It all, at least Scully, Mulder and The X-Files, belongs to Chris Carter.
A/N. This was written after watching XF2 for the second time;
I felt that Scully deserved some peace and happiness. I know
the story starts on the wrong date but I've my reasons for that.
Don't Give Up
West Virginia
April 8th 2008
"Scully?"
"Mulder!"
Smiling softly, she turned to face him. His relaxed expression was gone and the uncertainty back. Waiting, she locked eyes with him, when he kept quiet, her smile disappeared and worry crept into her eyes, too.
Hesitatingly, he stepped closer to her. Reaching out he touched
her soft cheek with his thumb, "have you changed your mind now that we are home again?"
A part of him wanted to take the question back, scared she would
answer it with a fatal, ice-cold 'yes'. The other, and normally silent part, vocalized the very essence of his fear, the fear he kept in the deepest corner of his heart and only allowed to surface, when it refused to be silenced any longer.
Nothing came close to the fear of loosing Scully. She might think Samantha, his little sister, held the main key to his heart, held the power to hurt him most, the plain, secret truth was; Scully did and had for close to 15 years.
The attraction had been there from the first moment, he ran his eyes over her petite body; his body had reacted instantly, but, it was the beat his heart skipped, when meeting her eyes for the very first time that intrigued him. It hadn't happen before and never again.
When walking into his office she had walked straight into his heart, all of it, a position never challenged. It was unknown when the attraction had transformed into respect, into love and ultimately into heart and soul committing. The transformation had come in fluent
waves, each tide opening his heart fuller to their connection, to his remembrance of her.
A remembrance he had come to understand, when Melissa opened up to his pasts lives. He hadn't had the heart to tell the poor woman that their commitment, their promise of sharing a lovers bond again had ended on that field. In his dying moment her face had faded away and was replaced with the face of, former, Scully, his heart had made the commitment with Scully.
And here they were as man and woman in a new life.
He hadn't told Scully, yet, but his committing had been strong, it reached beyond this one life. He hoped, she had made the same commitment that day on that field. One life wasn't enough. He wanted, needed more.
Closing her eyes for a brief moment, she covered his hand with her own, exhaling heavily, her mouth turned into a painful half smile," you're still stuck with me, Mulder."
"Don't say that Scully, I'm not stuck with you. I need you!"
It was rarely, he expressed his feelings in words, and he knew, she would never expect it from him, but lately he was wondering; if she needed him to reassure her of his true feelings. "I love you"
Again, she closed her eyes, "I know you do"
She opened her eyes just before she said the words. Leaning into him, she kissed him softly on the lips, "going into the darkness again is just too painful. So much has been lost. I don't want to go there again, Mulder."
"So it's not me?" the words were muttered under his breath.
"No, it's not you, but what chasing the monsters do to you and what it does to me."
Wrapping his arms tightly around her he held her close, rarely, had he seen her so tired, looking so defeated; like she had given up.
"It was nice to get away huh?"
"Yes, it was" she agreed. It had been nice, just what she needed. Unfortunately, the week away hadn't given her the peace she sought, hadn't gotten her out of her head. Maybe that was too much to ask for alas the life she had lived so far. Fortunately, the vacation had given her the chance to reconnect with her heart, the distant sounds of it had become loud and clear by the first stoke of his hand on her bare skin.
She loved him, always had. Fleetingly, she had believed in the possibility of walking away from him. It had been the darkness she had turned her back to and not him.
Startled by the phone, she shivered in his arms, breaking the embrace she turned to the phone.
"Hallo?" a few seconds passed before he heard her voice again.
"That's me, who are you?"
Another pause. "Well, I've been away for a few days, do I know you?"
Expecting that it was from the hospital, he picked up their bags and carried them to the bedroom, he had enjoyed sharing a home with Scully for the past six years.
Returning to the living-room, the first thing he noticed was the quietness, quickly his eyes found Scully. She was standing very still next to the phone, her head bowed and her body stiff. Worried, he walked to her; "something's wrong?"
Slowly, she lifted her face, it was damp from tears. Her eyes flew to his
"it… it was Mrs. Van De Kamp."
"A mother of one of your patients?" he asked.
"No! " Breathing out, she paused, "she and her husband adopted William, she claims" She stopped abruptly. Shivering, she threw her arms around herself, trying to steady her body, it came to little effort, her legs couldn't carry her weight.
Within, what felt like, a split of a second, she felt his arms around her, gratefully her body leaned into his and bashed in his strength.
"What did she want?" he mumbled in her hair.
She felt his tension, it matched her own, with a failing voice she replied;
"She wanted us to come to her home as fast as possible, she wouldn't say why in the phone but William is fine, she promised."
She could only hope it was true and that the woman was indeed Mrs. Van De Kamp.
"Where are we going?"
"Arizona"
"If you pack I will book flight tickets"
Before he let go of her, he tightened his hold on her and kissed her hard just below her ear. The deadly whiteness of her face hadn't left her and she trembled violently in his arms.
"Scully, you ok?" Worried he studied her face.
Stepping back, she looked at her shoes, purposely avoiding his stare, she was far from ok. The sharp pain in her chest and stomach was back just as bad as it was that night, when she stood beside William's small bed. That moment, when the decision had come clear in her mind, her heart had stopped beating for seconds and her breathing had become hollow. Like a bright light, it had blinded her, made her want to die. Indeed, something had died in her that moment, a part of her that would never heal, leaving her heart incomplete. It was the worst nightmare a parent could ever face, the loss of a child,
it wasn't supposed to happen.
It had happened to her twice. Twice, she had failed to protect one of her children, twice she was forced to let a child go. The first wound had easily reopened, tearing her apart, when she had to give her son up.
Her and Mulder's son!
Had the pain ever faded? Had she ever made peace with her choice? Her choice of giving William up?
She had managed to dull her pain to some degree, storing it as far away in her heart as possible. She had to believe it had been the only choice, the only way to give her son a normal and safe life. Otherwise she would go crazy.
But she had never made peace with her loss, accepted it but she could never find peace.
"Scully?"
Still not looking at him, she offered softly;
"I'm fine, Mulder"
Stepping away from him she headed for the bedroom; "I will pack." Against her will the tears in her eyes became visible. Why she needed to hide them from him she didn't know, only that it would hurt him, but she was powerless to act differently.
