The rights to the characters in this work, and the continuing Dark series, resides within the original rights holders, no copyright infringement is intended. Thanks for letting us play with them in the FF sandbox.
Hi guys, welcome to number four in a series of stories involving Regina and Emma post her possession of the Dark One. Having Shared True Love's kiss Emma has been freed from the control of the Dark One though it remains bound to her. This story follows on from Dark Discussions; several weeks later.
Be aware this story contains explicit sexual references.
Dark Series 04 Dark Diversions
The day was late and Regina and Emma were in the drawing room at Mifflin Street, enjoying some of Regina's apple cider as they relaxed after a strenuous day. Not that either had worked all that hard today, Emma having found a good reason to divert Regina from work into more pleasant endeavours this Friday afternoon, taking her to lunch and following up with a dessert of a different kind, ravishing Regina for hours.
They slowly drank, chatting about anything and nothing when Regina brought the subject back to something Emma had said some time back but which had been forgotten in the press of other matters.
"You said that you have been using your mystic abilities to spy on the town?" Emma shrugged as she replied.
"I may be the Dark One but I'm still Sheriff, so I look in on everyone from time to time, making sure the town stays nice and quiet and safe" Regina nodded, a trifle dubiously, her voice carrying that same tone.
"I'm sure that's the only reason, nothing about a sense of mystic voyeurism of course" Emma smirked before replying.
"This from the woman who used magic mirrors to spy on the town" Not getting a rise from the brunette Emma pushed on. "Given everything that's gone on, it's only prudent, mind you prude's aren't what this town's overrun with" One perfect eyebrow lifted as Regina placed her glass down on the table next to her and sat back, looking over at her lover and asking the question.
"Really dear, exactly who have you been watching when we are not otherwise engaged?" Emma grinned as she replied.
"You'd be surprised at just how many people in this town are sexually bent" Emma's face twisted in thought. "On the other hand you did set this place up and I now know exactly how kinky you are, so maybe it's not all that much of a surprise after all" Regina was supremely unconcerned with Emma's insinuation.
"That is hardly all my fault" Emma glanced her way and spoke.
"No, but I do give you some of the credit" She shrugged. "Credit where credit's due" Regina sighed, a trifle theatrically before replying.
"So what exactly am I supposedly taking credit for, what particularly twisted debauchery have you discovered?" Emma smiled in anticipation, she'd been dying to tell Regina, not sure when the opportunity would come up, now it had she was looking forward to it with relish.
"Well, you do know Vidia, the former Sister Astrid, or Mistress Pain as she now likes to be known to her clientele, is acting as a dominatrix from the basement of her home over on Columbia Street?" Emma smiled widely. "She has quite the varied customer base" Regina's eyebrows tried desperately to reach her hairline as she spoke, the surprise evident in her strangled voice.
"Astrid!?"
"Yeah, except most of them now go by their original names, anyway most of the Sisters couldn't handle Blue's overbearing ways anymore so they followed Tink's lead and got the hell out. Vidia's now a professional dominatrix, in fact Hopper refers some clients her way to help them work off their Enchanted Forest issues" Emma shrugged. "She has a lot of demand for the Evil Queen punishing the naughty servants stuff" Seeing the dark frown appearing on Regina's face Emma held up her hand, smiling reassuringly.
"Don't worry, on her best day she can't hold a candle to you, even in her sexiest Evil Queen gown" Emma let her eyes drift down over Regina's breasts in fond appreciation before looking up and continuing. "Besides, as a fairy she doesn't really get the whole 'evil cleavage' thing happening" With effort Regina took a deep breath, tried for calm and focused past the images that had appeared before speaking, surprisingly calmly all things considered.
"And pray tell what of the rest of the fairies?" Emma shrugged then replied.
"Well I guess you know Tink's shacking up with two of the dwarves, apparently they may not have all the right equipment, being hatched rather than being born and all, but they do come with surprisingly capable tongues, which explains why Tink's been so happy lately" Regina sat back and nodded slowly, her voice reflective.
"She has seemed remarkably…calm and content of late" Regina glanced at Emma. "It would explain quite a bit of her changed personality" She paused then spoke. "I am almost afraid to ask but the other fairies?" With Regina's blessing Emma smiled and pushed on.
