Contest entry for the P.S. I Love You Contest
Title: Getting Back Our Love
Pairing: Edward/Bella
Rating: M
Word count: 11,686
Summary: A stupid lie broke us apart, but love can't be defeated that easily. We're going to get it back, come what may
DISCLAIMER: Twilight and its inclusive material is copyright to Stephanie Meyer. Original creation, including but not limited, to plot and characters, is copyright to the respective authors of each story. No copyright infringement is intended.
Getting Back Our Love
Standing in front of the Cullen home, six years after I was last here, I smoothed my knee-length skirt and brushed down my hair several times with my free hand, while balancing the tray of cookies and brownies in the other, before I gathered the courage to ring the bell.
Years of meditation didn't help with the level of anxiety. I was feeling nervous as hell to be around this amazing family I'd ran from before I left for college. During all this time I kept telling myself that it wasn't my fault or theirs's, but there was a small part of me that was overcome with regret and guilt about losing contact with them, especially Alice. She really tried keeping our friendship intact, and I ruined it.
College life overtook everything else. I made myself so busy I barely had time for holidays, parties or relationships. Now that I was finished and coming back for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's, I forced myself out of my comfort zone and contacted Alice. Her whole family got together every year without exception, so I knew they'd be home the week leading up to Thanksgiving. For some reason, she knew I was in town and was very excited when I called.
The problem was that it took me some time to convince myself once I was back in my parent's home, so here I was, Thanksgiving night, knocking on the Cullen's door.
What greeted me, or rather, who greeted me wasn't who I was expecting. A young girl with dark hair in a braid to the side of her beautiful face and green eyes opened the door.
"Hello?" the girl said, confused.
Then I heard the one person I was terrified of encountering coming up to where I was standing silently. "Hey princess, who's at the d—" He stopped beside the girl, putting his hand on her shoulder and looking right at me with wide eyes, probably the same expression I was wearing.
Edward Cullen was in front of me and he looked almost exactly like the boy I fell in love with years ago, except he was a grown-up now. He had a nice trimmed beard which looked as soft as his tousled hair did, and I noticed he still wore glasses, but instead of making him look like a nerd, the dark rim made his beautiful green eyes and dark lashes pop all the more. Also, he was no longer the skinny, tall kid the jocks used to pick at. He was still tall, but he'd filled out with lean muscles, accentuated by a gray Henley shirt.
My heart started racing when I looked back at the girl next to him and noticed how much they looked alike. Could she be…? Was he…? While I'd prepared for the chance of seeing him again, I hadn't thought before about how much his life could have changed, and with whom. This realization floored me. How could I have been so stupid? Looking like that, of course he wasn't single! But this girl couldn't be younger than six or seven. How…?
Before my head could go deep into dangerous thoughts in the seconds we were still standing there not saying anything, Alice appeared at the other side of the girl.
"Oh, good, you're here!" she exclaimed, smiling. She fully opened the door and gestured in with her hand. "Come on in!"
I noticed the look Edward gave her, between confused and betrayed. It was pretty clear he didn't know I'd be visiting and because of that I felt upset with Alice as well. She always liked to be mischievous, but this wasn't very funny for Edward and me. There was too much history between us, and him being blindsided by my presence after years of little to no contact, and after our last conversation before I left, might not have helped us to get along now.
As much privacy as the Cullen's modern house conveyed from the outside, past the foyer everything else on the first floor had an open space concept. When the front door closed behind me, I could hear laughter coming from the living room to the right, where the rest of the family was seated around a coffee table.
I could feel Edward's eyes on me as Alice asked to take my coat before she passed it on to him. "Hang it, would you, please?"
Alice took the opportunity while he turned around to the hangers behind him to take my hand and pull me inside. I offered her my treats, and she took off to the kitchen on our left to set them on plates for us to have.
Everything looked smaller than I remembered, and also a bit different. Some things had been moved and/or replaced, there were new decorations and photos around, but I'd always loved this house during the holidays and, for a moment, a sense of nostalgia overwhelmed me. I took a few deep breaths as I approached the living room area.
Emmett, Edward and Alice's brother, was the first to see me and rise from his seat to envelop me in a hug. He was four years older than me, but he'd always been a big goof. Next to him was Rosalie Hale, his stunning girlfriend, who I noticed was heavily pregnant.
"Look who's here!" Emmett exclaimed. "Long time no see, sis." He'd loved referring to me as his sister, especially when I started dating Edward. With so many happy memories rushing in, I smiled at him.
"Hey, Em…Rose," I said and gestured to her big belly. "I see the family's still growing."
Suddenly, it clicked. The girl at the door had to be Bree, Emmett and Rosalie's first daughter. Rose's pregnancy right out of college had shaken their families at the time when Edward and I were starting out, and we had to endure long and painful sex talks from both our parents. Rose's religious and conservative parents didn't take it well and she lost them as a result, but Carlisle and Esme Cullen were caring and supportive, so they took Rosalie in and helped Emmett care for her. I still remembered babysitting with Alice and Edward during some nights Bree's parents and grandparents needed a break. She must have been around two when I left, and I'd missed her. She'd always been such a beautiful, happy baby.
"We got married when Bree was three and we'd been trying for a while to have another baby," Rosalie explained with a smile. "It took us long enough."
I smiled back and turned around to look at Bree only to make contact with her curious eyes.
"Bella, welcome back, honey." I heard a gentle voice I'd recognize anywhere. Quickly after turning back around I was in another hug, this time by Esme. After her, I hugged Carlisle before a nice-looking blond man rose from one of the couches, offering me his hand.
"Hello, I'm Jasper," he said as Alice rushed past us to set my brownies and cookies on the table and stand beside him.
"I'm Bella," I said while shaking his hand. "It's nice to meet you."
"Jasper's my fiancé," Alice said with her arm around his.
I noticed her sparkly ring contrasted with his dark sweater and said, "Oh, congratulations!"
After a few other awkward moments, we settled down in the couches and chairs around the coffee table. Surprisingly, Bree sat next to me, offering me a smile, and Esme sat to my other side. The rest took their seats around, leaving Edward in front of Bree and me. I still couldn't make eye contact with him, even after having relaxed a bit.
Emmett didn't lose time digging for the brownies. "Oh, mah gahd, these're so fuffing goo," he said with his mouth full.