Thoughtlessly, she closed the door behind her. Sitting on the bed she hid her face in her hands. Muffled sorbs escaped her damp fingers, this was the day she had given up hoping for would ever come. The day, she received a life proof from her son, the sign she never
had expected would come.
She had prayed with a bleeding heart full of guilt, only to see her prayers turn into curses. She hadn't resigned from the church or stopped praying but her prayers revolved empty, at times. Her faith had slipped like sand through her fingers. Mulder had put
it into words; 'our son left us with an emptiness that can't be
filled.'
The emptiness had grown inside her until it almost consumed all of her.
Silently, the door was pushed open, she felt him before she heard him; "I'm not the only trusting one, Scully?"
"No, you're not, Mulder" she sighed.
Sitting next to her he pulled her gently into his arms, "will you be okay?"
"I don't know, I don't understand. Why is she calling us? Why now?"Her hot tears damped his shirt.
"I don't know, Scully, but we need to know. We can't ignore hereven if we wanted" Resting his forehead against her forehead, he sat very still for a while. "Our plane leaves in one and a half hour, we need to get going"
Swiftly, she got up and emptied the bags into the basket for dirty clothes. Staring blindly at the clothes in their shared closet, she, absentmindedly, reached for the pieces she guessed they would need for a few days. She had no idea just for how long they would be
gone and clothes were the last thing on her mind.
In the adjoining bathroom she washed her face with cold water, hoping to remove the evidences of her pain and unspoken hope. A hope she dared not believe in. Not yet.
Coming back into the bed-room she found Mulder on the bed in the same position, he previously had found her in. Now, she offered him the same comfort; her arms and lips. His face glowing with a similar pain she felt in her heart.
Only, she knew, he carried a heavier sense of guilt, the guilt of not being there, when they needed him most.
"Are you ready?" she asked, softly.
They didn't speak again before arriving in the parking lot at the airport, they were used to the silence between them; it had never become awkward or unfriendly, like it wasn't now. It was a part of their relationship, part of the respect they had for each other.
Both were burden with hunting thoughts and memories. Losing William had never been a shared experience, sure she had explained, Skinner and agent Doggett had explained, but the fact was, that she had been alone when their son was lost. A son he hadn't many memories of.
She had been the one to face the madness and the one to make the decision. He had had to deal with it in the aftermath, loosing something that from the beginning had been out of his reach. Now, it was difficult to share the emotions coming from two diverse places.
"I can feel you are thinking and so am I, but Scully you won't be alone this time, I promise" The pleading in his voice touched her.
Exhaling, she turned her head towards him, "thank you."
Tears formed in her eyes, she needed him. This time there wouldn't be any friendly colleagues to help her, and she only wanted him, like she had in the past.
Reaching her hand out, she felt him take it and bring it to his lips, they were warm on her cold skin, a reminder of that they were still alive and that time didn't stand still.
"Mulder, it's time if we don't want to be late" the urgent edge in her rushed voice wasn't lost on him, he was sure, it was found in his own, when he said; "we won't be too late!"
Arizona
6:30 p.m.
The arrival in Arizona went smoothly, it was getting late and she had promised to call as soon as they landed. All she had gotten earlier was the phone number to the Van De Kamps.
Directions was given in the short conversation over the payphone, still, Mrs. Van De Kamp assured her William was okay, but wouldn't discuss matters further on the phone.
Scully felt exhausted after the short conversation, her imagination more lively and frightening than the truth had ever been.
Looking around she spotted Mulder on his way over to her, the very sight of him made her heart beat a little faster, as usual, equally commonly, she noticed the approving glares he got from bypassing women.
A woman, standing close to Scully, stubbornly kept her stare on him; he noticed it and returned her stare briefly. Once, she had hated and dreaded, how he always drifted away from her when a beautiful woman was near. Today, she lacked the energy and she had grown older, realising he never drifted, just looked for a short moment.
But he never failed to surprise her, now, with a small smile on his lips, he turned his sparkling eyes to her, and walked close enough to kiss her passionately on her full lips,
"let's give Mrs. Stare something to talk about" he whispered into her ear.
She relaxed deep into his arms. It was a welcome distraction, a display rarely showed in public.
"Mrs. Van De Kamp wants us to come right away and it will take us close to two hours to get there." She managed to say when the kiss stopped.
"The car is ready" but he didn't release her before he had kissed her again, this time gently.
Arizona
8.30 p.m.
It was a typical homestead; like so many they had come across during the years with the FBI. There was no close neighbours and no personality to the place, except the small children's playground in front of the house. Scully felt a pain of longing in her heart
when her eyes landed on it. Again, she felt the warmness from his hand squeezing hers. It was so different and yet so familiar to the days six years ago.
Mulder parked the car and slowly she opened her door, her body felt stiff and unmoveable. When she was half out of the car, the front door opened and a man and woman appeared on the veranda, they fit in here. Both were commonly looking with brownish hair and plain dresses, they seemed to be used to hard work outside.
Scanning their faces, Scully saw warmness and gentleness in both features and her heart warmed a little, they were good people. They were not her and Mulder, but she was sure, they were able to love a small boy honestly.
By the time she got out of the car Mulder was standing next to her, Grateful, she found his hand.
"You ok?" he whispered.
Nodding her head slightly, she started walking towards the Van De Kamps.
"Mr. and Mrs. Van De Kamp" she asked with a shaking voice.
They nodded. "I am Dana Scully and this is Fox Mulder"
"Yes, we were expecting you, come in" the man offered in a not too friendly voice. His wife stepped forward and accepted Scully's hand. "I've been waiting for you, do come in." Before she turned around, she nodded kindly to Mulder.
Exhaling, Scully gazed at Mulder, he met her eyes in a reassuring way, but she could tell he was as lost and nervous as she was. The inside of the house matched the outside; it was comfortable but told little of its inhabitants, the only colourfulness in the
first floor was the toys spread on the floor.
"Oh I'm sorry about the mess but I've just put Will down to sleep." Mrs. Van De Kamp apologized.
"No need to apologize" Scully stated, it calmed her nerves to see hard evidence of a boy living in this house. Her sacrifice hadn't been in vain, she hoped.
