"-It began suddenly she told me." said Loki after a while.
The woman looked at his client and scribbled something in her notebook. She raised her head and looked directly at him.
"-Describe me your therapy. I want to know everything you've been through, what you liked if there is some and what you hated.
-I don't want to talk about that…" he said while looking away.
"-Mr. Laufeyson, if you don't want to talk about your therapy then talk to me about how you feel or what you remember."
Loki didn't want to talk about either of this. He sighs. As he predicted the psychologist noted something. He felt like he wasn't human.
"-I…" he began, "I thought I was the son of a God and wanted to rule a world that doesn't even exist.
-What happen next?
-I even believe I had some superpower and I tried to use them.
-Did they work?
-Of course not! It's not like I'm the son of a God. I'm just me, an orphan."
Mrs. Julian noted something again. Loki could have sold his soul just to know what she was writing in her notebook. She talked:
"-Who said that you?
-Mrs. Bennett, the woman who took care of me.
-So, she said you suddenly began to think and say out loud you were the son of a God with some superpowers, is that correct?
-Yes.
-Do you remember the name of the God?
-She told me it was Odin."
Mrs. Julian smiled and wrote something. Loki never saw her smile like that. Did he say something funny?
"-Besides that Mrs. Bennett told you, do you remember anything?
-Pain… I can only remember the pain.
-What kind of pain?
-Incomprehension, sadness and physical pain.
-Physical?
-Electrocution.
-I see." she wrote something again and again.
The rest of the séance was only silence. Loki wasn't the talkative type. He was only seeing because of the asylum. He never had the choice to choose. He understands that she was there to help him to understand that mysterious part of his live. The doctors told him that he was thinking he was the son of Odin and he had a brother. He only began to regain his consciousness at the end of the therapy with the electrocution. Loki sighs. Why did he feel like he forgot something important?
At the next rendezvous Loki didn't want to talk. After ten minutes, Mrs. Julian said:
"-I was thinking about you yesterday.
-Why?
-Maybe it's because you're lonely.
-I don't get it.
-Do you have friends Mr. Laufeyson?"
Loki never answers. The psychologist was taking many notes and she didn't need Loki to answer. She knew that he was lonely and never had friends.
"-Some people invent things just to get their pair's attention. Eventually they really start to believe even if they knew at the beginning it was true.
-So you thing I did that?
-Maybe. I also thought that searching four parents may be benefic for you.
-Why am I supposed to search for someone that rejects me? He didn't even want to know me…"
Mrs. Julian sighs; she knew that Loki had a point at this moment. She could see the sadness in Loki's eyes. At the beginning of her consultation with him she immediately notice he was the silence type and very emotional.
"-Were done for today.
-Why? Not even the half of the time passes?"
She didn't say why she was stopping the session. Loki was walking down the street when a man smiled at him and says with a smile painted on his lips:
"-There you are! Loki I miss you, I thought you were dead! I'm glad that I found you, I'll never let you fall again, never you hear?"
The young man could sense the sincerity in the smile of the stranger but he didn't know him. Loki turned his head around, maybe he had been mistaken for someone else? The blond man looked at him and hugged him, he seemed happy.
"-I'm… I'm sorry sir, but I don't know you.
-What are you saying Loki? We're brothers!
-I don't think so, I'm an orphan.
-What the..?" murmured the blond man.
Loki removed the blonde's hand from his shoulder and passed by. This guy was definitely weird. The stranger screamed:
"-What happen to you? You're the son of Odin! You remember? The God of Mischief!
-Cut it out!" Loki screamed his lung out "You know nothing about me!"
The blond man looked at him; he could sense the pain in Loki's eyes. The crowd began to increase around them and the blond decided to take his brother's arm in his hand.
"-Come." he said harshly.
Loki froze. Was he being kidnapped? Loki fought.
"-Don't touch me, I don't know you!
-For Odin's sake, I KNOW you. You're my brother and I came for you, I want you to come back.
-That's not possible." he murmured with fear.
