The Moment I Knew

Lily stood in front of the mirror critiquing her appearance for her 17th birthday party her friends were throwing for her. Her fiery red hair was tamed into long ringlet curls that hung loosely around her shoulders. Her emerald green dress hung to every curve that even she didn't know she had. Glancing at the clock, she noticed it was five past eight. She was supposed to be at the party at eight, but was trying to avoid James for as long as possible before her friends came to find her.

She flopped onto her bed wondering how things got to this point with James. For their first five years, she hated him. She hated how he acted, how he treated her, how everybody worshipped him. Then came that fateful day. They had been fighting about something that she couldn't even remember now. Typical for them-always fighting about something insignificant. They just couldn't get along.

Unfortunately, they couldn't avoid each other, seeing as their friends were friends. Lily's best friend was like a sister to James. Their parents had been aurors together, so they had been in the same social circle since birth. Anelise was everything that Lily wanted to be but wasn't. She had porcelain skin with silky jet black hair. Tall and thin, but with curves in all the right places. So from the very beginning of first year when Ane immediately made friends with Lily, she was stuck with James.

Lily, however, loved the other marauders, and they loved her just the same. She would always help Peter with his homework. She loved talking about books and school with Remus. However, it was Sirius to whom she was closest. He had always been able to see right through her walls.

Lily and James had been fighting in their shared common room for the heads of the school. How they hadn't killed each other yet was beyond her. They just kept yelling and throwing insults and finally realized their faces were so close that their noses could touch. They both stopped and stared into each other's eyes for a moment. As quickly as the moment came about, it was over. James darted for the door.

"What the fuck was that?" Lily yelled after James.

James immediately froze on the spot and spun around to face her. "You really want to know?" he asked barely choking out the words.

Lily just nodded.

James closed the gap between them in an instant, threading his hands through her thick red hair, and pulling her mouth to hers. He kissed her with such desperation. He needed her; he needed this.

Lily too shocked to do anything, just let him kiss her. A million things began to flash through her mind, but she was pulled into the feeling of the kiss and everything else was lost to her.

Both of them needing air pulled their lips from each other. James leaned his forehead on Lily's. "I'm in love with you, and yet, you can't see it. All we ever do is fight, and I can't deal with it any longer. I'm done, Lily."

He hurried out the door, slamming it behind him.

Replaying this scene in her head was nothing new to Lily. She had done it almost constantly over the past month since it had happened. Something changed in her when James kissed her. She didn't know what it was, but she felt as it something was missing.

"If you keep laying there like that, you are going to wrinkle your oh so gorgeous dress," a teasing voice came from her doorway.

Lily glanced up to see Sirius leaning casually against the door frame. His black suit fit his frame perfectly-his hair perfectly coiffed and his clear piercing blue eyes.

"I can't do this, Sirius," she said in a small voice.

"Why not, Lily-kins. It's just your birthday party."

"Because..." her voice trailed off.

"Does this have anything to do with what happened to James that neither of you will tell any of us about?" Sirius asked coming to sit on the bed with her.

"No...maybe..." Lily groaned covering her face with a pillow.

"Lily-kins, you can do this. I don't know what happened, but I know it's not worth missing your birthday party over. So get that sexy ass up and let's go party!"

"Sirius, if you ever call my ass sexy again, I will pummel you with a baseball bat."

"What's a baseball bat?" Sirius asked with a confused look on his face.

"You really should have paid more attention in muggle studies," Lily said rolling her eyes teasingly.

"Yeah, well Kelsey's breasts are just too voluptuous for me to pay attention."

"You are such a pig," Lily said with a laugh.

"That I am and damn proud of it too."

The clock chimed 8:30. "Alright, Lily-kins," Sirius said pulling Lily off the bed, "time to go to the party. It's now or never."

"Can it be never?"