"I don't mind" she took a deep breath, if any of this was true; this was the woman who had been William's mother for almost six years. Mrs. Van De Kamp may not be what she had wanted for her son, but the woman appeared trustworthy.
Was she trustworthy?
They had been played a hook so many times before and this was her bleeding point, her soft spot. Her son!
"Please sit down" Mrs. Van De Kamp pointed to the sofa, "Gerry, will you get the coffee?"
She followed Mulder to the sofa and situated herself beside him, instantly he inched closer to her and took her hand in his. She was still unwilling to ask any questions and
he seemed to be as cautious.
She looked at the slightly older woman sitting next to her in an armchair, the woman folded her hands in her lap, nervously biting her lips and avoided looking at them. Finally, looking up she made eye contact with Scully.
"I can see where he has got his eyes from, his beautiful eyes." She half smiled, "you must wonder why I called you, Gerry wonders too, but I just knew it was time. It was always just a matter of time." Pausing, she looked at her hands again.
"I used to ask why a mother would give up a perfectly, healthy child, I doubted the mother could be well in her head, and expected Will to be badly hurt by someone this cold."
Trembling, Scully broke the brief silence, "It wasn't easy; never has been. It was a difficult time."
"Oh, don't worry, after a short period of time, I came to understand that Will come from a loving mother, he was so well-balanced and trusting."
Scully relaxed.
"Will cried a lot when he first came, I figured it was normal and I even fooled myself into believing, he couldn't remember his real mother. That every time he looked into thin air with questions in his eyes and started to cry, when he didn't find
what he was looking for, was normal behaviour for a baby. I had wanted a child for so long and I loved Will right away."
"You kept his name, William?" Scully asked very softly, she hadn't moved an inch in the sofa but her hold on Mulder's hand had become hurting.
"No, not at first, we wanted to name the baby after Gerry's father; Henry. But Will screamed loudly every-time we called him that, even after weeks. We gave up and called him William again, after that he began to settle in."
"Thank you" The tears was now running down Scully's chins, her baby had known what had been lost.
"Like I said, Will settled in, he never stopped looking for something but he was happy. His first word made me so happy, it was mommy. For days I was walking on clouds, until I realised he never looked at me, when he said mommy, but stared into the thin air, every-time. A few weeks later he said mom to me, then I knew. Unlike what all the experts say, Will remembered his real mother and he still longed for her. For you Mrs. Scully!"
She looked Scully in the eyes, "he is a special boy and you must have been very special with him since he remembers."
"He was a miracle child from the start" Scully explained, locking eyes with Mulder, she continued, "at least to his dad and I." He smiled back at her with unshed tears in his eyes.
"Oh, you're the father?"
"Yes, yes I am" Mulder stated.
Mrs. Van De Kamp looked confused but looking closely at Mulder she smiled, "I can see that. Will grew and learned more words; he was a fast speaker, eager to learn. When he was about three, he started to talk about his other mommy. His first mommy,
he calls you. He would say you used to sing to him and told meyou had the same colour of eyes as his. And he was right; he has his eyes from you and the shape of his face. It's scary when he speaks that way, he still does. I think I would have been sacred to death, if I hadn't learned from very early on to accept him like he is. Accept that I only would have Will for a short period of time. He never belonged with us. Gerry just won't accept it."
"What do you mean with that you would only have him for a short period of time? Is he sick?" Mulder had to ask, he knew how Scully's mind worked.
"No! He is not sick, but he just a special boy and he made it clear from the beginning, that he wasn't to grow up here."
"What do you mean Mrs. Van De Kamp?" Scully leaned forward, her heart beating fast, had William been in danger?
Mr. Van De Kamp came to them with mugs filled with hot coffee and chocolate chips. He placed the mugs before them together with a pot of milk and a bowl of sugar. Afterwards he went to stand behind his wife. It was clearly, this meeting hadn't been his idea.
He squeezed her shoulders as he was trying to prevent her from speaking.
"Will is special; he senses people and their intentions. We have always kept quiet about that, not knowing what to make of it. Sometimes he knows what will happens before it happens. And he never stopped talking about the day you would come for him. Gerry always said it was natural for an adopted boy to hope for that, that it didn't mean anything."
"But you thought it did Mrs. Van Der Kamp?" If it wasn't for the thickness of her voice, she sounded exactly like she was questioning a witness, in the days.
"Mrs. Scully"
"Just call me Dana"
"All right and I'm Molly. I hoped for the longest time that Gerry was right but I can't deny the truth, Will wasn't just hoping, he was expecting it to happen and now…"
"Now what, Mrs. Van De Kamp?" Mulder studied the woman, something was left unsaid.
"A week ago official men came to our door, claiming they gathered blood samples from all the kids in this area. Will wasn't home when they came and when he heard me talk to his dad about it, he said they mustn't find him. He's just a little boy, why does he say such things? It's like he knows something but he can't, he is just a boy."
"Why would they collect blood tests from the children, Molly?"
"They said they want to improve the vaccine program."
"What else happened?" Scully was alert, she had always feared this, that the super soldiers would find her son. She leaned forward in her seat, unable to relax.
"When I drove over to drink coffee with Melinda, she said nobody had come to her house to gather blood tests from her children. Her youngest is at Will's age. I just knew it was time. But I didn't have any information on you."
They shared a long look before Scully withdrew her eyes from Mulder's, this had nothing to do with a vaccine program.
"How did you find me?"
The question made Molly smile, "well, I called the adoption agency, the woman who handled the adoption refused to give me any information, at least, until I lied and told her Will was sick and I needed some information. She said she could do nothing until she had his medical journal. That made me nervous, until I remembered the medical
examinations Will had been though, before he came to us. When I reminded her of them, she gave me your information. Luckily, an agent Reyes had updated her on you a few days before. I found that odd, an agent?"
This was getting more and more weird by the minute; Scully saw her thoughts reflected in Mulder's eyes, when she shared another gaze with him.
"Have the men been back for the blood test?"
"No, they will come tomorrow afternoon, that's why I asked you to come tonight."
"Have you reason to believe the men will hurt William?" Mulder steadied his voice, it was what he feared.
"It seems odd that they only want a blood test from Will, they still haven't been to Melinda's homestead. And Will have been worried. Has this something to do with you Dana or you Mr. Mulder?"