"-Why not?
-I just invent that to gain attention like Mrs. Julian said…
-Who?" the blond asked.
"-Listen, I'm not your brother, I'm an orphan who invent things because I feel lonely and I need people's attention. God doesn't even exist and I just get out of the asylum and don't bring it back, please. Just don't bring it back."
The stranger took his time to assimilate what Loki told him. What those human did to him? The happiness in the stranger eyes turned into sadness.
"- What they did to you Loki?
-You sound like you were worrying about me.
-I am."
The blond tightened Loki against him.
"-Willingly or not you come home with me.
-What? Please! No, stop it!"
Even if Loki wanted to he couldn't resist. The stranger was far stronger than him. When Loki saw that hammer he thought he has seen it before but he couldn't say where or when. While seeing the tornado created by the hammer; Loki had lost consciousness because of the fear. He could barely hear noises. Suddenly everything became calm not a single noise could be heard. At this moment he slept like a log.
Loki opened his eyes the next morning along with the birds singing. He took a look at the bedroom. This wasn't his bedroom. Suddenly, the fear flowed in his veins. His eyes were wide opened. Fear. Fear. Only fear. Where was he? He got out of the bed and finally notices that he was naked. Panic. Only panic. Loki turned his head at his left and all the fear, the panic vanished as he saw his clothes. As Loki finished putting his jeans someone opened the door. It was an old but seemed wise man.
"-Don't you ever heard about knocking?" said Loki angrily.
He was happy that he was only shirtless and not caught with no pants.
"-Calm yourself my son. What happened to your good manners?" he asked.
"-Your… son? Good manners? I never had them!
-You know that's not quite true. So tell me, what happen to you on earth?
-You're silly, don't talk like we're no longer on earth."
The old man raised his eyebrows. Loki opened his mouth but only a whine came through his lips. He rushed to the window and look out of it. He didn't recognize the earth because from the bottom of his heart he knew this wasn't. A second whine came out of his mouth when he stepped away from the window. He murmured for himself:
"-Be a nightmare, be a nightmare, be a nightmare…
-Why are you afraid, son? This is Asgard. Do you remember?
-You've got to be kidding me, this is not real, this is not real!"
The blond stranger entered in the room with a man that appears to be a doctor.
"-Why does Loki yell like that?" Thor asked
"-I don't know, he seems to think that reality is like… a dream." said the old man.
"-This is not true, this is not true… All the things I've fought to forget seem so real… All the things… All, all of them! Calm down, this is not real… This is not real."
The doctor looked at Odin and say:
"-I've seen some case like this one before.
-Tell me more.
-It appears that Loki was convicted by humans that Asgard wasn't true. Maybe they told him that he was doing it for attention or he was only crazy. They use some technique that I don't like to talk about. They're painful, really painful. Human can crush someone and rebuild it with a brand new personality and story. They can do whatever they want with him.
-I won't allow that!" Thor said while brandishing his hammer in a threatening manner.
"-Son, stop that, you'll hurt someone with your hammer. What can we do for Loki?
-I don't know, maybe it's not reversible. The damage is already done.
-Damage?" Odin said in echo with his son.
As they were speaking about Loki, the young man was in fetal position saying he was crazy and he didn't want to go back to the asylum because it was too painful.
"-Look" began the doctor "he have the feeling that he's crazy. It's not like a normal wound. It's something about mentally wounded. This cannot be repaired.
-Is it why he looks so miserable?" Odin asked.
"-Mostly yes." answered the doctor.
"-So, he'll be like this forever?
-Don't be such a fool my son. Loki is stronger than you think.
-Thor got a point. Maybe the best for him is returning on earth.
-I won't let my son look like a feeble human.
-Do you fear weakness?" the doctor asked.
As Thor thought his father didn't answer. The blond took a look at his brother. Loki looked so miserable and… human. As far as he remembered, Loki didn't have such emotion. Oh yes, he was quite a talker. He could only saw the misery in his green eyes.
