"Oh, shit. Shiiiit. SHIITTT!"

Whiny squeals and loud, rhythmic thumps from Logan's headboard bashing the wall kept Kendall up at night. For a while he tried to read, but the noise was so invasive that he couldn't focus. He turned off his lamp and curled up around a pillow, half expecting Logan to come bursting in the room with tears down his eyes, claiming that the guy he was fucking suddenly hurt him or whatever. But it didn't happen. Well, not that night it didn't. The one-night stand came to an end around 3am, well into Kendall's eventual slumber. Logan probably showed the guy out then found some sleep, too.

Kendall woke up around 9 from his alarm. His brain was achy from lack of sleep but he really couldn't be late to school. He got up, dressed quickly then popped four frozen waffles into the double toaster.

"Logan?" Kendall asked, knocking on his roommate's door.

"Nuuuggghhhhhh…" the boy moaned from within.

"You alright, man?"

"Lemmeee sleeeeeep…"

"Everything okay? Just tired?"

"Yeaaaahh…"

"Alright." Kendall smiled to himself a little, then went back to the kitchen and prepared the waffles. Two of them went on a nice plate with plenty of butter and several thick drizzles of warm syrup. Then he peeled and separated an orange and put it on a saucer. He poured a glass of milk and set everything on the tray, along with silverware and a few napkins. Kendall carried it all with one hand and opened Logan's bedroom door.

"Let me sleep," Logan grumbled. He pulled his blanket over his head and turned over, but Kendall didn't think twice of it. He stepped over the piles of laundry scattered on the floor and placed the tray on his nightstand.

"Ready when you are, okay?" Kendall said sweetly then left the boy alone.

A few minutes after the blond left for school, Logan sat up and took the breakfast onto his lap. Head pounding, ass rubbed raw, he reluctantly ate the food and tried to smile to himself. A few shots of vodka helped it go down better.

When Kendall came home, Logan was of course gone. The usual debauchery would start around 7 or so in the evening, and when Kendall had late classes and then dinner out, he'd come home to an empty apartment.

He stepped inside and turned on the lamp in the kitchen. Everything was a mess. Logan must have tried to make some food for himself but failed miserably. Kendall shook his head, smiling a little bit as he ran a damp sponge across the counter. Something was caked on the counter real well and it took some scrubbing to get up. When would Logan be home? Probably very late. Kendall hoped to himself that he wouldn't come home with another guy, but the likelihood was not good.

Around 2am, while Kendall was fast asleep, Logan slammed the front door open, giggling wildly. Kendall woke up from the noise. He sat up in bed and listened to the clamor. Obviously there was another man with Logan. His voice was sweet but they both laughed clearly under the influence of at least one kind of drug.

"You're a real cutie," the mystery man said.

"Thanks!" Logan cheered. Kendall could hear the clatter of glasses on the coffee table. Their giggling continued, but it soon melted into kissing and then low moans. Kendall closed his eyes and listened. Logan's quiet squeals of pleasure resonated in the living room. "Ohh, fuck me, please. Mmmm."

Kendall kept listening. It was partially wrong but Logan was the one making all that noise, so who could blame him for eavesdropping? He sounded amazing, too.

"It's so good," Logan moaned, gasping. "You're so big, baby."

"Yeah? You like that?" the other guy said. His voice huffed and puffed as he clearly drilled Logan, probably on the sofa. Honestly it turned Kendall on. He had seen Logan having sex several times, from walking in on them or he would forget to close the door, but they never hooked up. Logan didn't seem to be interested in Kendall that way. He was just his roommate. His roommate who took care of him.

"Fill me! Ohhhh!" Logan cried out loudly. The other guy must have been reaching his climax, causing Logan's voice to roll out silky smooth yet jittered by rampant humping.

"TAKE IT!" the anonymous plow's voice shouted. Logan squealed and screamed, likely twisting and turning his smooth body in sexy convulsions. Kendall didn't know if he had an orgasm, but the sex definitely sounded amazing regardless.

Though he expected that night's fuck to up and leave immediately, he apparently stuck around. Heavy, intoxicated footsteps of two people shuffled off to Logan's room and they muttered to each other for a while. Kendall lay down and closed his eyes, still eavesdropping on his roommate.

"I want to see you again," the mystery man said.

"You do?"

"Yeah. I like you."

"Ohh."

"What?"

"Um," Logan cleared his throat and laughed nervously. "I guess?"

"C'mon Logan, I can take you to dinner or something."

