~This story is dedicated to the greatest best friend in the entire world! Happy Halloween, girly! This is my birthday gift to you! Hope you like it~
WARNING: You will not find anything canon her folks. If you are homophobic or don't like boy x boy/girl x girl pairings, then leave. This story permits the use of gay and lesbian ships. Don't like, don't read. Also, the following crack fanfiction does reveal the legal/illegal use of marijuana. Under no circumstances should you follow anything that this story reveals (besides getting together with someone you really like) as it could be life threatening (getting addicted to the drugs/cancer). Thank you and please proceed to the story.
EVERYONE IN THIS STORY IS 20+!
It is said that a spark is needed to create a flame. It is also said that one single flame can expand and create a forest fire. Through the ashes can come new life, a new hope for the future. This process will continue through the ages and that brings us to our story today.
The room was quiet as the group of nearly two dozen people stood in the living room of the Uchiha compound. They were split down the middle, each staring at each other. In the middle of the room, on a small table were several premade blunts. On one side stood the Konoha band of heroes. Kakashi, Asuma, Guy, Kurenai, and Tsunade all stood together, lung killers in each of their hands. They were all wary of the people on the other side of the room. In a slightly bigger group off to the right was Tenten, Neji, Ino, Shikamaru, Sakura, and Sasuke. They were playing some type of card game while smoking together. In front of them were Choji, Naruto, Kiba, and Shino chilling on the floor while eating pizza and smoking weed.
On the other side of the living room were the villains. Six people, each with the same defining characteristics and the same name of Pain, stood in a circle. The leader of the group of Pains was smoking, no matter how bad it was for his health. Orochimaru, Itachi, Sasori, and Kakuzu were quietly smoking off in a corner. In front of them, Tobi, Deidara, Kisame, and Hidan were having a blast, laughing their asses off due to the effects of smoking weed. Konan, Kabuto, and Zetsu were chilling off to the side, conversing amongst themselves. No one on either side wanted to interact with the others. However, they couldn't escape the Uchiha compound for a special writer had purposely placed a force field around the compound. So, they all sat within the same vicinity of each other. However, within the next hour, everywhere started to go their own separate ways within the living room of this one large building in the Uchiha compound.
This is where the fun really begins!
Leaning against the wall tiredly, Choji felt his eyelids trying to close as he sat on the floor. Before falling asleep standing up, his stomach rumbled annoyingly, promptly waking up. It was the only thing keeping the Akamichi heir awake due to the sheer boredom of being stuck in a place like this which was entirely the writer's fault. He didn't want to fall asleep around the Akatsuki, even if they weren't after him in particular, it still startled him that the mean and greedy bunch of S-Class criminals were partying – if you could even call this awkward tension that – with them. His hand reached down to grab another potato chip but found that the bag was gone. Choji's eyes widened, fatigue gone as he searched for the last remaining bag of chips. The brunette man scanned the ground, a pair of feet catching his eye. He gulped quietly, raking his eyes up the man's body up towards his face…
Or mask?
For a second or two, Choji thought that an orange lollipop was standing above him. However, with a few blinks, he realized that this wasn't a man-sized lollipop. It was one of the Akatsuki members, leaning above him. The swirled mask was lifted up so only the man's mouth was showing. Choji was about to ask who on earth this could be, but then realization hit him. This was Tobi, the hyperactive Akatsuki member. The brunette haired man raked Tobi's body, hoping not to find a weapon that would plunge into him. However, instead of finding something silver and dangerous, he found the lone bag he'd been eating earlier. He growled, bouncing off of the floor to point accusingly at Tobi, "You! How dare you steal my last bag of chips?"
The dark haired man cocked his head to the side, raising the bag of chips, "When did Tobi get this?"
Choji wanted to pull his hair out at the stupidity of this man, "You obviously stole it from me!"
"Did Tobi?" The man asked, letting out a muffled giggle.
"Yes!" He snarled, his teeth gritted together, "I would really appreciate if I could have it back."
With his other gloved hand, Tobi tapped his chin in thought, "Nope! They're Tobi's now!" The giggle was back, louder than before.
Choji was about to shout at the taller man again but stopped dead in his track as Tobi grabbed a single chip. He felt frozen in his place as he brought the crispy chip to his mouth. Tobi's lips parted, his tongue coming out to lick it before putting the whole thing in his mouth. He hummed in content, savoring the flavor of the lone chip. Choji felt a blush run rampant across his face as he stared at the man he'd just been shouting at. His mind was frozen, bleary as he watched Tobi eat the chips one after another in the same fashion as before. Choji couldn't stop himself from looking at that grinning and moving mouth as Tobi kept eating his chips.
"I see that you like this little display." This voice was much deeper than before. Choji had almost thought that it was that shark-like man he'd seen earlier, but since he'd been looking at Tobi's mouth, he knew that it came from the taller man.
Face completely red, he took a step back, "W-What?"
