"Lister!"

"Huh...what?" Lister's head bolted up from his pillow at the sudden outcry, almost hitting the roof. He groggily waited for a reply but it never came, instead he was greeted by the sound of soft, almost inaudible whimpering. How pathetic he thought. "Let's hear it Rimmer, what's the matter?" The noise stopped abruptly.

"Oh, you're up?"

Lister rolled his eyes, "Yes Rimmer, you called out my name, if you're shrill voice couldn't wake me up I don't know what could."

"I think I'm having a mental breakdown...only I don't think that would be the right word for it since I do not have the brain it requires to have anything pertaining to a mentality...so I must be having a cybertronic breakdown."

"Great, is that why you were down there blubbering?" Lister was leaning on his elbow attempting to peek under his bunk at Rimmer but it wasn't working out, he did though happen to notice Rimmer was laying stiff as a board on his back with his arms across his chest.

"Blubbering? I wasn't blubbering! Only opossums with lazy eyes blubber when an obstruction blocks their path. No Lister that was merely the sound of any kind of hope I had flying out my metaphorical window."

"Well whatever it is that's bothering you can we get on with it? I went to bed not even two hours ago, I was hoping to get some good rest for tomorrow."

"That's just it! Why worry about tomorrow when you have just a bit short of three million years to lollygag around on this pointless, good for nothing ship? We're stuck here forever! And soon we'll run out of things to occupy ourselves with."

"If you keep carrying on like this for the next three million years it'll be all the entertainment I need, I'll tell you that. Is that what's been keeping you up?"

In irritation Rimmer spasmed into a sitting position and rambled out his next words in a string of nonsense, "No! That's only half of it! The other half has been on my mind for months, hindering my every thought, pushing me down and pulling me back. I can't move forward as long as I'm trapped under its weight!"

Lister let his head slump hard against his pillow and flung his arms in the air, "Rimmer, Rimmer, Rimmer, just spit it out already!"

Suddenly Rimmer put his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees, and cried out alarmingly, "Oh Lister!"

Lister flung the upper half of his body over the edge of his bed so that it was hanging upside down mere inches away from Rimmer, "Hey, no need for that, just tell me what's wrong."

The next sentence Rimmer muttered was the most somber and oddly heartfelt one he's yet to speak in Lister's whole time of knowing him, "yeugh avel...*sniff*...ugno ideiro ught...ugts ilk..."

Lister decided to watch for a few more seconds as Rimmer shook his head in his hands and continued to blabber on before saying, "Hold on." He sat upright and clambered down from his bed to sit next to, but not too close to, Rimmer, "You're going to have to speak a tad clearer."

Rimmer removed his hands from his wet, puffy face which was contorted into an extremely comical expression; Lister tried his best to refrain from laughing. Rimmer then took a deep, obnoxious breath in and with just as much sorrow as before he rephrased his statement, "When I died I lost the ability to physically feel, I can't touch anything! You have no idea what it's like! Sure I can lie in my bed or sit in a few chairs but that's it; I can't physically eat or physically drink or physically change my clothes or physically do repairs on the ship..."

"...Not that you would anyway," Lister pointed out.

Rimmer shot him a glare, "I'm plenty capable of carrying out tasks. I'm not completely reliable on others to do them for me...though I guess I still would have you to do it for me either way."

Lister thought that would have made him scowl but surprisingly a smile crept onto his face, for some reason he knew that whether Rimmer where a hologram or not he still would have done anything he ordered him to do. Despite all his talking back he really didn't mind it too much, it sort of made him feel like he had something to take care of; plus it gave him a reason to tease Rimmer a bit which was always fun. "Sorry, carry on, I interrupted you."