Bree chuckled saying, "Daddy, you need to add two dollars to the swear jar, even if we couldn't understand you," making the rest of us laugh at Emmett and him to look a bit sheepish, in turn. Looking up, I saw the tail end of Edward's laughter and the beautiful tender look he gave his niece. She'd always had had him wrapped around her little finger; it was adorable.
Right as he moved his eyes to me, Esme put her hand on my leg to get my attention and said, "Bella, we didn't ask, do you want something to drink? Coffee, tea, hot chocolate…?"
"Um…Yes, some tea would be fine," I answered.
"Edward, would you be a dear and bring some tea for Bella and a plate to serve some pie, please?" She asked him. He was up before she could finish.
"Sure, Ma."
I didn't miss the look of satisfaction on Esme's face or the mix of amused expressions and smiles on the rest of the family's. Alice turned to Rose and started a conversation about flower arrangements, taking the attention away from Edward and me.
He didn't take long to come back and set a mug with a small cover on it in front of me as well as the plate where he proceeded to serve me a piece of Esme's pumpkin pie. His face was so close to mine when he did that I could smell his scent, all male and spicy, very different from what I remembered. As a teenager, he'd liked to use AXE, which I disliked at first but grew to appreciate. It seemed that his deodorant and cologne taste had matured with him.
"Thank you," I said quietly.
"Thank you, honey," Esme said as he took his seat.
"You're both welcome," he responded with a small smile before grabbing a piece of brownie and taking a bite. I might have stared a little. "This is really good."
"Thanks," I said. "I had to bring something, and I knew Esme's pies are the best around the holidays, but then I remembered brownies, and that—"
"They're my favorite," Edward finished, almost unconsciously, or at least that's what I thought. I saw a hint of red at the tip of his ears as he continued to inhale the dessert.
I gave him a small nod before taking a sip of my tea. He'd put a lemon wedge in it and the right amount of honey. My heart started pounding when I realized he remembered how I liked my tea. It also made me confused.
"They're my favorite too," Emmett said and winked at me. "Now."
"So, Bella, how are you these days?" Carlisle asked. "I ran into Charlie last week, said you've finished your Masters degree."
"Yeah, I'm officially done with school," I said. "Or at least for now. I've been offered a teaching assistant position in Seattle."
"Oh, Bella!" Alice exclaimed, grabbing Jasper's hand. "We live in Seattle!"
I smiled at her. "I'm still considering it," I said. "After so many academic years I think I want a change of scenery for a bit."
I received some understanding nods and also some disappointment in Alice's expression. "But I do want to settle in the Pacific Northwest because I love it here," I tried placating. "I'm also open to Canada, but we'll see."
"You still have some time to figure it out during the holidays, right?" Esme said. "Are you staying until…?"
"Past New Year's, for sure," I responded. "I want to spend as much time with my parents as possible before moving out again."
"That's sweet." Esme put her arm around me, squeezing a little. I'd missed her too. "You let me know when we can have lunch together one day soon, okay?"
"We can have an all-girls day!" Alice exclaimed before I could answer. "We could hit the spa and get our hair done, go shopping…"
"You girls do that one morning and then I'll take Bella for lunch," Esme said. "Just the two of us."
"I want to spend the day with her!" Alice protested. I felt like watching a tennis match and I was the ball.
"Can I go too?" Bree asked.
"Let the poor woman decide," Rose said. "Maybe she can share the attention on two separate days."
"Yes, I don't mind that," I said, thankful for her help. "I'm doing most of my shopping online tomorrow and I'll be spending this weekend at home, but the rest I can do… next week?"
"But can I go?" Bree asked again. I wanted to say, "Yes, please," to have her as a buffer, but it was up to Rose, so I looked at her hoping she could read my mind.
"After we leave the spa, your daddy can bring you to lunch with us," she said, thankfully. Bree did a celebratory fist pump.
"So, you're not seeing anyone," Alice said out of the blue and as a matter of fact.
"Darling…" Jasper admonished meekly. He knew there was no way of stopping her when she wanted to get information out of someone.
"Here we go," Emmett murmured at the same time.
"What?" Alice asked trying to look innocent. "I'm just saying, she's planning on staying in Forks a couple of months and hasn't mentioned a significant other so far, it means she's single. I'm just curious."
"Maybe that's her business, not yours," Edward said forcefully. Why did he come to my rescue?
"Oh, like you don't want to know," she playfully spat at him. What? "So are you?" She asked me again, and I decided I wasn't having it.
"I can't confirm nor deny," I responded with a smile.
"Seriously, you guys should leave her alone," Rosalie said, settling the issue. Although Alice didn't seem satisfied, and I knew I'd be asked again sometime in the future. I was fine with it as long as it wasn't in front of everyone else.
I wanted the conversation to shift, so I asked about Alice and Jasper's wedding. They were having a small ceremony here at Esme's and Carlisle's during spring, as soon as it wasn't so cold. After another hour of wedding and baby talk, we were starting to feel exhausted. Emmett had gone to put Bree to bed some time before and hadn't returned. Rose said he'd probably fallen asleep, so she went up as well. We all stood up with her and I hugged her goodbye.
"I should probably go, too," I said. "My parents must be asleep by now and I don't want to get in too late, either."
Esme hugged me again for a long time. "It's been great having you, Bella, I'll see you soon for lunch," she said softly in my ear.
After saying goodbye to everyone else, Edward approached me. "Can we talk for a minute?"
Alice and Jasper were heading to their bedroom on the first floor while Carlisle and Esme went toward the stairs, but they all stalled a little. Alice offered me a smile before pulling her fiancé along the hall.
I was still next to the couch I'd been sitting in and Edward gestured for me to move back so he could take a seat next to me. I didn't know what to say, so I waited.
"Bella, thank you for coming tonight," he started, looking at me right in the eye. "You made my sister and mom very happy. I know my presence didn't make it easy, and for that I'm sorry."
"Edward…"
"Hold on, let me say this first," he cut me seeming nervous. "In six years, there hasn't been a day when I haven't regretted how I ended things…"
My God! Was he saying what I thought — hoped — he was saying?
"…how I separated my family from you, that wasn't right."
Oh.
"So, I feel like you deserve an apology, just like Alice and my mom deserved it years ago," he continued. "Because I never meant to hurt anyone, and as much as my sister and I fought back then, I can now agree with her that I broke your friendship, so I'm sorry."