"Rosetta and Iredessa apparently concluded that you and I are really happy together so they decided to give the lesbian lifestyle a try, they're now living together over on Maple Road, though their dynamic seems a bit more…stereotypical than ours; Iridessa's the butch and Rosetta's the femme" Emma shrugged, evidently unconcerned. "They have seriously impressive toy collection, in fact they order so many because they do adult toy parties for the town's younger women on the side" Regina closed her eyes for a moment and massaged them, speaking as she did.
"Given we inspired them, so to speak, I suppose I should ask, are they happy?"
"The screams coming from their bedroom most nights would say so" Emma smirked wickedly. "They were simultaneously fisting each other two nights back" The blonde paused and then continued, her voice speculative. "Maybe we should try that someday" Regina's eyes opened and she eyed the blonde for a moment, went to say something then shook her head, distractedly waving Emma on as the younger woman grinned and kept going. "Silvermist's still living in the monastery but she sneaks out to run a floating poker game upstairs at the Rabbit Hole on Friday and Saturday nights, most people get sucked in by the whole girly innocence thing and end up getting taken to the cleaners. She spends most of the money she wins on clothes and shoes, the really expensive, brand label sort" Emma pulled a face at the memory. "You think people would learn but nope, that fairy has a killer instinct. Besides, she cheats" Regina frowned then spoke up.
"Isn't that something the Storybrook Sherriff should look into?" Emma nodded as she replied.
"I did, we had a little chat where I told her that she was good enough to win without cheating, that I'd be watching and that if I caught her cheating again she'd end up working out her sentence at the pig farm, mucking out the pens" Regina smiled nastily, mirrored in her tone.
"Well played dear, for one as prissy about her appearance as her, that would be a fate worse than death" Emma wisely decided not to say something about Regina calling anyone prissy about their appearance…the pot and the kettle analogy came to mind but that wasn't somewhere she wanted to go, she was the Dark One after all, not the Suicidal One; besides she wasn't too fond of sleeping on the couch so instead she changed the subject.
"Periwinkle's working at Elsa's ice cream parlor by day and 'taking care' of August Booth in his puppet form by night, they seem quite smitten with one another, the whole elongated nose thing Pinocchio's got going when he's in puppet form seems to make her particularly happy, plus his being wood means her much lower body temperature isn't an issue" Regina got a faraway look for a moment, obviously imagining the coupling before shaking her head slowly and waving Emma on, evidentally awaiting the next bombshell, she didn't have to wait long.
"Fawn works out at the Animal Shelter, she's got a rapport with the animals that's hard to beat" Regina smiled and nodded before an appalled expression appeared in response to Emma's next sentence. "She and one of the stallions are kind of an item" The appalled response wasn't long in coming.
"What!?" Emma shrugged, completely unfazed by Regina's outburst.
"Chill out Regina, it's not like the fairies are human after all" Emma frowned for a moment in thought then continued. "Same goes for the dwarves as well as Hopper and Booth, in fact plenty of Storybrook's inhabitants aren't necessarily human, despite how they look" Regina shook her head slowly and finally spoke wearily.
"I will endeavour to not let your 'inside knowledge' of the citizenry's particular perversions affect me when I have to deal with them in the future, no matter my own personal opinion" Emma snorted.
"Say's the woman who grew three penises to take me in each hole at once two nights back" Emma raised an eyebrow. "And you call them perverse?" Regina dismissed that argument with an imperious wave of her hand and a smug smile.
"You were the one who brought up the concept of 'air-tight' as I recall" Regina waved a finger at the blonde, her voice lightly teasing. "Besides that was magic dear and consensual besides so that doesn't count" Emma shook her head.
"Denial isn't just a river in Egypt Regina" The lifted eyebrow was pure Madame Mayor.
"I didn't hear you complaining dear" A wicked smirk appeared on Regina's lips. "In fact you didn't say much of anything, just gurgled and moaned as I recall" Emma frowned, not sure if she should be affronted by Regina's enjoyment of the situation.
"You were tickling the back of my tonsils with that tongue-penis thing of yours at the time as I recall, it made it kinda hard to say much of anything" Regina's smirk grew even wider at the vivid memory of Emma spreadeagled under her, being mercilessly taken in all three orifices over and over again, brushing aside Emma's half-hearted objections, she certainly hadn't complained too much to what had been done to her as Regina fondly recalled.