"We used to work in a special unit with the FBI, it endangered William's and our lives. It was one of the reasons why I gave him up. He was a very special boy, when he was born." She offered no more.
"It breaks my heart, but I think you should leave with the boy in the morning. I've asked the agency to write up new adoption papers."
"Thank you Mrs. and Mr. Van De Kamp" Scully cried, soon she felt Mulder's arms around her and she cried quietly into his chest.
"I only want what is best for the boy." Molly quietly replied, she was crying as well and her husband offered no comfort.
"If you are ready, I will take you to Will, he is sleeping but you must be dying to see him."
Molly stood up, Scully and Mulder followed her example, abruptly. Scully felt faintly, dizzy and afraid to believe, she was about to see her son for the first time in six years, afraid the boy wouldn't be her son or that Molly would regret her offered sacrifice.
The law was on Molly's side, if she regretted before the papers were signed, William would disappear out of her life again, and she would only be able to watch it happening.
Fortunately, she wasn't alone this time, Mulder was here. For the past six years they had hardly been apart, just recently with Mulder becoming involved with the FBI again.
They followed Molly upstairs and down the hall, a soft light came from a door left ajar. Silently, Molly walked to the door and pushed it open.
Scully exhaled heavy and tightened her hold on Mulder's hand, before she stepped into the room just behind Molly.
It was impossible for her to see the bed in the dark, therefore she took a quick look around the room. It was held in blue colours and it felt cosy until her eyes landed on a shell full of spaceships. Unexpectedly, she shivered from cold fear; it was the last thing she wanted around her son, alien toys. She felt Mulder stiffen when he followed her stare. Ironic, how the past caught up with them these days.
Focusing on Molly, she was waved over to the bed. Bathed in the soft moonlight lay William. He was a slender boy with pale skin, the same colour of hair as Mulder and…and he had the same mouth as Mulder! She bowed down and gently patted his chin with her
index finger, almost afraid to touch him, afraid he would vanish into thin air.
God he was beautiful!
A true miracle.
Could this really be her son, her and Mulder's son?
Tuning into her surroundings, she felt Mulder beside her, he was also kneeling down beside the bed. His face expressed awe and gratefulness. He turned his head and leaned his forehead against hers; "he has your nose" he whispered gladly.
Smiling, she added "and your mouth"
"Hope you don't mind?" he joked. He always did when he became emotionally.
"I don't" She giggled quietly, "you've a perfect mouth."
"Ah, thank you."
They watched the boy for a little while, both in awe. They had given life to this miracles boy. Adjusting to the fact that William wasn't a baby anymore they just breathed him in, logically Scully had known, her son had grown but without images, he had stayed a
baby in her mind.
Briefly, she detected a touch of his unique baby smell she had cherished so much, she was back in her old apartment watching her baby sleeping in his crib. The time had been so bittersweet, her payers had been answered. A baby with Mulder, it had been her
biggest wish for years and it had been granted. But everything had gone wrong; Mulder was forced to leave them and her baby was in danger and too special to be safe.
Everything appeared to come with a price.
Closing her eyes tight, she calmed herself before opening them again to find Mulder next to her, his arm around her shoulders and her son alive. Perhaps new prayers had been heard.
Reluctantly, Mulder stepped away from the bed "I think we should go down to the Van De Kamps again"
As disinclined, she agreed "But what if Molly is lying, what if we never see him again?"
"We will, I promise you" he kissed her on the forehead. She had scarified so much, always following him. Her loyalty humbled him, kept his feet on the ground.
They took a private moment in the hallway, clinging to each other they found comfort and hope, hope they had lost six years ago. The shadow always hanging over their relationship had brightened and for the moment allowed small rays of moonlight though.
Hand in hand they re-entered the living-room. Molly was sitting alone at the dinner-table, Gerry was no where to be seen. Clearing his throat Mulder got Molly's attention, she looked up at them with an expression of clarity and sorrow.
"Dana, I've something you wanna see, please come" hesitating, she looked from Scully to Mulder and back to Mulder again, "you're welcome too, Mr. Mulder"
Puzzled, Scully chose the chair next to Molly, "you know Molly, Mulder is not the reason why William was put up for adoption."
"Oh, but I was told you were a single mother…?" Sending Mulder a sharp look she stopped her sentence.
"Due to the circumstances I was, but it never really was our choice. We both wanted William" There was no anger in Scully's voice, she would have come to the same conclusion, if she been walking in Molly's shoes.
"Mrs. Van De Kamp, if it had been an option, I would never have left Scully and William, I whish I had been there to protect them. But the truth is; that my presence would have put them in more danger. It was never easy, believe me"
"And what about now, will you leave?" clearly, she mistrusted him.
"No! I will not leave them again. It will not be an option this time." The question had been asked by a stranger, and he answered her, but his focus was on Scully, and it was her eyes he looked into, when he answered and her hand he caressed.
Obviously satisfied, Molly pushed an open picture album in front of Scully, "these are pictures of William. This was taken on the day he came to us."
With teary eyes Scully caressed William's face on the picture; he was wearing the clothes she had carefully chosen for him. Memorizing their last morning together she felt the same pain, the same hopelessness and the same unbearable hole in her heart. She had forced herself not to regret, not to run as far away with William as she could; knowing it would solve nothing. And the hope of ever seeing Mulder again had become dull.
She heard Mulder gasp beside her, realizing that he never had seen William in this age. She pitied how much he had lost, turning her head, she gently kissed his chin.
"It's okay, Mulder. We will be okay, now."
"You deserve more Scully, you have so much more to do with your life."
"Now, I've all I ever wanted." Her eyes never wandered from his.
"I can't loose you!" he pleaded.
"You won't"
Smiling, they directed their attentions to the pictures.
Later Molly showed them into a spare-room, her hospitality was generous; she welcomed them into her home even though they would offer her great pain in return. Mulder left the women alone to get a few of their things from the car.
"Do you have other children, Dana?"
"No, I can't have anymore children." They shared their disabilities to conceive and the pain.
"Goodnight then." Molly left, Scully listened to the distant footsteps; they stopped before they reach the bedroom, just outside a small boy's bedroom. Ignoring her own longings,
she closed the door to allow Molly some privacy on her last night with her borrowed son. Scully and Mulder's son.