Tobi chuckled darkly, walking closer to Choji, "You liked what I was doing."
"I-I, no I d-didn't, I just-" A gloved finger rested on his lips, the last potato chip in the other hand.
Choji watched expectantly as Tobi placed the last chip partial in his mouth, moving closer to the brunette haired man. As if knowing exactly what the older man wanted, the Akamichi heir leaned in, sucking on the other part of the chip. Tobi grinned, moving closer as the chip was crunched away, their lips touching. Choji had never felt something as amazing as this. It was heaven on his lips and he was loving every second of it. The dark-haired man pulled away, "I know a place where we can go eat out." That dark chuckle sent chills down Choji's back as he nodded enthusiastically, following Tobi out of the living room and out into the streets.
Konan's eyes were lidded in concentration as her hands working on a paper crane. She felt frustrated working on such a thing. Konan was never one to be upset, but this stupid drug that was roaming her system and messing up her origami took the cake. Her nostrils flared out angrily as her hand accidently crumpled a part of the paper in one fatal move. Her jaw clenched together before throwing the bent origami crane, an amount of chakra accidently drifting into her system as it flew through the air swiftly.
"Ow!" A sudden cry admitted from the other side of the room, "Who threw this?!" Konan suddenly felt herself blushing in realization. A teenager – Tenten, if she recalled – started pushing through the crowds of conversing frenemies, looking around for the culprit. There was a fairly long mark on her cheek, a smear of blood from her wiping it away was evident on her face. Her brown eyes suddenly locked with Konan's before narrowing down at the table she was sitting at. Crumbled pieces of paper and cut up origami heads were evident of who threw the piece of paper at her. Tenten stomped towards her, pointing a finger at the blue haired woman, "You! Why did you cut me?"
"I-" Konan raised her arms in surrender, but her words were shot down by the teenager before her.
"That was a pretty mean thing to do. Here I am, standing around with my friends when this piece of paper just comes flying at me!" She huffed, leaning over Konan with her hands on her hips, "Do you know how that made me feel? I was pretty scared because if I recall correctly, I thought the Akatsuki and Konoha had a mutual agreement right now! Oh, but you just had to start a fight, didn't you? How immature of you. So, what's it going to be? Do you really want to start a fight?"
The only female in the Akatsuki blinked at the fiery teenager before her whose cheeks were literally burning with anger. She shook her head slowly, "…no?"
Tenten's eyes widened in curiosity, her voice calmer now, "Then why did you cut me?"
"It was an accident." Konan sighed, lowering her head and staring angrily at her hands, "I can't seem to do origami right now and I got frustrated. I didn't want to see my failure so I threw it away."
She chuckled, sitting down beside the older woman, "I know exactly how you feel. I get so frustrated when I can't throw my weapons correctly so I just start flinging them everywhere." The Akatsuki member smiled. This girl was just yelling at her and now they're acting all buddy-buddy. How humorous. "By the way," Tenten started, "what were you trying to make? I didn't really get a good look at it when it was flying at me."
Konan picked up a somewhat decent paper crane, "Just some simple origami animals. I was trying to make this little guy's lover but as you know, that didn't go so well."
"That's so adorable!" She squealed, "Why don't you just put a different animal with the crane? Like a dog or a cactus!"
"A cactus isn't an animal." She corrected.
Tenten puffed her cheeks cutely, "So? It's still a suggestion."
"A cactus, eh?" She thought for a second, "I don't think I've ever made one before."
She grinned, leaning forward, "That would be awesome practice, right?"
Konan smiled, looking over at her, "Yeah, I guess so."
"So, what is origami?" Tenten questioned, shifting her body towards her new friend, inching closer and closer. Konan blushed by the sudden closeness of this Konoha ninja but nonetheless started to explain the principles of the great origami that he drug-filled mind would allow. The brunette grinned brightly, "Wow! That's so cool!" She wrapped her arms around the older woman's shoulders and squeezed. Konan gave a squeak as Tenten chuckled, "You should totally teach me how to make something."
"Y-Yeah, sure…" She blushed slightly.
"Thanks, babe!" Tenten smiled and kissed her nose.
Konan gave a cute noise of surprise from the younger woman's actions, her blush growing bigger, "B-Babe?!"
She nodded enthusiastically before leaning closer to the Akatsuki member, "I ask of thee to be my babe!"
"You want me to be your babe?" Tenten gave another nod, just as enthusiastically as before, "Uh… I guess." The brunette Konoha ninja squealed in delight before kissing Konan's cheek. She flushed red, hiding her embarrassment with her hands. However, she peeked behind her fingers and smiled from the sheer happiness of her new babe.
Tenten bit her lip after a few minutes of silence, "Hey babe?"
Konan blushed slightly, but looked up at her, "Yes?"
"Do you want to get out of here?" She asked, winking, "I know a great place where we can make something other than origami."
The older woman's face darkened, contrasting with the color of her hair. She squeezed her legs together but nodded slowly, "Where do you have in mind?"