Another sigh from Rimmer, "...or physically lean against an object, which I want to do quite often. Or physically do anything really, you get the point." Lister nodded his head to confirm that he did, indeed, get the point. "Heck I can't even bop you over the head when you're being an overly annoying twat, I should have taken advantage of that when I was still adept to do so." That earned him a look and a 'hey' from the man beside him. Rimmer shrugged, "But the worst part is the fact that I can't come into contact with another being, and the worst part of the worst part is that even before that privilege was taken from me I was still never able to utilize it. The last time I was touched was when my father slapped me on the back and said; 'Now shove off and have a grand old time disappointing me as the lowest nit-wit in the Space Corps'. After that no one has had a reason to or even wanted to touch me and I was always too nervous to initiate any sort of contact of my own." He ended the note with a tear-jerking pout.

That was all truly awful; Lister didn't know what to say. He was filled with an enormous amount of sympathy for his crew mate. He got the urge to pat him on the shoulder but that wasn't an option so of course that idea was dismissed immediately. Scooting a bit closer Lister tried his best to vocally cheer him up, "I'm really sorry Rimmer. But maybe the best thing to do about it is to just not think about it, you know? There's no way to change anything so why plague yourself with thinking you can?"

Rimmer sat up straight and put on an emotionless expression, "You're right! I've wasted much time with this hogwash; we should go back to bed."

Lister stood, "I agree" He proceeded to climb his ladder back to his own bed.

"No use dilly-dallying in the past or sniveling about the present." Rimmer said more so to himself than to Lister as they both got situated back under their covers.

As they laid there in silence for a while Lister still felt he had to help pull Rimmer further out of his state of lamenting. He smirked before playfully saying, "Goodnight smeg head."

"Sleep well you sludgy slob." Rimmer replied in an annoyed tone but really a smile had spread across his face, nothing like jaunty banter to make you feel better.

Four hours later.

"Up, everybody should get up now; it's time to get up. Up up up, it's time for all of you to get up." The lazy voice of Holly roused the inhabitants of the ship from their deep sleep.

Lister buried his face in his pillow and his muffled voice was barely heard, "Holly, what are you doing?"

The lazy voice came again, "I decided to switch things up by waking you myself instead of letting the alarm do it, thought it might give me something to do."

Lister groaned, "But you already have things to do and frankly I like the alarm more."

"Well, it's nice to know I'm appreciated around here."

At that moment Rimmer jumped out of bed and started hopping up and down in order to get himself energized, "Yes, time to get up. We've got a busy day ahead of us."

"Busy how? What is there to do?" Lister questioned but there was no answer for Rimmer had jogged out of the room. Didn't Rimmer just say in the middle of the night that it was pointless doing anything on here because they had all the time in the universe? Lister thought about this, maybe this was his way of coping with his current situation, to pretend and convince himself that it doesn't bother him even though it clearly does and he didn't seem to be the type to let one conversation change his outlook completely. Not really wanting to get out of bed but thinking he probably should he shambled down and rummaged through his things that were all strewn about in order to get ready for the day. After making himself look about half presentable he walked out of the room in search of Rimmer.

When he found Rimmer he was standing by the main computer console and mopping with a scowl on his face. "Hey, what's going on? Why do you look so bummed?" Lister asked as he got some breakfast from the replicator machine.

"Holly says that my favorite informational disks are damaged because Cat was messing around with them, so now I can't listen to them while I make sure the scutters are doing their jobs. As if my dismal life isn't boring enough already Cat has to go and bleaken it even more," he huffed.

Lister had a mouthful of food when he replied halfheartedly, "I'm sorry, I would give you a hug if I could. I really would."

Rimmer's head snapped in his direction and his face held a dumbfounded expression. "What are you going on about? Why would I want a hug from you?"

Lister poked at his food with a fork, "Well you were complaining last night that you wish you could be touched so I was just showing my sympathy by saying that I would give you a hug."

"Shut up you git! I said nothing of the sort," Rimmer claimed defensively.

"Yes, yes you did; I'm telling you. Why are you denying it?"

"Because Lister, when it's that late and I'm that tired the sleepy haze that fills my head is equivalent to me being drunk, I can't remember half of what I do or say during those times."

