Chapter One
I was sitting in the back seat of my daddy's navy blue Range Rover, listening to him and my mother rant and rave about work and finances. I didn't find much pleasure in listening to them, so I plugged my ears with my iPod ear buds. We were on the highway, passing over the Eastside. Coming from my parents, the Eastside was the worst place in our state and that I shouldn't ever be caught over there because it was nothing except sex, violence and drugs. I tuned them out because I had been on the Eastside, they just didn't know it and I didn't ever plan on telling them because they would put me on never-ending lockdown. The Eastside was my escape, I yearned for the fast paced life and the excitement of seeing two gang members fight till death took one of them away. I loved it all and I didn't plan on giving it up any time soon. It had almost been an entire year already, nothing could take me away from it now. I was pro at this shit now.
"Monica, are you listening to us?" my daddy said as he shouted while looking at me in the rear view mirror.
I put a fake smile on, "Yes, Daddy. I'm listening and you're absolutely right about the Eastside. I hear about those ridiculous shootings and things on the news everyday."
"Good girl. I'm glad you pay attention and listen to us. Are you excited about school?"
I was thinking the total opposite of what I said, "I sure am!"
He smiled, "I've set up some college tours for you to go on and you need to be ready Monday morning."
"Thanks and where is the first tour at?"
"It's at the University of Oklahoma. Isn't that the college you wanted to attend?"
"Yes, it is."
I appreciated the things my father did for me, but I was tired of being his baby girl. I mean, I was seventeen years old now and he still set things up for me as if I were ten years old. Ever since I could remember, he had been pulling me along on a leash and I guess he didn't plan on letting me go no matter how old I got. I could understand him wanting the best for me because he didn't have it, but he had to let me want good things for myself, but right now at this age, I just wanted to chill like any other teenager. I wished he could see where I was coming from, but I knew he never would and I wasn't up to argue with him.
As soon as he pulled into the driveway of our brownstone mansion, I hopped out of the car, ran inside and up our spiral stairs to my bedroom. I wanted to get comfortable and talk to my best friend Destiny, who lived on the Eastside. I had been texting her the entire time I was in the car because she was filling me in on some dirt about one of my boyfriends ex's. Destiny was my god sister, best friend and my ride or die bitch all in one. I could rely on her to have my back no matter what, I could talk to her about anything and I could ask for advice and she'd give it to me straight up with no sugar coating. I loved everything about her ghetto fabulous self.
She answered the phone using my nickname, "Hey Moe!"
"Okay, I'm home now. Tell me what's up!"
"Shakira said that she and DJ hooked up after a party last Saturday. That was also the day you and him had that huge fight and he didn't talk to you for the entire weekend and the week after that as well."
"What else?"
"Don't trip on that because you know she's a liar. Shakira also said she couldn't figure out why you and DJ were together because that was still her man and he would always be her man because she had him hooked on the cutty."
I laughed aloud, "She's tripping. I want to fight her stupid ass."
"You don't need to fight over your trifling ass boyfriend because he wouldn't fight for you. You know that shit is in his character so don't act stupid like it's new to you, Moe."
"Okay, but she's fucking my man!"
"You're not fucking him, so he's got to get it from somebody stupid enough to spread their legs for him."
Destiny was absolutely right about everything. I couldn't even speak after she had finished saying that.
"I don't know how you do it, Moe. I would've been and let his ass go, but I guess you're in love, right?"
"I'm too in love to just let him go. You already know it."
"He knows it too. That's why he continues cheating on you like nobodies business."
"Damn, Destiny can you quit throwing that shit up in my face like I can't see it." I shouted.
"Cool out, Pimp. Just get at me later, are you coming out here tonight?"
"Yeah, I need to talk to him."
She smacked her lips, "Deuces, Mama."
I tossed my phone to my side and ran to my closet to throw some of my cutest outfits in a duffle bag because I was crashing at Destiny's crib for the weekend while my parent's thought I was at my neighbor's house with their daughter, Nicole. I was cool with her and all, but she didn't have the guts to join me on the Eastside whenever I went. One day she would, though and she'd be hooked just like I was. I snatched my phone charger out of the wall and threw it inside of my huge Dolce & Gabbana bag. It was light outside still and I needed my stunna shades to block the sun while I caught the bus over to Destiny's house.
"Bye Mama and Daddy!" I shouted as I pushed the front door open.
"Wait a minute!" my mama screamed. I heard her feet scurrying towards the foyer.
"Huh?"
"Where are you going?"
"Nicole's house like always, Mama."
She smiled and hugged me tightly, "We'll see you on Monday then."
I smiled and ran across the street with my duffle bag and hand bag both on my arm.
Nicole answered the door smirking at me, "So, you're using me as an excuse to go visit your man on the Eastside?"
"Always!" I laughed and hugged her.
"I don't know what you get out of the hood."
"When you get some balls and come with, you'll see what you're missing out on."
She shook her head, "I'm a female and I don't want balls."
I rolled my eyes and asked her if she was ready to drive me to the bus stop. She nodded and grabbed the keys to her black BMW.
The scenery went from immaculate green yards and nice luxury cars to ghetto rides on twenty sixes and dirt filled yards with metal gates and houses with bars on the windows and doors. The car washes were where the dudes showed off their cars and speaker systems and the park was where the females would flaunt their shit and disrespect the other female cliques. Everyone walked everywhere because nobody had a car unless they were dealing or had someone in their family who sold drugs. Despite the different ways of life between the Eastside and the Northside, I loved the Eastside much more.
I got off the bus with my iPod bumping loudly in my ears. I had sent Destiny a text, telling her to meet me at the bus stop. I looked around and there she was with her light brown skin, sandy brown hair, and fake hazel eye contacts. Destiny had a track body, just like me. She had muscularly toned legs and her arms were muscular as well. She didn't look like a body builder, but you had to know she ran track at least. I ran and hugged her tightly before looking her up and down. She was rocking a pair of form fitting stonewashed jeans, a fresh pair of all white low-top Forces and a tight fitting graphic tee.
I laughed, "You rocking your fake eyes today, huh?"
"Shut the fuck up. You rock your fake life every time you come out here and I'm still your best friend."
She was referring to the double life I lived that no one knew about, "I guess I can't say anything to that."
"Damn right. How are you and your Daddy getting along?"
"He's still treating me like I'm handicapped."
She shook her head and chuckled, "Did you call your man, DJ?"
"Nope, but I guess I probably should call him."
"Don't worry about calling him, Moe."
I looked up at her because there had to be some reasoning behind her statement.
"He's up the street from my house at Lamont's crib and I bet they're getting high so he ain't leaving no time soon, Mama."
I was ready to get to her house so I could change out of my good girl clothes and step out in my hood chick attire. I ran up the hill to Destiny's house. I spoke to her little brother Desmond and then I spoke to her mama Danita before going to the bathroom and throwing on my new pair of cut up jeans with my favorite red, white and gray, number III Jordan shoes and a matching red, white, and gray tee that accentuated my breasts more than ever. I ran my fingers through my thick black Indian-textured hair and then I squirted a little of Victoria's Secret Pink body mist all around myself before I ran outside to meet Destiny on the porch.
"You changed quick. So, you want to go walk up there or do you just want to walk around?"
"Let's accidentally walk up there." I smirked and tied my shoes up before we started walking up Destiny's street.
"I swear if he ignores you up here, I'm going off on his ass."
"Cool out. Please don't do that because he'll take his anger out on me and I'll have to deal with his shit again."
"Well, he's treating you like shit already."
"Stop it, Destiny! I get that fact that you don't like him, but damn, just be nice for me."
She rolled her eyes a few times, "Yeah, whatever Monica."
"My name is Moe!" I said quietly.
As we got closer to Lamont's house I could hear DJ laughing and as I turned and headed up the driveway, I spotted Shakira sitting in between DJ's legs like the true ho she was. I looked at Destiny who pushed me forward to go and confront the both of them. I stopped in front of them and rested my hands on my hips before speaking. DJ was looking at me as if I was some regular chicken head and Shakira was bold enough to continue sitting in between his legs. That's how bad the Eastside females were.
"What the fuck is this?" I shouted.
DJ got ready to speak, but Shakira spoke up first, "I'm chilling with your man."
I took a deep breath, "DJ what the hell is this?"
"I mean, it's not nothing serious." He laughed from his high.
