I want to die. I don't deserve to live. I bit Yuki. I don't deserve to live. I stepped in the shower, letting the water pour over me. I pretend that what happened today could be washed away, along with the cold, hard evidence splashed all over my hands. Yuki's untainted blood smelled sweet, and i was disgusted with my self for thinking that, but at the same time, i enjoyed it. Again, I wonder, why me? Why not someone else? I love Yuki. Yuki was my flame, my fire, she warmed my icy heart when i was in despair. Yuki was the sun, the grass, the flowers, and everything good in my barren field of a heart. She was a little seed of happiness, digging her roots in my frozen soil, fragile but determined. not caring about my cold attitude, but about being warm to me. I didn't want to get close to Yuki. I didn't want to lose again. I couldn't help it though, I couldn't stop myself from loving her. but now, it's her who might lose, or will she? I worked through the last of my days here like a robot. Not feeling emotionally nor physically. Now, I sat on my bed, a gun in my hands, eager to cause some blood and gore. My hand lifted by itself, centering the barrel on my head and flicked the safety off. I closed my eye, and congered up a last image of yuki's carefree face. Her dark crimson eyes, always able to see to my core, her scent, the scent of the sun, made me remember the better things in life. My finger slowly pressed down on the trigger, wanting to savor the thought of her just a few seconds more, and- the door burst open, and Yuki stood in the door frame. 'Did it already happen? Did she come to take me away?' I wondered almost dreamily. But the moment she saw me, she shrieked my name and reached for the gun in my hand. She fell on me, but effectively removed my gun away from my head. It was then, I realized, if I died, Yuki would get hurt even more. But she would get bitten by me if I stayed. I stood up, and slung my bag over my shoulder as I walked out the door. I didn't look back, until I sensed Yuki following me, struggling to keep up. Her body still weak from the loss of a large amount of blood. I winced when I remembered that it was me who did it.
"Stop or I'll shoot you!" She threatened weakly, barely able to keep my gun upright. I almost laughed, Yuki can't pull the trigger if her life depended on it, she was too soft. I decided to make the best out of this and walked up to her, trying to pull the gun out of her hands,
"let go, Yuki, " I said. " You'll get hurt".
"No, Don't go.."
"Alright, shoot me, aim for the middle. It's no crime to kill a vampire," she couldn't do it. Let this be my last memory of Yuki. Is this it? I walked away when her weak arms circled at my waist, trying their best to keep me in place. I can't do it, I just can't leave her. 'But you have to!'the still sane part of my brain argued.
"Im not afraid of you, zero. I'll protect you. Please don't leave..." Yuki's pleading voice barely a whisper, seemed to tear my heart to pieces, but at the same time, brought me comfort. I paused and listened to her empty promises that she has no chance of fulfilling. But they were dreams that may someday come true. Maybe, just maybe, I will stay just to live in this fantasy for a little longer. This, is the beginning of an end.
Written by Rain, i got depressed writing this.