"Details dear, merest details" She changed the subject, trying hard not to let too much relish show in her next question. "And what of our dearly beloved Mother Superior; how has Blue, or should I call her Zarina now, taken all of this?" Emma shrugged then spoke.
"Badly, she's locked herself away in the convent and broods a lot, when she's not stoned" Regina's eyes widened and her jaw dropped, before she pulled herself together enough to speak coherently.
"Stoned, Blue?" Emma smiled and nodded before replying.
"Yeah, she grows some pretty potent weed in the convent herb garden and gets regularly stoned, how do you think she's missed Silvermist's absences?" Regina's puzzlement was obvious.
"How has no one noticed? I doubt she could continue her duties while high" Emma just favoured her with a flat look.
"Exactly what did the fairies do for anyone in this town anyway?" At Regina's silence Emma nodded once and continued. "Nothing that I ever saw, so nothing's really changed" Regina thought about that astute observation and nodded slowly in agreement before turning her mind away from fucked-up fairies to more pressing matters.
"And who else have you been spying on dear?" Emma smiled happily in recollection.
"Most of the town at one time or other, it's pretty interesting, seeing the difference between the public persona and the one after dark" She smiled. "I've looked in on pretty much everyone from time to time; you'd be surprised by what I've seen" Regina sighed, a resigned tone in her voice.
"No, I probably wouldn't" Emma suddenly looked concerned, a question on her lips.
"Did the Enchanted Forest have anything against siblings having sex?" Regina looked up and frowned at the blonde's question then replied.
"It was understood that the children of siblings were likely to suffer horribly, so there was most definitely a taboo about that" Emma nodded and prodded further.
"But same-sex sibling relationships, where no kids were involved, they were okay?" Regina's brow furrowed further, wondering where Emma was going with this as she answered.
"Insofar as the Enchanted Forest was about any same-sex relationships, I suppose yes" Emma smiled.
"Oh good, that's a relief" Regina groaned quietly before asking the obvious question.
"Who?" Emma smiled a trifle naughtily.
"Oh Elsa and Anna" Regina's eyebrows ascended above widened eyes as her voice rose.
"You are joking?" Emma shook her head and replied, amusement in her voice.
"No, Anna and Kristoff share their bed with Elsa, apparently they've taken the whole sisters share everything concept all the way, not that he's complaining" Regina looked contemplative for a moment then spoke, shaking her head slowly as she did.
"No, I doubt he is" Emma suddenly narrowed her eyes.
"You considered having her didn't you?" Regina shrugged, a little too nonchalantly for Emma's liking, before replying.
"As you have oh so recently discovered dear, the sensual heights that two mages can achieve is something that the more mundane cannot imagine. As a powerful magician Elsa was an attractive option, however it never progressed beyond idle speculation" Regina glanced over at Emma. "I had my eye on someone else" Emma's smile lit up the room.
"Oh really, who might that have been" Regina just waved her away dismissively as she spoke.
"Stop fishing for compliments dear, it's unseemly and besides, it was apparent to anyone with eyes that she had her sights set on you, god knows she followed you round like a lost puppy" Emma smiled happily and spoke.
"Yeah, I sort of guessed that, but I kinda had a thing for someone else too" Regina smiled happily at what was not being said before she asked a question.
"Tell me, is Elsa acomplished at more than elemental magic these days, I can't imagine they'd particularly want snow and ice in their bed" Emma shrugged one shoulder.
"If you're asking do they do the same things we do, the answer is no, though some of the things Elsa does with shaped ice..." Emma paused before continuing. "I don't know about you but I don't think either of us would particularly enjoy an ice dildo stuffed up there, but neither Anna nor Kristoff seem to object too much when she does it to them" Regina closed her eyes and rubbed her temples wearily, then reached for her cider, speaking as she did.
"Thank you for that particularly disturbing visual dear, something else I will have to put aside when I meet with them next week" Emma frowned as she thought about that, then asked the obvious question.
"Why would you be meeting with them?" Regina sipped her cider for a moment, then placed her glass back on the side table and replied.
"Elsa is quite taken with the idea of being responsible for the town's annual winter festival. She apparently has offered to ensure that not only will we have a white Christmas, but that there will be ample opportunity for ice sculpting and skating on the lake" Emma thought about that for a moment and eventually nodded.
