A/N: I actually wrote this ages ago, but I didn't think it was good enough to be published. Please leave a review so I know.
)O(
"Three years, Severus," Madam Pomfrey stated in an annoyed tone. "Three bloody years. No word from you, and the last I hear you're trailing around on You-Know-Who's coattails."
"Good to see you're still here, Poppy." Alive, he meant. That's what everyone meant in such dark times.
He was still just as pale as she remembered, and far too skinny. His muscles were tense and he sat rigidly, gripping the chair with white knuckles. Severus was obviously in pain. He did a very poor job of trying to hide it from her which only proved that he must be in a lot of pain indeed.
"You're hurt," she said matter-of-factly. "Where?"
"It's nothing," Snape answered calmly.
"You can't lie to me, Severus, you never could. I can always tell."
He sighed. "There is nothing you can do for me, Poppy."
"Then let me be the judge of that." She waited and, reluctantly, he rolled up one of his sleeves, revealing the image of a skull with a snake slithering from its mouth where its tongue ought to be. It appeared to have been carved into his flesh magically, black on white. Poppy knew at once what a mark like that signified. Her blood ran cold. "Oh..."
"The Dark Lord," Severus spoke softly. "He does not appreciate it when his followers fail to appear when summoned. The mark...burns intensely. There is nothing you can do. Only he has that power."
"So why'd you come back to us, then?" Poppy asked when she felt as though she could trust her voice again. "Why aren't you with your...Dark Lord right now?"
"I need to see the headmaster."
"Then go," she allowed. "He should be in his office. I expect he's probably waiting for you."
"Thank you, Poppy." Snape said quietly, already heading toward the hospital wing's exit.
"I always knew you were a good egg, Severus. You just needed a little push in the right direction, that's all." And that push had come in the form of Lily Evans. The two apparently had some sort of awful falling out while they were in school. Supposedly Lily was now married to James Potter. Poppy still remembers how Young Severus had come to her ward many times for injuries inflicted by the constant bullying of Potter and his friends. Poor boy seemed so shy, so harmless and quietly brilliant. What had happened to make him turn to the dark arts? Poppy suspected, with a twisting feeling of sympathy in her heart, that Severus just wanted to be accepted by someone, anyone, even You-Know-Who. "I think Dumbledore will see that."
"Truly?" he asked after a moment. Unknown to her, he wasn't doing this for himself, but for Lily. If something happened to her because of him, nothing else would matter anyway.
Poppy smiled, "Truly."
)O(
He was running through a dense forest, dark leaves so thick that the treetops blocked out all sunlight. The only source of illumination was a silver doe, glowing softly, beckoning him forward. He followed the ghostly creature. It was so cold here but for some reason being near the doe made him feel warm and safe; it led him toward a distant light.
Suddenly the forest opened up to reveal a bright clearing. It looked very much like the glad where he and Lily used to play as children...He looked around but was sad to see that the doe had vanished. Instead she stood in its place: Lily, smiling prettily with arms outstretched. Her green eyes sparkled and the sun brought out all the color in her hair. The whole world looked so vibrant with her in it.
"Sev..." she whispered, her voice like music on the wind. Some treacherous, logical part of his mind told him none of this could possibly be real, that he must be dreaming or dead. But hadn't he taken his Dreamless Sleep potion tonight? Then there remained only one explanation...But Lily was speaking again, this time quite sadly, "You can't stay here."
"Why?" He wanted her to keep talking. It had been so long since he heard her voice.
"It's just not time yet. Oh Sev, you've suffered so much, I wish I could say it will end soon. But the worst is over, I promise. I want you to be happy. You have punished yourself far too long. I didn't die hating you, Sev, so why did you? I'll be here, waiting for you," Lily began to fade into the misty forest from which he had come. He barely suppressed the urge to reach for her, "Always."
)O(
When he opened his eyes, Poppy was there, just watching him. Snape was irritated and dismayed to discover that his entire body was in quite a bit of pain. Also he was alive. That revelation, too, put him in a rather sour mood.
"Where...?" Severus tried to ask, but his vocal chords and mouth were having difficulty working together at the moment.
"St. Mungo's," Poppy answered his partial question. "They've drained most of the snake venom from your veins. We weren't sure if you would regain consciousness or be paralyzed or what." Then she turned away, and when she spoke again there was an emotion he'd never heard in her voice before. "We thought you were dead, you know. I was terrified. So many are dead...Hogwarts looks like a battlefield. But...we won. It's finally over. I don't know if I believe it yet."
He knew what she must be feeling, like she ought to be happy but couldn't somehow. With so many casualties, it felt like a hollow victory. He should have died years ago anyway, with Lily. That dream was just so vivid, it had to be real...
"Why...?" Snape croaked out. He'd wanted to ask: why did you have to bring me back simply to continue my miserable existence? But a simple whywas all he could manage right now.
Poppy didn't know what to say. "You're a hero, Severus."
No, he wasn't a hero; the scar on his left forearm proved that. How could Lily forgive him? She was dead because of him. Snape had tried so hard to redeem himself but no matter where he got that validation it would never be enough since he did not forgive himself. Yes, he was just a coward.
Heroes die.
Good to see you're still here, Poppy.