As soon as she slide into the bed Mulder dragged her into his arms, resting her head on his chest, she exhaled and relaxed her tense muscles. His familiar scent never creased to bring her a deep sense of security and a feeling of belonging.
Even, when she had denied her deeper feelings for him, she felt an unexplained belonging in his arms. Perhaps that was why, she never had searched elsewhere and why he hadn't neither.
"I will take a blood test when we get home" she stated tiredly.
"You doubt that he is our son?" he sounded unsurprised.
"No, not really. The Van De Kamps and the homestead fit the profile agent Reyes gave me when she came back from here, and she told me he was in Arizona. I just need to know that he's still a healthy boy."
"You never told me he was in Arizona?"
She hated the hint of hurt in his voice, "no, I feared we would start searching for him, if we both knew his location. I thought it would be my punishment to bear, I'm sorry"
"Scully, are you still scared that I haven't forgiven you?" with his index finger he lifted her head up so their eyes locked.
"No," she lied, "well maybe… I don't know, Mulder."
"I have never blamed you, Scully, you did what you had to do. You had no choice. There is nothing to forgive!"
"Thank you" she whispered.
"What about you, Scully, have you forgiven me?"
"Like you said we had no choice. I wish you had been there during my pregnancy and when William was still living with me, but I have nothing to forgive you. It was how things were."
"I just hope in time we will forgive ourselves." He muttered.
"I'm scared Mulder, what if Molly changes her mind during the night, what if William is traumatised by us taking him away from his home. What if we can't protect him, what if it starts all over again?" She was crying now.
"I can't promise you anything, Scully, except that I will be there through whatever happens. We have to believe everything happens for a reason, we have been given a second chance and we fear the possibilities. But the truth is still the same."
"Which is what?"
He claimed her lips in a long and deep kiss.
Arizona
April 9th 7 a.m.
They had managed to get a few hours sleep, something they both would swear had been impossible, but their bodies had caught up with them eventually. Now, they sat on the bed fully dressed, the sun had just come up and promised a beautiful, sunny day. In silence they held on to each other's hand.
The silence were broken by small, running footsteps stopping outside their door, eyes meeting eyes in a state of shock were disturbed by a door being pushed open. It was their door, now, wide ajar.
The brown-haired boy hurried into the room, his eyes were locked on the woman frozen on the bed, his stare intense and demanding until he stopped inches from her.
Looking into a pair of familiar eyes Scully smiled softly and reached out for her son. Placing her hands on his small shoulders, she kept staring into the boy's eyes; they were identical to her own. Holding his face between her hands, her thumbs caressed his cheeks. He was so beautiful, perfect.
"Mommy" The boy whispered with no doubt in this small voice.
"Oh, William" she whispered back.
"I remember you, you cried a lot when I was a baby but you always sang to me."
"How can you possible remember, you were so young."
Tears ran generously down her face. She drew him into her arms in a tight hug, while she, at the same time, patted his hair.
"I just do." He stated.
"William, I would like you to meet your father, Fox Mulder" It demanded all her willpower to let William out of her strong embrace.
She watched how father and son studied each other in silence, Mulder with tears in his eyes and William with a revealed expression, like a question had been answered.
"I don't remember you so I thought you were dead and that's why mommy cried all the time."
"I'm not dead" Mulder replied, before he hugged his son for the first time since William was a few days old.
Eye-locking, they shared a moment of peace, a moment of bless, they had never dared to hope for, secretly, prayed for but never truly believed in. Both were touched beyond words, both afraid this would be a stolen moment with a future taken from them.
It all depended on others, always had. They could only hope it wouldn't forever.
She had seen love for her in his eyes before, in fact it had been there almost constantly for 15 years, but in this moment it wasn't mixed with fear. Fear of loosing her and fear of being the reason to her exit. She pulled both of them into her arms, something
she hadn't been able to do in such a long time, not since the few days they spent as a family, almost seven years ago.
The moment was broken, when Molly announced her presence by knocking on the door, "breakfast is ready, please hurry."
For a long time she stared at William in his parent's arms, her stare made Scully uncomfortable and she broke the tender moment. She too well remembered the heartbroken pain, when she was forced to give up her son, and when Mulder had disappeared.
In respect of the woman, she leaned slightly away from her family. Refusing to accept her withdrawal Mulder pushed her closer to him again, feeling her tense, he looked up and saw Molly. Sensing the conflicts in both women, he let go of Scully after a reassuring hug.
William ran to his mom and hugged her, "see, I told you my mommy would come, and my dad also came."
"I never doubted you Will," she smiled to the little boy, "I just didn't think it would be this soon. Are you ready?" The question held a deeper meaning.
"Sure mom, I packed yesterday." There was no sorrow to see in his face, he was an extraordinary boy, a wise boy in a young body. Not what Scully had wished for her son.
But better than how he had started out.
"Come with me Will" Molly took the boy by hand.
"Hurry mommy and daddy" he yelled when he left the room.
"Scully, you ok?" Mulder came closer to her, watching her intensely.
"I will be when we're leaving; I had stopped praying for seeing him again until recently. I gave up." Staring blindly at him, she was lost in her own world.
"What changed your mind?" Needing a physical connection he found her hand, it was cold.
"Father Joseph Crissman!" the glare she gave him was stern, demanding him to keep quiet.
"He did? When?" Not one to take hints, he asked anyway.
"On the ice field he told me not to give up, I thought the words were meant for you but you told me, Father Joseph said those words to me and not to you. That they were meant for me. It made me believe; I shouldn't give up on Christian, err and you…"
"Why me?" He looked curiously at her.
"I was about to let you go, Mulder." Tears shed in her eyes as she held her breath.
"I know, but I wouldn't have let you go"
"But it wasn't you or Christian I had given up on, it was William. I had accepted to pay my penalties for my sins."
"You don't believe that…paying penalty?"
Mischievously, smiling she replied, "I don't?" She wasn't sure herself.
"I know you belong to the Catholic Church, Scully, but it's just about controlling. Is it because I wasn't there? "
"Mulder, not everything is about you!" She stared directly at him.
"Was that why you wouldn't help me with the case?" He ignored her statement like he usually did.