"Then why is this bitch all up in your lap like you don't got a girlfriend?"
"Ask her."
"I'm asking you!" I went over and slapped him in the head.
"Don't put your hands on me, Moe." He pushed Shakira up off of him and he pushed up against me, like he was about to fight me.
"What? You want to fight me?" I bucked at him.
He sighed as if he was annoyed, "You always tripping. I was smoking and chilling with my friends so just fall back."
"Tell that thirsty trick to fall back." I pointed at Shakira who was laughing at me too.
She hopped up and ran behind DJ, "Who you calling a thirsty trick? I'll beat your ass Moe, don't try me."
Destiny stepped up, "You ain't beating nobodies ass as long as I'm here."
Shakira continued running off at the mouth while DJ sat back and watched us argue and fight over him. I had better morals than that, but Shakira was pushing my buttons perfectly and I was ready to clock that bitch in her mouth. She was talking like she was hard and I was too, but I wanted to hit her first…so I did. She fell backwards, but jumped up real fast and came at me like a windmill. She was hitting me, I couldn't get my bearings back and I was starting to think she was about to beat my ass for real. Finally, I caught my balance and I started drilling on her ass nonstop like she was doing me at first, but a whole lot worse at this point. Destiny was pulling me off of her and pushing me out into the street so we could leave. I looked behind me to see what DJ was going to do; he sat there staring at me.
Destiny dusted the grass from my back, "It wasn't worth all that, but you wanted to fight her, right?"
"DJ didn't do shit for me! That's supposed to be my boyfriend and he sat there and watched that shit happen and then he didn't do shit afterwards!" I pounded my fist into my hand.
"Stop tripping over him because you can obviously see that he not doing the same thing when it comes to you."
"Should I break up with him?"
"I'm not even answering that."
I smacked my lips hard and didn't say another word until we had got to Destiny's porch. "I'm not dealing with his shit."
"Good. End it once and for all."
"I'm not ready to do that yet."
She rolled her eyes and changed the subject, "I'm so glad it's the summertime and it's our last year in school too."
"Our last year until college and I'm not at all ready for college to come. I want to just take a break and chill for a little while."
"Why won't you just ask your daddy for a break?"
"He won't understand."
"What about your mama?"
"She might, but I don't even feel like having that discussion with her. You know?"
"I guess." She shrugged, "I thought Shakira was about to beat your ass!"
"I thought so too, but I couldn't let her do me like that in front of my man and then I was talking shit just like she was."
"You backed yours up, unlike her. I was waiting for DJ to hit you so I could kill his ass, but I guess he knew better."
"I like to provoke him sometimes."
"That's not cool because when he snaps, he's beating the hell out of you and we all know that, so you need to quit. I don't want no Chris Brown and Rihanna shit going down over here."
I laughed and shook my head, "Never that."
It was about eleven o'clock later that night when Destiny went to get her stereo and she plugged it into the outside wall outlet. I loved to dance and I was at every party possible trying to show off my dance moves. I moved my hips like a true Puerto-Rican girl, although I wasn't one. Destiny and I could dance our behinds off and we were both cocky about our talents. I was bumping and grinding against Destiny as Bump and Grind played on the radio. We were having a good time, laughing and playing around when I got a phone call. I looked at my phone like it was a ghost. It was DJ.
"What the hell do you want?"
"I want us to talk."
"I tried to talk to you earlier, but you were too caught up with Shakira to give a damn about your girlfriend."
"I'm sorry, babe. So, you don't want to talk to me?"
"DJ I'm pissed off at you right now, nigga."
"I was high, I wasn't thinking straight. I'm sorry and I promise I can make it up to you. I love you, Moe."
I paused for a minute, "I love you too and I guess I'm down to chill."
"A'ight. I'll talk to you later on tomorrow."
I hung the phone up and jumped up and down while Destiny looked at me like I was crazy.
"Please don't tell me you're kicking it with that broke ass nigga tomorrow!" she put her hands on her hips. She was mad at me for real now.
"I'm kicking it with my boyfriend tomorrow, yes I am!"
She shook her head in disappointment and continued swinging to hips to the new Bobby Valentino song, Beep Beep Beep.
Saturday morning I woke up around ten o'clock and Destiny's mama, Danita was cooking breakfast. Destiny was already up watching TV when I opened my eyes. I told her good morning and went into the shower for twenty minutes. I couldn't stay in the shower as long as I usually did at home because the water didn't stay hot very long. I jumped out of the shower and put on a pair of black booty shorts with a white spaghetti strapped shirt and my freshest black and white Jordan XI retro shoes. My hair was down and it fell to my bra strap like always. Desmond, Danita and Destiny were all fixing their plates for breakfast when I joined them in the kitchen.
"Good morning, Ms. Danita and Desmond." I smiled.
"Hey girl, how'd you sleep?" Destiny's mother asked.
"Great. I dreamed a lot and then I woke up smelling all of this good breakfast food."
She chuckled, "Thank you, baby. How are your parents?"
"They're great too. Both of them are always working hard and never have time for anything else except business."
"I can totally understand that!" she nodded and sat down at the table with her plate. I did the same. "Tell me what's going on with you and that boyfriend of yours, Moe."
"We're kicking it today, Ms. Danita. I can't wait, but Destiny thinks I should cut him because he doesn't always treat me like he should."
She looked over at Destiny, "When you're in love it's hard to see a lot of things, but the person in the situation will see it one day and they'll do what they should've done a long time ago."
I nodded and Destiny nodded as well. Ms. Danita continued, "Destiny cares so much about everybody else instead of herself."
"Ugh, mama I care about myself too."
"Why don't you have a man?"
Destiny looked shocked at her mama's question and her facial expression said it all. "Mama, don't do it."
"I'm just saying Destiny, maybe you should work on yourself before you critique other people's choices and shit. Think about it, baby."
She rolled her eyes and stopped eating.
"Eat that damn food because we don't have money to be spending or wasting for that matter. I didn't raise two ungrateful kids, so you better eat every damn thing on that plate and I'm not playing."
"Cool out, Pimp." Destiny said as her mama got up and went down the hall. I started laughing. "Who does she think she is?"
"Your mama, Des!"
Desmond cleaned all of our plates and I went to help Destiny get dressed back in her bedroom. The TV was on while I chilled on her bed and thought about what her mama had said to her. I loved Destiny's mama because she was real, just like Destiny and I wished my mama and I shared that type of relationship, but that was just asking for too much. I flipped through the basic channels because Destiny didn't have cable TV, but I got bored quickly and decided that her stereo would entertain me a lot more than her TV would. I was right; we were both dancing around in her room while she threw different outfits out on her bed to choose from.
"I think you should wear red and black because I'm wearing white and black today."
She smiled and nodded because my idea was just what she was thinking. I knew my best friend like a book.
"Destiny…is you feeling anybody right now?"
"No, I'm not. Why?"
"I was thinking about what your mama said and I was thinking maybe you need a boyfriend too."
"She needs a boyfriend. That's why she was all up in my grill this morning. I wasn't stunting my mama and you shouldn't be either."
"She was being completely honest though, girl. You need a man and we're going to get you one."
"Listen Moe, I'm not some charity case that you can advertise to the world. If I want a man, I'll get one. I don't need some nigga bringing me down when I'm at the top of my game. It's the summertime and I'm doing me right now. I don't want to be tied down to some nigga who only wants to get some cutty and then keep doing him. No, I'm better than that."
"I didn't say you were a charity case and whatever Destiny. You're being close-minded and I'm not arguing with you this early."
"Then shut the fuck up, Moe!"
I walked out of her room and then I left her house as well. Destiny's vibe was all fucked up this morning and I wasn't down with that.
I was walking up to Lamont's house to see what DJ had to say once I had left. Lamont wasn't telling me much; he just kept trying to get me to hook him up with Destiny. I was getting irritated with his whole I-got-game act because his game was whack as fuck and he needed to know it. He and I both knew Destiny wasn't feeling him, so I turned him down on her behalf and I kept it pushing down the block. I didn't feel like going all the way down the block, so I turned around and jogged back up to Destiny's house. She was sitting out on the porch.
"You ready to walk around?" I asked.
She nodded.
"Lamont wanted me to hook y'all up, but I turned him down for you."
She nodded again.
"Damn Destiny what the fuck is going on with you?"
