Ok… here's the deal. I didn't want to start this story until later on, but thanks to a lackluster HIMYM S6 finale, I can't stop myself. It kind of fits in with another story idea I had, so I'm going to combine the two. Still Barney and Robin (I'm such a Swarkles shipper, haha) R&R.
Ps - if you can guess what the title is an illusion too (and the following insert) You're awesome.
Topaz-b
"The long and winding road
that leads to your door"
Robin Scherbatsky was at the shooting range again, for the third time that day. She'd emptied 3 clips and had started on her fourth as a new surge of nausea filled her, leaving her tongue dry and her throat watering.
"Fuck you Barney Stinson…" She said, pulling the trigger to punctuate every syllable, the crack of the bullet, though softened by the ear protectors, still a welcome sound of relief. "Fuck you." The clip ran out. Looking down and seeing it was her last, she growled, and in a fit of rage, threw the gun at the target.
"I'm sorry Charlie, I don't know what came over me." She smiled at the owner of the range as he retrieved her gun, having had to stop everyone.
"Right…" Charlie shook his large, bald head at her. "Look Robin, you're scaring some of the other members."
"Me Jerry? I wouldn't hurt a fly."
"I've seen you shoot at a fly."
"That wasn't me, it was the gun."
"Look Robin…" He sighed. "I don't want to do this, but I have to ask you to leave until you're calmer."
"B-but." She exclaimed, her mouth wide open. "I didn't do anything."
"Oh fine…" She said, grabbing her purse and striding to the door. "But I'm taking these with me." She picked up the bag of chicken wings she'd brought him, the usual bribe for him saving her his best equipment, waved them at him, and stepped out into the cool New York night.
"And again," she muttered, dropping the bag of wings into the nearest trash can. "Fuck you Barney Stinson."
She knew she had no right to be mad. Hell, she'd given up her chance… kind of. She slammed the apartment door behind her and threw her keys at the sofa. She kicked of her shoes at the door and went to the kitchen, pulling out her emergency ice cream stash.
Ted found her half an hour later, ice cream gone, fingers sticky, and her heart hurting.
"The whole thing Scherbatsky?" He sat next to her on the couch.
"The whole thing." She licked the spoon for the umpteenth time.
"What's wrong?"
"Why do you automatically assume something's wrong? Can't I just be craving ice cream?"
"Robin…"
"Yes dad?" She snapped back sarcastically. Ted groaned.
"Seriously dude, do we have to go through this? Can't we just skip to the part where you tell me what's wrong?"
"Yeah except nothings wrong." She dropped the spoon in the container and stood. "Or else I'd tell you." She went to her room, letting the door shut softly behind her and collapsed in a heap on her bed.
"From rage to depression to bitch in 60 flat." She whispered to the ceiling. "I'm an emotional wreck… less than 24hours in…" Fighting off the urge to cry, she sat up and hugged her knees to her chest. Spying a picture of Barney on her dresser, she flung her pillow at it. "How's that for awesome." She said as the responding crash filled the room.
"Robin you ok?" Ted knocked at the door.
"I'm fine." She yelled. She didn't want to face him, not yet. She'd rather just stay in her room and be alone until she was ready to face it.
"So… Barney and Nora huh…" Lily was sitting on the couch next to her, her feet crossed and on the cushion.
"Yeah, Barney and Nora." Robin fiddled with a knot of thread on the couch.
"That's a weird… um… situation huh?" She averted her eyes. "Oh yeah, Robin guess what! I'm p" she trailed off as Robin turned to look at her, and she saw the pangs of heartache reflecting in her eyes. "absolutely, 100% sure that its not going to work out."
"Why would I care?" Robin sighed. "That's who Barney wants. As his friend I'm happy for him."
"Right… but… how about as his ex?" Lily spoke slowly.
"As his ex I'm still happy for him." She had picked up the remote, and was jabbing it into the arm of the couch as she spoke. "Its cut and paste Lily."
"No, cut and paste is what I do with my kindergarteners." Lily smiled at her, then put her hand on hers. "The human heart is a little more complicated than that."
Marshall Eriksen was overjoyed by his wife's news, and had accompanied Lily to Ted and Robin's apartment to help break the news. Seeing the telltale signs of a pissed off Robin, he and Ted headed down to MacLaren's. Beer? Agreed.
They ordered, sitting in their usual booth, and they both relaxed in an 'out of the path of pissed off Robin' way.
"Hey Ted, I've got good news."
"Oh yeah? What's up?"
"Well you know how I had the job interview and I was afraid that I'd completely crap my pants during it?"
"Yeah. Oh! Did they give you the job despite that?"
"Better."
"You crapped your pants, got the job, and Batman is your boss."
"No, but how cool would that be?"
"I know right." Ted leaned back in his chair. "You crapped your pants, got the job and"
"Seriously, what is the big fascination with me crapping my pants?" Marshall stopped him mid sentence.
"The hilarity." Ted took a swig of his beer. "Tell me what's so great now."
"Me and Lily are"
"Divert your eyes this way, the pillar of awesome has arrived!" Barney came through the door yelling. He came over to the booth. "So what you bros up to?"
"Marshall was just telling me some good news."
"Did he crap his pants and get the job anyway?"
"What is the obsession with me crapping my pants!" Marshall yelled it and the entire bar turned to look. "What, I thought I had food poisoning." When the stares got harder, and slightly more disgusted, he yelled again. "I didn't actually crap my pants!"
"He hasn't said it yet."
"Good, because it can wait." Barney leaned in close to the both of them. "Guess which one of the guys at this table is going to play laser tag with a hot British chick? Big hint, its not you guys."
"Nora?" Ted asked.
"Nora." Barney confirmed. Marshall's face was filled with sudden recognition. He took a drink from his bottle, and choked on it.
"Marshall buddy, you ok?" Ted stood and started to pound his back.
"Yeah, fine." He said. "Lets go back up."
Robin and Lily were still on the couch when the guys arrived, and had a six pack of beer in front of them. There were 2 empties on Robin's side of the coffee table, and a glass on Lily's.
"Well since we're all together…" Marshall said, getting the telepathic OK from Lily. "We have something to tell you. Guys, we're"
"You're not pregnant are you?" Barney cut in.
"Really? First the crapping my pants thing and now this? Must you spoil the moment?"
"You crapped your pants?" Robin called out.
"You guys are pregnant?" Ted said incredulously. Robin joined in his stare, before giving excited yells. Robin hugged Lily to her.
"That's so awesome!" She said, before standing and hugging Marshall. Marshall smiled at her, hugged her tightly, and moved over to Lily's side. Robin was left standing near Barney. She kept her eyes turned from him, aware how awkward it mad her look, how awkward that moment was for nobody but her.
"I've just got too…" She trailed off, looking almost helplessly at Lily. "Bathroom…" She said before shuffling off.
"Don't crap your pants." Barney called out.
"Dude!" Was all she heard of Marshall's reply before the door slammed and shut them out.