-

Lily had been at her birthday party for two hours. She had danced with Ane and Alice, and even with Remus and Sirius who declared that this was a once in a lifetime thing. James was there with his new "girlfriend" that he had conveniently gotten together with the day after he said those words to Lily, but Lily decided to take no notice of him. Easier said than done, she thought. She was fully aware of James' presence, no matter where she or he moved to in the room. She just couldn't shake that feeling.

Taking a break from dancing, Lily stood at the drink table sipping her champagne.

"Are you having fun?" Anelise asked bouncing up to her, slightly tipsy.

Lily had to giggle at her friend. When sober, her friend would probably be classified at the bitch, but drunk, she was as bubbly as a blond cheerleader.

"Yes, I am. This has been my best birthday yet," Lily said giving her friend a hug, trying to not let the sadness creep into her voice.

"Oh, yippy! Now, I see Andrew giving me bedroom eyes over there, so if you don't see me for the rest of the night, don't worry!" Anelise said as she scampered to the other side of the room.

A slow song came over the speakers and all the couples moved to the dance floor. She couldn't help her eyes running to James and Kaylee. James held her close, hip lips leaving a trail of kisses down her neck. Lily physically hurt watching this sight, but she just couldn't look away.

"Okay, birthday girl. You can't be over here standing by yourself," Sirius said grabbing her hand, dragging her to the dance floor. "Allow me to be your Prince Charming for the night." Sirius bowed to her before putting his arms around her wait.

Lily smiled a sad smile and rested her head on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius began to ramble about something stupid he did that day. She doesn't hear his words, but it's what Sirius does when he is trying to make her feel better, because only Sirius can tell that something is wrong with her.

Lily continued to dance in the arms of Sirius, but her eyes never drifted from James who was dancing right beside them. She could only pick out a few words he was saying to Kaylee-beautiful, wonderful, amazing. Tears prickled at Lily's eyes; and in that moment, she knew. She was in love with James Potter.

No, no, no, Lily's mind panicked. This could not be right. She hated him, didn't she? But what if all the fighting was a wall to mask her real feeling for him? Lily closed her eyes and begged herself for it to not be true.

And that was when she heard those words come out of James's mouth a second time-
"I love you."

Lily opened her eyes just in time to see James lean down to kiss Kaylee.

Her heart constricted and tears welled up in her eyes. She pushed Sirius away and ran toward the prefects bathroom that was on the same floor. She pushed open the door and made it far enough in that she could collapse against the wall beside the door. She couldn't breathe. Tears streamed down her face.

She was in love with James Potter, but it was too late. He was in love with Kaylee. She would never hear those words said to her again. She had her one moment. That was the missing part of her life-James.

She heard footsteps approaching the door. Hastily, she stood up, trying to wipe away the evidence that she had been crying. The door opened and Sirius and Remus ran though.

The two boys skidded to a stop as they spotted Lily.

"What are you doing in here?" Lily demanded.

"Umm, I had to pee?" Sirius said sheepishly.

"Yeah, okay. Remus, seriously, why are you in here?"

"You ran out of your own party in the middle of a dance. Something is wrong with you-"

"And as your friends," Sirius interrupted, "it is our duty to see what is bothering you."

"I'm fine," Lily said looking away from the boys.

"Lily, we can see your eyes. You have been crying," Remus said sympathetically.

"I got something in my eye," Lily lied.

"Lily-kins, I am not buying that shit. Now tell me what's wrong damn it," Sirius demanded, stomping his foot like a toddler and crossing his arms.

"Yes, because acting like a two year old is the way to get the information you want," Lily snarled trying to push past the boys to the door.

"We care about you, Lily," Remus said carefully. "We just want to know what's going on."

"I said it before, I'm fine."

"Okay, fine. We will stand here blocking the door for as long as it takes," Remus said. He was genuinely concerned for Lily. He had never seen her just take off crying like that.

"Yes, we will. So Remus, what should we talk about?" Sirius asked, smirking knowing that they could drive Lily crazy enough for her to tell them what was wrong.

