Mar. 1, 2012

Today she slapped me, but it wasn't as hard as the one during prom. I'm just glad that she knows I exist. She obviously has gotten nicer since giving birth, but she still has the old HBIC attitude she once used to rule school. Most of the time she just ignores me now. I miss the fighting between us, back when we both wanted Finn. At least she had acknowledged me, even if the words were full of hate.

It takes over ten minutes of my 'annoying-Rachel-Berry-talk' before she actually says something to get me to shut up. She's gotten good at forgetting I'm there. Good at ignoring me. Back to the slap.

She slapped me because I asked her to come to mine and Finn's wedding. Apparently I'm too young and too good for Finn to be getting married. I tried to win her over by saying I wanted her to be my maid of honor and that's when she slapped me. She didn't like the idea very much I guess.

I never did get an explanation for the slap. I asked her multiple times in each class we had together, including lunch, but she avoided me like the plague. I'm hoping that she will change her mind about the wedding. I really need her to be there.

If I can't marry Quinn, I want her to be at my wedding. Even if it is Finn that I'm marrying.

Mar. 2, 2012

I miss the simple days when Quinn and I would constantly fight over Finn. Now the fighting is gone and she has given in to the silence. She won't talk to me until I 'stop being stupid, dump the idiot, and move on to better things.'

We had just been getting to being friends and I screwed it all up. Why would I say yes to Finn? I've been in love with Quinn for months now and I said yes to Finn. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me. When both Quinn and Finn asked me if I was sure I wanted to marry him I said yes when the answer was a clear no.

I regret saying yes as many times as I have. If I had just said no for once my head, heart, and soul wouldn't be such a mess. I wouldn't be sitting here alone, writing by this small lamp on my desk. I would be texting Quinn like I did every night before the engagement. It was better to not be engaged and to be talking to Quinn than it is being engaged and ignored by Quinn.

All I want to know is why Quinn hates the fact that I'm getting married so much.

Mar. 3, 2012

Finn and I announced our engagement to the rest of the Glee Club. Quinn refused to meet my gaze as we told them. Kurt protested just as much as Quinn did. He said it was stupid and we were too young and we don't really know what we want. He was just like Quinn, except for the fact that he is a boy and gay.

I noticed as Kurt said his piece, he glancing in Quinn's direction. Are they trying to ruin the last thing I have left. I'm a closeted lesbian who's in love with the straightest and most beautiful blonde in Lima. I know she won't return the feelings so I try to marry the second best person I know. Plus he loves me.

But no. Kurt and Quinn try to tell me to give up on my potential happiness. If I could only understand why she has to confuse me like this. Can't she tell that I love her and only her? It's not like I really want to marry Finn, but he asked and if this will make him happy, then so be it.

If I can't be truly happy, then I will make someone else happy.

Mar. 4, 2012

Quinn cornered me in the bathroom today. She kept telling me over and over to call it off with Finn. She said that she could tell that I don't want to marry him. I insisted otherwise, but she didn't believe me. She said I was only going to hurt myself in the end. She also said I shouldn't marry him just because it's convenient.

When she said that I was scared that she found out about my feelings for her, but then she said it would be a shame to see me held back from my dreams of Broadway. I found in that moment that she really cared for me. It was nice to have someone else, besides Finn and my dads, to show that they cared. I just wish it wasn't just care, I wish it was love.

Because of that, I almost kissed her. I played it off as a hug and then quickly made my way out of the bathroom. I wasn't sure if I could control my emotions much longer, so I didn't want to be around the girl that made me weak. Weak in the knees. Weak in the heart.

Later in Glee I was informed that I was to host a sleep over tomorrow night for the girls of Glee, plus Kurt. Finn was to host one for the rest of the boys. It's supposed to be some sort of bonding experience. I don't really see this going over too well.

I'll put her picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight.

Mar. 5, 2012

All of the Glee girls and Kurt are down in the living room watching a movie, but I don't feel like being in the same room as Quinn. My urge to just walk up to her and kiss her is getting harder to ignore. I wish life were as simple as I love you and you love me, but it's not.

It's more of 'I love you, he loves me, and you don't love anybody.' Even if this makes Quinn sound heartless, which she's not, it's true. I don't think she's ever truly loved someone and that must feel worse than any unrequited love out there. I hope she finds somebody to love. I just wish she would love me.

It's okay that she doesn't though. If she did and then had admitted it she might get kicked out of her house again. Her parents seem to be stubborn and not very understanding. I wish the best to Quinn after high school ends. She will be going places. Obviously I won't and it wouldn't be fair of me to hold her back anyways.

It's better to just marry Finn, go to California and forget about Quinn entirely.

Quinn read over the newest entries again. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Rachel Berry loved her. Rachel freaking Berry really loved her. She went back a couple months to see what she wrote. She found this:

Dec.18, 2012

I realized today that I fell in love with Quinn Fabray. We've decided to be friends and we hugged, but it was better than any other hug I have received before. It was warmer than those I have shared with Finn, Puck, and Jesse combined. I feel complete now. Like a part of my heart has been missing and I've just found it.

But now that I have found it, I must hide it. Who knows what kind of trouble these feelings will get me into. I will remain with Finn and attempt to be happy and have a new friend in Quinn.

It can't be that hard to forget.

Quinn wanted to cry. She may not have read much, but her Diva loved her back. The impossible was now possible and she wasn't going to let her Diva just walk out of her life at the end of the year.

Quinn was in a daze, staring at the wall and lost in her thoughts. She couldn't hear anything, but her own heart beat pounding in her chest.

She didn't hear Rachel come back from the bathroom, but she saw her and the look of horror that crossed her face.

"Put that down Quinn! That is mine! You have no right to be in here snooping through my stuff!"

Quinn did put it down. "Rachel calm down. I thought it was your song book and I-"

"Shut up and get out! You had no right to be in here!"

The Glee girls plus Kurt heard the yelling and quietly, but quickly ascended the stairs to listen in.

"Rachel let me explain."

"No! How much did you read? Whatever you read, just forget it!"

Quinn got up and walked towards Rachel and whispered in her ear. "Break up with Finn. I know you don't love him. You love me and I love you. We can make this work. Please."

"No! It's all lies! I'm not going to be made a fool of!"

Quinn didn't want to argue with the shorter brunette so instead she gently, but firmly pushed her own lips to Rachel's. They stayed like that for what seemed to be an eternity. Neither moving. Rachel too shocked that the Quinn Fabray was kissing her and Quinn to shocked at the fact that she had the guts to kiss the beautiful brunette.

The Glee girls and Kurt found the silence unnerving. There wasn't any noise on the other side of the door for almost ten minutes now. They were sure either one or both of the girls that had been arguing were dead, so they busted into the room. What they saw shocked them more than the time Brittany had kept a dead bird in her locker.

Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray were in a heated lip-lock with only panties and bras on.

"Ahh my eyes! This is why I'm gay!" Kurt shouted out as he ran out of the room.

At the sound of his shouting both semi-naked girls sprang apart with Rachel landing on the floor. She looked up sheepishly.

"Apparently I'm going to end things with Finn." That was all she had to say.

"Damn right you are! You're my girl now." Quinn exclaimed proudly.

The girls all shook their heads. There were a few who muttered 'about time' and one Brittany and Santana who both said "Hot!" With that the two Cheerios went off to find a different room to show their love for each other, leaving Quinn and Rachel alone once again.

"I love you Quinn."

"I love you Rachel. With all my heart."