DISCLAIMER: Guiding Light and its characters are the property of Procter & Gamble; no copyright infringement is intended.
Introductory Note: I think I'd seen a reference to this before. But it was only in 2012 that someone told me definitively that there'd been a plan to show Jeffrey arriving back in Springfield - I assumed, at the lighthouse - just as Reva and Josh were driving off. He would have "just missed them." Later, I began playing with the idea - trying to think of defensible reasons for Jeffrey's having wanted to show up unannounced at the lighthouse. It seemed an unkind thing to do to Reva and Josh, when neither of them was doing anything wrong. He'd had to let them believe he was dead for more than a year! I came up with two scenarios...and here they are.
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Jeffrey O'Neill slammed on the brake. Brought his rental car to a screeching halt.
As intended, that caught the attention of the man and woman standing near the lighthouse.
It also caught the attention of the toddler.
Colin. He looks like a little man! Have I been away that long?
Tears welled up in Jeffrey's eyes. He was torn between rapture at seeing his wife and son, and regret that Reva hadn't left Colin with other kin while she was having her talk with Josh.
A talk that was about to be rudely interrupted.
He took a deep breath, then leapt out of the car and yelled, "Reva!"
She let out a shriek - then another, and another. Drowning out any sound Josh might have made, though he'd gone white with shock.
And she'd inadvertently let go of Colin's hand, Jeffrey realized. The child was crying, terrified...but at least he was clinging to her long skirt, not going anywhere.
Jeffrey ran up to them, stopping a few feet away. Said quickly, "I'm sorry!" Then he dropped down on his knees and began trying, gently, to reassure Colin.
"Everything's all right, Colin. I'm sorry I startled your Mommy. She's just surprised, 'cause she wasn't expecting to see me. It's okay, I'm not a bad guy!"
Reva's shrieks had subsided...though now she was sobbing, face buried in her hands.
Colin looked up at Jeffrey. Took a long look. And then he said hesitantly, "Da-da?"
"Yes!" Jeffrey's heart seemed about to burst. So Reva has been showing him pictures of me! He'd feared she wouldn't. Feared she wouldn't want Colin to know much about a father he'd never see again, a dead father who'd probably be replaced by a living one.
"Yes, I'm your Da-da. I'm sorry I've had to be away so long. I love you, and your Mommy, so much!"
"Da-da," Colin repeated. Thoughtfully, as if he wanted to get used to saying it.
"Yes. Is it okay if I touch you?"
Colin thought that over, gave a solemn nod.
Jeffrey took one small hand gently in his...and then the other, as Colin let go of Reva's skirt.
"I'm so happy to be with you! Okay if I pick you up?"
Another nod.
So Jeffrey gathered his son into his arms, and got to his feet. For that moment, nothing else mattered. That child was his world.
The child reached up to run exploratory fingers over his father's chin, and said something that sounded like, "Beer?"
"Beer?" Then Jeffrey got the point. "Oh, the beard!" Laughing, he explained, "I shaved that off a while back. Men can grow hair on their faces when they want to, and take it off when they get sick of it. You'll have a lot of fun doing that yourself, when you're older!"
Reva, he noted, had managed a shaky laugh of her own.
Josh, on the other hand, looked as if he was thoroughly "sick of" something. And it wasn't his facial hair.
Now Reva said, in a quavering voice, "Jeffrey? It's...it's really you? Alive, after all this time?"
"It's really me. I'm sorry I gave you such a shock."
Josh opened his mouth...and closed it again, in a grim line.
I know exactly what he wanted to say. "You couldn't at least have called? Have you never heard of cell phones?"
And I don't blame him. He has every right to be pissed.
Tears were streaming down Reva's face. And, Jeffrey realized, his own. Colin had discovered that - so he had to take a few seconds to explain that silly grown-ups sometimes cry when they're happy.
Then he said, "Reva, Josh...you need to know what's been happening. I'll tell you the basics now. More detail later, if anyone wants it! But first things first.