I was stunned. This was maybe the last thing I expected him to say, and I also felt foolish that I thought the conversation was starting to go a different route.
"Edward, I won't deny this because I'm pretty sure you realize it…You broke my heart…"
He sighed deeply and said, "I'm sorry for that, too."
"But I'm as much to blame about my friendship with Alice ending like it did," I kept saying over his apology. "I got wrapped up in school right away and just neglected everything else, including my parents, for a while."
"Bella, you became a part of this family and I was the one who drove you away from it," he said looking down at his hands. "I shouldn't have lied…anyway, my sister and I found peace, and she was able to forgive me. I just hope you can, too."
As wrong as I thought he was, it was pretty obvious how there wasn't any animosity between him and Alice, and I felt he needed my forgiveness for him to move past it, so I conceded this time.
"I forgave you a long time ago, Edward," I finally said.
He looked up at me and I saw the relief in his expression. "Thank you," he said as his shoulders slumped down and the tension left him.
I realized how having him this close again brought back feelings I knew had never left. I was still attracted to this boy, a man now. I'd fallen so in love with him back in our senior year of high school, even though I'd known him longer than that. When I thought we were the greatest together, it turned out he didn't feel the same and eventually I moved on, to another city, another group of friends, other lovers…None of those compared to what I had before I left and now that I was back for a while I could pretend that everything could go back to what it was. But I was kidding myself, because even if I could have Alice and the rest of the family back in my life, even Edward, he still wouldn't love me back.
Being next to him, it was hard to resist the impulse of wanting to touch him, grab his hand, cuddle on this couch like we used to, share secrets and kisses all through the night and wake up with him wrapped around me. I just had to keep telling myself that I couldn't and wouldn't have that again.
Edward stretched back on the couch rubbing his eyes. He was as tired as I felt, I could tell. The memory of him the last day I saw him years ago came back to me. He'd been exhausted, hadn't slept for too many hours…because of her. The person who tied him to this place when all I wanted was for him to leave with me, to have a life together, but he didn't want me.
"How's Elizabeth?" I asked, finally feeling brave to face the big elephant in the room.
His whole demeanor went from exhausted to somber in milliseconds and I feared his answer, feared I might have stepped out of place.
"Sorry if I'm out of line," I backtracked quickly. "You don't have to answer."
"In three days, it'll be two years since she passed away."
While his answer didn't surprise me, I hadn't expected it to have been so long. I thought it would have been longer than that. Even my parents must have known and not thought I'd have liked to know.
Elizabeth Masen was Edward's birth mother. At the end of our junior year of high school, a few months before Edward and I really became friends, she appeared in Forks to meet him. He'd told me that after learning he'd been adopted soon after Esme found out she couldn't have any more children, he'd made up his mind not to seek out his birth parents, only because Carlisle and Esme were the best parents he could have asked for.
Then some weeks before our graduation, Elizabeth dropped the bomb that she'd been diagnosed with cancer and she didn't have much time left. That was the reason she had gone through the trouble of finding Edward because giving him up for adoption had marked her life and she wanted to at least make sure he was happy.
He decided to stay. Elizabeth had found a great place in Port Angeles she wasn't very willing to give up and all his family was around. The last piece of the puzzle in his life was me, but I'd been accepted to Dartmouth, on the other side of the country. It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up, and even though I considered staying in Washington, our big fight after graduation and subsequent serious talk about our future together made up my mind.
I was very mad at Elizabeth for tying him down and also at him for not accepting other options. I was also willing to fight for us, go to college somewhere closer—he wasn't having it—or do the long-distance relationship route for a while, but he said those types of relationships were usually doomed from the start. I made the accusation that if he loved me, we'd make it work, and otherwise we should just give up. When he agreed with me, I didn't want to believe him at first, because all the things he'd done for me, to me, didn't make sense if he didn't love me like I loved him., I also thought that even if he didn't want to meet Elizabeth before, this was his chance at an escape from me. So, I told him to really think it through and to join me on my road trip to Dartmouth that summer, our original plan before all hell broke loose. He never showed up.
We talked on the phone once, a couple of months into my freshman year. He'd moved in with Elizabeth. He wanted to get to know her and blah, blah, blah. I blamed her for everything that went wrong between Edward and me, cursed at him for letting it happen, but then apologized right after and told him we should just stay away from each other for a while. And we did… for six years.
Edward's tired sigh brought me back to our reality. "It's late, I should let you go," he said before standing up and I did the same.
"Will you be okay?" I asked. He looked so sad, I didn't want to just leave. I still cared for him even though he'd broken my heart before, and while I felt stupid for it, he'd done nothing but be nice and sweet to me tonight.
He let out a small laugh. "Yeah."
We were still so close, I didn't move. Before it could get awkward, he opened his arms to me.
"Come here."
My arms wrapped around his waist on their own volition and my head rested on his strong chest. An involuntary deep sigh left me. We hugged for what felt like a long time, it was certainly longer for it to only be a friendly hug.
"I'm sorry about Elizabeth," I whispered. I was sorrier I wasn't here for him when he needed a shoulder to cry on, but I was glad he was close to his family.
For a few seconds I thought he hadn't heard me until he said, "Don't worry about it. Thank you for coming."
That last sentence would come back to me later that night in bed, when I was still processing everything that transpired at the Cullen's, including the small kiss on my cheek after Edward said he'd see me around, before he walked back into the house and I was left standing beside my car wondering if I'd imagined it.
· - ·
I spent the next day at home, bundled up with a soft blanket and drinking hot tea, which now reminded me of Edward, and shopping online taking advantage of the Black Friday sales. I was going to kill it this year with my Christmas presents. I also had a lot more people to buy for now, what with the Cullen's hospitality, even if I only bought little gifts for everyone, but then I had a major problem; the person who became a constant in my thoughts all over again. What could I get him that wouldn't be too much but also not enough so that it delivered the right message? Ugh.
Later that day I cooked dinner with my mother, singing and dancing along to 90's tunes on the radio. When my father came back from work, we all sat down to eat.
Saturday I woke up early, put on my coat and boots, seeing as it would start snowing soon. It wasn't too cold yet, and I needed to go out, get some fresh air. I used to go jogging back in Florida, where I completed my Masters in Women's Studies; but of course, the weather was much nicer there.