She stopped and looked at me, "I'm on my cycle."
"Your cycle ain't never stopped you from having a good time and you're lying your ass off right now because you know we come on at the same exact time, so be real."
"A'ight, it's my mama. She don't got the money for the mortgage this month and she wants me to do whatever I can to get some money for us."
I was shocked, "What does she want you to do? You don't have a job."
"She wants me to hustle, Moe!"
I stopped walking and looked at Destiny, "She wants you to deal?"
"Dealing and prostituting is the only way. All I know is I can't afford to watch my family live on the streets." The tears started flowing from her eyes.
I grabbed her and smothered her into my arms, trying to be a good friend. I didn't understand and I probably never would because I had plenty of money and I wished there was a way I could've helped out, but my parents would never let me have five hundred dollars without a logical excuse. I most definitely couldn't tell the truth because I'd get in too much trouble. "There's always another way."
"What's the other way this time? I have to get us that money or else…"
"We can fight for money. We can hustle and we can pawn shit too, but we won't prostitute. That's below our character, Des."
"I've pawned everything that's worth something already."
"Just relax. I got you this month. I'm going to get the money from DJ and he won't even know I have it."
She nodded and wiped her face, "Thank you. I'm so sorry I was tripping and I didn't tell you straight up. I didn't think you would understand because you don't ever have problems like this. You're rich and you got shit worth millions of dollars in your crib, but I'm over here struggling. I don't like you because of that sometimes, but because I've grown to love you, I can look past your fortunes for who you really are."
"I can't help what I have, Destiny. I don't even feel like having this conversation because it's going to cause friction between us and I just want us to have fun today before I kick it with my boo."
She laughed, "Your boo, huh?"
"That's right. My trifling boo that I love more than anything in this world, but God."
"I want you to be happy…does he make you happy because it seems like you and him are always going at it or he's treating you like shit."
"I'm happy."
We were walking into the corner store, there was a group of dude's posted up outside of the store looking hella sexy and having hella swagger too. I was getting a sexy and chill type vibe from them and I liked it. One nigga in particular stood out to me, his name was Rashad, we knew of each other, but that was all there was to it. I hadn't spoken to him a day in my life and the same went for him. Destiny and I waved and went into the store. I bought a root beer and a bag of Cheetos while she bought a Sprite and a bag of Doritos.
"Well, if it ain't Dolce and Gabbana walking around like they're the shit." a female voice said as we got ready to leave the store
Des and I turned around at the same time, "Damn right that's us, Dolce and Gabbana. Say our names, baby!" she laughed.
"Ho number one and ho number two." The high yellow heifer pointed us out as she walked from behind the counter.
I snapped, "Who the hell are you calling a ho? How can a virgin be a ho, stupid ass trick!"
"Don't get mad because I know what's up with you and your boo DJ. He talks and your little secret is out now, Moe."
"What little secret? Me and DJ ain't done shit together."
"Ha ha, yeah and I'm supposed to believe that. How the hell are you living on the Eastside, wearing Jordan's and carrying high dollar purses? You got to be getting that money some kind of way, right?" she smirked.
"I just got it like that." I smiled.
She frowned and yelled, "Sucking dick is always the way out!"
I started shouting too, "Oh so is that what you do?"
"No, but you do. Oh, DJ told me to tell you to quit using your teeth when you go down on him."
She had won that one. There was nothing I could say to shut her down after she had said that so loudly. The dudes were looking into the store now, laughing at what was said. "I should beat the hell out of you for saying that false shit so loud."
"You should, but you not stupid, Moe."
"Step out of this store so I can drill your ass because I'm not scared of your skinny ass Tifah!"
"I don't have time for your childish shit right now. I'm working hard for my money like a real woman does. I don't suck dick and get money."
"Fuck bitches, get money. I do what I do and you do what you do." I walked out and Destiny followed.
"Dolce and Gabbana is played out anyways, bitches!" Tifah yelled again.
"Shawty, can I talk to y'all?" Rashad grabbed my arm.
"What's up?" I asked.
"I'm Shad, how you doing?"
"Good…" I looked him up and down, checking his swagger out. It was fresh, he was on the same level with DJ.
"Cool, so what's your name beautiful?"
"It's Moe." I smiled.
He gazed into my black eyes with his big brown puppy dog eyes and said, "Maybe we can exchange numbers and get to talking and maybe get to kicking it later on as well. Do you have a man?"
"I do, but that won't stop me from kicking it with you, of course." I was on my female hustler chick shit.
"That's what's up." He took my phone and programmed his number into it before giving it back to me and smiling.
Destiny grabbed my arm and pulled me away, "You know you're about to have trouble on your hands with Tifah. She's going to say something to DJ about what you just did with Shad."
"Fuck her. I can't wait until I get the opportunity to fight her ass just as well. These bitches around here got me fucked up if they think they can ruin my relationship and run me."
Destiny rolled her eyes, "You better stop thinking so highly of yourself before somebody beats your ass for real. Now, Moe, I'm not trying to knock your hustle or anything, but calm down."
I sighed, "She tried my life in that store. Why should I calm down?"
"Look, just cool out. I'm done talking about this."
Chapter Two
It was real dark outside and the clock had just struck midnight as my boyfriend and I made out in his car. We were parked right outside of his house. Destiny was at home and I partly felt bad for leaving her hanging like I did, but she needed to find a man and that was the end of it. DJ and I were in the back seat of his Caddy listening to The Dream's song, Purple Kisses as his hands felt my curvaceous body up and down. I was hesitant as to what I wanted to do with him, but if it got as far as sex, I was stopping him fa'sho. DJ didn't deserve the cutty from me and if he ever got it, he'd have to work damn hard for it.
His lips were soft and succulent and I could feel the puddle in my underwear as he placed sweet trails of kisses down the back of my spine. Then his lips moved back up to my neck, his tongue claimed one spot and he sucked the hell out of it. I was breathing harder, feeling the rush and the sexual tension between us. I straddled his lap, he took my tank top off and kissed and licked each one of my breasts. I ran my fingers through my hair and whispered his name. I pulled his shirt from over his head and leaned over him so I could return the favor of giving him a hickey. The entire time, I felt his eight-pack up and down.
"Can we go in the house?" I stopped and asked.
"Yeah, hurry up." He pushed me out of the car.
I laughed to myself. He grabbed my hands and pulled me inside of the house. It was small and quiet, no one was home.
"Come on." He took me to his room and locked the door.
DJ was into music and he flipped on Lil Corey's Say Yes song as soon as we got inside. That was my jam. I was standing up against his bedroom door as he came and picked me up by my legs. My back was up against the wall and my legs were wrapped around his body as he grinded up against me to the beat. I was going crazy on the inside, but I didn't show it. I just grabbed onto his shoulders as he carried me to his bed and climbed over on top of me. He kissed me lightly on the lips; my eyes were closed as I tried to envision the sweet moment that was about to happen between us. My booty shorts came off and then my panties were next. I was shy in front of him whilst being naked; I grabbed the covers and covered myself.
The next thing I knew, my whole body was shaking as his tongue evaded the privacy of the sweetness between my legs. I didn't know what to do or how to stay calm. I was trying to be quiet, but the way he was licking and sucking on my clit was driving me crazy. I was calling his name and gripping the sheets on his bed like my life depended on it. I was playing my own music inside of my head. He kissed me from my belly button on up to my neck and then he asked me if I was ready.
"Ready for what?" I sat up and watched him put the condom on.
"This dick, girl."
"You fucked Shakira. I'm not doing shit with you."
"I used a condom with her too. Come on, baby. I love you." He said, smiling at me a little bit.
I wanted to say no, but my body was calling him. I nodded and lay back down.
"It might hurt, but you'll be okay." He said as he hovered over me.
"Ouch," I grabbed his back as the pressure of him entering me caught me off guard, "Go slower."
It was nothing like being fingered. DJ was well equipped with about eight inches and I knew like hell, he wasn't putting all of that inside of me. I clutched onto his back tighter and he slowed down some more. It wasn't as bad anymore.
Tears were falling from my eyes. I didn't know why, though. I wanted to lose it to him, but I felt bad about the whole thing, "Get up."
"What?" he kept going and then he pulled out.
"Get up!" I screamed and pushed him up.