"Yes" She bit her lip from inside and looked at her shoes. "I refuse to give more to the darkness, and it felt like I was loosing you all over again. Like I would pay with everything I love. I've follow you for 15 years now and almost lost you repeatedly, I can't do it anymore."
"You are always the one to rescue me, Scully, you've been my constant for15 years, the only one I trust. This time we will walk the path together, I promise. You won't loose me."
"Thank you"
Entering the kitchen they found the Van De Kamps. William enjoyed his breakfast but it seemed harder for the spouses to eat anything. Molly nodded for two chairs and handed Scully some papers.
While Mulder poured them two cups of coffee, she scanned the papers; it was new adoptions papers, already signed by the Van De Kamps.
"They came by e-mail this morning." Molly explained.
Scully looked closely at the papers, they looked similar to the ones she had signed years ago. With no reason to doubt the authority, she took the offered pen from Molly.
"Just sign my copy and take the other two copies with you. I prefer that you send the papers to the agency," Molly said with mo emotion in her voice.
Looking at Mulder, she hesitated, she never rushed and always doubled checked her information, but she had little doubt that Molly was sincere and that William was their son, he nodded. Signing the paper, she realised her name was the only one signed as the adopting parent. Her eyes flew to Mulder's.
"It's okay, Scully." He didn't look okay with it.
"It's not. We will change it." It was about time he official became William's father.
"Maybe it's still best to be quiet about his fatherhood, it was never common knowledge."
Hating the lack of emotions in his voice, she firmly stated; "I'm tired of all the secrets!"
"Okay" he wasn't one to object to that.
"I think you should leave right away." Gerry spoke for the first time since they arrived.
Scully swallowed the last piece of bread and sorted the copies out, leaving one for the Van De Kamps, assured it was rightfully signed, she stood up.
"We will pack the car while you say goodbye," she reached for Molly's hand "we will take good care of him, we've always loved him, always will. Thank you"
The gift was the greatest sacrifice and received with respect. Time had passed and now the roles had reversed.
Standing beside the car, she exhaled deeply, supporting her body on the car, she played with the cross hanging around her neck. "It is real, Mulder, we got him back. I've the signed papers"
"You prayed a lot." He gently joked. Memories of returning and finding her heavy pregnant played in his mind.
"Huh?"
"You told me that when I was struggling with your pregnancy, thinking you had replaced me, remember?"
"I did, didn't I? So much for you hunch, Mulder." Raising one eyebrow, she kindly mocked him.
"Ohm, what can I say; I was jealous"
"Jealous?" She looked sceptical.
"Yeah, I wanted to be the father, be like we used to be again and agent Doggett didn't help."
"Agent Doggett?" Bewildered, she looked at him.
"He was sweet on you, Scully, don't tell me you didn't know. It was obviously. He would've jumped all over you, baby or not and you cared for him" He pouted childish.
"John Doggett was a great support when you were gone, both times. And he saved my life, he was trustworthy. I didn't flirt with him or other men, or ditch you for any of them." She was hurt and it came out as anger, didn't he know her better than that?
"Who did I flirt with or ditch you for?"
"Try with Phoebe Green, detective White and Diana Fowley."
"Okay, I was burnt with Phoebe, guilty as charged but with detective White, I never was guilty. She jumped on me. Diana was a friend until she stabbed a knife into my back, I never flirted with her!"
"A friend! She stayed the night with you, in your bed!" she never broke her gaze, she was being childish but the stress got the better of her.
"Scully, I was sick!" quietly he added "I throw her out of my bed, you had barely left it how could I invite another woman into it. And I never asked her to come, she found me."
"You never told me" she softened, stepping closer to him she willingly went into his open arms.
"You never asked. And I asked for you repeatedly, you know that."
"Yeah." She relaxed and cherished his arms around her.
The homestead door reopened and out stepped William with a small Spiderman bag on his back, the Van De Kamps followed behind, both red-eyed from crying. William turned around and kissed them one last time, before he walked down to his parents.
Scully helped her son into the car and fasten the seatbelt in the child's seat that Molly had given them. She paused and smiled to him before she buckled him up, unable to stop herself, she bent down and kissed him softly on the forehead.
"You're ready, sweetheart?"
"Yeah mommy." Smiling, he seemed in good spirit though his eyes were tear-filled. If he had been heartbroken, she doubted she would've been able to take him with her, wanting the best for her son, but luckily it wasn't the case. Her son wanted to come with them and he wasn't scared of them. She was truly blessed.
"Let's go home" Mulder said to them both, his words rushed her into the car.
"Okay dad." She giggled happily.
For a while they drove in silence, images of Gibson kept running though Scully's mind, she hoped Molly's hinting at William's ability of sensing things, didn't have any similarities to
Gibson's ability of reading minds.
She prayed, Spender had been honest in claiming the injection had turned William into an ordinary boy. But could the boy be ordinary with the parents he had, and the things performed on their bodies? Both had been exposed to alien virus and possible alien DNA.
"Where are we going?" William asked from the backseat.
"West Virginia, that's where we live. We have a big house with a big garden. We'll have to decorate a room for you, sweetheart." Scully answered.
"Is that far away?" He sounded more curious than worried.
"Yes, we have to catch a plane. We will be home in the afternoon."
"Why don't you have more children?"
"It wasn't easy for us to have you, son, I don't think we can have more children." This time it was Mulder answering the question, knowing it still troubled Scully, that they most likely wouldn't have any more children.
He looked from William to Scully; she was troubled he could tell.
The drive to the airport was peaceful with William endless line of questions. He was a curious and talkative child. His eyes closely followed Scully, and she often turned to
him or looked at him in the car mirrors. What was a normal ride for most people had until now been an unreachable dream for them.
In the airport they headed for Dairy Queen both William and Mulder were hungry, they blended perfectly in with the other families and were rewarded with smiles and hugs from William. It was his first time in an Airport; his adopted parents had been plain hardworking people who never had time to travel.
On board the plane the boy was excited, he beamed when he got the seat next to the window and his mother. He had been worried, when she had left them for a short stop in the airport but eased, when she returned 10 minutes later. Reassuring him she would always come back to him, no matter what.