I took off through a path behind my parent's house leading up the little hill where I could see a large part of the town. There was a clear spot there with a few benches and tables set up. It was a popular camping and picnic site in the summer. The view was also amazing. By the time I got there, about twenty minutes later, I could see some changes around the town, like a nearby park and basketball court. There was a bike path around it that continued down by the road to the center of town. I knew where I could jog next time it wasn't so cold.
As I was about to head back, I saw a lone jogger, wearing a sweatshirt and long running tights. For a second I thought that it was Edward, but then this man was holding a leash and a cream-colored Labrador Retriever running by his side. As far as I knew, the Cullen's didn't have a dog, did they? I watched him run until he disappeared down the road. I couldn't stop staring at those tights. Why were they so sexy on this man? Maybe it was him.
On Sunday, I went out earlier and walked down to the path that went around the park in hopes of seeing the man and his dog again. I carried my old iPod I'd fished out of a drawer in my bedroom and put my earphones on as I walked. I was almost out of the park, following the road toward the busiest street of the town, when I felt something wetting my hand. I screeched and turned to my side, startled. I'd been so in my head and listening to my old music I didn't notice the giant dog coming up to me.
The Labrador was beautiful up close, but much bigger than it seemed from up on the hill yesterday. Behind it I saw the man, again dressed in running clothes including the glorious tights, running towards me. He was smiling smugly, and I laughed, petting the happy dog who was trying to sniff my hand and moving its tail wildly.
"You're an early riser," he said.
"Hey, you too," I responded. "Who's this?"
"Bella, meet Candace," he introduced us while bending down and tapping two fingers on her front leg. She raised her paw, and I took it as if shaking hands.
"Nice to meet you, Candace," I said, amused, and straightened up again, realizing he'd moved closer. "That's a cool name for a dog."
"Right? I didn't choose it though," he said. "She was Elizabeth's."
I could admit to myself that I was very glad about the happy coincidence that my mysterious man from the day before turned out to be Edward. I'd miss being around him seeing him so cheerful, but part of me was still a bit scared to get too involved all over again, and sometimes my brain and my heart didn't agree, so I asked, "Where are you headed?"
Looking down at his outfit, I almost wanted to tease him for wearing those dark, snug tights, but he looked so impossibly good, the only thing I missed were his glasses. His face was flushed either from the run, the cold or both, and his hair and beard shone in the early morning light. I had to stop thinking about hugging him… and doing other things.
"I'm going to the café," he said, attaching a leash to Candace's red collar. "It's practically empty at this time of the day and Shelley lets me bring Candy inside if I don't stay too long."
I smiled at him. "Candy?"
Edward chuckled and looked a bit sheepish, scratching the back of his neck. "That's what Bree started calling her. It stuck, I guess," he explained. "So, do you wanna come with?"
I agreed, and we walked out of the park, Candace between us and strolling happily. After a moment of comfortable silence we made some small talk. He asked about my parents. He'd seen them once or twice around town lately and they were nice to him. I didn't expect anything else, because as angry as Charlie had been about my falling out with Edward, and how it happened. As disappointed as my mother had been, we'd always had great communication, even if I didn't see them as often as we'd like. After a few months of cooldown on all parts, they still lived in the same town as the Cullens, had to see them around from time to time and they'd all gotten along, so there was no reason for any animosity between our families. I was very glad about that.
We sat down at a table near the entrance and Candace laid down under Edward's chair. Shelley came by to take our order and returned minutes after with a bowl of water and a few treats for the dog. I ordered waffles and Edward ordered pancakes, sparking our longtime running debate.
"Waffles hold any type of toppings so much better!" I argued. "Plus, if made correctly, they can be crispy and fluffy at the same time."
"I've heard it all before," he said playfully dismissive. "You'll never convince me to go against pancakes."
We laughed together, and it felt amazing, like old times. I noticed his tender look toward me and, for just a moment, let myself wish and hope for a wonderful future together.
After our breakfast was set on the table and our coffees had been refilled, I decided to ask about him. I didn't even know whether he still lived in Forks or he'd moved to Port Angeles where Elizabeth used to live.
"After Liz passed away, I found out she'd left me pretty much everything since she didn't have any other family," he told me. "So I decided to sell the house and move to Seattle, closer to Alice and Emmett. My parents like it here and they miss us, as we miss them, but we still see each other all the time."
"So you have your own place," I commented. "That's nice."
"Yeah," he nodded. "My very own bachelor pad."
I dully noted how he implied he was single. Not like I wanted to get my hopes up, but for some reason it felt inevitable.
"Have you been to Seattle?" he asked.
"Yes, actually," I answered. "I didn't get to see much because I went for a meeting, the one where they offered me the teaching assistant job at UW in the doctoral program."
"Ah, yes," he said. "Are you still considering it?"
"I think so," I said. "Even if it's just for a couple of semesters, while I figure out what I really want to do with my life."
"Did you end up studying writing in college?" Edward asked. He seemed genuinely interested in knowing these things about me, the details he missed.
"Yes, I did," I responded. "And also Women's Studies after. I've been writing articles for a feminist blog actually, not that it earns me a ton of money, but it keeps my brain oxygenated, so to speak."
"Wow, that's very interesting," he said, impressed. "You'll have to send me the link. I want to read them."
"Sure," I said.
I took out my wallet and passed him a card with the blog website information with my name on it, and I also wrote down my cell number for good measure. I carried them with me for when I went to fairs and conventions. Edward smiled when he read it and commented on me being "a pro" already. I laughed a little uncomfortably. I wasn't used to his compliments. He used to be the broody, intense teenager and now he was a very well-put-together adult. For a moment, I seriously considered the fact that maybe it was a good thing that we broke up when we had.
"What about you?" I asked.
"Well, before Elizabeth came, I'd applied for medical school at UW," he said. I remembered that. "And sometime after she became more stable, my parents and her convinced me to go, so I basically did two years of school before Liz got worse and I came back to stay with her."
"And now?" I asked.
"I'll be going back next year for sure," he said almost casually. "I want to go into research now more than ever."
"That's really great," I said.
He looked so determined to make a career out of helping people. It was admirable considering medical school was such a demanding degree. I thought you really had to be very passionate to endure it.
When we were finished, Edward paid for us and I made him promise he'd let me do it next time, thus ensuring it would happen again. He grinned and accepted, and we said goodbye at the café's door. I had to go buy a few things for dinner and then walk back home. He said he had something important to work on, so we parted ways.