"Dinner? Well, maybe, er…what was your name again?"

The guest sighed. "Carlos."

"Okay, well maybe."

"Can I get your number?"

"I guess."

Kendall frowned as he listened to the conversation. Had Logan ever gone on a date, or was every male interaction just a pick-up and a fuck? Why couldn't get let just one guy buy him dinner?

"Are you going out with that guy?" Kendall asked in the morning. Logan was groggily trying to eat cereal at the breakfast bar.

"I dunno."

"I think you should."

"Why?" the dark haired boy looked over his shoulder at the tall roommate and grimaced. "I don't wanna go on a date."

"Have you ever?" Kendall smiled at Logan.

"Well, no," Logan said with a frown. "Why do you care?"

"I thought it might be nice," Kendall said. He smeared mayonnaise on two pieces of bread then laid a slab of cold cuts on it. He peered over the counter top at Logan a few times, watching him as he sloppily at his breakfast. They remained quiet until Kendall finished making the sandwich. He put it in a plastic container then safely at the bottom of a lunchbox. "Here." Kendall put it on the counter and slid it over to Logan.

"What's that?"

"Lunch."

"You made me lunch?" Logan asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah. You're working today, right?"

"Yes." Logan got to his feet and put the empty cereal bowl on the counter, then replaced it with the lunchbox. He looked up at Kendall and smiled a little. "Thanks."

"Sure thing." Kendall winked once then went back to cleaning the kitchen. He started to put the clean dishes away while Logan got ready for work.

How long would that job last? Logan could never keep them very long. The lethal combination of a few too many sick days plus regularly rolling in a few minutes late would always get him the boot. They were never very important or high paying jobs, though. Minimum wage things that come and go easily. Kendall was the one who was paying the bills; he easily footed the bill for the apartment and his school with his band on the side. He wasn't actively touring or recording then, but when he did work he would pull in a good amount of scratch. Having a well-off family didn't hurt, either.

Logan left shortly thereafter, clutching the lunchbox under his arm. Kendall had gone to his room and started on some homework, grumbling to himself about Logan's future. In front of a broad arrangement of books and paper, Kendall put his head in his hands and closed his eyes. He wanted to work on that essay, but he was worried about Logan. How hard is it to go on one date? How long would he carry on with his slutty lifestyle?

"YES! YES! AUGGH! YEAAH!"

The headboard slammed against the wall briskly, practically shaking Kendall's bedroom. He looked over the top of the novel he was reading and sighed.

"FUCK ME! FUUUUCK ME!" Logan's sweet voice cracked as he was pounded hard. Kendall cleared his throat and tried to keep reading; "She fills the teapot with hot water and stirs the leaves around. From within the parlor, a voice calls out…"

"FUCK! YEAAH! AAHH! CUM IN ME BABY! YES!"

With a loud sigh, Kendall closed the book and tossed it on his nightstand. Tonight's lover had some crazy stamina. They had been going at it for a while. Kendall groaned and flipped off his lamp, then settled into his bed and frowned. The pounding continued late into the night, but the blond managed to fall asleep regardless.

"Hung over again?" Kendall sneered over a pot of creamed wheat. Logan shuffled over to the sink, rubbing his eyes and answered with nothing more than a groan. The blond stirred a heavy wooden spoon through the hot cereal and smiled at his roommate. "I'll take that as a yes."

"None of your business," Logan grumbled.

"I know it's not, but, well, I still…ah…" Kendall dropped the spoon into the pot and helplessly watched it get consumed by the wheat. He frowned then looked at Logan quickly. "It was a different guy last night, huh?"

"Does it matter?" Logan snarled. He folded his arms and walked off in a huff.

"No," Kendall called out. "But I worry…"

Logan threw the finger over his shoulder as he slumped onto the couch. "Worry this," he said.

"Logan, c'mon, I'm being serious." Kendall fished the spoon out with a pair of tongs and set it down in the sink, then took up a metal one and dished some cereal out into a bowl. A pat of butter was placed on top, as well as some sugar and finally a bit of milk. He took a soup spoon and slipped it into the side then carried it to Logan.

"Thanks," the brunet said stiffly.

"How's your head?" Kendall asked.

"Hurts."

"What were you doing last night?"

"Just drinking."

"Alright." Kendall smiled weakly, left the cereal with his roommate then quickly poured him a glass of orange juice. "Stay hydrated."

Logan took the glass and stared up at Kendall with a hint of frustration on his face. "Thanks," he mumbled again.