"And, uh, I think we should all sit down." He'd observed, with a pang, that the stunned Reva had only been able to stay on her feet this long because Josh was supporting her.
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Josh led her to the lighthouse steps, where the two of them sat, side by side, on one of the lowest steps, their feet on the ground.
Jeffrey tried not to show his irritation at Josh's proprietary attitude toward Reva. He may not even be aware of it - he's had a shock, too. He himself sat cross-legged on the ground, facing them, with Colin more or less on his lap. He wouldn't have to crane his neck much to look at the adults; it was certainly better than standing over them.
And keeping Colin occupied wouldn't be a problem: the toddler had removed the little baseball cap he'd been wearing, and seemed to find it a wondrous toy. Turned it inside out, examined it from all angles, happily chewed on it. (There were signs of previous chewing.) Jeffrey had all he could do to keep his own eyes off it.
First things first.
"Reva, I need you to know I didn't fake my death! I never would have kept you believing I was dead all this time, of my own free will.
"I'd tried to keep the plane up as long as possible, get as near the coast as possible, so we'd have a chance. But I expected to die. I remember the impact when the plane hit the water. And then, my next conscious memory is of wandering in the woods - injured, groggy, in wet clothes.
"My survival skills had evidently kicked in, even though I was in a daze. I'd gotten out of the plane, made it to shore, stopped any excessive bleeding. But after I sort of 'came to,' it still took me a long time to piece together who I was, where I was, and how I'd gotten there. I eventually realized I should be trying to get back to the coast, in case someone was searching for survivors. When I got there - days after the crash - I found an area where there were signs of people having been on the beach. But by then, they'd given up and left."
He decided not to get into, at this point, the side issue of whether those searchers had found his companion's body. The man, a Florida p.i., was now classified simply as a "missing person"; so he evidently hadn't told anyone where he was going. He'd surely died, in the plane or out of it. And if his body had been recovered, it hadn't been identified. One way or another, Jeffrey would have to give his family heartbreaking news within the next few days.
He didn't find it unreasonable that he'd been "presumed dead," even though he'd obviously gotten out of the plane. No one would have imagined that if he survived, he'd have a reason for dropping off the grid.
"Oh my God," Reva whispered. "We were there, Jeffrey! I even had Colin there! And I let the searchers give up too soon..."
"It wasn't your fault!" That was the last thing he'd want her to believe. "But I actually did let myself think you might have been there. Wanted to imagine I could be standing where you had stood. It was a way I could feel close to you." He shuddered. "I never dreamed you'd brought Colin."
The toddler was looking up now, intrigued by the mentions of his name. Jeffrey kissed him on the head, and he went back to playing with his baseball cap.
"Anyway, I knew it was an isolated section of the coast. And I was in North Carolina, not the Canadian wilderness! So I decided my best bet was to hike through the woods - they couldn't go on forever. My injuries weren't serious. The shock was the worst thing, and maybe a concussion. I was sure I could find edible plants.
"Given the shape I was in, it was harder than I thought. Took longer than I'd expected. Bottom line: By the time I could have contacted you, I knew I'd been presumed dead for weeks.
"And then...I made what turned out to be a mistake. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. I saw a way to take advantage of Edmund's believing I was dead, and set a trap for him. He was in North Carolina - I didn't anticipate keeping my family in the dark for more than a few extra days. And the plan would have worked, if I'd been prepared to shoot him on sight! But I was trying to stay within the law, make a citizen's arrest. That didn't work.
"He got away. And then he found a way to contact me - with a God-awful threat. He intended to keep trying to kill me. Expected I'd be hunting him, too. But he had a network of agents. If I surfaced publicly - or if his agents came to suspect you, Reva, had learned I was alive - he'd have all the children in our family kidnapped, and raise them himself. This child" - he stroked Colin's hair - "and, uh, his little niece and nephew." The names "Sarah" and "Henry" might have gotten the toddler's attention, too.
