Bleeding Love
I'm so sorry it took me ridiculously long to update, I've been a) incredibly busy b) a terrible person, and c) unable to access the computer for longer than 20 minutes. I honestly feel terrible, and tried to update while at school but sadly can't access from the computers so I just printed out copies of the first few chapters to type up at home
I honestly feel so bad at about it, please forgive me everyone; the lie was unintentional.
As always, I hope you enjoy this chapter and that like Bleeding Love as much as Don't Fade Away!!
On a personal note:
I've.got.purple.nail.polish: firstly I love your name, second thank you for looking at this!! I'm happy you liked it
Mellolicious: I'm sorry!! Thanks for your patience
beamingatyou: thanks again for reviewing its made me very happy
Insidejoke: I'm sorry!! Now update Gay Bar!!
To everyone else who looked at Don't Fade Away and is now reading this: Thank you all!!
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or the lyrics (Yvonne Elliman)
Chapter One
Jade was gently shaken awake. Groggily, she looked at the dashboard and saw the time: 4:03 in the afternoon. Ryan had let her sleep for almost an entire day.
She looked up at him blearily. "I'm sorry," he apologize, "but I'm stopping here to grab some eats and I figured you'd be hungry." Mistaking her look he added quickly "I can pay hon, it's ok."
She shook her head. "Thanks anyway. I will get up though, my legs are cramped for sitting for too long." And she had to use the bathroom.
He gave her a smile and stepped out of the truck. She'd picked him up the day before, saying she needed to get to L.A and delicately lied about it being about her having to find the father of her baby. He was a nice enough guy; Ryan Fleming, aged 42. Married his high school sweetheart and had two kids, he'd not only not charged her sexual favours for a ride but had stopped several times to buy her food and clothes.
She was really going to feel like a bitch when she robbed him.
She slipped out of the truck, feet landing hard on the dirt, throbbing. She stretched, her black tee moving up with her arms to expose a tanned, flat stomach and tattoos. Hot winds blew dust into her eyes, she squinted and raised an arm to shied herself. Her hair was tied back, failing to fend off the prespiration. Sweat fell from her hair into her eyes and the back of her neck was soaked. Wisps of frizzy hair floated around her face. She could only imagine what her tee looked like. She was barefoot; boots sitting in the seat. They'd gotten too hot to wear.
She went into the bathroom and relieved herself quickly. While she sat, she rubbed her legs, trying to get some feeling back in them. The only thing her body felt was hot. Disgustingly so.
When she finished, she peeled off her pants; humidity making them cling to her legs. She doubted that anyone would walk in, so she peeled off her shirt too. She turned the faucet on and tossed her tee into it, letting it soak; and briefly ducked her head underneath too.
Dripping, she stepped back and tossed her shirt to the floor, where water seeped into the cracks. She opened her backpack and took out shampoo and conditioner, putting it in her hair and letting it sit while she pulled out scissors and converted her jeans to shorts.
Finished, she went back under the faucet, carefully making sure to rinse everything out. When she was done she quickly finger-combed her hair and let it stay down, and put her shirt back on. It was cold and wet, delicious. Its wetness made it cling to her body but she didn't care. Shame had been forgotten a long time ago.
Quickly, she pulled out a small bag and set the winter powder carefully into the floor, then rolled up a five. Snorting the line up quickly she carefully folded it back up and into her pocket.
She put her shorts back on and stepped out, already reaching to pull out a cigarette and her lighter from her backpack.
Stepping outside, Jade lit it and took a drag. Smoke exhaled, wind tossing it back into her face. She was nervous, alert. Her foot tapped the ground with no particular beat; and aggravated, she started pacing as she smoked.
She glanced behind her. Ryan was still inside, probably having an extra large burger or something. She was hungry, starving; even she recognized how thin she was. Nearly trembling from it. But the mere thought of food was enough to make her stomach want to heave, the drug denied her all of it.
The only time she really indugled in food was when she smoked weed. The tasty green plant brought her low enough to relax and actually be able to taste food. Most of it even stayed down.
She'd found it was easier to smoke rather than eat. Smoke or snort. It gave her energy and killed all appetite.
Jade had a lot of time to think lately, and a lot of things to think about. Things she didn't want to think about. Like the fact that she was now alone, totally alone. And the fact that this hell was self-inflicted made it no easier for her to bear.
It was worse than before, anything that she'd gone through because for a short time she had known true happiness. What it meant to live loving someone and being loved. During the day she tried to forget about them, the faces she was leaving behind. The space around her became smaller and smaller until the lonliness was the only thing she could really feel. Feelings that sent her stronger into addiction.
Dreams she couldn't control. Almost every night, she thought of them. Mello, Matt, even her cats and Laila. Images and memories that cut into her like knives. Made her want to cut into herself with a knife.
She knew the idea of finding love like that again was gone. She'd been lucky to find it once. And she wouldn't try to replace them with anyone else, despite how much it hurt to be alone. As punishment, she had decided that if she couldn't be with them, she wanted to be left alone.
She had nothing, in the end. Nothing but bad habits and a body. Which, in the end, was enough. She sometimes thought about how they would react if she simply went back; her plan to go to L.A had honestly not been very well thought out.
What kept her from doing so was the fear that they wouldn't care. That they had erased her from their lives as easily as everyone else had done. Their rejection would be worse than anything else anyone else could do to her.
Her cigarette was almost done, the kills bitter in her mouth. She looked up, grateful to see Ryan walking toward her with a plastic bag from the shop inside the truck stop.
She waved, gave him an honest smile.
"Hey Rebecca," he said smiling, calling her the name she'd told him was hers. "These are yours." He handed her the bag and she waited until she was back inside to look in the bag.
There was a large wrapped burger and fries, a water bottle, a packet of gum, a bag of chips, and a cheaply-made pair of cargo pants and sneakers. She looked up at him, surprised and shocked silent.
"I thought you might be hungry later," he said, shrugging. She could tell he was embaressed. "And it's not right for you to go around barefoot or with those heavy boots all the time. You gotta think of your baby."
His favourite phrase for her. It had come up about twenty times when he'd given her a lecture about quitting smoking. She assured him that as soon as she hit three months she'd give them up and that had seemed to satisfy him.
"I have sneakers," she said, while he started up the truck.
"I saw those shredded pieces of cloth you call sneakers. I wouldn't pay two cents for them."
She smiled. "Thank you very much."
He turned on the radio and she valiantly tried to block out the dismal country tunes. And people thought punk was depressing.
She tried to sleep. Sleep helped pass time. It kept her from thinking. She didn't want to look at the past while awake; it had hurt her enough. The present was worse. And she refused to look into the future; afraid that if she did there would be nothing there.
Don't
know why I'm surviving every lonely day
When there's got to be no
chance for me
My life would end and it doesn't matter how I cry
My
tears of love are a waste of time
So that is chapter one, I hope it was ok. I've been fortunate in my life to meet people like Ryan when I needed them, I think Jade is too.
Anyway, please review!!