"Are you going to call this Carlos guy?"

"Again with that?" Logan groaned. He ate a spoonful of his breakfast and swallowed hard. "I don't really do 'dates.'"

"Why not? He asked you. I thought that was really sweet."

"If he wants to fuck again, he can come by. But I don't know about a date."

"Didn't you give him your number?" Kendall took a seat beside him now and watched him eat.

"Yeah, I did."

"Has he called you or anything?"

"Maybe."

"What? When?"

"He texted me. Twice. I dunno. I didn't write back. It feels awkward."

"You've really never been on a date, like ever?"

"No."

Kendall cleared his throat. He couldn't even imagine having never been on a date. Was his life seriously just hook-up after hook-up? It seemed sad.

"We could always try," Kendall told him quickly.

"We? What do you mean we?" Logan finished the cereal and set the bowl down on the coffee table. His sudden frigidness made Kendall lock up.

"Sorry. I don't really know what I meant," he covered his tracks the best his could, smiling nervously.

"Yeah whatever. Thanks for breakfast." Logan downed the juice quickly and proceeded with his day, leaving Kendall feeling like an idiot.

"We could always try," the blond mocked himself in the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror. "What a stupid thing to say. As if Logan would go for you. He doesn't even give a damn that you clean up after him." Kendall sighed at the truth behind his words. It would be a lie to convince himself that Logan meant nothing to him; he cared deeply for the guy, in ways that he couldn't even explain. They had known each other for almost a year now, just from living together as roommates, and in the time Kendall had grown attached to him. Despite his dangerous life style and snarky demeanor, there was something appealing about Logan, and Kendall was almost obsessed with it. The stylish way he dressed. The movement of his body as he went from the shower to his room, with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Even the shape of his lips as he spoke was delightful. He had cute dimples that popped out when he laughed, and deep chocolate eyes that twinkled when he was comfortable. Oh, Kendall had it bad for him, and that was probably half the reason why it hurt so much to see him ruining his life.

Another late night for Logan, of course, set Kendall on edge. He had finished his homework, made dinner for himself and even left a plate for his roommate. There was a bright green post-it note on the counter; dinner for you in the fridge…K

Kendall slept without being disturbed, only to find in the morning that Logan had not come home. He was by no means required to, but it worried Kendall. He came into the kitchen and saw the post-it note still there as well as the plate of food. His heart sank but he tried his best to relax and not hassle himself with silly thoughts. They came anyway though. What if Logan never came home? What if something horrible happened to him?

School was a nightmare that day; nothing more than feeble attempts at diverting his attention from the absent roommate, only to be reminded by the constant churning of his stomach. Time passed in day long minutes, dragging like a heavy corpse. He nervously rapped a pencil on his notebook, waiting and waiting for the day to end.

Finally his last class set out and he was good to go home. Thankfully, he arrived to find Logan there. He was face down on the sofa, whining something horrible.

"Logan?" Kendall called out as he passed through the front door's threshold. "You okay?"

"No," Logan moaned.

"What happened?" he rushed to his side and did his best to pull him up from the sofa. His body wouldn't easily budge. "Hey. What happened?"

Logan was clearly crying. His sides trembled and he slowly turned to face Kendall. Dried blood ran from his nose and the sight of it immediately caused Kendall to freak out. He flung his arms around Logan and held him close. Tears trickled from the brunet's eyes.

"Who did this to you?" Kendall asked softly.

"I don't know."

"When did it happen?"

"I don't know," Logan cried. "I don't remember at all. Just leaving here last night, and then I woke up in a cab."

"That's bad, Logan. That's really, really bad. You need to stop drinking."

"I can't get a grip," Logan sobbed. His hands reluctantly touched Kendall's shoulders and gripped in utter desperation.

"This is rock bottom, I think. You need to pick yourself up and start over."

"I don't know how…"

"Do you work tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Well, go to bed early, get to work early, then come home for dinner with me. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah."

Kendall let go of the boy then went to the kitchen and got a paper towel, briefly ran it under the faucet and came back to the sofa. He took Logan's face in his palm and wiped the crusty blood away. He always dabbed his tears dry.

"Is that better?" the blond asked. Logan nodded. "Go to bed early, okay?"

"Right."

What promised to be a refreshing morning turned out to be a disaster. Kendall woke up with a smile, but as soon as he went to check on Logan and discovered he was out, the smile faded and he hurt inside. Where could he be? How could he not learn?! He made dinner anyway and hopefully waited for Logan to turn up eventually.