Tenten chuckled, grabbing the Akatsuki member by the hand before lifting her up, "You'll see!" With that, Konan was dragged out of the Uchiha party room and out into the streets.
Sakura reached over to the table beside her and grabbed a lighter off of the table Konan and Tenten were occupying. They two were too busy talking about weapons and origami to notice the lighter disappear. After a few attempts, Sakura finally managed to get a flame going long enough to lit the blunt in her hands. She inhaled it, letting it brew harmfully in her lungs before exhaling slowly so she could watch the smoke leave her mouth. Under no circumstances would she have every done this. It was all that writer's fault that she found herself in such a situation. The only great thing they did was start a mutual agreement between themselves and the enemies. Sakura has already seen a few of her friends hook up with some evil people. Maybe getting high and hanging out with the enemies will finally rid the world of wars? She laughed at herself. "Like that would ever happen!" She said out loud, taking another breath of weed smoke in a little too quickly. Sakura's eyes widened as she started coughing furiously, tears welling up in her eyes as she banged her chest.
"Looks like someone needs a medic." A voice stated from above her. Sakura peeked up, one of her eyes closed as she kept coughing. Kabuto stood above her, a blunt hanging out of his mouth while slouching. His muscles were completely relaxed and practically slack from the way it appeared before her.
"What do-" Another bout of coughs caught her off guard as he waited patiently for her to continue, "-want, Kabuto?"
"It seems that the dear mademoiselle was in need of a medic." He shrugged, getting down on his knees in front of her while lifting his hands to her chest.
Sakura swatted the palms away, "I can heal myself."
"How rude, Sakura-chan." Kabuto stated in mock hurt, "Didn't your mother ever teach you that it's nice to accept ones offer of help?"
"She also told me not to talk to strangers." She poked her lip out, crossed her arms, and looked away.
He placed a hand on her shoulder, "But Sakura-chan, we know each other. We met at the Chunnin exams, remember? Now I know you need my help if you can't even remember after smoking a few."
"I. Don't. Need. Your. Help!" She stated through clenched teeth.
"Please!" He pleaded, "I promise that I won't ask again if you let me heal your lungs!"
Sakura looked out of the corner of her eye, staring intently at him before sighing, "Fine, but you get one minute."
"That's all I needed to hear." He grinned, letting his hands hover over her breasts as he leaned forward. A blush fell onto her face as Sakura peeked at what this man was doing. She could somewhat feel him working his medical ninjutsu to heal her lungs. They became lighter and no longer contaminated by the fog of marijuana inside it.
She pushed his hands away quickly, "Okay, your minute is done."
"But I didn't get to finish." He whined, their faces barely touching.
"Sorry not sorry." Sakura shrugged, chuckling slightly, "Here, I have another idea."
"Hm?" He raised an eyebrow in question.
She pushed him down to the floor, crawling on top of him. Sakura trailed her hands up and down his chest seductively. Kabuto shivered by such a feeling, his eyes glazed over. She bit her lip, leaning down to whisper in his ear, "Why don't we go somewhere, smoke some pot and do something other than heal our lungs?"
Kabuto smirked, "That's a great idea, where to, mademoiselle?" Sakura licked her lips,hopping off of the man before helping him up. He chuckled, lifting her up in his arms as if she were his bride. With a short laugh, the two were off to have some fun.
Asuma lit another Mary Jane, inhaling the smoke like a professional. He sighed while lounging on the couch before going back to glaring at the door Choji and Tobi had run through a few minutes ago. He flared his nostrils as worry bubbled in his chest. Choji was a sweet kid, everyone knew that, and the last thing the kid deserved was to be tainted by a dopey lollipop idiot who has a food kink. However, the more he looked around the area, the more he could see people pair up before grinding up on each other. So far, three Konohagakure ninjas have fallen victim to the enemy to make love somewhere in the Uchiha compound. It was kind of awful to sit and watch, damn that writer for doing this to them. He sighed again before standing up from the couch. His body collided with something hard and he fell backward onto the cushion. Disheveled, he directed his glare away from the door towards whoever stood in front of him. He blinked before chuckling slightly.
Kiba gave the older man a lopsided grin, "Hey Asuma-sensei!"
"Kiba," Asuma breathed a sigh of relief, glad that an Akatsuki member or Orochimaru hadn't been standing there, "I didn't expect to see you here."
The brunette scoffed, "As if I would miss a party like this!"
He rolled his eyes, handing him a blunt, "Here. Thought you might want to try something better than these little twigs running around here."
Kiba's eyes widened as he took it from Asuma, "Whoa. This thing it huge!"
"Yeah, made it the other day. Let me tell you, they'll knock you off of your ass." He chuckled by the awe of the younger man who had taken a seat beside him.
"Ha, no way that going to happen!" He stated, cocky. He pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit the larger-than-normal blunt.