Lister laughed and swiveled in his chair, deciding to tease Rimmer a bit, "Liar, I bet you're just saying that. I bet you're embarrassed for telling me. I bet you hate that I know you yearn for another's touch." Rimmer shot him a very annoyed look, his eyes wide and nostrils flaring. After a moment Lister set down his food and stood from his chair excitedly, "Hold on, I've got an idea." He then held his arms out to the sides and began to walk slowly toward Rimmer with an amused grin.

This really startled Rimmer so he backed up a bit, "What...w-what are you doing?" He continued to stutter incoherently until Lister got to him and put his arms around him in a perfect circle with a huge smile.

"I'm giving you a hug, see?"

Rimmer didn't react in the slightest; he was unmoving and unblinking, staring right past Lister. "You look utterly ridiculous."

Lister shrugged around Rimmer, "I don't mind looking a little ridiculous if it's for you Rimsy."

Rimmer's eyes narrowed and he frowned, "I really should go check on those scutters."

Lister let his arms fall, making sure they did not move through Rimmer in the process, and stepped aside. He saw the sadness in Rimmer's face as he walked away but he didn't see the blush that filled his cheeks as he left the room.

Later that day.

Why did he seem so upset? He was just trying to be there for him. Maybe it wasn't worth it, maybe Rimmer would always be the same arsehole and there was no changing him. Well he didn't want to change him per se; he just wanted him to loosen up a bit. Perhaps he was just embarrassed and didn't expect him to do something like that, just caught off guard...but Lister didn't have time to be thinking about all of that because currently he was sitting at the table in his room attempting to teach Cat how to use eating utensils.

"Man, this is pointless!" Cat exclaimed after trying to keep a fork steady enough to stab a piece of meat with it and failing.

"Ugh, just try it for me, please? It's not exactly fun watching you while you shove your face into your food in order to eat it, it's quite disgusting."

"Oh really? You mean as opposed to your eating habits?"

Defeated, Lister rolled his eyes as his head fell into the palm of his hand. At that moment Rimmer walked through the doorway and stood in front of Lister awkwardly, he looked at Lister and then looked away multiple times shifting uncomfortably all the while. Lister just hung his head looking up at Rimmer through his eyelashes timidly. Cat looked from Rimmer to Lister repeatedly before standing up and startling them both with an outburst of, "Yeeoowww! This looks awkward, and I don't like awkward. Excuse me but I do not want to get involved so I shall just head out and search for some mice," then he left with a series of jerky movements.

Rimmer put his hands on his hips and lifted his head up to the ceiling with his eyes closed and his face all scrunched up like he wanted to say something but couldn't quite bring himself to actually say it. Finally he got the guts to just let it out. "Yes well...that um thing you did earlier...it was uh...it was a nice gesture..."

Surprised Lister lifted his head to look Rimmer in the eye. "Really now? I could think of another nice gesture but I'm afraid you would just going running off again if I demonstrated it."

Rimmer raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. Nervously he asked, "Oh...and um what might that nice gesture be?"

"I guess you'll never find out now will you. Only people who treat others with kindness get something nice in return."

Rimmer stepped forward, "Look, I can see you're upset but let me explain myself."

Lister sighed, "There's no need for explaining Rimmer. You're never honest anyway."

"I'm always honest! I'm the bluntest person I know! Not that I know very many people but still."

"Yeah, but you're always harsh and rough about it…there's no sincerity. You never really opened up to me until last night. It felt good to get to know you a bit more, to know what's going on inside that head of yours."

Sheer sadness overwhelmed Rimmer's demeanor at this. He shuffled around the table and fell into the seat next to Lister. "I have a bit of a confession to make Lister."

Lister's brow creased, "Let's hear it."

Rimmer wrung his hands; he didn't really know how to say what he was thinking so every bit of it came out with hesitation. "The reason I'm always on edge…that is, um…yeah…you see…before Holly released you he was bringing up every hologram of the crew trying to decide who should keep you company…and when he got to me he immediately dismissed me, he told me I was not fit for the job…I agreed with him at first because, well you know why, we didn't get along one bit…but then it occurred to me…" He stopped abruptly and looked away.