Later that day, Alice called to make plans the following Monday and then I talked to Esme to schedule our lunch on Thursday. I realized I felt lighter and very eager to hang out with the girls.
Finally, Monday came and I had the best time with Alice, Rose and later with Bree. She was so wise and precious even at seven years old, I loved her already. And she seemed to like me, too, never leaving my side and engaging me in conversation during lunch. She was happy to hear I'd met "Candy" and the looks on Alice's and Rose's faces didn't escape me when I mentioned having breakfast with Edward. Alice seemed almost hopeful…for what, who knew? And Rose smiled fondly and commented on Edward seeming happier lately, much more focused on being positive, and I was glad to hear that.
During our shopping trip we went past a music store where I saw a few manuscript books with blank sheet music paper and nice leather covers. I wondered if Edward still composed. He had taken piano lessons for years and attempted to write a song for me once. It was simple, but I loved it and he enjoyed writing music in his spare time. Bree came up to me while I was looking at the display window and told me she'd started taking lessons last year because her uncle was so good. I recruited her to help me find the perfect gift for him.
I received a rather extra strong hug from Alice that night when they dropped me off at home and I promised to call her soon. She was in-between jobs at the moment after having left her managing position at a clothing store and Jasper, being a video game developer, could work pretty much anywhere for some time, so they'd be staying at her parents for a while.
The next day was an unusual sunny day in Forks, so I took advantage of that and went out in the morning to the park. There were just a few neighbors walking their dogs, but not who I was hoping to see. I continued down the path for a while and arrived at the deserted café. I might have been too early. Shelley greeted me with a kind smile and served me waffles while I read the news on my phone. About ten minutes into my breakfast I didn't hear the door opening, but I did feel the heavy paws that jumped on my leg before a warm tongue assaulted my neck.
"Hey, girl!" I exclaimed, laughing and caressing Candace but also wishing I knew how to make her stop. She was strong and determined.
"Candace, down!" I heard behind us. The dog kissed me one more time before relaxing and going under my seat.
Edward appeared beside me, looking very amused. "Hey, you started without me?"
"I don't recall you wanting to join me specifically today," I said as he took a seat in front of me at the table. Maybe I was fishing a little bit.
"Of course I want to," he said. "And now I know why Candace was in a rush today. She was probably following your trail."
I laughed happily. Shelley came by with the dog's water and treats, and to serve Edward some coffee. He smelled his cup and exhaled deeply.
"We could do this every day," he said looking intently at me. I was silent for a bit, surprised. "I mean, I have been doing this every day except for when Candace was at the pet resort near Port Angeles during Thanksgiving."
A pet resort? I'd be asking about that later, because I was curious about not having seen the dog before and now I was more curious to know where she'd been. But I had to focus on Edward inviting me to join him for breakfast every morning and how I felt about that. Well, I was giddy for one thing, and after all, I'd come here today wishing and hoping for him to show up as well, so my answer was easy.
"Yeah, we could do it," I said, shrugging like it was no big deal.
But it was. And every morning we spent together getting to know each other was better than the previous one. Without realizing, at some point I'd decided to let go of the past and concentrate on the future. My heart was still guarded, but I didn't think that what I felt for Edward came back anew, it just had never left. And he was starting to show me a new part of him that was dangerously addicting. Teenage Edward had had a sensible part to him I'd seen small slivers of, but grown-up Edward definitely wasn't afraid to let me into that side of him. After I left, he'd really experienced loss for the first time in a way that shook him into gear. He wasn't raised by his biological mother but he'd ended up having a strong connection with her. He loved her. He told me he'd learned so much about himself from conversations with Elizabeth, and even though he never called her "mom", she still had a place in his heart, which I thought was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.
During that week of getting to know Edward, I had lunch with Esme. She was still as lovely as ever, wanting to know everything about me and wanting to help me. She ran a small interior design business and had a few contacts in Seattle who could help me find a place in no time. I told her I'd think about it.
Two weeks went by with me getting closer to the Cullens again. It had started raining almost every day and Edward had taken it upon himself to make sure our new tradition was being fulfilled, picking me up in his car to go downtown. He left Candace home so she wouldn't get wet and ruin the car, so by that first weekend I said I missed her and he drove back to his house instead of the café. Edward's siblings and their significant others were getting ready to leave for the weekend for a couples retreat and Bree was staying at a friend's house in Seattle. Esme and Carlisle were working, so that left the whole house to ourselves… and Candace.
That Friday, Edward asked me out on a date the following evening and we hugged for a long time after I said yes. I felt like I was free-falling into the unkown, but I didn't care. I was nervous but elated and being with Edward felt too good not to take a chance. At one point I called Alice, because even after all this time she was still my best friend and I knew I could count on her for advice, including my situation with her brother. After calming down from, I'm sure, jumping up and down, she told me Edward was not the same kid anymore, something I'd definitely noticed, and to go with my heart because I deserved happiness.
That was exactly what I did.
During our date, Edward grabbed my hand on the table and told me, "You know, I've been thinking that it would be great if you came to Seattle because I know my sister would love it, but also, believe it or not, I would too." And I believed him. I could see it in his eyes, he thought about the future, one that included me.
Later, when he drove me home and walked me to the door, I also saw his determined expression right before he tilted his head down slowly, giving me enough time to stop him. But that wasn't what I wanted, so I met him halfway instead and we shared a sweet goodnight kiss. His glasses bumped my nose, and we laughed. He'd been wearing them almost all the time since I told him I liked them on him. He kissed me again before driving off. My dreams that night were a testament to how much I wanted this man and how I had fallen in love with him all over again.
· - ·
My parents and I were invited to the Cullens on Christmas Eve and we arrived fairly early. My father raised an eyebrow when Edward greeted me with his arm around my waist and a kiss on my cheek, but they politely shook hands and I had to smile. This was how far we'd come, by Edward's and my parents getting along during holidays. It felt like a big family being reunited.
We had a great meal and dessert, courtesy of Esme's delicious pies, and played cards for a while before my parents said they were tired. I walked them to the door after they said their goodbyes and my mother hugged me, whispering in my ear how she'd noticed Edward not being able to take his hands off me all night. I blushed and smiled because it was true. He'd sat next to me, held my hand under the table whenever we could, put his arm on my chair around my shoulders and touched my hair… I soaked up his attention and secret kisses next to the fridge when we brought our empty plates to the kitchen.