"Be careful, the first inhale is the strongest. If you pass out from that, I'm taking it back." Asuma warned while the other gave him a dirty glare.
"Whatever." He inhaled slowly, letting it fill his lungs. He let it sit before exhaling harshly, making white smog in front of him take a monstrous shape. He coughed the rest out after he ran out of oxygen to exhale. However, Kiba's face spilt into a grin. He poked the older man's chest, "I told you!"
Asuma chuckled, leaning back into the couch, "Uh-huh, sure."
"You're just jealous that I can smoke better than you!" Kiba shouted, his finger poking the Jonnin's chest once more.
"Me? Jealous of you?" He howled with laughter, "Kid, I've been smoking since I was like nine. You've got a long way until you catch up to me."
"I'm not a kid!" He growled.
Asuma held up his hands in surrender, "I guess someone is a little sensitive today."
"GARH! SHUT UP!" Kiba shouted out.
He blinked before grinning, "Definitely sensitive."
"I'm not sensitive."
"Then you're grumpy."
"I'm not grumpy."
"Moody?"
"NO!"
"So you're not sensitive. You're not grumpy or moody." A sudden thought crossed Asuma's mind as he laughed, "I'm guessing that you're also not horny?"
"NO!"
Asuma blinked, his body halted, "What?"
Realizing what he had said, Kiba's face turned bright red, "I MEANT THAT I'M NOT HORNY!"
He laughed, "Oh you totally are horny, aren't you?"
"NO!"
"You're lying. You already admitted that you were." Asuma grinned.
"I'm not horny!" Kiba stated, exasperated by the whole situation.
"So… if I did this, you wouldn't do anything?" Asuma asked, an evil chuckle emitting from his throat.
"What are you-" Kiba's thoughts were halted as a hand grazed the inside part of his thigh. He blushed furiously, as he struggled to keep a moan from leaving his mouth.
"Ha, I knew it." The older man licked his lips, "Just admit it."
"No…" He stated embarrassed by his actions.
Asuma leaned forward, "Come on, admit it."
"No…"
Their noses barely brushed together, Asuma's hand back on Kiba's thigh, "You sure?"
"No…"
"That's all I needed to know." He pressed his lips onto the younger man's own. Kiba released a moan he'd been holding back and just submitted himself to the feeling of this man's lips on his own. He wrapped his arms around Asuma's broad shoulders, deepening the kiss to a degree that sent them over the edge. The older man pushed Kiba down onto the couch, his lips trailing down from Kiba's mouth, nipping at his neck.
He whimpered like a puppy by the feeling, "Asuma…"
"Hm?"
His face was flushed, "We can't do this here."
Asuma crawled back up to have eye-contact, "Where to, then?"
"Uh…" Kiba looked to the door, the older man above him glancing at it, "There's probably a house we can use for a while." He grinned, getting up off of the couch. Kiba followed only to have Asuma heft him over his shoulder and rush out of the room with a speed only Guy could beat.
Orochimaru had his eyes closed, his shoulders relaxed as he sat on the floor. He leaned against a box of alcohol that he had bought Tsunade from their party earlier before they had ended up here in the Uchiha compound. He was pretty drunk and high which is a bad combination all on its own. The alcohol and marijuana would have probably anyone besides himself and a select few. There was a sudden hand in his hair, raking its hands down in a slowly climatic movement. A jolt ran up Orochimaru's spin, jerking his head away from the invasive hand before turning to look at the culprit. His eyes widened by the curious Konoha ninja. Neji gave an owlish blink, looking down at his hand that had just been playing with the most gorgeous hair he'd ever seen before gazing longingly at Orochimaru.
The older man's heart was beating faster than it has ever gone. Ever since he'd hit puberty all those years ago and that accidental incident with Jiraiya, he'd found out that his hair was a no-go. Under no circumstances would anyone be allowed to do anything with it. It always did things to him that he wouldn't want to share with anyone. However, Neji didn't seem to notice the menacing glare that Orochimaru was giving him as he crawled closer to the nuke-nin.
"You have really nice hair." Neji didn't know if it was him talking or the weed-induced state he was in, "It's soft."
The snake-like man blinked at the Konoha ninja that just kept crawling up to him. He didn't know what to say nor did he know what to do. His yellow eyes quickly bounced up to Neji's head, seeing hair almost as long as his tied into a little ponytail down at the base of his hair. Orochimaru furrowed his eyes, making the other freeze mid-crawl, "You're not supposed to wear your hair like that."
Neji looked down at his dark colored hair, holding it in his hands. "And why not?" The younger man questioned, his white eyes bouncing up to look into the other's own orbs. He said nothing but instead reached forward, taking the tied hair out of the Hyūga's hands. He swiftly untied it, letting the brown locks fall through his fingers. There was a sudden flux of fluttering in his abdomen as he felt the individual strings of hair wrap around his fingers before falling lifelessly beside Neji. He gulped.
