I was thrilled to return to Fairy Tail after being away for such a long period of time. I wonder what changed, four years is such a long time.

I know for a fact that I have changed. After finally finding Igneel again and spending a grueling and harsh twelve months by his side, I've matured.

He had resumed my training immediately, as though he had never left, teaching me how to be a real man, -which was ironic since I was human and he wasn't- how to hold my short temper and to control my out bursts. He taught me that real dragons, proud dragons, always hold their head up high and square their shoulders even when times get tough.

I had said that I already knew that. That I had never backed down from a fight and had continued on when it counted most. When Erza or Lucy, or even Gray had been in trouble I would throw all caution to the wind and sacrifice what ever it took to save them.

Igneel had looked away from me for a second, one of the few times he had ever looked away from my eyes when we talked. When he faced me again there had been such a sad gleam in his golden eyes as he spoke. He had whispered with such a somber and solemn voice that his words send chills down my spine even now.

He had said: "Natsu, you have yet to encounter the tough times I speak of. When you do, I will consider you to be a true man. Only at that time will I be willing to speak to you of these matters. Until then we train."

I had been confused and upset by his words, but didn't press him for an answer. The way his face was closed and set told me that he wouldn't tolerate any more discussion on the matter.

So we trained for one year before he pronounced me ready to return to my guild, where I would be, as he put it, "an asset instead of a foolish nuisance". My days of thoughtless destruction were over.

Happy, forbidden to join in with my training, was again by my side as we traveled home. Now that my vision was no longer narrowed to only finding my foster father, I could enjoy the wonderful sights that have surrounded me all along. I can see the world for what it really is. Beautiful. Not only did I realize that every blade of grass was unique and pretty in its own way, but I noticed that people were the same way. Their uniqueness fascinated me like never before; I could happily spend hours in a town square observing people go about their lives.

But one person truly came to mind when I thought like this. My old partner, who had cried so hard snot poured from her eyeballs when I told her that I was leaving. I admit it was hard to turn my back on her, but I had needed to learn who I was and what I was meant to do.

Leaving Lucy, standing by the gate of Fairy Tail, little sobs shivering through her distraught form took all the self-control I could muster. God knows all I wanted to do was stay by her side, even if I didn't know why personally.

Now, though, I do. I had fallen for the blonde spirit mage the first day I saw her in the town square of Hargeon. She was kind to Happy and I, thanking us for something we didn't even mean to do, and, to seal my approval of her she bought us food. Lots of food. And even paid for it out of her own pocket.

Lucy Heartphilia—the ray of sunlight in an otherwise boring future—was the only person I could think of when I thought of my guild the whole trip back. I was nervous to tell her about my feelings, yet eager; I needed to know how she felt about me. Even if it was rejection, I was a man now, I was certain I could handle it.

So, I stood at the gates of the great guild, reminiscing about my past. My hand absently went to Happy—who was perched on my shoulder—and patted him on the head, a large smile on my face as I took the first steps past the guild's front gates.

At first glance, everything looked normal. The bar was packed, and people were talking and arguing loudly everywhere. Some even threatening bodily harm to a fellow nakama for various reasons –"She was my girlfriend!", "…I can't believe you cheated on that hand!", and even, "Take that back you stupid-head!".

Mirajane was chatting across the room to Kana, who was seated on a table, steadily working her way through a rather large keg of beer while her eyes drooped gloomily.

I walked up to the counter and leaned one arm on its slick surface and starred at Mirajane expectantly, smiling crookedly.

"I can't believe it's been a year." Mirajane sighed, looking at the cup she was cleaning.

Kana absently discarded the keg somewhere behind her, an unhappy guild mate grumbling in pain in the background, before commenting, "It's been so different around here since she passed," She whispered dejectedly, "I was never close to her, but it's taken its toll on Gray and Erza."

I blinked, completely confused and looked around the tavern until I located the pair sitting at a table in the far corner of the large room. Both were unusually quiet, not even speaking though they were right next to each other.

"How can I help—"

A loud crash halted all conversation in the tavern. I directed my gaze to Mirajane, who was looking right back at me with her mouth slightly agape. Her once busy hands suspended in the air, only a dishtowel occupied them now.