"Did you hear James tell Kaylee he loved her?"

Immediately, Lily's knees buckled and she dropped to the floor in sobs.

Sirius immediately dropped to the floor to pull Lily into his arms. "Apparently that was not the right thing to say, Remus," Sirius growled, trying to comfort an apparently distraught Lily.

"How was I supposed to know? Did you know?" Remus asked.

"I kind of had a feeling," Sirius said softly.

"Maybe, I should leave. You are better with her than I am"

Sirius nodded, not really paying any attention to Remus anymore. His heart broke at the sight of the completely broken girl in his arms still sobbing. Sometimes he would catch Lily looking at James, but he didn't know her feelings for him were at this magnitude. He still didn't know what happened with Lily and James a month ago, but whatever it was, it had Lily completely torn up.

Finally, Lily's sobs subsided and she looked up sheepishly at Sirius.

"Can you talk to me, Lily?"

"What is there to say, Sirius?" she said burying her face in his chest.

"Are you in love with James?"

Lily said nothing. Sirius took her silence as a yes.

"What happened a month ago?"

Lily took a deep breath and spoke, "He told me that...that he was in love with me and then he...he kissed me." Her eyes again welled up with tears.

"Wow," Sirius whispered to himself. He knew James had been in love with her since the moment he saw Lily on the train when they were just eleven years old. But his telling her this-he did not see that coming.

"Oh, Lily-kins," Sirius said, pulling her closer to him as her sobs began once more.

-

Sirius carried a sleeping Lily into her shared common room with James. She had cried in the bathroom with Sirius for the past five hours and finally fell asleep, no longer able to cry anymore.

"What happened?" a voice croaked in the darkness.

"Ahhh!" Sirius yelped at the unexpected voice as he wandlessly filled the room with light. "What the fuck, James?" Thankfully, Lily was so exhausted, she did not notice the commotion.

"What's wrong with her, Sirius?" James asked, a pain in his voice that Sirius had never heard before.

"That is none of your concern," Sirius said harsher than he intended. James was his best friend, but he had spent the last five hours with a distraught Lily in his arms because of James. His priorities leaned toward her right now. He brushed past James and walked into Lily's bedroom. He pulled the covers back, laid her down on the bed, and pulled the covers around her. He brushed her hair back from her face, his heart constricting at the sight on her tear stained cheeks.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, Sirius thought to himself.

He turned out the lights in Lily's bedroom and closed the door behind him as he joined James back in the common room.

"Is she going to be okay, Sirius?" James asked pleadingly.

"What do you think, James? You tell her that you love her. You kiss her, and then go right into the arms of Kaylee? Come on, James. I know you were hurt that you were constantly fighting with her, but did you ever stop to think that her fighting you was to cover up her true feeling for her? Because I know that's exactly why you fought with her. It's easier to not get along than to be friends with the person that you are in love with. Then she hears you tell Kaylee that you love her? Only a month after you told Lily you loved her! Bloody hell, Prongs. You are my best friend and you always will be, but you are a completely ass. She has sobbed into my arms for the past five hours because she is so hopelessly in love with you. Which is something she is trying to come to terms with herself after hating you for all these years. You are my partner in crime, fellow marauder, best friend, and brother, but right now, I can't even be in the same room as you. Get your head out of your ass and for once, instead of fighting with her, fight FOR her."

Sirius left the room, slamming the door behind him.

-

James paced around the common room for the better part of an hour when he heard the most unsettling sound he had ever heard-the sound of Lily crying. He immediately rushed to her door, but froze, unsure of whether to enter. When the sobbing continued to get louder, James could take no more. He swiftly entered the room to find Lily tangled up in the sheets, apparently having a nightmare. He rushed to the bed and pulled her close to him. Her tears ceased and she calmed down and fell back into a deep sleep.