"Why? It'll get better, baby." He kissed me on the lips, attempting to calm me down and then he went down again.
"I don't want to! DJ, keep going." I said softy, he was licking the right spot.
"Oh, I will." he slid his weapon back in and started pushing himself in and out of me faster and faster every minute.
He wasn't lying. I was getting more and more used to the feeling as time went by. "DJ."
"Hold on, I'm almost there." He was biting his bottom lip and he was sweating a
little bit. I had wrapped my legs around his body a little tighter and held on for the ride. And then, that was when the good part came. I was trying to cover my mouth, but I couldn't. His body was shaking right along with mines and I was. He had pulled out and looked at me like he had accomplished something. I was mad and madly in love at the same time. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. "You okay?"
"Yeah." I took a few deep breaths and wiped my tears away.
He wrapped his arms around me, "I love you."
I cringed at that statement. I wanted to believe him because I loved him, but I knew he was lying. "Why do you love me?"
"You mean the world to me. Even though I don't act like it sometimes. I love you for real."
I smiled a little bit and then I went to the bathroom. I was hurting in between my legs and he didn't even get it in all the way. I got dressed and told him to take me to Destiny's house.
Destiny was staring at me like I was crazy when I knocked on her window at two thirty in the morning. She knew it was me because I'd sent her a text a few minutes ago. She slid her barred window up and I climbed inside of it and then I fell out on her bed. Climbing inside of that window didn't sooth the pain that I was already feeling from losing my v-card only an hour ago. She didn't say anything to me, instead she just locked her window back up and got in the bed with me.
Sunday morning we woke up early for church. I didn't want to go, I was too tired, but I went anyways. The preacher just happened to be talking about pre-marital sex. Just my luck! I felt like he was singling me out for doing what I did last night. I walked out of the church and went to sit on the curb by Destiny's mama's car. Destiny came outside a few minutes later and sat on the curb with me. She already knew the deal, that girl knew me like a book too. She wrapped her arms around me and I cried into her chest as she rubbed my back like a baby.
"You shouldn't feel bad if you wanted to do it." She whispered.
"But in the middle of it, I told him to quit."
"Mama, it was too late to stop him after that."
"I know. He said he loved me."
She rolled her eyes, thinking I didn't see her, "You know I have no comment on that. So, are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"So you want to go back inside or you just want to leave?"
"I want to leave. I don't want to hear anything about sex and how I shouldn't be doing it because I'm already kind of mad at myself for doing it."
"Monica, ask for God to forgive you. That's only if you're not going to do it again, though."
"I can't."
It wasn't long before Ms. Danita and a bunch of other church people starting dispersing from the church. I guess that meant that the church service was over now. I was glad to be leaving. DJ hadn't called or sent me a text at all since last night and it was really killing me now. I wanted to act like a nigga sometimes, heartless. I tried to occupy my mind with other thoughts.
"Are you girls ready to eat Sunday dinner?" Ms. Danita smiled at us through the rear-view mirror.
Desmond interrupted, "I'm ready. Forget them."
I laughed, "Shut up. Yes, we're ready to eat. When I'm back at home, your Sunday cooking is all I can think about."
Destiny smiled, "Mama she be having orgasms with your food. I swear on everything she starts moaning when she put a piece of your chicken in her mouth."
I was cracking up so hard, I had tears in my eyes, "It's just that good!"
"Thank you!" she smiled and chuckled a little.
Destiny's phone went off, I grabbed it from her hands and saw Lamont's name come across the screen. It was a text message, I opened it. It read, "I miss you, boo. Can we sneak and chill tonight again?"
I looked over at her, she was blushing.
I slapped her thick thighs and mouthed, "So you want to fuck Lamont behind my back?"
Her smile was huge and she mouthed back, "I like him!"
"Wait til we get out of the car. I'm kicking your ass." I bobbed my head up and down to the church song.
We got to Destiny's house and changed out of her church clothes and put on something much more relaxing. I was in a pair of blue cheerleading shorts just like Destiny, but hers were pink and then a tight fitting wife beater and footy socks. My hair was down and all over my head like usual on my bad days. After we ate, Destiny and I slipped on some shoes and went for a walk.
"So, you sneaky ass trick, when were you going to tell me about you and Lamont?"
"I didn't know if it was that serious. I was gonna tell you though."
"Sure. I even tried to hook y'all up and you acted like you didn't want to get with him."
"Hey, we just chilled last night. That's it. He's hella cool, so I'm chilling with him again tonight as soon as the basketball game is over at the park."
"That's what's up."
"So, tell me about the dick last night." She stopped and folded her arms.
"He killed it. He ate first. I told him to stop, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted him to. He didn't, but it was fine. My legs hurt a little bit."
"Damn man, my little girl growing up." She slapped me a high five.
"Don't be acting all clingy and shit now either. Let that nigga feign for your pussy."
"What if I start feigning for the dick?"
She stopped in her tracks again, "You better not be! Don't be a groupie for that nigga. You got to show him you the wifey and let them other ho's know they're the sideline bitches. The wifey is always running shit. Remember that."
I nodded and took it all in.
"Now, Lamont said he got me on the money that I needed."
"Oh yeah? Good because I forgot to get it from DJ."
We got to the store and turned the corner. Tifah was outside smoking with one of her infamous ho ass co workers. Her name was Angel, but she was nothing like an Angel at all. That female was loose and I mean real loose. She got around the whole entire state. I bet her shit was all stretched out. She was no Angel. What a coincidence, right? I wasn't trying to fight anybody today, so I kept walking. That is, until I head Tifah's smart ass call me out. She had said something about me being a dick sucker. The same dudes were up at the store again, but this time they were ready to see a fight. I yelled at her to meet me up at the park tonight. I wanted everybody to see me assault her skinny ass. Destiny shouted and told her friend Angel that she could get some too if she wanted to open her mouth up and talk shit like Tifah.
Rashad was eyeing me hard and then I got a text from him. It was nice talking to him, he was fine as hell. He made good conversation and I didn't mind talking to him on the regular basis. I was afraid of how DJ would take it, especially with all of the snitching ass bitches that lived over around here. At least nobody knew about my secret double life. If that got around to anyone, I would be done and hated on the Eastside for forever. There would be no winning people back over, which is why I was glad my best friend knew. I was still texting Rashad that evening as Destiny and I got dressed in tight jeans, Chucks and tanks. We were looking cute with matching black bandanas around our necks, but we were more focused on beating some ass tonight at the park.
"If she steps to me, I'm swinging on her ass. That's the end, plain and simple. So you got to have my back just in case Angel feels like jumping in." I told Destiny.
"Bitch, you don't need to tell me. I already know the deal."
I slapped her hand and we began our five minute trek up to the local park, "I hope DJ and Rashad not both up here tonight."
"You know you fucked up when you decided to start messing with Shad. Especially with Tifah around in ear shot and eye shot while you were doing it. You should've been and thought about that, boo."
"Hopefully after I beat her ass, she'll shut up for a while." I laughed on the outside, but on the inside I was honestly terrified of the power this female had over my situation.
We pushed through the mob of people, boys and girls, some dressed like they were going to the club and others were dressed like they were ready to ball and bang. All you saw was either red or blue on two different sides of the court, but nothing was popping off yet. I saw Shad and then I looked around for DJ; I didn't see him so I went over to Shad and hugged him real quick and discretely. I didn't want people talking and he knew my situation so he wasn't tripping either.
Destiny was making eyes with Lamont from a distance because she didn't want people all up in her business. I didn't want people in my business either, but I lacked the trait of being secretive with my shit. We were both posted up against the tall metal gate where the basketball court was. The first set of nigga's was playing now, I knew most of them, but it wasn't really anybody too important. Shad was going in next and so was DJ, Lamont and all of their friends.
Destiny pulled me close to her and whispered, "Shad bangs. Did you see that blue flag hanging out his pocket."
"Hell naw…" my heart sped up as I spotted DJ walking up with his red flag wrapped around his ankle. I was scared for both of their lives because I knew that this simple basketball game was going to end up fatal.
DJ spotted me and called me over to him, "DJ, please tell me you didn't come up here to fight or kill nobody."
He put his index finger up against my lips and then he kissed me, "Don't worry about me. You just make sure you stand on my side and cheer for your boy."
I nodded, "I will, baby."