Scully looked younger and happier, almost like she had when they started sleeping together. He hadn't realised how stressed she was, not until now, when he saw the hard lines disappearing from her face. To him she had stayed beautiful but now she was stunning, glowing with happiness.
He wasn't the only one gazing at her; many men turned their heads in the plane just like others had done in the Airport. Briefly, he frowned, since quitting the FBI they had lived quietly, without competitors demanding attentions. But he remembered the years
with the FBI and how many times, he had been asked to put in a word to Scully from a smitten agent or law man. He was sure it hadn't been so much the other way around; he was spooky Mulder.
"What is it, Mulder?" She had watched him for a while without getting any reaction from him.
"Nothing." He lied
"It must be something" she took his hand, knowing every look on his face, something was troubling him.
Turning his head towards her, he smile boyishly; "just thinking I should start working out, I'm an old man"
"Working out, huh, why?"
"Come on Scully, you must se all the dribbling men, and well, I'm no Eddie Van Blundht"
Giggling, she leaned her face close to his, "I hope not! It would be an X-File."
"Yes it would, and not a case I would like." Now, he was smiling too.
"Mulder, I don't see them. Where are they?" Faking interest, she searched the plane with her eyes.
"They are everywhere!"
"That's a little paranoid even for you, Mulder."
"What can I say I'm an alpha man."
She was touched, today he had twice expressed his feelings for Whiney's attraction of Mulder had brought old times back, but since giving birth to William, she had never doubted his feelings and loyalty towards her regarding other women. But chasing
the monsters and truth was another matter. It was impossible to compete with that.
Leaning closer he kissed her, normally, they never expressed affections in public, both feared it would give their enemies a fatal upper-hand, an upper-hand they had had anyways. She leaned in to deepen the kiss. Still, he was a breathtaking man.
"You're not that old, Mulder." She jested.
"Ah, thank you" he laughed
West Virginia
April 9th 3 P.M
Stepping out of the car in front of their house, she saw it with new eyes. Picking the house had been a matter of housing them, trying to get stability in their lives. They had lived here for a year. Moving here because she wanted to work as
a medical doctor with children, needing to be near children, and she had wanted to commit to her faith, therefore choosing a Catholic run hospital.
It had been a mistake, she despised the power the fathers had over the board; their way of practicing wasn't in line with her belief. And they had needed a small town with little interest to the Government of FBI.
It was a large house but was it appealing to a child? William looked tired; picking him up from the seat she carried him into the house.
"Would you like a nap sweetheart?" she asked, "or are you hungry?"
She enjoyed the feeling of his head nesting into her shoulder. A big burden had been lifted from her shoulders, today.
"Tired" he mumbled. She walked to the bedroom and sat him on the bed, gently helping him out of his clothes and tugging him in.
"Sleep well William,"she whispered before kissing his rounded cheek. He smelled so good.
"Is he sleeping?" Mulder was making coffee for them in them in kitchen.
"It won't be long" smiling, she accepted the mug of instant coffee. "Ohm, a lifesaver."
"Yeah, "he smiled back. "You want to go shopping later?"
"Huh?" the coffee was just perfect, "sure, we need a lot of things. He needs new clothes and furniture and toys. It will be fun." Lifting her eyebrow, she stared at him.
"It will!" he joked, "I can start painting his room tomorrow, when are you due at the hospital?"
"I will ask for a week or two off." Gazing at him she added, "it will be good to slow down for a while,"
"You keep saying that but you never do" he blinked.
It was the truth; she had wanted to slow down for years but ended up working as much as usually.
He, on the other hand, never wanted to slow down but circumstances had forced him to.
Resting on the sofa with new fillings of coffee they smiled at each other, both tired but very grateful.
Like Scully had said it was fun shopping with William, he was overwhelmed with excitement, especially when he was allowed to choose his own bed and the colours for the walls in his room. They bought some new toys, not much, Molly had promised
to send most of his old toys to them. Tired they returned to the house with their new stuff and pizzas.
Tugging the boy in on a madras on the bedroom floor
Scully started to sing;
Jeremiah Bullfrog was a friend of mine.
Never understood a single word he said
but I helped him drink his… milk.
Joy to the world.
All the boys and girls.
Joy to all the fishes and the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me"
Her singing made William and Mulder smile; it was the only song she knew by heart, and therefore the one she always chose. She lingered in the door watching the small boy on the floor. Behind her she heard the phone start ringing. Closing the door behind her, she walked into the living-room.
"Skinner?" Mulder's voice was thick with surprise as he turned to look at Scully, who frowned.
"Now isn't a good time."
"I understand"
"Now may not be the time. We can't come to Washington."
"Ok, see you tomorrow"
"What did Skinner want?" she asked reluctantly, not really wanting to know.
"He wouldn't say in the phone but he's coming tomorrow, said it was urgent."
Sitting down, she firmly said "I won't risk William again, Mulder, I can't do that. I won't follow you, if it put our son in any danger. Not again."
"I won't do that, Scully. But what if this is concerning William, what if that's why he comes?"
"I hope not!"
April 10th 9 A.M
After breakfast the little family started to paint the room that was to become William's, Scully and Mulder had emptied it the night before for the few items it held. Now, William's
clothes were nearly as blue as the walls and so was Scully's nose thanks to Mulder. They had a very good time.
"Mommy, can I go outside and play?" The little boy had become tired of painting.
"Sure, I will help you change your clothes." Scully offered, gladly accepting the break.
"Oh my God!" she got a shock, when she opened the door and Skinner stood right in front of her.
"Scully, good to see you, too." He smiled, "out of practice, I see"
"Come in, Sir." Turning to her son she smiled, "Don't leave the backyard sweetheart, ok?"
"Ok mommy"
"Mommy?" Skinner raised his eyebrows in question.
"Come in and I will explain." She took his coat. "Mulder, Skinner is here!"
"A cup of coffee, Sir?"
"Drop the Sir, Scully. Yes, thank you. Who's that boy?" He comfortably sat on the chair.
"It's William." She spoke quietly.
"William?"
"He was returned to us yesterday by his adopted parents." She sat across the table.
"Oh, I didn't think it would happen this fast."
"You knew about this?" She was angry.
"Knew about what? Good to see you Skinner" Mulder offered his hand, "and thanks for helping saving my sorry ass."