"Well, as long as she's got it under control..." Regina nodded once and spoke.
I suppose you have not yet finished regaling me with your obviously enjoyable voyeuristic observations?" Emma chuckled and shook her head before continuing.
"Well, ever since we helped Belle and Ruby get together they've been at it every night, well almost every night; they don't do it on the night of the full moon cause Ruby's in her full-on wolf form" Regina pursed her lips in thought for a moment then spoke.
"That would be for the best, in wolf form Miss Lucas would be quite...aggressive in claiming Miss French" Emms nodded.
"Yeah, they're aware of that, so Belle chains Ruby up before she changes, in collars and manacles sized for Ruby's wolf-form, so when she's transformed, she's secured"
"Very wise" Regina pursed her lips. "The wolf can overtake reason, especially on nights of the full moon, securing it is a prudent precaution"
"Not really, Belle sits just out of reach of Ruby all night and teases her for hours" Regina's eyes widened and her voice rose in quite evident shock.
"She does what?" Emma smiled.
"Spends the whole night teasing Ruby while she's in wolf form, keeping her aroused all night" Regina's sudden concern was evident in her tone and expression.
"That is inordinately dangerous, if the wolf was to get loose..." Emma nodded agreeably as she replied.
"Well, there always was a lot of Lacey inside Belle, she's a thrill seeker, she likes to live on the edge" Regina shook her head.
"God help her if the wolf were to escape" Emma pulled a face as she spoke.
"I don't think Belle cares to be honest, she wants Ruby to bite her, to turn her so they can be together, as wolves" Regina considered that for a moment then spoke, her voice contemplative.
"Given her feelings on the curse she has been afflicted with and all it has cost her, I take it Miss Lucas is resisting that idea?" Emma nodded once then replied.
"Yep she is, but I reckon it's gonna happen sooner or later, especially as Belle's getting more aggressive in teasing the wolf" Regina frowned darkly as she spoke.
"Exactly how aggressive are we talking?" Emma shrugged then replied nonchalantly.
"During the last full moon she masturbated for over an hour with her pussy barely a few inches from Ruby's nose while she was restrained, let me tell you it drove Rubes nuts" Regina was appalled, her mouth dropping open in shock before she managed to regain enough control to speak.
"If the wolf escapes, being bitten is the least of her concerns, or ours" Emma nodded ruefully.
"I know, that's why I keep a close eye on them during the wolf time" Emma spread her hands in a 'who knows' gesture. "If she does escape and bite her, I'll transport them both into seperate cells under the hospital, that way Zelena can enjoy having some new neighbors" Regina nodded slowly, obviously thinking it through.
"We could let them out after the full moon, but we would need to have Miss French isolated at the next full moon as she experiences her first change" Emma nodded, then grinned evilly.
"I was thinking we could put them in the next cell to Zelena's that night, let them work out their issues in wolf-form all night while she has to listen" Regina smiled nastily and nodded with obvious respect.
"Nice dear, very nice, I'm sure my sister will enjoy listening to what she hasn't been getting"
"Well about that..." Regina's eyes narrowed and her voice sharpened as she leaned forward.
"What about Zelena?" Emma tried for nonchalant; not really achieving it, knowing Regina's sister was still a very sore point for the brunette.
"Robin's been trying to sneak in to see her for a quickie for the last few months" The rapid thinning of Regina's lips made her thoughts on that well known, even as she spoke, her voice hard.
"He did what?" Emma smiled reassuringly as she leaned forward, one hand coming to rest on Regina's arm comfortingly as she replied.
"Yeah, he stole the key to her cell and made a copy, he is a thief after all. Too bad it won't work for him" Emma smiled evilly. "I see absolutely no reason either of them should get what they want" Regina nodded slowly as she leaned back and spoke, satisfaction in her voice.
"Thank you dear, I appreciate that" Emma smirked, her voice taking on a conspiratal tone.
"Robin's suffering from a mammoth case of blue balls, he's not been able to get himself off for months, no matter who or what he tries" Regina matched Emma's evil smirk.
"Now that is an eminently justified use of your magic, well played dear" Emma was pleased, she'd made Regina happy and that was all that mattered; they shared a satisfied look before Emma spoke again.
"Thank you" They shared a moment of quiet happiness before Regina kicked them off once more.
"I take it you haven't finished with your nocturnal observations?" The blonde grinned happily as she replied.
