Holding on
All his life, he was told that had issues with letting go. Now he's trying his damnedest to hold on.
--
Ring, Ring, Ring.
The sound rouses a slight, weak movement on the bed, the shadows shifting along the deep creases on the sheets.
Ring, Ring, Ring.
He's able to let out a grunt.
He wonders if he has enough energy left to answer the phone. He wonders if it would be worth the trouble.
Ah, no point in wondering now.
Ring, Ring, Ring.
It's Marc, he guesses. Or Mom. Maybe even Sarah.
Or Nurse Anna checking whether he'll come in today.
It strikes him then how short that list is.
He could add her, he supposes. But he hasn't heard from her in months, a year even. He doesn't know anymore. Time slips away from him, just as easily as liquor slides on his tongue and leaves a trail of warmth through his throat.
And memories are too distant to reach for.
Ring, Ring, Ring.
Hey, this is Jack. I can't get to the phone right now. But you know what to do…
It's weird, he thinks, how he doesn't recognize his own voice. He's a completely different man, she had said at one point, when they were still talking, fighting. He didn't agree with her then.
Beep.
"Jack."
He opens his eyes, the sound of her voice jolting him awake. A prickling sensation - probably the last he'll ever feel - spreads over his skin. There is easily an impulse to sit up but his already blurry vision muddles his balance and it sends the room spinning.
"I know…we haven't talked in a while. Aaron's noticed, too, you know. He hasn't forgotten his Uncle Jack."
He finds he cannot turn his head anymore, the numbness slowly setting in. But remnants of consciousness lend him a moment of clarity. His arm lethargically but deliberately swings to the right, searching blindly for the telephone. There is a shrill crash when the glass collides with the floor.
His hand barely misses the empty white plastic bottle on the bedside table.
"I haven't forgotten you."
He swallows, wets his lips with his tongue. He can't decide whether the bitter taste is from all the pills he'd taken hours ago or the words of regret he'd kept to himself all this time.
"I miss you."
He wills himself to keep awake, wanting to hear her voice.
Even just to hear her voice.