The shorter of them finally showed his face close to 9 at night. He was loaded as usual, with some stranger man following him. They collapsed into each other on the sofa and began to make out.

"Guys," Kendall said, who had been in the kitchen. "I'm right here."

"Oh," Logan moaned. "Sorry." He giggled as the dark haired partner kissed his neck. It was a sight that Kendall was used to, but it hurt even more this time since Logan's breakdown the day before.

Apparently they weren't going to move, so Kendall poured himself a glass of water and retired to his bedroom early, not before the boys lit up a joint.

"KENDAAAAAAALL! WWANT SOOMEE?" Logan shouted, holding the roach high above his head.

"No, thanks." Kendall shook his head and went to his room.

"Open! Kendall! Open your door! Please!" Logan's desperate cries, paired with incessant knocks woke Kendall up sharply. He eyed his clock to see it was almost 8 am.

"What? It's open."

Logan swung through the door, looking like he had just seen a ghost. "C-come outside please!" he pleaded.

"What happened?" Kendall shuffled to put on a robe and followed Logan into the living room. Everything seemed to be okay. "What's going on?"

"He robbed me," Logan moaned.

"Wha? Who?"

"The guy from last night. He took my phone and my wallet, also that clock of yours."

"My clock!?" Kendall tried his best to suppress anger. The Lennox timepiece had been in his family for years and did a good job watching over the living room. "Are you shitting me?"

"No, I'm sorry," Logan sniffed. "Please don't be mad."

"How can I not be mad?! I told you, this drinking and shit has to stop. Now I'm getting involved with your fucking repercussions."

"I'm sorry."

Kendall ground his teeth together and glared at Logan. His soft face was hard to resist. "It's okay," the blond sighed. "Just…just cut this out, okay?"

"Okay."

With a heavy sigh, Kendall did his best to smile then began to make breakfast for the both of them. Just eggs and toast. He put together two plates and brought them over to the coffee table.

"Thank you," Logan said in a tiny voice.

"Sure," Kendall sighed.

"I'm sorry," the brunet told him once more.

"I know. I know you're sorry," Kendall closed his eyes tightly for a moment and frowned. "It's not going to take back what happened."

"I don't know how to move on."

"Just stop drinking. Focus on working and saving money or something."

"I guess." Logan took a bite of toast and wrinkled his eyebrows together.

"What's the occasion?"

Kendall's question was prompted by a flashy dressed Logan, who came out of the bathroom with his hair slicked back. He would have preferred to say something about wanting to lick him all over, but that certainly wasn't the best time to do so.

"I'm uh, well I'm going out with Carlos," Logan replied timidly. He quickly looked at himself in the all mirror and straightened out the night button-up shirt he had on. "Do I look okay?"

"Great," Kendall said. "So I guess you date after all, huh?"

"I guess," Logan peeped. He looked embarrassed as he walked past Kendall and got his shoes on. "I'll be back later."

"Sure," Kendall acknowledged with a smile. "Just don't drink, right?"

"Right," Logan sighed. He left the apartment and sighed again. Carlos had already been drunk with him. They had already had sex. What was the point of putting up any kind of "front"? Honestly he didn't see the purpose in dating either, but the promise of free food sounded pretty alright for once.

They met at a fairly classy restaurant that Logan had often passed but never even thought about going into. Carlos, who was a well-built Hispanic man of his age and height, greeted him on time and they dined together. He made pretty nice small talk and smiled a lot. It was awkward. Logan hated the entire thing. All he could think about was when they would get naked.

"So uh," Logan said, prodding at the remains of his chicken with a fork. Carlos stared at him with a big smile. "When do we fuck?"

"Haha, what?" Carlos laughed nervously and took a sip of his water. "Did I say we were gonna?"

"I just assumed?" Logan's face turned bright red.

"Hey, Loges, I like you. You're real cute. And you're sexy. I guess our first meeting got off on the wrong foot, huh? I don't want to just rail you. I really like you."

The rest of the evening didn't go so well. Logan's embarrassment overwhelmed him, not to mention some disappointment, and he bailed early. He went to a bar, got slammed and gave head to some stranger. He cried on the bus ride home and stumbled to the apartment a sloppy, hot mess. Cum was dried on his face.

"Logan…" Kendall said when his roommate came through the door. "Guess it went pretty good?"

"NO!" Logan shouted. Kendall immediately retracted and folded his arms. "Stupid! The guy is STUPID!"