"Go on," Lister pushed.

Rimmer stared off into nothing like he was reliving the past, "It occurred to me that you would be all alone...and if anyone could relate to being all alone it was me...and though we were never on good terms with each other I didn't want you to be alone, it's an awful feeling being alone...so really I was the perfect person to stay with you because I knew what it was like...I mean why else do you think I'm here? It's not necessarily a glamorous life being a hologram...I chose to be like this because of you, because I figured you needed me...but it's all for nothing isn't it?" Rimmer met Lister's eyes at this point. "Because you still hate me..."

Lister was astounded by the information he just received, "Aw...Rimmer, I had no idea...and I don't hate you."

Rimmer's eyes widened in surprise, "You don't?"

Lister began to lean forward towards Rimmer shaking his head. He made sure to only lean forward until his face was just an inch away from Rimmer's in order to line his lips up with the hologram's ones, when he did he closed the last little distance carefully and shut his eyes.

Rimmer was completely caught off guard, "W-what are you doing now? What is this?"

Keeping his eyes closed Lister smiled 'against' Rimmer, "It's that other nice gesture I was telling you about."

Rimmer gulped loudly, dare he ask it? "Are you kissing me Lister?"

"Yeah, got a problem with that?"

The thought of Lister kissing him caused a heat to spread throughout Rimmer's body, his chest tightened and he felt like he was going to hyperventilate; happiness overwhelmed him. "N-no, not at all. I've been wishing I could kiss you for a long time now..."

Lister pulled back and his face lit up with joy, "Really? Wow...me too. Too bad it can't be a real kiss though huh?"

"Yes, it's quite a downer isn't it?" Rimmer replied, returning somewhat to his normal self.

"It really is. I want to touch you so bad." Lister looked Rimmer up and down suggestively.

"Psh…You do?" He couldn't help being a little taken aback.

"Yes! Why do you find everything so hard to believe?"

Rimmer shrugged and answered sarcastically, "Oh, I don't know…maybe because this situation, this situation right here is something that I would normally daydream about. And now that it's coming true so quickly and out of the blue I can't possibly think it's real."

Lister looked the man in front of him right in the eye, "Well it is real. Now what are we going to do about it?"

Suddenly Holly appeared on their mirror, "Arnold, I'm sorry to inform you of this rather distressing matter but the scutters are in the process of repairing one of the ship's consoles and they seem to think that the blue cable is meant to go into the yellow socket instead of the blue one. I've tried to convince them to put it in the blue socket but they don't seem to believe me. You should go down there; you're more of the persuading type than I am."

Rimmer cringed in frustration, "Ugh! Those scatter brain ding bots!" He stood from his chair making to leave immediately but then he felt like he had to formally say bye to Lister due to the advance in their relationship. "Uh…uh…I-I-I…uh…."

"Go on then, I'll be here when you get back." He shooed Rimmer off with a shake of his hand.

"Right" And he left in a hurry to save the console from its color dysfunctional doom.

That night.

When Rimmer went back to the room Lister was asleep at the table so he tiptoed to his bed. "Holly," he whispered. Holly didn't respond so he whispered a little louder, "Holly!" Holly appeared and Lister shifted. Rimmer shot an alarmed look in Lister's direction and whispered again to Holly. "I'd like to change into my pajamas." Rimmer's work uniform swiftly changed into his pajamas. He looked down at what he was wearing, "No, better ones."

"Those are your best ones."

"I'm a hologram; I have what you give me."

"Yes, but that's the best I can come up with."

Rimmer rolled his eyes just as Lister was beginning to lift his head. "Holly, go away," Rimmer ordered as he pushed himself into the corner of his bunk pretending to have already been there for a while.

Lister rubbed his eyes and turned around in his chair looking bedraggled. When he saw Rimmer his expression instantly brightened, "Hey!" He went over to sit on the opposite side of Rimmer's bed. "Man, I just got through having a hot dream about us."

"Oh boy!"