"Oh God, no!" That horrified outburst came from Reva; Josh gave a strangled gasp.
"It gets worse," Jeffrey said grimly. "A little while later, he got another message to me. Said he'd changed his mind. If he thought you knew I was alive, he wouldn't have the children kidnapped. He'd do something else." He didn't think Colin was really listening - or would understand the word "kill," even if he was. He hadn't reacted to it before. But Jeffrey still wasn't willing to risk using it in this context. So while the child was looking down at his plaything, he drew a hand across his own throat, pantomiming slitting someone's throat. "All three of them."
Reva and Josh were stunned. Both of them gray-faced and trembling, Reva in tears.
"I think he'd decided that," Jeffrey went on, "because he'd learned about the problem with...the other little boy's blood. Learned he might not survive without access to his father. He was the only one Edmund would have really wanted to raise. So he...came up with that revised plan...for spite.
"And I knew that with his wealth, he really could have agents anywhere! I couldn't take the chance of assuming he was bluffing."
Josh said immediately, "No. Of course not."
In the interest of full disclosure, Jeffrey told them more. "By then I had evidence he was alive. But if I'd risked surfacing - gone public with the whole thing, gotten police protection for everyone he'd threatened - he might have struck out and killed more people, in hopes of including his intended targets.
"So I had to go along with the sick game he wanted. Each of us trying to hunt down and kill the other...with my loved ones believing I was already dead."
He paused. Waiting for one of them to reach the obvious conclusion.
It was Reva who put it into words. "B-but...you're here now. Telling us this. So...does that mean you have killed Edmund?"
"Yes," he said quietly. "There was no other way - it was kill or be killed.
"I killed him about three months ago. But" - holding up a hand, as he saw both Josh and Reva about to protest - "I really couldn't come home much before now!
"I killed him in a Central American jungle. He'd already been separated from his henchmen. So no one but me knew when and where he died. Well, me and a few Central American Indians - but they don't understand English or Spanish, and they didn't know who we were.
"At the time I killed him, all his agents were in place, and they'd undoubtedly been paid recently. Very well paid. If I'd surfaced then - even if they believed Edmund was dead - they would have felt it was their duty to kill me and my family.
"I had to wait - give them time to realize their source of pay was gone, drift off, and find other employment. Edmund didn't inspire personal loyalty. So by now, I'm sure we're safe."
He only half-heard the murmurs of understanding. The expressions of gratitude for what he'd done...relief that he was okay...acknowledgment that he'd used good judgment in not rushing home.
He was waiting for the next big question. The one that was sure to be painful.
Finally, Reva asked it.
"J-Jeffrey? Was it just...chance...that you got back here today? You went straight home, found I wasn't there, and some of the family told you I'd be at the lighthouse?"
Damn. She isn't sure, even now, whether I know why she and Josh were here.
He looked into her eyes, and said levelly, "No. I was keeping in touch with one person in Springfield - someone close to you - and that person told me about Josh's plan. I picked this day to come back because you'd be meeting him at the lighthouse. I wanted to walk in on the two of you."
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"Why?" Reva caught herself and modulated her voice, for Colin's sake. But she was flushed and furious. And once again, weeping. "Why the hell did you want to humiliate Josh like this? To humiliate both of us?"
Josh chimed in. "It doesn't matter about me. But for God's sake, Jeffrey...why did you want to embarrass Reva?
"For your information, you got here before she'd told me what she meant to do. So you'll never know. And neither will I."
Jeffrey said mildly, "Um, I think whether either of us learns that will be Reva's decision. As it should be."
Turning to her, he said, "Please, Reva, will you give me a chance to explain? I knew I'd be making both of you...uncomfortable, to say the least. But I had what I thought was a good reason for doing it.
"I admit I could have come home a week or two earlier. If my contact in Springfield had been able to tell me what way you seemed to be leaning, and why, I might have done things differently -"
"Your 'contact'?" she raged. "Who was this 'someone close to me' who was telling you my personal business?"
