They lingered in the doorway; Tom standing with his hands in his pockets- Judy could practically feel his hesitation just as much as she could feel his stare on her face. She just wanted to be alone, alone to collect her thoughts and get her emotions in check. But if it hadn't been for Hanson being there to support her... she couldn't just kick him out after he had done for her.

She just didn't know what to say to express how grateful she was. "Thanks, for everything…if you hadn't been there I..." Judy trailed off. She was still shaky, having been subjected to the second most mortifying experience of her life. And still the detectives question rang in her mind, over and over.

'Why didn't you report the rape right away?" Why didn't she report it right away? She didn't have an answer then. Not one she could say aloud.

Because.

Because what?

Because, I'm afraid.

Because I'm in shock.

Because I'm ashamed.

Because I never dreamed this could happen to me.

Because I'm a cop.

Because this is my fault.

Because I should have been stronger than that.

Tom's voice broke her out of her thoughts and Judy gave a start, having to focus to hear what he was saying.

"I wish you would stay at my place tonight." He was hesitant, unsure of how she would respond. Maybe a little exasperated. Judy knew he didn't understand or really agree when she had asked him to drive her back home, but he had done it.

Oh Hanson. I wish I could, but I need to know I can handle being on my own.

"I'll be fine." Judy said quietly, not even believing it herself as she tried to ease his worry.

Of course he didn't believe that either.

"Then let me stay here." His tone was pleading, and so was his expression. Tom shifted his weight a little, a furrow creasing his brow. He looks helpless. The realization was a bit of a shock. Judy couldn't remember the last time she had ever seen Hanson of all people look that way. There was always some fire, some level of confidence to him. But then there was always an enemy to fight.

With a pang she looked away, shaking her head. "Hanson…"

"I just don't think you should be alone."

There it was again, that softness, that pleading. He wanted to be there for her, she understood.

"I gotta be." Judy said kindly, looking up at Hanson both understanding where he was coming from and hoping he would understand her as well. "I gotta deal with it somehow."

Tom's wide brown eyes dropped from hers down to the ground as he bobbed his head once, to her relief. He paused for a minute and spoke again "Well when that report is filed tomorrow.." he trailed off staring at her seriously.

"Everybody's gonna know." Judy finished tamely though her stomach churned at the thought of it. How would she face them? How could she?

Guilt began to claw at her and she frowned. "I really should have talked to Fuller tonight but-"

He'd been so happy at that diner tonight. They all had been. Celebrating a case well done and all so proud of her recent recognition. But Fuller was more than a captain to all of the chapel, he was a guardian, a father figure and Judy shared a close bond with him. She couldn't take that from them, couldn't shatter a perfectly good time with a confession as dark as hers.

"N-no in the morning. That's fine." Tom interjected and Judy nodded in agreement. Tom was still standing stock still, somber stare bouncing from her, to the floor, to the walls. Awkwardness had risen between them like a wall and departure was quickly approaching.

It was clearly going to take some extra prodding to make that clear to Hanson though. "Yeah, in the morning." She echoed, looking at Hanson expectantly.

He was avoiding her gaze, glancing across her apartment his teeth catching his bottom lip. He was clearly torn between leaving as she had asked him to and staying here with her which was what he felt like he needed to do.

God, she loved him. She valued his caring and his support, his friendship more than anything in the world right now. But she now more than anything she needed to feel independent, in control. She needed to know that she wasn't going to break down and succumb to the terror that now shadowed her, threatening to attack, to overwhelm her every moment of the day. It left a bitter tang in her throat.

"Go home, Hanson. I'm fine." I'm lying. I'm not fine. I'll never be fine.

The sadness in Tom's eyes when he looked back up at her shot straight through her heart.

"Judy I…I just wish that there was something I could do, you know? I just…"

So much hung between them. So much had happened and been building up between them in the nearly three years they'd been working together. There was history there. She almost gave in then. Really, she did.

Stay. Was what she thought. Stay with me was what her heart wanted. The weaker side of her wanted nothing more than to keep Tom here, so she wouldn't be so afraid, so she would have someone to cling to but...

"I know. I'll see you in the morning." Was what she heard herself say. Judy had never been a weak woman.

Tom's stare bounced from the floor to her face again and for a second she thought he was still going to protest. Instead he gave in, with a sigh and a murmured "Alright"; his brown eyes casting one more look her way before the door closed behind him.

The emptiness pressed in on her the moment he was gone.

I did ask to be alone. Judy looked around her darkened apartment and sighed as she realized that the 'alone' she felt now wasn't the same and probably would never be the same as it was before.

Impulse guided her across her apartment to the window that overlooked the street where she knew Hanson had parked his Mustang and pull aside the drapes.

He was still there. Perched on the trunk of his car, one foot propped on the bumper of her neighbors truck, vigilant as ever. Hanson. Hoffs pursed her lips and gave her head a small shake, it was already down to 40 degrees out there and promised to drop even lower as the night wore on. Practical thoughts didn't drown out the rush of gratitude that flowed through her heart.

Hanson, you're so stupid! ... and stubborn and loyal, and amazing, and kind-hearted, and giving and funny, and I'm so lucky to have you as a friend and I don't what I did to deserve you.

Judy allowed the curtain to drop and hide him from her view. After everything Tom had done for her today (and many times before) the very least she could do was bring down a blanket so he wouldn't freeze.

Yeah, that sounded like a pretty good start.