Author's Note: Happy Father's Day. Thought I'd get this one out for Father's Day (actually I've had this written for a long while). For those that have read my other stories: iCarly's Father, iGet my (Second) Chance, i18(ish) to Life and iAlready Have a Family, this is another story in that story line. It takes place after iAlready Have a Family. Yes, I know that one isn't done yet, but since it is the summer, I have more free time and intend to get back on it very soon to finish that story. I don't think there are any ending spoilers for iAHaF, so no worries.
Happy Father's Day to all the great fathers in the world.
iFather's Day
By OneHorseShay
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. For God sakes, don't sue.
Summary: Steven Shay has a talk with Granddad Shay on Father's Day. Takes place in my iCarly's Father story line and after iAlready Have a Family. T for Language.
Memorial Institute for Heart and Vascular Health
Yakima Valley Memorial Hospital
Father's Day, 2012
Steven rested his chin in his palm and elbow on the right arm rest of the chair he was sitting as he sat on the right side beside his father's hospital bed. He was dressed casual in jeans and his flight jacket as he rushed to get the nearest flight to Yakima. He had been sitting there for the last hour watching his father sleep peacefully with an oxygen tube just inside his nose and each end wrapped around an ear. He was fortunate that he didn't need a respirator and Steven was grateful for that small miracle at least. The only real noise in the room was the heart monitor beeping steadily.
The old man finally began to stir and turned his head on his pillow to his right. Granddad Shay smiled as he looked to his blurry son smiling back at him through the gaps between his fingers of his right hand covering his mouth.
"Hey dad," Steven snorted out a soft laugh.
"Hi son, I didn't expect to see you here."
The General shrugged his left shoulder. "Well, I thought since you went through the trouble of having a heart attack to get me to see you on Father's Day then maybe I should show up." He then leaned forward and picked up his father's glasses off the night stand. He got up and gently placed the frames on his father's face.
The grey/white haired man laughed. "Still the smartass."
Steven grinned as he sat back down. "Well, you didn't raise a dumb one."
"You look well."
"You look like shit, but you're still ticking old man and the doctors say you're going to still be ticking for a long time."
Granddad Shay actually laughed at his son's joke. He assumed it must be whatever meds he was on at the moment because he didn't find Steven's joke all that funny for the most part. "Well… thanks for coming. I didn't know whether you seriously thought about letting me die alone even if I didn't object to the wedding."
Steven shook his head. "I wouldn't have let you die alone if you would have objected. I would have been pissed beyond belief, but as much as I hate you, I still love you."
Granddad Shay gave his son a somber look. "Do you really hate me Steven?"
He leaned forward and met his father's eyes and replied without hesitation, "To my very core, but I don't have a problem living a contradiction. You're my dad and I love you."
"Maybe I'm sorry for all the things I did for you to hate me. Maybe I should tell you all the things I should have told you a long time ago."
Steven shook his head. In a soft voice, the General replied, "Dad, don't bullshit me just because you're hooked up to all these things and faced death and came out ahead. Don't give me some deathbed confession of how proud you are of me or how much you love me or all of that mess. You're not dying and you're too stubborn to admit you're wrong."
"Maybe it just made me realize that I don't want my son to hate me."
"How do you propose we do that? We're Shays, we don't forgive, we don't give one inch and we just hang on to our anger and hatred."
"Then have you thought that maybe we should act more like the Dorfmans?"
"Oh my God… you have brain damage," Steven whispered in horror.
It was Granddad Shay's turn to laugh at his son's reaction. It wasn't a loud or long laugh because he was still tired, but it did catch Steven's attention. He looked to his son and whispered, "I was wrong about you marrying Taylor. She may have been abnormal, but she was a kind woman and I know she brought a lot of happiness into your life. I was just too stubborn to realize that and tell you both when she was living."
Steven nearly growled out, "I'm not doing this back and forth with you dad where I come to some epiphany that I was wrong about certain things all these years."
"You don't have to son."
"Don't give me that! If you think you're wrong, because you realize you were wrong that is one thing, but don't do it just to get me to stop hating you because you think you're dying, which you're not. At least let me keep my respect for you standing by what you believe in, even if I think what you believe is wrong."
"So that's where you got it from? Maybe I realized I want peace with my son more than I want to be proven right."
"Sometimes the only thing you have left is right and wrong, the only tangible real things and if you give them up what else do you have left?"
"So you never gave an inch to Taylor in your marriage?"
Steven took in a sharp breath. "We compromised when we disagreed. We both gave a little because we were never on opposite sides when facing a problem and she never asked me to compromise my principles, but all of your and my arguments can't be settled that way. It is always an either/or with us and on every major decision in my life: I either married Taylor or I didn't, I either joined the Air Force or I didn't, I either let Carly stay with Spencer or with you. We could never meet halfway with those big decisions and I wasn't going to give in just to have peace with you. The price for peace with you was just too damn high. Then you started your shit with my children and it just escalates with us."
"So you'd rather hate, love and respect me at the same time instead of just loving and not respecting me? This is still about your pride? It's only good enough if I say I was wrong and mean it."
"Yes, because anything else wouldn't be genuine."
"So you wouldn't have given up your principles for Taylor if it came down to a choice between them and her?"
"I'm not playing your false dilemma with you," Steven snapped.
"It's not one with me: my son either hates me or he doesn't. I'd rather be wrong and have you not hating me."
"No, you'd rather hang onto your beliefs and just say I'm right so that I won't hate you. You get to have your cake and eat it too."
"But it's not about my beliefs is it? It's my actions? You said you respect me because I stuck by them, but what if I hadn't tried to stop you all those times? What if I just told you what I thought and left it at that?"
"No, it was the fact that you always thought you knew better! You don't know better all the time! You always thought you could run other people's lives better than they could! Mine, Taylor's, Spencer's and Carly's."
"I just wanted what was best for everyone."
"So do I, but I have to trust them to be able to make their own decisions about their own lives to get there, not me leading them by the hand."
"Even if you know deep down they are wrong?"
He stated firmly and looked his father in the eyes, "Especially if they are wrong, as long as they aren't physically hurting themselves or hurting others."
"I see you have a qualifier," he stated with a questioning tone.
"I have stepped in Spencer's life when I thought his actions could negatively harm other people, and the same with Carly and even Samantha but any other case I didn't because I love them. It's their lives to live, not mine."
"Where did you learn that from? Certainly not me."
"Taylor. She told me that life was just choices and it was only up to us to make those choices."
"She was a far smarter woman than I gave her credit for," Granddad whispered.
"Yes she was," Steven sighed in agreement.
They stayed silent for a few minutes as the heart monitor beeped in regular intervolves.
Granddad Shay finally whispered, "I'm sorry I thought I always knew better Steven."
Steven palmed his forehead. "Taylor once told me that forgiveness should be unconditional, but I have the same conditions Jesus gave the adulterer."
"What would they be?"
The General took a deep breath then answered with a tight tone, "Never do what you did to me to my children ever again. You did it with Spencer and law school and Carly and Yakima and those were one too many times to either of them."
Granddad nodded his head on the pillow. "Okay, I promise."
Steven nodded hesitantly. "Then…" He felt like he was choking on his own words, but answered, "I'll try to forgive you and I'll try my best to let go of my hate… a fresh start for us."
"A fresh start," Granddad replied with a smile. "So, are you going to marry Ruby?"