He slapped my ass and gathered his boys up before disappearing into the huge crowd. I turned around smiling, but my smile was gone as soon as I felt Tifah's hand go across my face.
The crowd went, "Damn!"
I touched the left side of my face and then I got up and my tunnel vision kicked in. She was the only thing I saw, nobody else mattered. There wasn't no talking after she had pulled a bitch move like that.
"Do something, bitch." She ran up and got ready to hit me again, but I had socked the shit out of her before she could.
I heard Destiny screaming shit at me, "Beat her mother-fucking ass, Moe!"
I got an adrenaline rush immediately and after she was down, I pulled her back up and started throwing blows at her like a nigga. I had those hands on deck and she didn't know what she was getting herself into.
"Whip her ass, Moe. Damn, stop standing there!" I heard Destiny's voice again.
I ran up and starting swinging again. I hit my target every single time I swung and I could hear the force of my swing each time it hit her in the face. She was blocking herself, she wasn't fighting no more. I was in control of that bitch now and I took it to my full advantage. I swung her little ass on the ground and climbed on top of her. I started beating her head into the grass and I was slapping the shit out of her on top of that.
"Moe, watch out!" I heard someone scream out.
I hit the ground hella hard after Angel had hit me with both of her fists and knocked me down. I was dazed from that hit and felt blood coming from my mouth, but luckily Destiny had my back on this one and she jumped in and took care of Angel for me. I got up slowly and watched from the sidelines. I didn't know where Tifah had gone, but I didn't trust her for nothing. I was looking all around me, looking for her. Angel was strong, she was giving Destiny some competition, but Destiny still had it in the bag.
"Come on Des," I shouted while she punched the girl out on the ground. I went and pulled her up.
"I'm not done yet, wait Moe…"
Pop! Pop! Pop! Gunshots rang out everywhere. I wanted to know who was shooting. I started to run over to the basketball court, I spotted DJ reaching for his gun. I looked the other way and saw Shad popping fire just as well. I screamed for them to stop, but why would they listen to me? Destiny yanked me by my bandana, practically choking me and forced me to the parking lot where everybody else was jumping into their cars leaving. We didn't have a ride, but we ended up behind Lamont's ride.
I was out of breath, shaken and confused at the same time. I was tired from fighting, running and dodging bullets. I was shaken by the whole entire gunshot thing, considering I wasn't from the hood and had only seen shootouts on the news and I was confused because I wanted to help both of the guys that were feuding, but I couldn't come in between the crossfire or that would be putting my life on the line. After the shootout ended, Lamont had jumped in the car and took us back to Destiny's house.
"Oh my God." I said once I had sat down on Destiny's bed.
"That shit was wild, huh?" she threw her hair up into a pony tail.
"Hell yeah, man. I have never been in anything like that. Do you know how close I was to losing my life?"
"That's life on the Eastside, mama. Get used to it or get out. You have that option, unlike everybody else who just has to deal with it."
She threw in a smart ass remark, "I can deal with it." I rolled my eyes at her and went to pack my bag up. I had to get back home fast because it was already nine o'clock.
"Then why you leaving?" she teased.
"You know it's Sunday. If I could choose, I would stay." I threw my bag over my shoulder and Destiny walked me to the bus stop.
"Call me when you get back to the good life, Sis." She hugged me and watched me get on the bus before she began her walk back to her crib.
It was back to the basics for me and I wasn't looking forward to it. I got back home by ten and my parents were up waiting for me. I was wearing a pink and white sundress, looking like their little angel. My father didn't waste any time, he got right in my ass. The look on his face told me everything, my plan was fucked up and they knew where I had been all weekend. I was automatically pissed off with Nicole for snitching and not warning me before I came home. I smiled and pretended to act like everything was still the norm.
"Where were you, Monica?" he shouted.
I didn't know whether to lie or tell the truth.
"Hello? I already know you weren't at Nicole's house. Where the hell were you, Monica Monique Allen?"
"I was with my friend Destiny and you've never met her before." I confessed a little bit of the truth.
"Where did she come from?"
"Her mother's vagina." I laughed on the inside.
That made the veins pop out of his forehead, "Get upstairs now!" he pointed.
I followed his orders and trekked my things upstairs to my hot pink girly girl bedroom. I dived into my princess bed with the canopy down and sent Destiny a text, letting her know I had made it home and that I was in trouble too. Then I called Nicole, I was ready to cuss her out.
"Monica, I didn't snitch! My parents did. I told them that you went for a walk and then I tried to call you, but they took my phone."
"So, what made them look for me this weekend?"
"They didn't go to the country club this time. I thought they were staying, but they came back the same day."
"This is fucked up." I said angrily.
"I'm sorry, but you can't really be mad at me for this. It was bound to happen."
I was quiet, "You're driving me over there next weekend, okay?"
"What?" she panicked.
I hung up and threw my phone under my pillow when my dad walked into my room with my mom following behind him. I sat up straight and smiled at them both.
He rolled my computer chair out and sat down in it. He looked at me sternly, I was totally intimidated by his look and he knew it. I stopped smiling and got ready for his lecture and his questions. This was going to be all night, I wasn't in the mood at all. I tried to cross my legs, but there was still an ache from letting DJ fuck.
"Where were you?"
"At Destiny's house..."
"Who is she?"
"My best friend…"
He was getting tired of my short answers already, but I was answering his questions, "Why don't we know her?"
"Because you've never asked to meet her..."
"Where does she live?"
"On the Eastside." I hesitated.
He stood up, "Where?"
"It's okay, she's not like you think. It's only because her mom can't afford anything better. She's trying to make it, daddy. Understand that; don't judge her and her family because they don't have money like us. Isn't that what you'd tell me?"
He put up his index finger, "How did you even meet her?"
"I honestly don't remember."
He nodded and took a few deep breaths, "How were you getting over there?"
"The bus…" I said, quietly.
"What the hell!" he threw his arms up.
"What?"
"What is happening to my little girl? Now you're lying, sneaking out, going over to the Eastside. What else are you doing? Having sex, I sure hope not!"
"Daddy, calm down! I'm not your little girl anymore. Let that little girl crap go already. I'll be seventeen in a few months, let me grow up. You can't protect me from the bad guys all my life; I have to learn on my own sometimes. You have to let me fall and get up on my own or I'll never learn anything. I wouldn't have to lie if you'd take the time to listen to me sometimes, Daddy!"
He nodded, taking it all in.
I continued, "I've tried to tell you how I feel, but you always over power my opinion with yours."
"I'm sorry, babe. Why didn't you talk to your mother?"
"I don't know, Daddy. I'm sorry for what I've done, but it was hard to talk to you and Mom both."
He then asked me what he could do to make things better for me. I took that moment as my opportunity to speak my mind and I did just that. I told him exactly how I felt about everything and how he was acting towards me all the time. I also told him and my mom that they should invite Destiny and her family over for dinner one day and meet them. They agreed that was fine and I called up Destiny so my mom could converse with Ms. Danita about the future plans. In the end, everything worked out in my favor. Like I said earlier, I was a pro at this shit.
I went to bed early, waking up early on Monday morning to attend the college tour my daddy had signed me up for. Everyone was extra friendly and I was more than shocked when I spotted Rashad in the crowd. He wasn't wearing his gang colors or anything; he looked nice and presentable with a pair of semi-sagging black Ed Hardy jean shorts, a snug white Ed Hardy tee and a clean pair of all white high top Nike Forces. I was actually happy to see him and I went straight over to him and hugged his waist tightly. He had a big smile on his face, like me. His pretty and rich light brown skin complexion glowed perfectly with the sun shining on him; the same went for his straight, white teeth and his head of curly black hair. Everything about him was a turn-on; I was so shocked to see him.
"Why are you here?" I laughed.
"Because I'm interested in this school and that's the same reason why you're here, right?" he smiled.
"Yep, you're right."
"You probably thought I was some ignorant gang banger from the hood, right? I saw you pull up in that expensive ass Rover with your old man."
My heart beat sped up; he knew about my double life, "No, I didn't think of you like that at all."
"I know like hell you didn't think I got an academic and sports scholarship here."
I was surprised, "Okay, you're right."
"Why do you hang on the Eastside when you rolling up here in a Range Rover and shit?"
"Because I like the fast life." I said with attitude, "Why do you care?"
"I knew you was just acting." He laughed and re-adjusted his fitted hat.