"-I can't stand it." he finally spoke.
"-Stand what?" asked his father
"-The misery, it makes me sad. I don't like this feeling.
-Don't worry, I'm going to ask you mother what will be the good decision for him.
-What do we do with Loki while she thinks?
-Just close the door."
Loki lost consciousness of time. How many hours have passed since those strangers walked into the room? One, two or three? He couldn't figure it out. He rose and walked to reach the door. He tried to open it but it was locked. Was he trapped? Instead of panicking he accepted his fate and slid against the door. His head was empty.
"-Who am I again?" he asked himself.
From where he was sitting, he could see something under the mattress. How many times was he gazing at this? Why was he gazing at this? After a while he got up and took the little black book in his hand. He felt like he shouldn't read it but curiosity won. He was surprise when he tries to read the first page but it was empty. Loki turned the second page and began to read. Something was wrong with that… diary. The handwriting looked exactly like his. As he read the diary flashes began to appear in his head. The pain was strong but didn't stop Loki from reading. When he finished, he immediately felt like the monster parents tell their children at night.
"-I'm… a monster…" he finally said.
Nothing was going to help him at this moment and Thor walked into the room.
"-Loki?
-Never heard about knocking, brother?
-I'm sorry… Wait, what did you day?
-You never said "sorry" before, what happen to you?" Loki asked smoothly.
Thor was unable to speak; a little sound was dying on his lips.
"-I read the book under the mattress.
-So, you do remember?" said Thor.
"-Don't be happy with that. I wish I never read such things.
-What are you talking about?
-That diary."
The blond man looked at the black little diary and finally said:
"-I never read it.
-I know, you're not like me. Even if it wasn't mine I would read it. I'm such a monster.
-Don't say that…
-Really? I remember all the bad things I did to you and father. There are so many…
-You're not like that. The Loki I found on earth was broken and the Loki I was searching for is not like that! You're proud of your powers, do you remember?
-Well, that was before I discovered I was a Frost Giant and before father tell me that I would never be good.
-Why did you..!
-Let myself fall? What should I do? Father hate me, I kill my own father, I try to kill you many times."
Loki was right. If he hasn't fall his father would have punishing him. Thor began to understand that Loki was only being lonely and didn't know what to do. Was he trying to die?
"-Did you think you would die?
-Yes, but I never suspected that I would be on earth.
-What are you going to do?
-I'll go back.
-Why?
-None of your business Thor. I have my reasons.
-So, it's about a woman?" Thor asked with a smirk.
The face Loki made was priceless.
"-WHAT?
-Tell me what she looks like.
-It's not for a woman.
-Then… it's for a man.
-No!
-Don't hide it to me! I'm okay with that if you prefer men.
-It has NOTHING to do with sex!
Thor realized that Loki wasn't broken because of him, but his father. He was searching for his love and never found it because he would never have it. Loki though that the best thing was to be far from him. It was true, Odin wasn't to hug Loki when he would found that his memory was back.
"-What are you planning?
-Like I said, I'll go back on earth. Start a new life maybe and far away from here. Don't make that face Thor, it's not because of you.
-I know. Do you really think that is the best for you? We know what they did to you.
-I won't be trying to take over the earth and yes, this is the best.
-I'll help you."
Even if Thor would miss Loki, he was going to help him. They sneaked out of Odin's house and made to the portal. Once there the blond said:
"-I'll miss you.
-I'll miss you too." said Loki as he began to vanish.
When Loki opened his eyes again he discovered he was under a beautiful tree in the wood. He got up and went to see Mrs. Julian.
"-Mr. Laufeyson? Where were you? It's been two weeks.
-In a nightmare.
-And… you're back.
-Looks like that.
-You're not like you used to be. Why did you stop coming? Your therapy wasn't over.
-Well, I know who I am.
-And who are you?
-The one I wanted so bad to forget. Thanks for your help."
Before Mrs. Julian could say something Loki was already gone. She knew at this moment that was the last time she would see him.