Poor Orochimaru shouldn't have lost his concentration so easily.
Before he knew it, Neji's hands were in his hair, trailing and lightly scraping his scalp. The eldest of the two gave a shaky sigh, his yellow eyes closes by the feeling of those skilled hands in his hair. Ever so curious Neji crawled closer, unconsciously pushing Orochimaru down while straddling him on the floor in the middle of the living room. The one on the bottom gave a quiet groan, Neji's hands still grasping his black locks of hair. The Hyūga man shrugged before leaning down and capturing Orochimaru's lips. The sudden influx of pleasure running through him as he made-out with Neji on the floor was slowly starting to get to the older man. Not one to be outdone, the nuke-nin wrapped his arms around the other's shoulder, running his hands through Neji's hair. The two let out a moan together on the floor, not bothering to notice all of the disturbed looks from those that still inhabited the living room.
Neji broke the kiss, "I'm pretty sure there is a bathhouse somewhere in the Uchiha compound that we can have fun if… if you're up to it." Orochimaru smirked as the two rushed off outside, their fabulous hair waving behind them in sync.
Itachi looked over the area, a blunt in his fingers. The air around him was filled with smog from everyone's help in the production of weed. He honestly couldn't believe that Kisame had been able to convince him to smoke something. He honestly couldn't bring himself to like this party except for the fact that previous enemies had banded together to have fun and potentially hook up as Itachi had previously seen. He smiled slightly at that, shaking his head, wondering what it'll be like in the morning. Maybe a war would spew or maybe the world would finally be at peace… well, in Konoha that is.
Itachi stared out into the crowd. Music was blasting from a corner in the room he was currently in and he couldn't help but stare at the people. It reminded him of what the Uchiha compound had been like before he killed them all. Everyone was stoic in the daylight but at night, they became a lively bunch and would frequently have parties like this… excluding weed consumption. He smiled at the memory but frowned once his eyes landed on Sasuke. His little brother seemed to be having a good time, smirking slightly with a blunt in his hands as he laughed about something with that blond headed Jinchuriki.
Suddenly, there was an enthusiastic man standing in front of him. The most noticeable features of the man were his large eyebrows, circled eyes, and black bowl cut. Itachi couldn't put a name to the face but was given a false sense of familiarity. The black haired man gave him a smile, "You are Itachi Uchiha correct?"
"Yes." He replied.
"Brother of Sasuke Uchiha?" He asked.
"Yes." Itachi was suddenly curious with the slew of questions from the man before him.
"YOSH!" The man suddenly shouted, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Itachi-san!"
He shook his head, "No need for formalities, Itachi's just fine."
He nodded enthusiastically, holding his hand out politely, "It is nice to meet you for the first time Itachi. My name is Rock Lee!"
Not one to be rude, Itachi took the man's hand, "It is nice to meet you, Lee." Lee grinned before shaking his hand furiously, threatening to break the Uchiha's wrist. After a few seconds of the fast paced torture, Itachi's hand was released.
"So, how are you liking the party?" Lee smiled, wanting to know more about Sasuke's older brother.
"It is adequate." Itachi stated, "You?"
"It's great!" He replied quickly, practically bouncing around, "It makes me happy to be here!"
He looked down at Lee, "I guess I could say the same if I wasn't forced here." The conversation got awkward and silent, but when Lee was involved, it never really lasted long.
"So, what do you want to do?" He asked, his eyes expectant.
Itachi stared at him for a moment, "What?"
"Do you want to do something? I think I saw a pool somewhere. We can go swimming there! I also saw a board game in a closet upstairs, that'd be fun right?" Lee blabbered on while Itachi just stood there baffled by the man's loudness and enthusiasm. He didn't even look like he was breathing through his excited suggestions. It was strange to watch a grown man talk about fun and childish activates before drifting to how youthful it is to do said activities. Itachi now realizes why Lee gave him a false sense of familiarity. It was all Guy's fault. Lee was waving his hands around frantically, talking absentmindedly about youth and fun things to do.
While both the youth Lee was spewing on about and all of the activates he named were boring, Itachi couldn't bear to stop him. It was becoming fascinating to watch the man's mouth move at a speed only ninjutsu specialists could match and this was normal to him. Itachi kept listening, not really catching everything Lee was saying. His eyes trailed down Lee's body absentmindedly. The man was fit and muscular while still retaining some baby fat in certain areas. Itachi fixed his gaze back to the man's face, staring into his circled eyes. They were lit with a fire burning bright with happiness. He looked back down to the man's mouth, his ears picking up the fast and loud words Lee was saying.
Okay, so maybe he could bear to stop him.
Barely thinking of what his actions might cause for futures ideas, he leaned in and kissed Lee. For once in his entire life, Lee was silent as Itachi pulled away. The Uchiha smirked to himself, wallowing in the silence that overtook the two. "T-That was… Y-You…?" Lee blinked confusedly, touching his lips.