During dinner, Esme had said she had the guest room ready, if I wanted to stay for the night. We were all spending Christmas Day together anyway, and it was already late, I might as well. So, I took her up on her offer and stayed curled up on the couch with Edward while everybody else went to bed. Even Candace went up with Esme and Carlisle. Edward said she liked their room better than his.
"These are the best holidays I've had in years," Edward said into my neck before kissing me there. A small shiver ran through my spine.
"Me too," I responded before pushing him a little so I could stand up. He looked up at me confused. "I want to give you one of my presents now."
I was nervous, but I knew he'd like it. I walked to the gorgeous lit up Christmas tree in the corner of the living room and took one of the wrapped gifts handing it to Edward before sitting back down next to him.
When he opened it, he smiled widely and kissed me fervently until we couldn't breathe.
"I love this, Bella," he said, ruffling through the blank pages. "Thank you so much."
"I'd never been into scrap booking, but I decided I'd make it special and Bree said you still write from time to time…"
I'd got one of the sheet music notebooks from the store a couple weeks before and decorated it, made it more personal to him. Bree had been more than happy to help me and it'd been a cool project to bond over.
Edward grinned at me and told me to stay put. He took off for the stairs, I assumed to go to his room. He was back in a few minutes with a gift bag, which he gave to me before taking his seat back on the couch.
"When you first got here, I bought a present for you, which you'll open tomorrow," he started. "But then as we got to talking and hanging out more and more I realized what I had gotten was lame, so here's your real gift."
I laughed as I opened the bag. Inside there was a thick folder and a flashdrive. I took out the folder and saw there were music sheets with written notes. It was a music piece titled "Bella's Love Song." I suddenly felt like I was about to cry because I knew what this was.
"Remember that piss-poor excuse for a song I wrote six years ago?" Edward asked. "I found it in a drawer when I was looking through my stuff to take home in Seattle. I brought my piano there and sometimes I would sit down and make re-writes. Music has been my therapy and this song, I know now, has grown up with me."
By this point I was full on crying. What he was saying was so beautiful and confusing at the same time. His gift was so meaningful, just as it had been when he showed it to me years ago, but the thought that he'd been working on it for a while meant he'd thought about me. I didn't understand.
He hugged and kissed my cheeks, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. "Hey," he whispered. "Bella, you didn't deserve the piece of crap song I wrote for you just like I didn't deserve you back then, but I want to fix what I did. The lying, letting you go like you meant nothing, that wasn't fair to you… Please, don't cry."
I was still crying, my eyes closed, and feeling even more confused. "Edward, what are we doing here?"
"We're getting to know each other again," he said without skipping a beat and still holding onto me. I lightly grabbed his shirt as he continued, "I want the past to be behind us. I want to show you what you mean to me now."
I opened my eyes and saw his, glassy, bright green rimmed with pink. "What do you mean by lying? You've said it before. I don't understand."
Edward finally let go of me and I missed his hands on my skin instantly. He started to pull back, and I feared I'd messed up. He took off his glasses and put them on the coffee table before running his hands up and down his face, messing up his hair, even worse than it normally was in the process.
"Bella," his words muffled behind his hands, before he turned and looked at me, his hands falling down heavily on his lap. "That day, when you said we could make it work only if I loved you, I made you think I didn't. It wasn't true, but I didn't correct it and I drove you away."
"What?" As I looked at this man—this broken man—I saw him six years ago, telling me, or I guess making me assume, he didn't love me. I didn't want to, but I believed him. I trusted him; he'd never lied to me. "But I thought…?"
He took one of my hands in both of his while getting closer. "I did love you, Bella. My God! Why did you believe I didn't? I just wanted for you to go and not be stuck here, but I did think the long-distance would ruin us," he said with a scoff. "I ruined us anyway didn't I?"
I couldn't talk, trying to process what Edward was saying and my throat was closed up with fresh tears running down my face. He wiped them off once more whispering, "Please, let me fix it. We're different people now, but what we had, this feeling, is still here. I know you feel it, too. Please…"
After what felt like a long time, I let out a sob and nodded. I did want him, loved him still. And I also wanted not to erase the past, but turn the tables on it and fix what he broke. What I let him break. If I was honest with myself, it was already mending.
Edward tilted his face closer to me and I met him halfway again. I'd never tire of his kisses. They were more intense now, almost desperate, but I couldn't let go. I wouldn't.
I didn't know what time it was, but at some point we ended up cuddling again, his head on my shoulder, both of us exhausted and our thoughts keeping us awake. His scratchy voice pulled me back from memories.
"I'd like to play your song for you," he said against my neck. I raised my arm behind him and caressed his soft hair. "Come spend a few days with me in Seattle. I'll drive us back in time for my sister's New Year's party. I mean, there's a version in the drive, but…"
He raised his head, and I looked at him. "You mean next week? Go to Seattle? To your place, all alone you and me?"
He nodded, and I smiled thinking of the possibilities. "Okay," I whispered.
"Yeah? We can leave Thursday and come back Saturday morning." It was my time to nod, smiling even bigger than I was already. "Thank you," he said, stealing a quick kiss before settling his head down on my lap this time.
I sighed happily, draping a blanket from my end of the couch over us and continued to brush his hair. He said, "That feels good," in a sleepy voice. I could easily get used to this, and now I couldn't wait for our trip.
I didn't know how long it had been, but a creak on the stairs woke me up and I looked behind me to see Bree coming down. My legs were numb and Edward was sound asleep with his head on them still. When the girl saw me, her eyes went wide as if she'd gotten in trouble for being up and I just smiled. She walked up and laughed quietly putting a hand over her mouth when she saw Edward.
"Hey," I whispered. "What are you doing up?"
She produced a wrapped present from behind her. "I meant to bring this before but I fell asleep. I didn't want to forget." She walked to the tree and set the mysterious gift under it before coming back to where I was trying to stand up.
"Can you help me lift his head?" I said. "I don't want to wake him up."
With her help I was able to escape the couch and stretch. Everything hurt now, and I wanted to go up to a bed. Bree fixed the blanket over Edward and lightly brushed her hand on his face.
"My uncle's really handsome, right?" she said. I thought it was really cute that they had such a great relationship.