"He knows about William" Scully stressed the words.
"You do?" Mulder sounded less surprised.
"Not that he had been returned but it wasn't a secret where he lived anymore, I got the papers last week. But it doesn't seem that he was in any danger, just that he was being monitored."
"Why? Who is monitoring him?" she demanded answers.
"That I don't know, I just know someone has for the last two weeks and that FBI wants to reopen the X-Files and specifically ask for you two."
"No! I have a son, I won't do that again." She was horrified. "I've lost him once"
"Why do they want to reopen the X-Files" Mulder asked.
"I don't really know, I have just been informed over the last two weeks. They want me to supervise the two of you. You're given carte blanche."
"We have a son now; we can risk everything for the X-Files or put him in danger"
Scully relaxed when Mulder repeated her earlier words, "I nearly lost Scully and we did loose our son. It's a miracle we got a second chance, they don't come often, you know."
"Maybe it will be safer if you returned to The X-Files, that way you have full access to all information and we have agents who can stepped in and protect you. Here you will be on your own."
Skinner watched them closely; his agents looked well and at peace, the break had done them good. He was glad, they had gotten their son back, he knew how Scully had suffered from her loss, but also how stressed she had been, in the short time, she had had with her son.
"You may be right, but I can't travel the country thin anymore. I want to spend time with William every day." Scully was considering his words, her mind spinning.
"I won't ask you to. There will be some travelling but not like in the old days, I guarantee. We will find a form that suits you when we know more about, what we are up to."
Skinner shared their worries, he had hardly been able to protect them in the past, but he was certain, they would be safer within the Bureau and under his protection.
"You old apartment is up for sale, Scully. As I recall, it had a room for William?"
"It did" she softened; so many memories were bonded to that apartment, a fair share of bad ones but mostly good ones. It was in that apartment Mulder had said yes to become a donor to her child, it had failed, but they had managed to succeed on their own. It was where they had admitted their true feelings and stopped playing around, as they had for a while. It had been their safe haven. In Mulder's apartment, they always feared they
were being watched.
"You know the Bureau now has a school in our building, he would be surrounded by armed agents. And agent Doggett has returned to Washington, I'm sure he will help looking out for William." He was trying to smooth her, he wanted them back.
"Agent Doggett is back, how is he?" Scully had come to respect the man.
Mulder looked slightly uncomfortable, in the end he had come to like the man, but the beginning had been hard. For his taste of liking, Doggett had been too interested in Scully.
"Agent Doggett is fine, he asked for you, Scully." Skinner replied.
She didn't comment it.
"Will you at least consider it?" Skinner looked from Scully to Mulder.
Rolling her eyes Scully nodded, she could tell Mulder was interested as always, some habits died hard, or more accurate, personalities.
"I will leave you for now, give me a call soon. I don't think you should wait too long. I will make sure your apartment is still there when you come." Skinner got up and shook both their hands.
April 12th
11 A.M
Scully watched William playing through the window, he was adapting so well to the changes in his life, often, he spoke about Molly and Gerry but never with regret in his voice. Obviously, he cared about them and had called them a few times, but it felt like he had just waited for her to pick him up and resume their lives together. Just like she had done with Mulder so many times over the years, picking him up after long times of separations and resuming their relationship without doubts.
The only awkwardness had been, when he thought she had moved on and been impregnated by another man, she had waited for him to realise the truth and thanks to the Lone Gunmen he had, swiftly.
It was three days since Skinner had been here and still, she hadn't made up her mind, the darkness always found them, and she couldn't hide her family as she desperately wanted.
"What do you think, Mulder?" Feeling him coming into the room, she didn't turn to look. Breaking the short distance between them, he stood beside her, his attention on their son, too.
"I don't know Scully. I still want to find the truth and 2012 is moving closer, you know. What if we can make a difference? I think we are a part of if whether we want to or not,
all three of us."
"He is so young, Mulder, it doesn't seem fair." She turned her head towards him.
"Was it fair that that you were abducted and left barren, or that my sister was taken when I was 12, or that you nearly died from cancer. Or was Emily fair?"
"No, it wasn't fair and neither was your abduction." She locked eyes with him, "you gave me the gift of believing…"
Pausing she turned her eyes to the small boy outside, "maybe I'm believing but need to make sense of why it keeps happening to us." She sighed. "I will go with you."
Taking her into his arms he held her tight, hoping it was the right decision, and that he this time would be able to keep them safe.
"But I want my own disk"
"You got it, we'll just stop moving around in there." He joked, "no, there will be room!"
FBI Headquarter
Washington DC
April 20th 2008
"We can play battleships" Mulder smiled at her, both were sitting in front of their desks, which were pushed together so they faced each other.
Rolling her eyes, Scully looked at the door which opened. In walked Skinner with a woman.
"I don't believe it" Scully said under her breath, the woman was Phoebe, Mulder's old girlfriend.
"How's you first day, agents." Skinner asked.
"Fine and quiet, Sir." Mulder smiled at Skinner, while he watched Scully from the corner of his eyes.
"How is the apartment, agent Scully?"
"It's good to be home, Sir." She admitted, "and a fine desk I have, if I may say so" she stared deadpan at Skinner.
"Huh, good." Skinner looked oddly at her, "I take it you both know inspector Phoebe Green from London, she has something she wants to share with you."
Scully watched Skinner leaving the room before she gave Phoebe any attention, meanwhile Phoebe had walked to Mulder.
"Hallo Fox, long time no see." She looked like a predator ready to eat it's pray.
"Phoebe" he said.
"Ah, hallo agent Scully" Phoebe granted Scully a short stare.
"Inspector Green" She coldly returned.
"Care for a bite to eat Fox, so we can watch up?" Phoebe invited.
"No thanks, I already have a date with Scully. We can discuss the case afterwards. Let's say in an hour." He got up, took his suit jacket from the chair and walked pass Phoebe.
"Ready, Scully?" He leaned in on her, his lips almost touching hers; she could feel his hot breath.
"Huh" it was unlike Mulder to stick to a simple plan of lunch, when a case was handed to him, "yeah, I' m ready." She got up and took the hand he offered her. Hand in hand they walk out of the office.
"Impressed?" he whispered.
"You never fail to surprise me, Mulder!"