"I'm telling you, it's just historically inaccurate."

"Are you still complaining about this?"

Ianto threw his hands up as Jack came back into his kitchen for cutlery. He should have known that taking Jack to see Star Trek was a mistake, but he'd wanted to see it since it came out, and convincing Jack to let him go alone had seemed more trouble than it was worth.

Now, however, he wasn't so sure about that.

"It's science fiction, Jack. It's not necessarily supposed to be accurate. Most people in this time have no way of knowing if it is futuristically accurate or not, and this may come as a surprise to you, but they don't care."

"But…"

"No. Just stop, Jack. You're ruining a fantastic movie for me."

"Sorry," Jack said quietly, contritely.

Ianto turned back to stir his sauce on the hob. "Anyway," he said teasingly, "I think you're just jealous that you don't have a big raised swivelly chair like Captain Kirk."

"Am not," Jack denied.

Ianto raised an eyebrow.

"I don't need a swivelly chair to be cool," Jack insisted. "I could be Captain Kirk without a fancy chair."

"Oh really?"

"Absolutely," Jack grinned. He gathered up the cutlery as Ianto drained the pasta and split it between the two plates on the counter. "I think I'd make a pretty good Enterprise captain, actually."

Ianto maintained a sceptical look as he dished out the sauce and followed Jack through to the tiny dining table in the living room with the plates. "I've seen you trying to order the team around, I can't imagine you with a whole starship."

"Hey! I'll have you know that during the war I commanded a whole troop. They were just a little more disposed to following my orders than you lot."

"You watched that movie with me," Ianto said as they sat down. "The crew of the Enterprise argued back a little more than I imagine the soldiers did in the army. Maybe not as much as, say, Gwen, but …"

"Ah, but I'd have my right hand man to help me keep control," Jack smiled, digging his fork into the pasta. "My own first officer."

"And who would that be?" Ianto grinned. "Spock?"

"Even better," Jack said with his mouth still half full. Ianto glared momentarily and he swallowed before continuing. "I have a Ianto. My very own Mr. Spock."

Ianto chewed and swallowed a bite of pasta. "How did I end up as Spock?"

Jack smirked. "Logical, smart, little bit bossy…"

Ianto nodded contemplatively. "And everyone knows he was shagging Kirk."

"Really?" Jack's eyebrows lifted. "Then what was all that with…"

"Irrelevant," Ianto interrupted. "It's all about the subtext, and the subtext is Kirk and Spock all the way."

"Even better then," Jack nodded. "I'm all for shagging my gorgeous first officer."

"Glad to hear it," Ianto chuckled. "What about the rest of the team though. I'm voting Tosh for Scotty; I don't care if technically she's the wrong sex."

"I'm pretty sure she doesn't complain that much," Jack said.

"Yes, but she does pull miracles out of her hat on a regular basis," Ianto rejoined.

Jack nodded. "You have a point."

"And Owen would make a brilliant McCoy," continued Ianto, rather getting into it now.

"He was that doctor, right?" Jack checked.

Ianto nodded. "Yes, Jack, he was 'that doctor'."

There was quiet for a moment while they ate and thought.

"Who's Gwen?" Jack eventually asked.

"I'm really not sure," Ianto admitted. "Chekov?"