"He is very, very handsome," I responded and extended my hand for her to take. "Come on, let's go to bed."
She took my hand, and we went up the stairs before I escorted her to her parents' bedroom, where she was also staying.
"You like him, right?" Bree asked.
I smiled at her innocence. "I do."
"I like you," she said as a matter of fact and hugged me. "You and my uncle make a great couple."
"Aw," I said, squeezing her a little. "I like you too, Bree."
"Goodnight, Bella." She said with a little wave and went inside the dark room.
· - ·
Christmas Day came and went with me in a bit of a daze. The fact that I had so much to process still in the middle of celebrating distracted me from what was going on.
Edward behaved the same as the previous day, with little touches, small kisses on my forehead or cheeks, his arm around my shoulders… And I kept thinking about his words. He'd really loved me. I believed that now, because six years ago, at one point before our last conversation, I'd been sure of that. So what now? He said our feelings were still there, did he love me still or was he on the way to that, because I was different? I was scared to ask.
We all opened our presents, oohing and ahhing at our new things. I found out Bree's gift the night before had been for me, a framed photo of us from the day we went shopping. She had used some of the decorations from Edward's notebook and glued them on the frame. It was lovely and very thoughtful.
Edward opened the other gift I had gotten him, a moss-green sweater which he put on right away over his shirt. It looked amazing on him, making his eyes stand out even more than ever. He hugged me for a long time saying he loved it. I felt everyone's eyes on us, but instead of embarrassed I felt proud.
Then I opened his other present for me and laughed because we both had bought back-up articles of clothing. We both thought that was a safe gift in case we didn't want to give each other anything too personal. He had gotten me a scarlet scarf which was the softest I've ever seen. I also put it on around my neck and felt like it gave me the bravery I needed to kiss him full on the mouth.
I heard a faint "Finally!" from Emmett, but the rest blended into the background when Edward put his arms around my waist and brought me closer so the whole length of our bodies touched, prolonging the kiss and igniting a fire in me. After a few minutes like that I looked around and we'd been left alone. Our families had moved to the kitchen to start dinner.
Edward touched my scarf near my ear and then gently tugged on it smiling. "You still take my breath away," he said, shaking his head a little like he couldn't believe it.
"You got hotter," I responded smugly making him chuckle.
"Bella, I—" My heart jumped in anticipation.
"Hey, lovebirds!" Alice called. "We could use some help in here!"
"Come on." Edward seemed a little annoyed for a second, but then kissed me once more and pulled me towards the kitchen. I was left wondering what he wanted to say, hoping it was what I'd wanted to hear.
· - ·
On Thursday, he came to pick me up in the morning and four and a half hours later we were pulling up to his parking spot in a very nice looking building in northwest Seattle.
I'd barely entered Edward's apartment behind him when he turned, closed the door and pressed me to it with a searing kiss. His hands went under my shirt and settled at my waist while mine went to the back of his neck up to his hair.
We were now alone after a few days of being attached to the hip, but with family around. Even when we had some peace and quiet at my house, my mom was moving around while doing chores.
So here we were, finally able to express our feelings for each other and share our intimacy. The days before our trip, I'd been paying close attention to Edward, to how he treated me and how he behaved around me. I was now convinced our feelings were mutual, but we had yet to declare them openly to each other. It was important to me that he said those three little words, even though I already knew he felt them just like I did.
But right then, I was more focused on Edward's lips on mine, on my neck, and his hands on my skin, on my waist and going up to my ribs. A sweet torture I could only respond to in whimpers and moans.
My hands moved to his shoulders pushing off his jacket and then moved down his chest to take his shirt off as well. I pushed him back a step so I could look at him and what I saw made me lick my lips in anticipation. He wasn't overly muscular, but lean and defined. His heated look only made it all better. That and the evident bulge in his pants. I couldn't wait.
He offered me his hand, and I took it, letting him pull me across the dimly lit apartment toward the bedroom.
Before I was in Edward's arms again, I noticed the room looked clean and modern, with gray colors and black furniture. The headboard was against a blue accent wall and there were a few decorations here and there, making it more personal to him.
Soon, he'd taken off his glasses and was sitting on the bed, so I stepped in between his open legs. His hands skimmed up the back of my legs, up to my thighs, and squeezed. I took off my shirt and Edward kissed a spot over my navel before looking up at me, then back down to my bra.
"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he said as I undid my bra and he lowered my tights looking right into my eyes.
I smiled. "And exactly how many women have you… seen?"
Edward licked his lips before saying, "Oh, not many, but trust me none like you." Good answer. I bent down and kissed him for good measure.
As he started caressing my bare legs under my short skirt and up to the line of my panties, the butterflies in my stomach started fluttering like crazy.
Edward had been my first love and also my first experience in sex. I wasn't his first, but he made me feel special all the same. Now this felt like a new first, and that made me equal parts excited and nervous. I wasn't as skinny as I used to be when I was a teenager, and that made me a bit self-conscious, but now I knew some more tricks he'd enjoy.
I took off my skirt as he unbuckled his jeans. We smiled at each other and he opened his arms to me. I let out a shaky breath and straddled him before he kissed my neck and moved his hands from around me to touch my breasts, then brushed his mouth down to capture one of my nipples in it. I melted against him. While he made up with my breasts, my hips were out of my control rubbing up against him.
"Fuck, so long," he said against my skin. "I've wanted you for so long."
I put my fingers under his chin and he raised his head so I could kiss him long and hard. With our lips still attached, I pushed him to fall on the bed. I'd waited so long as well.
Edward put his hands on my butt and squeezed for a second grinding me into him before slipping them inside my panties pulling them down. I finished taking them off and did the same with his black boxers, then just stayed there over him enjoying the view for a minute. He didn't stop caressing every bit of my skin accessible to him and I reveled in his soft touch.
I finally scooted closer and let my weight fall on him right where his erection was pressed against me and moved very slowly creating some magical friction. His hands went to my hips, more to brace himself than to take control of my movements, and his breathing started speeding up. I bent down to bite his neck lightly and lick the same spot after.
"Condom?" I asked in a whisper.
"Yeah, in there," he answered in a shaky breath, pointing to the bedside table next to us. I moved away long enough to grab a condom packet from his top drawer and open it to set it aside for a moment.
