You're Never Alone
By: AliasCWN
"Hey Billy, whatcha thinking?"
Billy looked up as Littlejohn sat down next to him, the rag in his hand forgotten.
"Nothing, just thinking is all."
"Just thinking huh? Not about anything in particular?"
"No, just thinking." Billy returned to cleaning his rifle, the slow movements of the cleaning cloth as he wiped the barrel soothing to his ragged nerves.
"All this thinking wouldn't have anything to do with that fight we got into today would it?" Littlejohn studied the face of the younger man, searching for clues to his state of mind.
"Maybe a little." Billy answered with a sigh. "Do you ever get scared Littlejohn?"
"All the time." Littlejohn confirmed.
"No, I mean it." Billy sounded agitated. "I mean really scared."
"Billy, I get scared every time we go out on patrol." The big man answered. "Every time." He repeated. "There's always the chance that something will happen and I won't make it back."
Billy looked up at his friend in surprise. "You never show it!"
The bigger man shrugged. "What good would it do? It would just make everyone else nervous and I'd still be scared. As long as no one knows, they don't have any reason to question my actions."
"I never thought of it like that before. Do you think that they question my actions?"
"Naw Billy, you don't let it show either. I'll bet that when it comes to that, if you ask the others and they're honest, they're all scared too. Different folks react differently is all." Littlejohn shifted into a more comfortable position and stared out over the camp. "Look at them Billy."
Billy looked out at the men going about their business. Some were caring for their gear; some were just talking to friends. One man was washing his socks in a helmet filled with hot water.
"Do they look scared Billy?"
"No." The smaller man admitted, not sure where the conversation was leading.
"I'd bet my last dollar that they are." Littlejohn stated with conviction. "Maybe not right this minute, maybe not while they are here in camp, but I bet they are just as scared as you and I."
Billy took another look at the men carrying out the mundane activities of soldiers in camp. They all looked completely normal, carefree and relaxed. He told Littlejohn as much.
"Sure Billy, for right now. Let someone shoot one shot and all that will change. They'll get tense, cautious, and ready for action….and scared. Oh, they'll still fight, but they'd be scared. Just like you and me, scared, but still doing what we're trained to do. That's the thing Billy, even scared, we still do our job. We're still soldiers, and we still fight. As long as you can do that, it's okay to be scared. Maybe it's even a good thing."
"How's that?" Billy asked in confusion.
"Maybe being scared keeps us sharp. It helps us stay focused on staying alive."
"But what if it doesn't? What if I freeze?"
"You won't Billy."
"How do you know?"
Littlejohn smiled at his friend. "I've been in battle with you, remember? You're a good soldier Billy."
"Sometimes I feel so alone." The other man confessed.
"You're never alone Billy. You're a part of this squad. We have your back just like you have our backs. It's like being in a family; everyone takes care of the others, even if we don't always see eye to eye on everything."
"I hear you." The smaller man responded.
"No Billy, it's not enough that you hear me. You have to believe it…I mean really believe it, deep down in your heart." Littlejohn looked intently at the other man. "Think about it. Would you do everything in your power to keep me safe?"
"Sure Littlejohn." Billy hurried to assert.
"What about Sarge, or Caje?"
"Yeah." Billy agreed without reservation.
"Kirby?"
"Yeah." Billy answered without hesitation.
"Even Kirby?" Littlejohn repeated.
"He's part of this squad. He's one of us."
"That's what I'm saying Billy. We take care of each other, you're never alone."
Billy rubbed the rag along the barrel of his rifle thoughtfully. Littlejohn sat quietly and watched the men move about the camp.
"I get it." Billy finally broke the silence. "I mean I really get it."
"Good." Littlejohn smiled. "Now how about we go get something to eat?"
Billy smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that."