"Hush, you can't tell anybody about today. Nobody can know about my life because no one will like me!"
"You never seemed like the type to care what other people thought, I can't believe this." He was getting a lot of amusement out of this.
"Rashad, please man, I'm begging you."
"I promise I won't tell nobody. Cool out." he chuckled.
I looked up at him; he towered over me with his tall 6'3 frame. He was a giant to my little 5'5 frame. We started talking about our majors; although I wanted to know why he lived the life he did when he had so much going for him as well. I decided to just hold out and wait until we sat down at lunch towards the end of the school tour. When we split up and went our separate ways with our different tour groups, I was texting DJ, Rashad and Destiny all at the same time. I had to let Destiny know what was going on and I also needed to make sure Rashad and I had a set meeting place after the tour was done, lastly I needed to talk to DJ about the shooting.
It was about three in the afternoon and the tour was over now. I was waiting by the picnic tables that the school had set up for the future students and then Shad appeared and we ventured off into our own little world. I was laughing and giggling with him the whole entire time. He was telling me about his cool basketball scout and his uncle's best friend, Frank. That was my father's name too. He started describing how rich Frank was, but also how cool he was and how he had a wife and only daughter who was around his age, but he hadn't met her yet. Then he said something about meeting with him tonight for dinner at his house and everything. I thought that was cool and I was happy to hear that he had such a good relationship with his scout.
I'm calling you Daddy, Daddy. Can you be my Daddy, Daddy? I need a Daddy, Daddy.. That was DJ's ringtone. I didn't answer his call, I was busy talking with Rashad. He called two more times after that, so I answered, "What, baby? I'm at that college tour I was telling you about."
"You seeing other nigga's behind my back, Moe?"
"No, who told you some whack ass shit like that?"
Rashad shook his head as he witnessed my quick change from a sweet and proper girl, to a ghetto, foul mouthed chick.
"My home girl Shakira let me know."
"If you believe anything coming from her, you stupid as fuck. I don't like her and she don't like me, of course she going to try and throw some salt in our relationship. Fuck her, no DJ; I ain't seeing no other nigga's, boo. I have to go now because my dad will trip!"
He hung up in my face. No farewell words, just silence. I tucked my phone into my back pocket and smiled at Shad like nothing was wrong.
"I wouldn't hang up on someone I loved." He said.
I sighed, "It's fine. I'm used to him treating me like shit anyways."
"Don't settle for less than what you deserve. Always remember that, Moe."
"Call me Monica and thanks for those words of wisdom." I hugged him tightly and he did the same.
"Monica?" he looked at me.
"Yeah, that's my name. My daddy is calling; I'll see you this weekend. Remember our secret, don't tell anyone." I said to him before I answered my fathers call and walked away.
Chapter Three
It was almost dinner time and I was going downstairs to see if my mom needed any help cooking. She declined and then told me to put on something nice because we were having guests over tonight. I asked who, but she wouldn't go into specifics, all she said was that they had a son who was college bound and I needed to look cute for him. I went upstairs and pulled out a pair of gaucho type slacks, a blue silk material button down shirt and a pair of matching blue flats. I curled my hair quickly and put on my favorite lip-gloss just in time to answer the door for our company.
I put on my best smile and opened the door for a very tall and muscular man with a dark skin tone and a neat and classy look to him. On his left, stood his short and chubby wife, I assumed and then behind them, stood a handsome young man by the name of Rashad. The look on my face gave my excitement away totally. I greeted the couple and then hugged Rashad for a long time before calling my parents into the family room to meet and greet our company.
The dark guy's name was Keith, his wife's name was Sade and I already knew Rashad. I never knew my daddy had a scouting career on the side and I was interested to know how he scouted Rashad, considering Rashad was an Eastside native and my daddy tried his hardest to keep me away from "those people". My daddy claimed his recliner chair and the couple sat in the love seat whilst Rashad, my mother and I, got comfortable on the long leather sofa that sat right across from the flat screen plastered up on the wall. It was so big it looked like a projector/movie screen. I introduced myself and then my daddy asked me to show Rashad around since we'd be seeing a lot more of him soon.
I got up and told him to follow me. I wasn't sure if I wanted my daddy to know that I already knew him or not. I wasn't sure if that'd ruin their relationship or not, so I kept that information to myself. I planned on saying we met at the college tour, coincidentally. I was giving him a tour of the main level before we went upstairs and finished downstairs. He looked neat and clean cut in his white button down, black slacks and dress shoes. I was digging his style and his vibe a whole lot.
"So, this is weird, huh?" he asked.
"A little bit. I had no clue you were talking about me."
"I figured it out when you told me your name was Monica."
We were just entering the downstairs. One half was the movie room, equipped with huge leather recliners, a small kitchen and a big screen TV. The other half of the basement was a lounge room, for playing video games, pool, or just chilling. My daddy and his work friends always came down here to play dominoes and spades every weekend while I was gone. There was a real strong attraction between us, partly because we knew each other in different perspectives than we were seeing now.
I sat down on the suede sofa in front of the other flat screen and flipped BET on. I wanted to get loose to the music before dinner started and I had to regroup and act like I had some sense. I asked Rashad if he knew how to dance, he didn't answer, he just got up and danced with me to Jeremih's Birthday Sex song. I was holding his hand up as I pushed against and grinded into his dick. He was moving with me, grabbing my stomach tightly as he pushed up against my booty and grinded up against me as well. I was feeling his rhythm and then I turned around to let him take control. He picked me up and had me in the same position DJ did right before he took me to the bed.
"Ooh." I said softly, not aware that I was moaning for him when all we were doing was dancing.
"You a'ight, Moe?" he laughed and dropped me back down to my feet.
I felt stupid, "Damn, you can dance."
"I know. You can too, but we don't need to be dancing to that song cause' we'll be making some babies in no time."
I was watching his lips the entire time he talked, they were still pink, but you could also tell he smoked. He had a sexy habit of licking them, just like LL Cool J did.
"What's wrong? I got shit on my face?"
No, I mean yeah. Come here." I pulled his face down to mine and pressed my lips up against his for what seemed like hours. His tongue entered my mouth and it was like the world started spinning in the middle of our kiss. I pulled away and wiped my face a little before laughing. "You're stupid for believing that whack ass line."
"Oh, it was all good. I wanted to kiss you too." He winked and followed me back up to the kitchen.
The guys were all talking about sports and shit while the women were talking about designers and the places they shopped. I was the only one left out of the conversation, but Shad kept making eyes with me while he engaged in the conversation with my daddy and his uncle Keith. I wanted to tell him to stop it before he got himself into trouble, but I couldn't. I just sat there, loving every minute of the way he licked his lips. I was feeling him way too much, way too soon. I had to slow myself down before I got played. That wasn't an option for me, not at all.
As soon as dinner was over, my mom and Ms. Sade went into the kitchen to talk more about whatever old women talked about and my dad went with Mr. Keith and Shad and took them downstairs to the basement to watch some good clips and show off his trophies and awards from when he was in high school. I didn't know what else to do besides go to my room and call Destiny, so that was exactly what I did.
"What's popping, mama?" she answered the phone.
"Shad is at my house right now. That's what's popping, bitch. We kissed a minute ago too."
"What? How? Who? Huh? Oh my God!" she screamed.
"He was at the college tour and then he said he was having dinner with his scout and his family. My mama and daddy was telling me to get dressed because we were having company, I had no clue until he walked in with his uncle and his uncle's wife."
"That shit's wild as fuck! What else did you and Shad do?"
I could tell she was smiling through the phone, "Well, we chilled and talked a whole lot at the tour. I didn't know that nigga was smart and athletic too. He got two scholarships to the University of Oklahoma!"
"Damn, that's what's up. You need to cuff him because DJ ain't doing shit, but fucking around on you."
"Yeah, I know it. I just don't want to fuck with that gang shit. You know Shad fucks with the blue bandanas and DJ lives, shits and eats with the Blood fam all day long."
"Damn, I forgot all about that shit. Why he out in the streets if he got so much positive shit going on?" she asked the same question I wanted to know.
"I don't have that answer, but we want to know the same thing. he asked me that question too."
"I fucked Lamont!" she blurted out.
"Am I supposed to be surprised? I knew your nasty ass was going through withdrawal, that's why you was being a bitch all weekend. Your pussy was feigning for some dick!" I laughed aloud.