I turned back to him to find him up on his elbows watching me with a smile.
I settled myself in between his legs and took a hold of his erection saying to it, "Hey, gorgeous."
Edward let out a happy laugh and caressed my cheek. I licked the tip and sucked it, making him moan. I lived for the sounds he made and always hated when guys were quiet. He was perfect.
"Fuck," he said. "Bella, if you continue with that I won't make it very long."
"Aw," I responded, faking a sad pout. "I just wanted a little taste. I won't make you suffer."
With a final kiss I straightened up, took the condom and put it on him. I straddled him again and guided him into me while he hissed a faint "Yes". I started moving very, agonizingly slow until he whimpered and moved under me to spur me along. I found I was enjoying myself immensely, being in control. I could feel my orgasm building quickly within a few minutes and as I increased my speed, so did our moans. And I was glad this time we wouldn't last forever, because my legs had started burning and while I could use Edward's torso as leverage, I definitely wasn't fit after all the amount of food and little exercise I'd done during the holidays so far. Thankfully, it wasn't long before I climaxed, my muscles closing down on Edward, who followed me right after. I collapsed over him in a pile of boneless, sweaty Bella, and he kissed the top of my head.
· - ·
Later that night, we were in bed after a rather long second round of passionate sex; Edward wrapped around me sound asleep. Thinking about the future had kept me up at night for the last few days, but I also liked these peaceful moments with this amazing man in my arms. He'd played the song he'd written for me earlier on his piano, before we ordered pizza and watched a movie. I felt comfortable doing this, going to bed with the man I loved, and I could bet waking up would be just as great. By this point, I was in it for the long run, so there were things I needed to figure out, starting with finding a place to live and getting a job.
I yawned and sighed deeply when my eyes started closing and I murmured, "I love you," before kissing Edward's forehead and succumbing to sleep.
· - ·
Edward and I had the best time in Seattle. He took me to his favorite places to visit, restaurants and little pubs and cafés, and at night we explored each other and made love.
On Saturday morning, he woke me up with his mouth between my legs, his beard scratching my thighs, and my orgasm hit even before I was able to fully open my eyes because of the light entering from the windows. I hoped we would always have this much passion.
All too soon we were on the road again heading back to Forks for the New Year's party Alice had organized. The next day, Edward's siblings would go back home, but he'd stay another week or so. That was as far as his plans went, or at least what he told me about them. I figured the ball was in my court to make the next move.
Edward dropped me off at home so I could get ready for the party. I'd found the perfect plum sequin dress with a short skirt and long sleeves while shopping in Seattle, and he'd be wearing a dark suit with a tie in a similar color. My mother could have been a professional make-up artist with how good she was at it, so I asked her to make me up after I'd finished styling my long hair, all swept over and secured to the side.
I commented on how great we looked when we walked up to the Cullen's. It sounded like the party was in full swing already and a lot of people had arrived. We were greeted by Rose, as incredible as ever in a black and sparkly cocktail dress, which hugged her curves and her pregnant belly beautifully. I was soon stunned by the man standing in the kitchen with a beer in his hand and laughing with Jasper. My man. I had the perfect profile view of him in that hot outfit, but what I loved the most was what I knew now as his classic combo, the dark-rimmed glasses and the beard. He was the most attractive man at the party by a mile.
I walked up behind him and circled my arms around his waist. "Hi, handsome," I said to his ear.
He turned in my arms and pulled back to look at me from head to toe before whistling.
"Damn, woman, I could forget about this party right now," he said making me laugh.
"Same," I responded.
I heard a throat clear behind me and turned to see my parents. Charlie looked between irritated and amused. He clearly liked Edward but wasn't used to his daughter being with somebody so openly, I guess.
"Save me a dance later, would you?" Edward whispered to me before stepping aside to greet my parents.
I talked to Jasper for a while before Alice found me and whisked me away to help her with various games and fashion awards she'd prepared. Tasty canapés were being served on trays, the wine was flowing and the party was easily a success.
Sometime later, close to midnight, I was in the middle of a very important discussion with Bree and her friend Emily about how much cooler Merry Brandybuck was over Charlie from 'Lost', when Edward interrupted me in the middle of a great argument to check in his dance. I couldn't say no, obviously, so I excused myself and promised to settle the discussion with the girls. Bree giggled and told me to "Just go!"
A few other couples, including my parents, were dancing in the living room which had been cleared out of the couches and tables to become a makeshift dance floor. Edward pulled me to one of the corners where we could create our own little bubble and a sweet, slow song I didn't recognize started playing.
"This is nice," I said when we started dancing in an embrace.
"You look beautiful tonight, Bella," Edward said. "You always do."
"As do you," I responded, gently tugging his tie and kissing him.
"I liked having you to myself this week. I hope…" he hesitated before continuing, "I hope you know how much you mean to me."
"I do."
"And…" He sighed. "This might be shitty of me, but I wanted to ask you to consider that job at UW, because I don't think I can be apart from you anymore."
"Edward, listen…"
"I know it's selfish and I'll be forever sorry about what I said the first time, but I know what it's like to lose you once, I don't want to do it again. I learned the first time."
"Please, listen to me," I said before he could ramble on further and he nodded. "Look at me. I honestly think it might have been good. What happened…We were kids, Edward, we were stupid. We gave up too quickly, it never would have lasted."
"I'm sorry."
"I am, too," I insisted, taking his face between my hands. "But we got that back, that spark, and I'm not letting you go again, either."
I let that sink in; let him calm down instead of spiraling into the fear of losing what we had all over again. I'd had that fear before, but not anymore.
"I called my contact at UW yesterday while you were in the shower and accepted the job," I said.
Edward's face lit up like the Christmas tree that was still up and next to us. "Are you serious? You're coming to Seattle?"
I nodded, grinning and laughed at his expression. He looked ecstatic.
"You just made me the happiest person in town!" He hugged me lifting me off the floor and spinning us while people were looking, some laughing, and Emmett even cheered. My mother was widely smiling closer to us.
Edward kissed me once, full on the mouth and noisily. "I love you, Bella," he said before kissing me again and turning around yelling, "Everyone, this is my girl, Bella. I love her!" Another kiss and, "I love you so much."
"I know," I said. "Me too. I love you so much."
Right as the ball dropped at midnight, Edward and I were celebrating getting the love of our lives back with another kiss that would seal our future together.
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