There was no denying it. He knew he never could-not even by telling another girl he loved her. No, he had been, was, and would forever be in love with Lily Evans. A sleeping Lily clung to him. His hand was running through her fiery red hair, occasionally coming down to caress her cheek.

Lily slept through the night and the morning, and well into the next afternoon. Her mind was alert before she opened her eyes. She could feel strong arms wrapped around her. Must be Sirius, she thought. But she felt oddly at peace, more peaceful than she had felt in months. The longer she lay there, she could tell something was different about these arms. Opening her eyes, she saw James looking down her. She immediately jumped from the bed, eyeing him cautiously.

"What are you doing here?" her voice croaked out.

James, unable to find the right words, stayed silent.

"Potter, what are you doing here?" Lily said with a little more strength.

"You were having a nightmare," James said not looking up from the floor.

"I've had nightmares for years. I can handle it." Lily said, crossing her arms over her chest.

James said as he moved closer to her, "I know what happened last night..." He couldn't find the right words to continue.

"Ugh, bastard. I will kill Sirius Black one day," she muttered to herself.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Lily asked, hoping Sirius had only told him about her crying and not what it was over.

"I know everything," James said, finally meeting her eyes.

"No, stop, James. I don't want to hear anymore." She wanted to run, run away from him, from the situation, but she could not make her feet move. She could feel the tears building in her eyes. No, she would not cry in front of him. She couldn't. Yet she could feel the tears coming, her breaths getting shorter, her body beginning to shake.

James took a few steps closer. Lily backed away from him quickly. James came even closer, and Lily froze.

"Lily," James said in almost a whisper. At the sound of her name, Lily's knees gave out and she fell to the floor in a pool of tears. James immediately dropped to the ground and pulled her to him.

"I love you, Lily. I've only ever loved you. I will only ever love you." He kept repeating this over and over to her again, trying to soothe her.

"I...I...I...cant," Lily said, pushing away from him.

"Lily, I will beg for you for the rest of my life if I have to."

"I heard what you said to Kaylee," Lily said softly.

"I won't deny what I said, but Lily, I can tell you that they didn't mean anything. It sounds cliche, but I saw you dancing with Sirius. I wanted nothing more than to hold you in my arms, to be dancing with you. I said those words trying to make myself feel something, anything for her. I don't know what I can say to you to make you believe me. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you cry. Seeing you cry gives me the worst pain that I have ever felt in my life, and knowing that I did that makes me feel even worse."

Lily stared into his eyes and felt her heartbeat quicken at the sound of these words. The world stopped. There was nothing but the two of them. When James looked into her eyes, Lily felt as thought he was looking into her soul. Time stopped. Their heartbeats were in sync. James leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.

Slowly, the kiss gained intensity. James licked her bottom lip asking for entrance to her mouth. She immediately granted it. Fireworks exploded when their tongues collided. Moments, minutes, hours, days could have passed, but neither would have known. They were too lost in their kiss.

James began running his hands up and down her arms, along her stomach, learning the curves of her body. Pausing to catch their breath, James picked Lily up and moved her to the bed. She laid her down gently before hovering over her. He kissed her again. He would never tire of kissing the beautiful girl below him. His lips moved to her neck, leaving a trail of kisses from one ear to the other, pausing to nibble on her ear. Lily moaned in appreciation, feeling lost in the sensations she was feeling for the first time.

Needing to feel more of James, Lily hesitantly moved her hand down to the hem of James' shirt. Sensing what she wanted, James sat up. He slowly peeled his shirt over his head, never losing eye contact with Lily. He looked down at her, his eyes traveling over her body. She was perfect. Her tiny hand tracing was tracing the contours of his abs. His hand grabbed hers, stopping her movement. He looked deep into her eyes, asking the unspoken question.

She gave a tiny nod of her head, and James knew he was safe to continue. He ran his hand from her shoulders all the way down her body and back up to the hem of her dress that she was still wearing from last night. He slowly removed it from her body. He looked at black lacy bra and underwear she was wearing. He paused. Only their breathing could be heard in the room.