"Damn right and Lamont worked the hell out of my ass." She moaned quietly.
"Hell naw, bitch. Cool out, I'm not your man." I laughed again.
She told me to shut up and then we started talking about her visiting my family next Sunday. I was telling her to be her complete self, minus the cussing because my daddy liked real people, not fakes. I also told her what to wear and all that good stuff. I was excited about her coming over on Sunday. I just hoped and prayed my daddy, of all people, approved of her and Ms. Danita.
"So, tell me why DJ called me asking if I was seeing other nigga's." I changed the subject.
"Because that nigga is insecure now, Monica and DJ know he treat you wrong and he know that he going to lose you any day now. That's why he tripping so hard. Ha-ha and I'm glad you talking to Shad because he's the one for you. I can feel it."
I smiled, "I think Lamont is your man too."
"Think? Bitch, I know. That's him calling now, deuces."
"Bye!" I hung up and slid my phone under my pillow. That was just a habit now.
Shad was gone, the house was quiet and my mom was entering my room. It was late and she looked tired, just like I was. I knew she had something to talk to me about or else she would've just gone to bed. I sat up, giving her my full attention as she joined me on the edge of my bed. I smiled and she smiled back.
"Hey Mom, what's up?"
"Nothing really, baby. I just want to say thank you for treating our company nice and that boy is a cutie isn't he?"
"He sure is. I met him at the college tour, so this was the perfect time for us to catch up. Where did daddy find him?"
"At Douglass High School..."
"On the Eastside, huh?" I smirked.
She nodded.
"Why can't I be over there? The people aren't bad, they're just like us, but they can't afford the same luxuries as us. The way daddy is being is so unfair and you think so too, don't you?"
"Sometimes he's just not rational. I know it's not fair, but that's just the way he is."
"He judged my friend Destiny and he probably would've judged Rashad if I just talked about him one day. Rashad lives on the Eastside and he's smart, cute and has a lot going for him. Everybody isn't always bad news."
"I know, I know. I wish he would just give you the space you needed. I don't want you be wild and out there like a lot of other girls who were smothered as a teen by their fathers."
"Like you?"
She nodded slowly, "I had you at sixteen years old, Monica. I don't want you to be like me. I don't even want you having sex, but if you are it's too late. Are you?"
I wanted to tell her, but I didn't want to hurt her or make her cry.
"It's not going to make me mad if you are. Be honest with me, baby. It's okay, I promise it'll stay between us and no one else." She reached for my hand and I grabbed hers too.
"I lost it on Saturday, Mom." I said slowly.
She took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears, "Did you use protection?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Please tell me you know this boy was clean…"
I lowered my head, "I don't know."
She shook her head at me and grabbed my hand tighter, "We can have a girl's day tomorrow. We'll talk later; I don't want to drain you."
I nodded and hugged her tightly before she left and then I went to bed.
My heart felt so heavy because I had been holding that from her. I wanted to have a strong and open relationship with my mom and now I was getting that finally. It was going to take some effort, but that was my goal and I was almost getting there. I was glad she didn't start yelling at me and going crazy like my daddy would've. My mom was always the one to talk to, but then we had suddenly grown apart. I was more than excited that she came into my room to talk to me. I slept well that night, anticipating our girl's day out tomorrow. I wanted to tell her everything now.
The first thing we did was get our nails done, then our hair. Those two things alone took up five hours. We went to the women's clinic after that and my mom wanted me to get tested since I was having sex now. Then she started talking to the lady about birth control and all of that good stuff. I was listening, but I wasn't listening. I was honestly thinking about how soon it'd be before I let Rashad bust all up in it. I was craving his body now that I knew what sex felt like. I wanted him bad now and I needed to talk to Destiny so she could check me and my raging hormones.
"What's up?" she answered.
"I want to fuck Shad so bad."
"Bitch, the fuck you calling me for? You better check your horny ass and get a grip. The dick ain't that good and I don't need you turning into a piece of rip just because you want to feel what everybody has to offer. I'm not even joking with you, Moe. Check that pussy now. Put that shit on lockdown. No more sex for you."
"Cool out. I just wanted to know, if I should go ahead or wait."
"Damn, girl. I just told you to wait."
I saw my mom coming from the building. I was chilling in the car because my appointment was over and she loved to conversate more than she needed to. I got ready to change the conversation, "Okay. My mama's coming, so let's talk in our code."
"A'ight. So, you want to get it in with the new boo because the old boo cooked it up real nice in the kitchen?"
"Yes. I love cooking food up in the kitchen. I'm going to have to cook on the regular, cause' I surprised myself."
My mama looked at me, "Well you can help cook when Destiny and her family visits."
I nodded and then turned back towards the window. Destiny was talking, "I'm so serious Monica. I don't want you cooking nothing else until you know the new boo is into you seriously. I can't have you cooking shit up for every nigga that shows you some attention."
"It won't even be like that. I'd just keep whipping shit…I mean, stuff up for the same customer."
"Right, I got you and I have to go. We'll talk later." She said and then I hung up.
I didn't want to become anything like a ho at all. I just wanted to see what Shad was working with because I was feeling him so much. Destiny was right though, I needed to wait before I got addicted. My mama started asking me about DJ and I told her how much I loved him, but how I was honestly ready to let him go and see what Shad was about. I didn't want to talk too much because I might've slipped up and said something about Shad and DJ being gang bangers and how they were both feuding with one another. That was some serious shit and I was playing with fire just by associating with Shad, but that was just me and I was ready for all of the drama that came my way.
The remainder of the week I just stayed in the house, talking to Nicole, Destiny and Rashad. I hadn't heard from DJ since Monday and it was Friday. I wasn't going to Destiny's house this weekend because she was coming to mines. I was more than excited about this weekend. Not only was Destiny coming over on Saturday until Sunday, but my daddy was letting me hang out with Rashad later on tonight while my parents and Shad's uncle, went out to an old folks club. I was hyped up, thinking I was about to get me some.
It was seven o'clock and I was just getting out of the shower when I heard the doorbell. I had a camera in my room and it showed who was at the front door. It was Shad and his family. I continued getting dressed into a cute Hollister mini-skirt, a white Hollister signature tee and white flip-flops. I had washed my hair in the shower, so it was still a little wet, but the important part was that it was curly. Next, I put on my favorite lip-gloss and then I sprayed a little bit of perfume and finished off with the same scented lotion. I wanted to smell good for him tonight, like always.
"Monica!" I heard my daddy shout.
"I'm coming, Daddy." I shouted back as I ran towards the stairs and started bouncing down them.
"Alright honey, we're leaving and I already know your plans for tonight. I trust that Rashad will have you home on time and treat you with the utmost respect." He smiled a huge smile and then grabbed a small jacket for my mom before leaving the house.
Shad looked at me and laughed, "Frank is funny, huh?"
I shrugged and giggled, "That's my daddy."
"I can tell he don't play about his baby girl."
"Where are we going?"
"Come on, don't worry about all that." he grabbed my hand and led me outside to his black Honda Civic.
I was chilling in his car, bobbing my head to the J. Holiday song, Bed. He could sing, I was shocked at that. His voice was perfectly in tune with J. Holiday's and he looked over at me every time he said bed. I knew right then and there, he wanted to put me to bed. Shit, I was ready to fall out with him on top of me. He whipped his car in the parking spot and then we both hopped out and went into the Mexican Restaurant. I wasn't afraid to be seen on this side of town because I knew none of my Eastside friends would be caught dead over here with all these rich folks.
I sipped my Sprite and then asked, "Why do you bang if you have two scholarships to a good ass school like the University of Oklahoma?"
He looked like he didn't want to answer my question, but he prepared himself for it, "My dad lived in the streets, he provided for my family and when my mama got killed on accident by a bullet that was meant for him, he sought out revenge and killed seven people. Now he's locked up, and I don't believe he's ever getting out, but they put twenty five years on him. It's been five years since then and I was only twelve. Now I'm making sure I do the same thing for me and my little sister and I'm also making sure that I keep his name up in the streets. That's why I do what I do."
"Damn, I'm sorry to hear that. Where is your little sister?"
"She's in YDC for assaulting another female with a bat. She was too fast for her own good anyways, I'm glad she's locked up so I don't have to worry about her as much."