"Hell no, it's way too interesting for that"
"I'm sure" Regina sighed as she waved her hand. "Get on with it then" Emma didn't miss the interest under the outward disdainful words, smiling as she replied.
"Well, Aurora and Mulan are spending a lot of time together these days" Regina frowned darkly, then spoke.
"I was not aware that either were the type to carry on an affair behind Phillip's back"
"Well, Phillip's got his own issues, he's a regular down at the Rabbit Hole, seems he's got a problem with alcohol" Emma frowned as she continued. "Apparently he always did have problems, but the whole being helpless and turned into a flying monkey by Zelena shtick really brought home his inadequacies" Regina nodded knowingly, sarcasm evident in her voice.
"All the Princes imagine themselves as dashing men of action, heroes riding in to save the damsel in distress, so being proven basically useless and requiring rescue by a woman must have really dented that confidence"
"Yeah, so now he's got two problems named Johnny Walker, one named Red and the other named Black" Emma scowled darkly at the memory. "He gets drunk, then gets angry, then goes home when they toss him out and tries to prove he's a hero by forcing himself on Aurora" Regina's jaw tightened angrily at Emma's words, her words sharp.
"If you knew this why haven't you arrested him?" Emma sighed resignedly then spoke.
"I know, I know, but I can't do anything without proof; something my mystic observations don't count as, plus Aurora wouldn't press charges" Emma pulled a face then continued. "Instead she confided in Mulan who's taken it upon herself to come over on the nights Phillip's out drinking and takes her and the baby back to stay at her house"
"Given her obvious desires for Aurora, that is not going to end well" Emma shook her head once.
"Mulan's all about honour Regina, she wouldn't even consider doing anything behind Phillip's back" Emma shrugged. "Instead she's trying to convince Aurora to formally leave Phillip and move in with her permanently; Mulan's told her that once she's free from Phillip they can be together"
"And does Aurora, as a princess, support this?" Regina pursed her lips then spoke. "Lesbian relationships were frowned upon in the Enchanted Forest, well at least for the daughters of royalty" Emma was puzzled.
"Oh, why?" Regina's jaw tightened as she spoke, her voice clipped.
"Two women together means no heirs my dear and back there all princesses were supposed to do was spread their legs for the kings and produce heirs like good little baby-making factories, the more the better" Emma detected the bitterness in Regina's voice and understood exactly where her mind had gone so she quickly changed topic back to Mulan and Aurora, dragging them back to the here and now.
"Well thank god we're here and now, not back in that pseudo-mediaeval hell hole" Regina nodded and deliberately turned her mind away from the past to the present.
"So what has happened? Has Aurora decided to leave Phillip?"
"Each time Phillip goes out and drinks his way through their money, the day gets closer and closer" Emma pulled a face. "I keep an eye on them because Phillip's realised that Mulan wants to be with Aurora and he's likely to try something" Regina was dismissive.
"Mulan is far more the warrior than Phillip ever was" Emma nodded but counseled caution.
"True, but in this world, a shot in the dark with a firearm's a great leveler and Mulan's job as my deputy means there are people who don't like the fact she enforces the letter of the law" Regina frowned then spoke, a little diffidently.
"Please don't take this the wrong way dear, nor as a blanket an invitation to break the law yourself, but why haven't you dealt with Phillip?" Emma pulled a rueful face, then spoke, a little diffidently.
"I'm trying to be better, I mean you tried to be better to get people to change their opinions of you when they all thought you were nothing but the Evil Queen, I'm kinda trying to do the same thing" She looked away as she continued. "I didn't want to disappoint you" Regina reached out, laying her hand softly over Emma's.
"Thank you dear, I appreciate it isn't easy for you" Emma looked up at Regina and spoke quietly.
"If you could do it, despite everything that happened to you, I should do the same thing too…" She shrugged a little. "…and I don't think me turning Phillip into a toad kinda fits with that" Regina chuckled softly at the thought then spoke.
"On the other hand he could add it to his catalogue of experiences, he has already been a flying monkey, a toad could be a liberating experience" Emma snorted.
"An ass would be more his speed" They smiled at each other, sharing the moment as they both sipped their cider, before finally Regina spoke up.
"It seems your nocturnal voyeurism has had some benefits after all" Emma nodded.