"Tell me about it," Lister said sarcastically in good humor.

"Care to go into detail Listy?" He gave Lister a wink, the kind of wink where your face scrunches up and your mouth opens really big.

Lister thought this was adorable and he chuckled, "Sorry, I don't remember it really...I just know it was good."

"Ah," Rimmer jerked his head up in acknowledgement.

"I've been thinking about you and me all evening, it's driving me crazy. Between that and the dream it was enough to get me half hard." Looking down at his groin he glided a hand over it slowly. "Look at it, that's what you do to me. Usually I would have to hide it but I don't have to anymore."

Rimmer's gaze fell onto Lister's bulge and his breathing hitched, the thought that Lister was like that because of him was just so surreal.

Lister brushed his hand over it again, "Do you like that?"

Rimmer just stared and nodded, blushing.

Lister kept his sight on Rimmer as he continued to rub himself through his trousers. "Ooohhh...god..." Soon he began to buck his hips and at one point he threw his head back but he forced himself to stay focused on Rimmer.

Rimmer moaned as he felt himself quickly becoming more and more turned on. Never in a million years, or even three million years, would he have thought that he would share such an intimate experience with Lister. Watching Lister touch himself was doing something to Rimmer that hasn't happened to him in a very long time or maybe even ever, it was causing him to become extremely hot and bothered.

In one fluid movement Lister got up on his knees and moved to position himself over Rimmer to make it seem more intimate. Steadying himself with his left hand on the wall he continued to thrust into his other hand. "Touch yourself," Lister breathed out.

Reaching down to his arousal Rimmer moved his hand over it lightly and shuddered. The intensity of the moment was almost too much in and of itself. He began to pant as his movements became rougher and almost jerky, he was quickly losing control.

Rimmer's expression at that moment was beautiful to Lister, slack with pure pleasure; it was a look he'd always wanted to see on him. But something came to Lister's mind and he suddenly called out, "W-wait!"

Rimmer looked at him startled and confused.

Lister took a deep breath, "Can you um t-take it out? I want to see what you look like..."

With his mind all foggy it didn't quite register for the man beneath him but then after a few seconds it clicked. He nodded anxiously and hesitantly unzipped his trousers. He had never shown anyone this part of him before and he was nervous. When it was out he gripped it and started to move his hand along it, resuming what he had paused.

Upon seeing Rimmer fully exposed Lister groaned, "Oh Rimmer...you're so gorgeous..." Lister went for his own zipper in order to show himself to the other man as well, fair was fair.

Rimmer had whimpered due to hearing that wonderful statement. Hearing those words and seeing Lister in such a vulnerable state made him realize just how real it was; it was all too much, too amazing, and his orgasm came then. His back arched and his body convulsed as he whispered the other man's name multiple times, "Uhhh...Lister...Lister...Lister..."

Lister couldn't believe what he was seeing, Rimmer was stunning, and it sent him so close to the edge that he lost control. "Ah...ah! Oh god...I'm going to come."

Not yet recovered from his orgasm Rimmer lazily requested, "Not...not on...the bed."

"What?" Really? At a time like this he was still worried about being clean and tidy? Lister was baffled but he figured it was only right to oblige since it was Rimmer's bed, "A-alright, alright..." Shuffling to the edge he clutched onto it and finished himself, "Rimmer...Rimm...hhnnnn..."

Lister fell back against the wall moaning. Both men were tired and just reveling in the afterglow of it all. Lister looked languidly over to Rimmer, "I'll clean it up tomorrow."

Rimmer gave Lister the sweetest smile, "It's ok Listy..." It looked like he wanted to say something else but didn't know if he should.

"What is it mate? You can say anything, I promise."

Without further delay he said it though he seemed a bit embarrassed, "...I love you."

"Aw..." Lister lay down on his side by Rimmer and put his right hand on the spot where the hologram's hand was to make it almost like he was holding his hand. "I love you too...my darling Rimmer." They stared into each other's eyes happier than they've ever been and soon they fell asleep both having extremely hot dreams involving the other.