"So, what did DJ ever do to you?"
"He came by my patna's house and shot shit up. That was a bitch move in my opinion and we had to retaliate on him some kind of way." He clenched his jaw.
"Alright, I'm done asking questions. I don't want to make you mad."
He laughed, "It's cool as long as you keep your mouth shut. I trust that you will, though."
I nodded, "Of course I will. I don't run my mouth unless I'm about to whip a bitch's ass."
"I like it when you're being yourself. I don't like it when you act hard and shit, Monica."
I swallowed my food hard, "For real?"
"Yeah, for real, I'm a real ass nigga, so I want a real ass female."
"But, I thought you wanted a ride or die…"
"You can be that and be proper and educated too. Don't dumb yourself down just to fit in. I like you now, how you are."
I smiled and finished my food up.
We were riding through the streets, chilling and then I asked him if he wanted to swing me by Destiny's house, he said no because that would cause a scene. He told me that people were always looking out for each other and DJ probably had his eyes on the scene. I understood that and sat back and relaxed and we went back to my house. My parents weren't home, it was just nine o'clock and I knew they wouldn't be back until about midnight. I took Shad upstairs to my room and showed him around and changed clothes real quick and then we went downstairs to the basement to watch TV and chill.
He was always real chill and laid back, I loved that about him. He pulled me closer to him, we were watching Jeepers Creepers 2 on DVD. That was one of my favorite scary movies, but it still scared me to death sometimes. I could never watch it alone. I had stretched out on the couch and rested my head on his lap and got comfortable. He was running his fingers through my hair and everybody knew that was the wrong thing to do if you didn't want me to get hot and bothered. I closed my eyes and let him play in it, I didn't speak.
"Monica, I know you not falling asleep on me." He whispered and ran his fingers across my lips.
I kept my eyes closed, "No I'm not falling asleep, and you playing in my hair just feels so good."
He came down and kissed me on the lips without warning me. My eyes were still closed and I kept them closed when he slipped his tongue into my mouth and started working his magic. I sat up and climbed over him, sitting on his lap with my legs open and his hands were gripping the bottom of my ass.
"What now?" I asked as I looked at him, clueless.
He kissed me again and then he found a spot on my neck and tore it up until it was bright red. I got ready to lift my tank top up when he stopped me. He took it off and then my bra, then his tongue took control of both of my nipples. I was sitting there, trying my hardest to be still for him, but it was feeling so good. He didn't do it for that long, instead he told me to get up, so he could get some air. I think I was turning him on and he didn't want me to know. I sat down on the couch and watched him as he walked out of the room.
"Shad, what's wrong? What did I do?"
"Nothing, you straight." He said before he closed the door.
I got up and chased after him, "Where are you going?"
"Home."
"Why?"
"I don't need to be fucking my scout's daughter."
"We don't have to fuck, though!" I grabbed his hand and turned him around and kissed him.
He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around him, "Stop doing sexy shit like this then."
"I'll stop." I said and un-wrapped my legs as he dropped my back down to the ground.
I felt stupid now for trying to have sex with him. He straight up rejected me a minute ago and that didn't feel good at all. I sat with my legs crossed on the couch; there was a big space between us. I was confused, because a minute ago he was leading me on, kissing and touching all over me and now he wanted to stop. I wondered what that was all about. It was deeper than me being his scout's daughter. I wasn't an idiot, but I wasn't about to stress him on the situation.
We finished watching the movie, I was sleep by the end of it and again, my head was resting his lap as he ran his fingers through my hair. We kept it simple and then my parents got back home, so he and his family left in his car. I was upset. I called Destiny to tell her how my cooking was rejected. She laughed and told me that was what I got for trying to serve everybody up. I loved her, but she wasn't making me feel any better. I got off the phone with her and went to bed, my mind still on Shad and how he had shut me down.
Saturday, Destiny showed up at my door with her mama and lil brother too. I was ecstatic as I ran down the stairs and opened the door. I greeted her whole family with big hugs and then I called my parents to the family room so they could check them out. My mama was the nicest, like always. My daddy tried to be nice, but I wasn't feeling his fake vibe, he was a serious hypocrite sometimes. Destiny was wearing a pair of light blue capri pants, a red tank top and red flip-flops. She looked normal, not too ghetto or too preppy. I showed her around my house and then we went to eat dinner. Her mama and Desmond left and we went to my room for the remainder of the night.
"Damn, Monica your house is all that." she looked around my bedroom.
"Thanks, it's not all that." I shrugged and grabbed my cell phone.
"So, let me tell you what's been going down in the hood. Tifah went and teamed up with Shakira. They real cool now and you already know DJ thinks you fucking around on him."
I nodded.
"Shakira and Tifah is filling his head up with a whole bunch of shit and he just want to beat your ass right now. Lamont told me all this shit and he know about Shad rocking the blue bandana."
"Duh, they don't like each other. Shad let me know."
"So, I'm telling you to watch out wherever you go with Shad. DJ got eyes out for you and him, so it's best for you to stay over here for a minute. I'm not telling you to stop hanging with Shad, but don't be flaunting the fact that you digging his ass."
I was scared, "What you think he'll do to me?"
"He might set some shit up to get you jumped by his nasty ass groupies. Lamont is working some shit out for you, though."
I was quiet.
"I told you that shit would catch up with your ass." She smacked her lips together and stretched her legs out across my bed.
I stretched out the opposite way of her, "I didn't mean to start nothing like this."
"Call DJ and try to calm him down."
I picked my phone up, he answered on the first ring, "The fuck you want?"
"What's up?"
"Don't what's up me, Moe. I know that bitch Destiny told you what's up."
I put the phone on speaker, "Cool out, boo. I called to tell you I'm not fucking around on you. I promise that I'm not. I love you more than my own life."
He was quiet.
"DJ, please listen to me. I want to see you."
"Then bring your ass over here."
"First, you have to stop being mad at me. I heard that you wanted to beat my ass. I didn't do anything, though. I'm not coming if you're threatening to hurt me and shit."
He laughed, "I was mad. I'm cool now. Is you coming, damn?"
"Yeah baby. I'll be there in an hour."
"You better be fucking tonight. I got to blow off some steam and your shit is what's up!"
Destiny rolled her eyes. I told him okay and he hung up the phone.
I dialed Nicole and told her she owed me from last weekend. She knew what the deal was and told me she was down. Both of my parents were knocked out, it was about eleven o'clock. Destiny and I snuck out of the house and hopped in Nicole's BMW. She was flying down the highway with the music bumping. I was hoping I could turn her out on the Eastside, so she could be my new riding buddy. The bus wasn't working for me no more. Nicole and Destiny were hitting it off real good for the most part. We pulled up in front of DJ's house. He was out on the porch, smoking a blunt with Lamont and my two arch enemies were both sitting there too.
I looked at Destiny and she shrugged. Nicole didn't know what was going on, she was paranoid and scared. I told her that wasn't nobody thinking about jacking her ride and she could cool out. I told her we might have to fight, so be prepared. She didn't even need to panic because she was a black belt in Karate. I approached the porch, ignoring Shakira and Tifah both. I bent over and kissed Shad on the lips after I introduced Nicole and then Shad took me in the house. Destiny and Lamont followed and I told Nicole to chill outside of the room I was in because I didn't want Tifah and Shakira getting up in her head.
I fell back on the bed, he ate first and then he slid right in. I was already wet from just thinking about what he was going to do to me. I had that good, good and I knew it. He was slipping and sliding all up in and out of my shit. I was screaming at the top of my lungs and he was pushing it in deeper and harder every time. I got mines twice and he did too. Then he made me get on top, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, but I tried my best. After I got mines, I was done for the night. I was tired and I couldn't take no more dick. I had to leave. Destiny was done too and was beating on the door telling me her mama was calling. She was lying, but that was the only way we could get out of there without being questioned.
I felt accomplished now. DJ was cool and he wasn't suspecting anything between me and no other nigga's no more. I was glad my pussy could shut him up. I made sure we were good and cool before I left. Nicole was looking scared as hell, but after being by that weed, she had calmed down. That bitch was giggling up a storm. She must've got a contact high, like me. I didn't smoke and I never planned on it because I didn't find that shit to be cute at all. We got back home at about one in the morning, I thanked Nicole and then Destiny and I ran up to my room and took showers before falling out for the night.