"Here, let me take it back," Itachi stated, leaning down and kissing Lee on the lips again. The taijutsu specialist blushed and gave a surprised yelp. "Lee?"
"Y-Yeah?"
"I know what I want to do." He said.
The blush was gone as excitement appeared in his eyes, "Like what?!"
"This." Itachi wrapped his arms around Lee's waist and pulled him close. The blush was back twice as red as Itachi's lips descended onto the other's gently. He was a gentleman after all. Lee felt like he was melting under the heat of the kiss but shrugged it off. Guy had always taught him to do what makes him happy and this was making him happy… if you know what I mean.
Shikamaru yawned tiredly, waking up from a nap. He stretched on the couch, taking the whole thing up for himself. He was not up for this party. He kept falling asleep at random intervals on the couch he'd been perched on for the majority of the night. Shikamaru couldn't be bothered to do much more, it's too troublesome. Before he had fallen asleep, he remembered watching Choji eat some chips before that Tobi guy snatched it up and started to do something weird with his mouth. Shikamaru couldn't be bothered to watch it all to the end, but when he woke up, Choji was gone. Maybe he'd gone to raid the kitchen for food. He shrugged it off, wondering if he could go back to sleep.
"Excuse me, can I sit here?" A monotonous voice asked from above him. Shikamaru stared up tiredly vaguely recognizing the man before him as Sasori from the Akatsuki.
He sighed, shifting his legs so that the older man could sit there, "Whatever." Sasori sat down, scanning the area like a hawk. He looked annoyed by the way he kept staring at a blond idiot named Deidara. Shikamaru muttered troublesome before poking the Akatsuki member, "What's up with you?"
The ex-Sand ninja diverted his glare onto Shikamaru, "I do not appreciate having to wait."
"What're you waiting for?" He asked, trying to blink back the tiredness so that he clearly converse with the man beside him.
"For this party to be over. It's disconcerting to see my comrades lower their defenses to fool around with these people." Sasori stated.
"Why don't you take a nap?" He suggested, leaning back on the couch.
"I do not need sleep." He looked away from the Nara heir, "Plus, what would a nap do anyway?"
Shikamaru stretched again, rubbing his left eye, "For one thing, it makes time go by faster so you don't have to wait that long."
Sasori narrowed his eyes, "It may work for you, but I've long since converted to the life of sleepless nights."
"Don't knock it until you've tried it." He shrugged, "C'mon, just take a nap."
"No."
"It'll make you relax."
"No."
"You can lie down and nap for however long you'd like."
"No."
"You're really troublesome, aren't you? You're totally running my napping atmosphere. I'm never going to sleep if you're radiating hatred near me." Shikamaru sighed, "What will it take to get you to nap?"
"Something to distract me," Sasori said.
"And that would be?" He inquired. He didn't say anything as he crawled on top of Shikamaru who was still laying down on the couch. The tired man looked at the puppet-like man, blinking his eyes in curiosity. He shrugged, not really caring. If it got him to calm down enough for him to sleep, Shikamaru didn't mind. Sasori nipped at his collarbone, chuckling lowly when the other man's eyes sprung open. He had not been expecting that. The redhead started sucking on the area, leaving reddish marks in his wake. Shikamaru blushed slightly, looking away. Sasori crawled closer, kissing and licking his jawline, barely touching the corners of Shikamaru's lips. He looked away, "If you keep this up, I'm not going to be able to nap."
"That's fine with me," Sasori smirked before capturing the Nara's heir's lips with his artificial ones. Shikamaru shrugged again, letting himself enjoy this moment while it lasted. Maybe it'll help him fall asleep later. The kiss lasted for a good minute or so before the black haired man broke away for air. He grabbed Sasori by the waist and pulled him down closer before turning him to the side so that he was spooning Sasori.
Shikamaru's eyes were closing, "Now, sleep…" Sasori rolled his eyes but complied nonetheless.
Shino sat comfortably on the Uchiha's couch, exhaling the smoke inside of his lungs. His bugs seemed content with the treatment, allowing it to consume them as they buzzed quietly inside of him. A few crawled out on his hand, tracing out random patterns that didn't make any sense to Shino. The couch shifted to his left. With bleary eyes, the black haired man looked over to stare at a member of the Akatsuki. The man couldn't keep a smirk off of his face, his bright blue eyes shining with excitement. "Good evening." Even with a dulled brain, Shino still knew how to respectfully greet a person.
Deidara, however, obviously didn't since he'd scooted closer to the bug-user before wrapping an arm around Shino's shoulders. He looked down at the arm, not understanding why it was there. The blond haired man leaned his face in close, a stupid grin on his face, "Hey baby-"
"I am not a baby." Shino interrupted, tempted to remove the arm off of his shoulders. Deidara didn't seem to know of this interruption or he didn't care because he'd continued to talk.
"Ever heard of the birds and the bugs?" The man's eyebrows seemed to wiggle suggestively as he produced a clay masterpiece of the two animals in his hands.