"How come?" Kendall asked quietly, trying to remain calm. "What's on your face?"

Logan wiped his chin and sniffed it. "Cum," he said. "I don't know whose. Not Carlos. He's a fuck-head."

"What? Why?"

"He didn't want sex or anything."

"Logan, that's nice."

"HOW IS IT NICE?! I JUST WANT TO FUCK HIM!"

Kendall sighed. He realized now that his roommate was bombed out of his mind. "Do you even know what it's like to have sex with someone because you love them?"

"Fuck it," Logan cried. Kendall tried to give him a hug, but he pushed those skinny, loving arms out of the way and stumbled to his room.

"LOGAN!" Kendall yelled. "Wait! This is BAD! You've been drinking!"

"I don't care!" Logan hollered back.

"Well I do!" Kendall ran to the door and stopped Logan from going inside. "I can't handle you acting like this. You're gonna lose your job, or your life, and I'm going to be really fucked up. This is terrible and I can't stand it."

"What are you going to do about it?" Logan snapped at Kendall, gnashing his teeth to the taller boy. He reeked of alcohol.

"I'm…" Kendall glared at his roommate. "I'm going to leave."

"Wha?"

"Yes, I'm going to leave." He smiled smugly, hurting on the inside, then packed an overnight bag quickly and left Logan all alone.

"But…" Logan stared the whole time. He couldn't move. He couldn't even believe it. Never once did it occur to him that Kendall would reach a breaking point like that. He watched him leave with tears in his eyes.

The next few days for Logan were a hot mess. The kitchen filled with dishes and trash from fast food restaurants. It stunk. He barely knew how to clean anything at all. The bathroom was a mess and his laundry piled up even higher. He didn't go to work, and evidently got fired. Kendall had left most of things behind so Logan hoped he would return, but he didn't hear from him at all and eventually assumed he would not return. How could he afford to live there without Kendall? He basically footed the entire bill.

Logan snuck into Kendall's room and looked around. It was kinda cruddy but didn't compare to Logan's room at all. He stepped across the wood floor, creaking a little, and observed the knickknacks on his dresser. A multitude of guitar picks, scribbles, rubber bands, a bottle of cologne, a comb that was probably as old as him. Logan sat on the bed and then laid his head down on the pillow. He inhaled deeply. Kendall's aroma was still strong; a light musk with accents of citrus. It occurred to him that he loved the smell. The more he turned his face into the fabric, the stronger he wanted Kendall back. If his life had been a mess with him there, it was practically over now. Kendall's hugs were so amazing. Why didn't he notice that before?

He pulled the pillow to his chest and pretended it was Kendall. He hugged it tight and ran his arms around the back. "Do you even know what it's like to have sex with someone because you love them?" Kendall's voice lingered freshly in his mind. The question may have sounded stupid before, but at this point, Logan started to think it had some validity to it. He never experienced feelings like that for anybody, at least not that he was consciously aware of.

Sex because you love them…

Logan closed his eyes and thought about Kendall. There was something special about him, after all. He was so sweet and caring. And he had a nice body. A nice smell. Nice curves. A cute little tummy and a handsome face.

Before he knew it, Logan had reached around with his hand and started to tease the outside of his asshole. He moaned to himself, still thinking about Kendall. He had thin hands. Long, thin, pale hands. And he was covered with fine freckles.

"Ohhh…" Logan moaned out loud as he began to pleasure himself. He snuck his finger inside and wriggled it just enough. He imagined it was Kendall. Kendall's gorgeous finger. "Damn….DAMN!"

He slept in Kendall's bed for a few nights…

Long nights…

Lonely nights…

But the blond came home finally. He showed up early in the morning while Logan was still sleeping.

"Logan?" he opened the bedroom door and stuck his head inside, but he wasn't there. "Logan?" Kendall figured he wasn't home and went straight to his room. There he was. Logan was sleeping soundly in Kendall's bed. "Logan!"

"HUH?!" the brunet sat up real quickly, clutching the pillow to his chest. "Kendall!"

"What are you doing?"

Logan immediately teared up, sprang out of bed and ran for his roommate. He hugged him real tight and began to cry.

"Oh, Logan." Kendall sighed and hugged him back. The shorter boy inhaled the scent slowly and managed to smile. "Are you okay?"

"I need you," Logan mumbled, blushing between tears.

"I know," Kendall said, petting the boy's head slowly. He leaned down and put a soft kiss on Logan's lips. He wiped away his tears and smiled, pressing their foreheads together. "I know."