"I promise I'll tell you that later! I don't want to get sidetracked now."
Because I'll have to explain all of it. How Jonathan and I met in North Carolina - him possibly saving my life - and the terrible danger he and Sarah were in.
"But it's someone who loves you, wouldn't hurt you for the world.
"And think about this, Reva. I'm your husband, the father of your baby, and we...didn't exactly part on bad terms." They had in fact "parted" - though she hadn't known he was leaving, in pursuit of Edmund - after having steamy sex on the kitchen floor. "Can you really believe Josh's plan was none of my business?"
After a beat, she had to say, "No."
He took a deep breath. "Now, here's what I've been thinking these past few months. I may have been wrong! But this is the way I was imagining things.
"I thought that if I let my...friend...break the news to you that I was alive and still very much in love with you, and we then, maybe, spoke on the phone, you'd...tell Josh not to come. You'd welcome me with open arms."
Without even stopping to think, she said, "Of course that's what I would have done."
"Okay. But if that had happened, I wouldn't have been sure why you'd chosen me over Josh!
"If I learned weeks ago that you'd decided not to go with him, I wouldn't have had any worries. Would have gotten in touch with you. But I didn't learn that. In fact, I'm guessing your letting him make the trip to Springfield means you did intend to go with him - unless your decision the other way was made as late as this morning.
"But there could be different reasons for your going with him.
"I thought it was possible that if you knew you had a choice, you'd still choose me. And since you believed I was dead, you might be getting back together with Josh at least partly to give Colin a father figure.
"But I thought it was also possible that after all this time, you'd concluded Josh really was the love of your life. You might have come to believe you'd only paired off with me to spite him for marrying Cassie - and later, you'd been too stubborn to admit it, even to yourself. You might have convinced yourself that if I was alive, we'd be divorced by now.
"I didn't want you to choose me for the wrong reason - that you felt obliged to take me back. Because we were married, or because I'm Colin's father, or...whatever."
Because I'd been putting myself in danger, all those months, to protect the children.
"And selfishly, I didn't want to be wondering - maybe for the rest of my life - whether you were only with me out of a sense of obligation.
"I thought that if I came here now - while Josh was here too - you could make your honest choice between the two of us. And being with you when you did it, before you'd had time to rehearse what you'd tell me, I'd know that whichever choice you made was what you really wanted."
After a long silence, the teary-eyed Reva whispered, "Oh. I'm - sorry I snapped at you! Can you forgive me?"
"Nothing to forgive."
"I'm sorry, too." Josh looked shell-shocked. "My God - you actually thought you were giving me a better chance with Reva!"
Jeffrey said, "Reva...I'm sure you will be considering Colin, whichever way this goes. I trust your judgment.
"Josh and I are the same age - on the old side to have a child this young, but no basis for choice between us. And we're both physically fit - no difference there either. You may think" - he swallowed hard - "no, it's a fact that Josh has more parenting experience. So that gives him an edge.
"I just don't want Colin ever to imagine that his real father didn't love and want him. Above all, I want what's best for him. And that's having a mother who's with the man of her choice."
Josh cleared his throat. "If you choose me, Reva" - he sounded, Jeffrey realized, as if he didn't think it likely - "I won't insist on taking you away from Springfield. I was planning that mostly out of concern about Edmund, anyway. I'll willingly live anywhere you and Jeffrey agree on, so he can have full access to Colin."
Reva finished wiping her tears. Then she said, "Josh - will you watch Colin for a few minutes, so I can talk to Jeffrey, uh, privately?"
Jeffrey's heart sank. Does she mean to "dismiss" me?
Josh nodded. "Of course."
She got to her feet - without help from anyone - and boosted Colin from Jeffrey's lap to Josh's. Shared what might have been a meaningful look with Josh - though Jeffrey couldn't read it.
Then she said brusquely, "Come, Jeffrey!"
He dutifully followed her. Clear around to the other side of the lighthouse, out of sight and earshot of the others.