He fixed his glasses as Deidara scooted even closer, "You mean the birds and the bees?"
"Yeah, whatever." He chuckled, his lips dangerously close to Shino's cheek as his eyes lit up with excitement, "Let's do that!"
A blush ran rapidly on his face, "E-Excuse me?"
"You heard me, bug boy." Deidara licked the side of Shino's face, sending a spark down the younger man's back.
He exhaled quickly, before turning to fully face the blond haired man. Due to the sudden action, Deidara fell back onto the couch in shock. Shino smirked, crawling on top of him, "Fine, if you want to play the birds and the bugs then we will." The Akatsuki member smirked as the two shared a passionate kiss on the couch.
"Oh, get a room!" Sasuke shouted to the two, pouting in the corner.
Shino turned his head to give his fellow Konoha teammate a look, "Where do you expect we go? This is your compound."
The raven haired man sighed, pointing to the door, "Go get one of the empty houses outside." The part-time lovers gave each other a grin before hopping off of the couch before rushing outside towards an empty house in the Uchiha compound. The two barely made it to the door before they were making out again. Sasuke sighed, closing his eyes for the time being, "I'm glad that's over."
"What's over?" A deep voice stated behind him.
His eyes shot open as he looked forward into dark eyes, giving an audible gulp, "G-Guy-sensei?! What are you doing here?" Sasuke hadn't even noticed his arrival.
"Being the youthful man I am; I must come to a party such as this one!" The black haired man grinned, sticking his arm out in a thumbs-up.
"O-Oh…"
Guy walked forward until he was standing beside Sasuke, leaning against the wall with him. The older man gave him a large smile, "So, why aren't you hanging out with you other friends? Being anti-social is a very bad trait, especially if you want to be youthful… like me!"
He growled, gritting his teeth together, "I'm not anti-social. I just… I don't want to see my brother."
The man with a bowl cut sighed, crossing his arms over his broad, "Having such depressing thoughts can make you extremely sad. Why don't you try filling them with happier thoughts?"
Sasuke scoffed, "Like what?"
"Friendship, training, and" Guy gave the younger man a look, "love."
"Love…" He repeated, looking down at the ground, "The only love I ever got was from… scary fangirls." Chills ran down his spine in memory.
Guy laughed loudly, "You youngsters."
The four lettered word kept replaying over and over in his head as the older man kept talking about being in his prime. Love. A lot of people seemed to have found love in this place, a forced atmosphere built by a writer. Sakura had finally given up on him to love someone. Hell, even his brother, the ultimate loner had finally found love. Sasuke looked at the man before him, raking his eyes over his build. Without any thought as to what his actions might cause, his body decided to act on its own. Pulling the taller man down by his Jonnin flax, his pushed his lips onto Guy's. This definitely surprised the Jonnin sensei, but with the weed he'd breathed in earlier, rational thought was thrown out of the window as he deepened the kiss.
Sasuke was the one to break the kiss, inhaling some needed oxygen before wrapping his arms around the bulkier man, kissing him once more. Guy had never seen this man so enthusiastic about anything. It was a surprise that he found himself liking the more he tasted Sasuke's lips. A cool hand slipped under the beast's shirt, but the older man quickly caught it. He grinned, breaking the kiss for a few seconds, "Let's go someplace where we'll be alone." Guy winked, making the usually pale skinned man blush furiously. Sasuke took a deep breath in before leading him outside towards an empty house.
Ino was highly bored. She'd been around this whole place three different times trying to find something that would amuse her but there was absolutely nothing. I mean, she had been having fun earlier but as time went by, all of her friends had disappeared. Since she had nothing to do, Ino picked herself up from the couch and left the building that people kept grinding it. She plopped down on the grass outside and pouted before pulling out another lung killer. "This is stupid," Ino stated, berating herself as she lit the weed in her hands.
There was a soft cough beside her. She jumped a little before looking… and almost screaming. There was nothing showing except a giant Venus flytrap coughing slightly. Ino had an urge to hit the creature but then realized that this plant-like thing sounded familiar. She blinked in confusion when the realization hit her, "Z-Zetsu?"
The flytrap opened up a little to reveal the white side of Zetsu, his yellow eyes weary. He gave another cough, "Yes?"
Ino furrowed her brows, hoping that she's not hallucinating or else this would be really weird, "Why're you coughing?" Zetsu glared at the blunt in her hand. Following his line of sight, the realization hit her hard, "OH!" She quickly dropped it, crushing it under her foot. Once it successfully been stomped into the ground she looked up and grinned at him.
The flytrap opened up more, cocking his head to the side, "You didn't have to do that, I could've just stayed inside of here."
"But that would've been selfish of me. You were already out here and I ruined your peace." Ino fought back.
"Well… thank you." He stated quickly.
The silence didn't last long as Ino felt she still needed answers, "So, why are you out here?"
