Surviving

Summary: Clint and Natasha's feelings hours after the greatest battle of their lives.

His arms are like weights, his body stiff, tired and hurting in so many places he would be better off counting the places where it didn't hurt. They had won however allowing the world to continue in that mixture of bliss and pain it always seem to continue in. Taking off the pack where he keeps his arrows and rubbing a sore spot on his left shoulder he closes his eyes taking a moment.

He had stared at the names until they are imprinted in the back of his eyelids. The names of the people he killed when under Loki's control. Natasha tells him not to think like that, "Don't do that to yourself! It wasn't you!" she told him but he can't help but see them when he closes his eyes.

While someone like Tony Stark or the Mighty Thor loves being centre of attention Clint isn't interested in that. He was never one for groups or teams preferring to work alone or… with Natasha. It has been the best partnership he has ever had, they seem to work as one both two sides of the same coin capable of doing what was needed to win the war or survive the mission they were on… but now what will happen to them?

He opens his eyes and looks at Natasha. Her back is to him but he knows she is in pain. Not just physical from the fight but mental one as well. Think I got her beat Clint thinks to himself after all I was a walking, killing zombie couple of hours ago.

Is he planning to talk at length about being used as a puppet by Loki to Fury? Or a doctor? No. He plans on staying at the back of the room and working it out by himself. That is what he does. Looking down at his bow it had a few marks and scratches from when he had been forced to use it as a weapon but it was still in one piece. Clint smiled slightly, he had always done things differently. When other members of S.H.I.E.L.D where arming themselves with the best guns they could get their hands on he had his bow and arrow. Maybe old fashioned and different but he could hit same targets better than the rest of them.

She can't meet his eyes just yet, better pretend to be cleaning her guns even though she has been cleaning the same part now for 10 minutes. What is there to say to each other? We just survived a massive attack by aliens fighting along side a giant green man and a demi god so how about some takeout? They were alone for the first time in hours. Just them in a small locker room both of them cleaning and double checking their weapons as they had done so many times in the past.

He is alive thanks to her. She owned it to him to fight as hard as she could to save him. Clint had seen something in Natasha. The ability to do awful things as well as the ability to do brilliant things. Naturally her superiors in Russia where more interested in getting her to awful things but Clint could see beyond it. 'I'm not trying to save the past, I'm fighting for the future' he once said to her.

'I've got Red on my ledger' understatement of the year when it comes to things I have done thought Natasha. After all the people she had beaten, stolen from and killed in the name of her country. And Clint damn him believed that she was worth saving. She isn't kidding herself when she thinks about S.H.I.E.L.D. It might be fighting for peace but it is doing it by kitting itself with the best weapons it can find. But at least it doesn't treat her like a weapon… like how she was treated in Russia.

She often checks and then double checks her mission documents when handed to her by S.H.E.I.L.D. What are they saying about her missions? Her targets? And more importantly what are they not saying? Is the man she is order to kill a father? Is the mission she is on really making a difference? Or just about killing someone? She refuses to ever again be used as a weapon like how she once was. It is why it so hurt her when she heard that Clint was being used as one. He was her saviour, her champion and now he was a weapon… just like her.

When he brought her back to S.H.I.E.L.D there were many who felt that she should be killed or left to rot in jail. Not Clint, he fought her corner convincing Fury to give her a chance. Natasha shudders to think where she would be if Fury hadn't agreed with Clint. Dead no doubt she thinks made an example of, show the bad guys what happens when you step out of line.

I should say something to him Natasha thought ask him how he is doing? She didn't see his fight too busy surviving her own but she knows he took a hard fall. But then talking about their feelings isn't for them. They never really do it. If they have a bad day they might get drunk together Natasha always managing to drink him under the table or they might sleep together.

It has happened a few times, two people living on a knife edge always one step away from being killed naturally they needed some release. But still it was just sex between them. Just something to make them forget about the people they hadn't saved, the days the bad guys won and it had certainly nothing to do with the fact that they are close in that way right?

I should say something to her Clint thinks ask how her how she is? Can't have been fun, running around from place to place getting Banner on board, dealing with all the different faces, personalities and egos while on the helicarrier before finally facing him. She beat him in a straight fight and never has he been happier that she is the slightly better fighter than he is only slightly he thinks. He had been fighting his body for control the whole time, banging up against the barrier Loki had created as hard as he could but still nothing. If he killed her… Clint doesn't even want to think about it.

Of course they talked about death a few times both agreeing long ago that if worse comes to worse the last arrow or bullet was for each other. But this was different. They were not fighting back to back against the world, for the world, for each other. He was trying to kill her and she was trying to rescue him. It's not what either of them had ever planned, being on different sides not like they first met.

She is fooling himself if she thinks of me as a saviour Clint mused to himself. Clint has more than enough blood on his hands. He has fired his arrows at targets for no better reason than they were the targets he was told to hit. He has seen innocent people dying right in front of him and he has done nothing as they were not part of the mission. He is as damaged and as guilty as she is… but then maybe that is the reason why they are here together. Maybe that is the reason why they work so well together.

She turns to look at him the same time he looks at her. Their eyes meet. What is there to say? Nothing? Something? Things between them will never be the same again. He was her saviour before and now she is his. They aren't good innocent people both with a damaged and cynical view of the world. They are good at their jobs, the best in fact but then it often involves bloodshed and death. But they still have each other… they still have their partnership. One day it won't be enough, one day one of them will be killed and the other will be left on their own an idea that scares them both more than they will ever admit. But today they are still together, still ready to fight for tomorrow.

They slowly smile at each other. They aren't perfect but they are together and alive.

That is enough for today.

Fin.