Planting her hands on her hips, she said, "Jeffrey. You're an idiot."
He flinched.
But then she pulled him close and said in a lower voice, "Five minutes in the sack with me would have told you I was exactly where I wanted to be."
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After they'd shared the mother of all kisses, Jeffrey managed to say, "So you really do want me?"
"Of course I do!"
Then she grimaced. "You were right," she admitted. "I was planning to go with Josh. But it wasn't an easy decision - I only made it this morning.
"I was thinking mostly of Colin. And even though I knew Josh loves him and would be a good father figure, it was because of Colin that I had reservations...
"A year ago, when Josh told me he was leaving and would come back in a year, hoping to take me away with him? He never mentioned Colin! I know it was an oversight. He certainly meant Colin to be included. But it bothered me that he hadn't thought to say it, to emphasize it.
"And he didn't seem to realize he'd be taking us away from everyone and everything Colin knew. From dozens of supportive family members and friends. I found myself wondering whether one surrogate father was more important than all those other ties.
"Finally...I wasn't in touch with Josh all year, but some chats with Billy gave me an idea of what he had in mind. Endless travel, it seemed, without our settling down anywhere. I understood that he was concerned about Edmund's locating us. But not putting down roots anywhere? I didn't think that would be good for a child."
"But you still...?"
She nodded. "I convinced myself I was being picky, maybe looking for excuses to turn him down. I was sure he'd be a good father for Colin, just not...the best. And I thought I couldn't have the best.
"I didn't ask anyone for advice. But I thought Shayne, Marah, and Dylan would all want to see Josh happy. Assuming I could make him happy.
"I thought Jonathan would be more likely to want me to stay in Springfield. He's living here now, if you didn't know! He's no kin to the Lewises, of course, and he loves having me spend time with Sarah.
"But he's seemed really...anxious...these last few months. I'd encouraged him to live in the house he would have shared with Tammy, and I've been thinking that may have been a mistake - too many painful memories. I thought that if I left with Josh, I could ask Jonathan to move into Cross Creek - pretend I couldn't bear its being unoccupied. So in the long run, my leaving would be good for him, too."
Jeffrey smiled. He knew Jonathan would be just fine, without any need for a change of residence. "Sounds like you were thinking of everyone but yourself."
"I guess I was." But then she continued seriously, "I do love Josh. I've known and loved him practically all my life. Love like that can't be turned on and off. But sometimes, over the years, the kind of love can change.
"I'd decided to go with him today, and to have sex with him - didn't think it would be fair to ask him to accept me as just a 'companion.' And I probably would have agreed to marry him again, if it seemed important to him at some point. But what I really feel for him now is more like love for a brother.
"Can you accept that? My still loving him...in that way?"
"Of course I can," Jeffrey assured her. "I'm glad you have someone like that in your life."
I just won't let myself think about what would have happened if I'd come home and found you already married to him...
"I was worried, though," he admitted, "when you left Colin with him while you were bringing me over here. It seemed as if you thought of yourself, Colin, and him as a family unit, and me as just an outsider you were going to 'deal with.' "
Her jaw dropped. "Oh God, I'm sorry you took it that way! I'm sure Josh didn't."
After a moment's thought, she said quietly, "Jeffrey...Josh had seen something you didn't see. How hard I took your 'death.' I know you'd told me not to grieve, for Colin's sake! But the truth is, it almost destroyed me.
"Josh knew how intensely I loved you back then. And nothing had happened that could have changed the way I felt. You just weren't here.
"I think that as soon as he saw you today, he knew I'd choose you. If there'd been any doubt, it vanished when he learned you'd had good reasons for letting us think you were dead, and for coming back when you did.
"I looked at him while I was putting the baby in his lap, and saw in his eyes that he understood. I wouldn't have left Colin there if he hadn't.
"But thinking of Colin...he's probably missing his Da-da by now!"
"Da-da's missing him, too."
Nevertheless, they took time for another lingering kiss before they headed back, hand in hand.
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The End