Lily's hand moved to rest on the button of James' jeans. Seeing her hand shaking, James leaned down to kiss her once more. He tried to convey how much he loved her and that she could trust him with his kiss. He pulled away, and Lily popped open the button. Tantalizingly slow, she pulled the zipper down. James stood up and kicked his jeans off the rest of the way.

James lay back on top of her, his now hard cock brushing the inside of her thigh. His hand moved to cup her breast through the fabric of her bra. Rubbing circles around her nipple, Lily moaned and began to writhe beneath him. Needing him like she needed air, she sat up and removed her bra, freeing her breasts for him. His mouth moved to her right nipple and his tongue drew slow circles around it, his hand mirroring the movement on her left nipple. He pulled back and blew cool air on her already hardened nipple. He moved his mouth to her left nipple and did the same.

Lily could hardly take the sensations she was feeling all over her body. She had never felt like this before-so whole, complete, but completely needy for him and his body. When James gave a particularly firm squeeze, her hips bucked up to his.

"James," she moaned. "Please."

James kissed her mouth once more before sitting up to pull her underwear off of her and his boxers off himself. There she lay before him, completely bare to him and he completely bare to her. He kissed her again, his finger coming to move through her wet folds. Her moans grew louder and louder as he pumped his finger in and out of her.

"More, James. Please, more."

James slowly added a second finger and then a third, his thumb finding her clit. She gasped out as she felt the most pleasure she had ever felt in her life.

James was trying to make this experience all about her, but his hard cock was begging for release. He needed to be inside her. He needed to feel her.

James looked into Lily's eyes. He needed to know if she wanted this. This time his question was not met with a nod of her head, but with three words.

"I love you."

James needed nothing further. He lined his hard cock up with her now dripping wet entrance, slowly pushing in. A tear rolled down Lily's cheek when he broke through her barrier, but James quickly kissed it away, stilling his movements while she adjusted to his size.

"I love you," she said once more.

He began to move, moving in and out of her slowly, savoring her tight muscles wrapped around him. Both were moaning at the contact, both savoring the moment of their first time.

James knowing he could not hold out much longer, moved his hand again to her clit. He needed her to come first. Lily's breath began to shorten, she could feel the orgasm building up inside her, her toes curling and her hands fisting in the bed sheets.

James could hardly wait any longer. He could feel Lily start to tighten around his cock. He quickened his pace.

"Come for me, baby," he said, hitting that special spot inside her.

Lily saw stars as her body was taken over by orgasm. James stilled and cried out her name as he shot deep within her. As Lily rode out her orgasm, James leaned down to kiss her. This was her heaven, her paradise, her future, her forever. Finally, James pulled out of her and rolled to his side, pulling Lily along side of him.

"I love you, Lily. Always and forever."

"As I love you, James."

Both succumbed to sleep, exhausted from their physical exercise and their mental weariness, but feeling content and finally complete in each other's arms.

-

"Wake up, Lily-kins!" Sirius cried happily as he flung open the door to Lily's bedroom.

"Oh fuck!" all three yelled, Lily and James hurrying to cover themselves.

"Well, I see my services are not needed here," Sirius said as he casually leaned against the door frame, taking in the sight of Lily and James in bed together.

"Sirius, get out!" Lily yelled, throwing a pillow at him!

"Okay, okay. I can tell when I'm not wanted! Come find me later. I want to know all the juicy details!" Sirius said turing to leave and closing the door behind him.

Lily and James looked at each other awkwardly for a second before bursting into laughter.

"Why do I get the feeling that that was not the last time Sirius will walk in on us in bed together?" James said between laughs.

"Because it's Sirius," Lily replied, wrapping her arms around James and pulling him down to meet her lips, their kiss deepening.

"Oh, by the way, you have sex hair," Sirius said quickly before darting back out the door."

"GO AWAY!" Lily and James yelled unison before turning their attention back to each other.