"Natsu…" She dropped the dishrag onto the counter and blinked her eyes in disbelief.

Soon there was a group around me, my nakama uncharacteristically quiet. From my right the group parted, revealing Erza and Gray walking up the slim clearance slowly, both their eyes devoid of emotion.

"Yep. I've finally returned." I smiled forcefully; uncomfortable with the tension in the room that was so thick I could have eaten it if I'd wanted to.

I looked around wondering about my partner's. "Where's Lucy?" I spotted Erza blanch slightly as a worried look crossed her pinched face.

"You haven't heard?" Erza questioned softly, so quietly I barely managed to catch it even with my superior hearing.

My heart sped up with anxiety. She wouldn't look me in the eyes, her own focused firmly on the ground by my feet. I suddenly found myself speechless as my throat constricted, barely allowing air to pass through.

I've never seen Erza look so broken. Her eyes were watering with unshed tears, her lips pressed so tightly together they almost disappeared. Glancing to Gray, I saw the same agonized expression playing on his sharp features.

Erza took a sharp breath in and whispered, "Lucy passed away last year."

I swallowed and jerked my gaze to the rest of the guild, searching for a head of blonde hair that didn't appear. Turning to stare at Erza's despite her avoiding my eyes and spoke, struggling to keep a level voice, "This is some sick joke right?"

"Aye," Happy whispered into my ear nervously.

Gray stepped up to stand next to Erza, "No," He rested his dark gaze directly on mine, "She passed on this exact day one year ago."

"But today's her birthday. I brought her to the guild on this very day!" I swallowed hard, "Besides, She was supposed to be here to greet me!" It spilled out in a gush of thin breath. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, refusing to believe their statements.

"How did she die then?" The sarcasm in my voice was shallow, a feeble cover-up for the real ache deep within my heart at the grim words.

"She was sick, and never told any of us."

"Good-bye Natsu," She sniffled as I hiked my travel bag further up my arm.

I ruffled her hair playfully, my hand coming to brush against her cheek for a split second before it fell to my side. "Don't be so upset. It's not like we're never going to see each other again. I'm only going to be away for a couple of months Lucy."

She averted her gaze, her frown deepening even more as a couple more tears freshly fell from her bloodshot eyes, "You're right, of course. Like always," She said with a shaky smile.

I grinned at her and quipped, "Obviously. Just try to stay out of trouble until I get back!" as I turned from the guild—my home—and embarked on my greatest adventure.

Unfortunately I missed the last months of my partner's life, never to get them back or ever see her again.

I'd never be able to utter the words, "I love you," to her. I had missed my chance, and now I could see what Igneel had been saying.

These are what you call tough times.

I was kneeling on hard ground, a cluster of red roses in my arms. I stared at the tombstone and set the roses beside it, clearing the brown leaves away from the burial.

It had taken me two weeks to muster up the courage to visit the sacred spot. This was the first time I've cried for her, besides when I first found out in the tavern. I had let one tear drop before I rushed out of the guild and to her apartment, finding it vacant.

I had been unable to stop a few more stray tears from falling there as I had collapsed on the top stair, looking in disbelief at the notice of vacancy on the door of the abandoned apartment with Happy curled around my head, grieving as well.

After that I'd tried to carry on like it was fine, although I'm sure everyone saw through the pitiful act. I had tried taking a job, but found focusing on it impossible –it was just too painful. Everything I did reminded me of Lucy and how she would cheer Happy and me on from the sideline.

So I had returned home, without money, but a dozen red roses in hand as I went straight to her grave, located on the top of a sunny hill, where the morning sun hit it just perfectly, setting the hill aglow. I stood up slowly, reluctant to leave, wiping my tears away, "I love you," I whispered hoarsely.

I messed up. I should have listened to her when she pleaded to come with me. Lucy never pleaded unless something was wrong. Maybe, if I had listened, instead of dying alone in a cold house, she could have died in my arms.

God, this is sad. Based on the song Lucy by Skillet.

I own nothing. D: How sad.

I would like to thank my BETA READER: Reddragon13x He/She did a VERY good job, and I thank them immensely.