensei," the Turtles said in unison.
"Night guys!" Mikey said, jumping up.
Raphael rolled his eyes as Mikey rushed to bed.
"I can't believe he wrote that story." Donny said. "Actually, no, I can believe he wrote it."
"I can't believe he makes me read it for bedtime every Christmas Eve." Raph scowled.
"He is rather insistent about the whole thing. Its so hard to say no when he's that determined and that excited." Leo said. "Besides, its tradition at this point."
Donatello put his coffee cup in the sink. "Hey Leo, you don't think Mikey really met Santa do you? He just made that story up when we were kids to impress us or something right?"
"I don't know Don. I can't imagine that he did." Leo sighed, "He really seems to believe it happened though."
"I almost wanna believe him, for old time's sake." Raph grunted as he went off to bed leaving his brothers confused.