SELFLESS

Disclaimer: I do not own xxxHolic.

Summary: Why can't you understand that you're not the only one here keeping someone safe and trying so hard to keep that certain person alive? Why the hell can't you understand that there's someone too who would cry if you freaking die? Why must you offered yourself to danger every single time, ignoring the fact that I despise it? You're too selfless for your own good, Doumeki…

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(A 2-part story)

Part 1

(Unbeta'd)

What the fuck was wrong with him?

Watanuki was gnashing his teeth in so much fury.

He just doesn't get it.

He fucking doesn't get it.

And that fucking asshole doesn't quite get it too.

What makes him think that he, of all people, could do that, as if he was just merely throwing a large bunch of toilet napkins in the toilet sink? What makes him think that he could actually be careless and insensitive and ignored Watanuki afterwards? What makes him think that he would actually be glad and thankful that he actually endangered himself, did something that really pissed him off to no end and disregard his own safety because of some stupid, unimportant, irrelevant, insignificant and petty thing?

The nerve!

Watanuki huffed, bringing his red kimono closer to his body. It was cold that night, and it will soon snow based on the chilly atmosphere. He gently massaged his throbbing head, expecting a heavy headache. He was more than pissed at the moment. He can't even explain why he was acting like that. Hell, he couldn't even explain why he felt like he was the sudden being beaten and where every passage of oxygen in his body was being blocked, making him choked and gagged. He was so afraid – trembling and terrified that he might really die this time and he cannot bear the thought that it was all because of him – and yet he was unable to do anything.

Watanuki gritted his teeth and clenched his fist hard. A small trail of blood flowed into his mouth. He was trembling again, not because of the cold, but because of the sudden realization that he could have really died right there, for real – in front of him. Watanuki slumped at the wooden floor and buried his head into his right hand. He must stop the trembling of his body at least. The black manjuu would be here at any moment and Watanuki sure as hell doesn't want him to find him at this vulnerable state. He tried to stand up and while gathering his thoughts but he just merely stagger, still thinking that nagging thought that was slowly eating his heart away…

He could really have died…

That pompous man, Doumeki Shizuka.

Watanuki fell again at the floor, unable to move at all, while faintly sobbing. Water came rushing into his eyes flowing into his paled and reddened cheeks. Tears have made their way out to his not aging soul.

That night, after years of Yuuko's disappearance, Watanuki Kimihiro cried again.

Doumeki could have died and it's all because of him.

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XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

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Shizuka woke up feeling a little bit incoherent. He felt like he was floating. His body was so light yet his head felt like it was getting hammered and rocks were being thrown at it. In short, he was not really feeling well. Far from that, that's for sure.

He tried to lift his body from the soft bed and groaned when he realize that he couldn't move his body at all. He slumped back from his original position and looked at the very familiar ceiling above him while trying to remember what exactly happened that caused him this kind of pain. He winced again when he felt that his hands twitched, feeling like a thousand shards of glass was being pinned at it. He was a little bit surprised that both of his hands were carefully bandaged as well as the other parts of his body.

What exactly… happened…?

He closed his eyes and let his mind wander.

He remembered going to supermarket earlier than he used to because he heard Watanuki said that he want to cook Yakitori for dinner while he was talking to Kohane last week, that's why he went earlier to get fresh chicken meat. He was planning to make Watanuki cook Yakitori this evening and drink sake with him while getting his weekly report on how Watanuki was doing for these past few days. His work wasn't exactly safe and Shizuka doubt that the young man is getting enough rest every day. Watanuki tend to be unaware of his own welfare when it comes to helping other people he doesn't even know – be it a human or a yokai. The bespectacled man was painfully selfless and careless, though he wouldn't admit that to Shizuka or anyone. He grimaced in annoyance when he remembered that particular customer who disguised herself as an old woman and tricked the young shop owner to gave the half of his life away for her wish that that idiot would actually – gladly – do if Shizuka had not stepped out and shoot her with his bow, ripping the woman's enchantment. Watanuki was hardly in one piece after that. He was huffing frantically, eyes were diluted and his entire body was cold. That made Shizuka trembled with so much protectiveness, howling inside him like an unchained beast.

He already knew that his protectiveness of Kimihiro was not even normal, yet he couldn't find the exact words to describe what exactly he was feeling towards the pale man.

All he knows is that he must keep Watanuki safe at all times.

And that he loves his cooking and his scowling face very much.

It makes Shizuka feel that Watanuki was still the same boy he knew in middle school; the same boy who would shout at him for every feeble reason possible and that he was still like him, Kohane and Kunogi –human.

Even though Watanuki stopped aging years ago.

He was the first friend he ever had and their friendship was something he couldn't bear to lose.

Shizuka opened his eyes and stare at the ceiling again, his thoughts were full of the seer's different face. There was a face of his, smiling. There was also a face where Kimihiro was shocked and when he was blue because he caught a cold. The other one was scowling, like the one he was fond of showing to the archer whenever they were talking, angry or not.

Shizuka chuckled inwardly. That was his favorite.

And then his crying face.

Shizuka stared at the ceiling with his placidly half-lidded eyes.

He didn't exactly saw it but he saw it in his mind. And it was enough to break Shizuka's heart.

It was when Yuuko disappeared and Watanuki stopped aging.

He tried to avert his thoughts to the reason why was he bedridden right now. He couldn't stand the pain that suddenly flicked to his soul upon remembering the seer's crying countenance. He won't make him cry. He promised to himself that Kimihiro won't cry as long as he's with him. He shook his heavy head and concentrate in remembering what exactly happened to him.

After going to the market, he went straight to Watanuki's shop without knocking the door. He was a bit surprised (though it didn't show to his face) that the two girls didn't welcome him. Well, it's not as if the 'welcome' part really did matter. He was here for the food… and Watanuki.

"Ojamashimasu…" He said anyway after he took off his shoes.

Then he felt it again.

That appalling aura tampering with the shop's natural exorcism ability making it difficult to breathe inside, even for Shizuka. The archer's eyes widened when he remembered a certain person he was about to visit today.

"Watanuki!"

He dropped all the plastic bags on his hands and ran immediately towards the main door.

He heard a whimpering voice inside.

Shizuka gritted his teeth. Watanuki…

TBC

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xxx~Sneak Peak~xxx

Part 2 Summary: Why can't you understand that I'm willing to die and kill for you? Why must you always stop me whenever I'm trying to fulfill my desire to take care of you? Why can't you understand that there is someone out there that actually cared for you? Why can't you understand that I don't need a world without you on it? You're too selfish, Watanuki…