"Yeah, I've learnt all sorts of things, about pretty much everyone in town" Regina nodded for a moment, then tipped her head to regard the blonde.
"Please, just tell me you haven't seen anything untoward with our son?" She didn't miss Emma's slight flush nor the reluctance in her voice.
"Well..." Regina's voice instantly hardened as her eyes narrowed.
"Miss Swan, tell me this instant" Emma looked sheepish for a moment, if the Dark One could ever be said to be sheepish.
"Well, he did kind of inherit the family's genes" Regina's arms crossed, drawing the Saviour's eyes towards two of Regina's more prominent and particularly well-loved assets even as Regina spoke.
"What are you talking about?" Emma thought about sugar-coating it, but Regina did ask…
"Well, Henry, like his father and my father, he's kinda really well...well endowed, especially for his age" The look on Regina's face was priceless before finally she choked out a question.
"I can understand you knowing about Baelfire's...capabilities, but Charming's?" Emma tried for an unconcerned shrug but didn't carry it off all too well, not with Regina there staring at her like that.
"I was kinda curious, I mean haven't you ever wondered why mom puts up with him, he's not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, if you know what I mean" Regina sighed, looking suddenly tired, something reflected in her voice.
"Oh my god, you spied on your parents having sex" It wasn't a question. Emma was completely unabashed.
"Let's just say that Snow has absolutely no complaints in that department, my only question is how she fits it all in without magic" Regina shook her head slowly and spoke, her voice reflective for a moment.
"Practice dear, lots of practice" She suddenly frowned, realising Emma had successfully changed the subject. "We were discussing our son" Her voice hardened. "Finish your explanation" Emma shrugged before continuing.
"Well, let's just say that Paige and Henry must have had plenty of 'practice'..." Emma put the word in air quotes. Regina winced at the thought of her little Prince then looked over at Emma as she spoke.
"What exactly are you suggesting?" Emma tried for nonchalance in her reply.
"Yeah well, they get up to it, or should that be get down to it, several times a week"
"Our son is having sex?" Regina's voice had risen alarmingly. "He's only sixteen for heaven's sake!" Emma shrugged.
"He likes it, a lot" Emma was obviously somewhat less concerned than Regina, but she'd had a while to get used to it. "Kid kinda takes after us like that" She tipped her head in contemplation for a moment then continued as her tone became a little reflective. "Y'know, for someone who isn't using magic he's got great stamina as well as a great..." As Emma trailled off in the face of the brunette's raised hand Regina pinched the bridge of her nose in anticipation of her rapidly oncoming headache then spoke.
"Miss Swan, I don't know what is more disturbing, the fact that our son apparently has an eventful sex life, or that you have been indulging your voyeuristic impulses and watching him" Emma shrugged again, unrepentant.
"I was curious, I noticed he was disappearing regularly and decided to keep an eye on him" She made a hand-waving gesture and continued. "One scrying spell later and voila" Emma rubbed her neck as she continued. "They watch YouTube videos and then recreate what they've seen" Regina's lips twisted angrily, matching her tone.
"And you never thought to mention this to ME!" Emma smiled at Regina's outraged tone.
"I kinda gathered you'd be upset Regina, which you are I might add, so I didn't want to bother you with it" Regina's expression could best be described as epically pissed.
"Bother me? BOTHER ME? Our son is having SEX and you didn't think that little detail might bother me, Hmm?" Emma busied herself with sipping her cider for a moment, then spoke.
"Don't get your panties in a twist Regina; after all it's just sex" Regina was not even close to mollified.
"Really, just sex?" She shook her head. "And will it be 'just sex' when our son comes home to announce that Paige is pregnant?"
"Oh that?" Emma shook her head. "Won't be happening, the kid uses condoms and anyway I took out a little insurance besides" The narrow-eyed look Regina was favouring her with had made grown men wet themselves back in the Enchanted Forest; Emma however was immune.
"What…Exactly…Did…You…Do?" Emma smiled gently, playing her trump card.
"Let's just say he won't be getting anyone pregnant, no matter how much 'practice' he gets in, not until he's at least twenty five" Regina's eyes narrowed even more as she spoke.
"You've cast a spell on him, haven't you?"
"Yeah" Emma was monumentally unconcerned as she played her trump card. "We're both way too young and beautiful to be grandmothers just yet"