"The smoke and sex everywhere were overwhelming. I felt awkward." Zetsu answered honestly, "You?"
"Had no one to talk to. I was actually going to head home after smoking a little." She shrugged, "However, I'm going to stay a little longer and talk to you."
He looked away from her bright blue eyes, "You don't have to."
"But I want to!" She whined.
"Thank you." Zetsu smiled slightly.
Her inner-detective was whining at her to find out more information about this plant-like man, "So, you're with the Akatsuki, right?"
"Yes."
"What it like in the Akatsuki?"
"That's confidential."
"What do you do in the Akatsuki?"
"That's confidential."
"How do you like the Akatsuki?"
"That's confidential."
"How did you get into the Akatsuki?"
"That's confidential."
"Were you born that way?"
"That's confidential."
"What's your favorite color?"
"White."
"That's a tint, not a color."
"Yellow, then. What about you?"
"Purple."
"Sounds nice." The two looked at each other for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. There was just something about that conversation that made them laugh and neither could figure it out. When they'd finally looked at each other after calming down, they felt themselves lose it again and started laughing again. However, all happiness was gone the minute Zetsu started coughing again.
Ino looked worried slightly, "What's wrong?"
He stifled another cough to reply, "I'm just a little thirsty."
She nodded, "I'll be back." She got up and rushed off somewhere. Zetsu decided it'd be best to stay still. Maybe going to this little party was a bad idea. He was practically half-plant so smoke affected him. He sighed and leaned back against the building, closing his eyes and hoping that the coughing fit hadn't scared away the girl. After a while, Zetsu felt something trickle on his head. His eyes opened and he looked up to see Ino hovering over him, smiling brightly. In her hand was a tipped watering can, letting it pour out over him. He started to feel better, soaking up the liquid like a sponge. Zetsu grinned. Once the can had emptied, Ino spoke, "Feel better?"
"Mostly."
"Well, will this make you feel even better?" She questioned before leaning down and kissing his lips quickly.
He blinked slowly, a shy blush growing on his face, "Uh… y-yeah."
Ino chuckled, "That's great!"
Naruto stood in the kitchen, pouting to himself. The only thing he heard was the white noise of conversing people in the other room and the turning of the microwave. He felt his stomach gnawing and growling loudly as he waited for the agonizing three minutes to be over. Drool trailed down his chin as he gazed longingly at the ramen cooking slowly in the microwave. Naruto absentmindedly wiped away the drool from his face and felt great knowing that he came to this party prepared.
And by prepared, he meant bringing several things of ramen. His mouth watered some more as he waited anxiously for it to cook. The microwave signaled that there were only two more minutes left until the ramen was done. Naruto whined, having to wait. A sudden growl – not from his own aching stomach – caught his attention. He turned his head to look at the Akatsuki member waltzing into the kitchen and raiding the kitchen. Kisame grumbled as he searched through the fridge for food. "Sasuke doesn't keep a lot of food in the compound. He prefers to eat out." Naruto responded, making the shark-like man look up to him.
He sighed, "Well, damn."
Not one to let a person starve, the blond haired man pointed to the microwave, "You want some?"
Kisame's eyes directed towards the whirring electronic, his mouth suddenly watering and his stomach angrily growling as if he hadn't eaten in days, "Where'd you get all of that ramen?"
"I've been saving up." Naruto shrugged. The microwave beeped, signaling that the ramen was done. The Jinchuriki grinned, rushing over and pulling out the ramen. He was about to grab chopsticks and devour it all in one bite, but Kisame's lingering stare on his food made him halt. Naruto sighed, his selflessness popping up. He turned around and placed the ramen on the kitchen table, "Here. You can have the first one."
"Oh thank god!" The shark-like man said breathlessly before sitting down and eating. Naruto placed another ramen package into the microwave, not bothering to read what flavor it is. After a while, Kisame hummed in content, "Damn, this is really good. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I ate this."
"It's the weed's fault," Naruto stated, sitting down beside the Akatsuki member.
"By the way, this party is fucking awesome!" Kisame grinned, finishing off the last bit of the ramen Naruto had given him.
He nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah, I know right?!" The microwave beeped for a seconded time. Naruto stood up and pulled out the ramen before going back to his seat beside the Akatsuki member.
A sudden and familiar scent hit Kisame's nose. He gave the Jinchuriki a horrified look as Naruto took a bite of the seafood flavored ramen. He was completely oblivious to this and kept eating. "H-How could you?" Kisame whispered.
With ramen noodles hanging from his mouth, Naruto looked up with a confused stare, "What?"
"How can you eat something so… so disgraceful in my presence?!" He questioned, backing away slightly.
Naruto furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the flavor. "Seafood flavor?" It took a second for him to realize why Kisame was getting so upset about this, "Oh dude, I'm sorry about that!"
"It's too late for that now." Kisame stated dramatically, "The wound it already too deep."
"Is there anything I could do to make you forgive me?" He pleaded.
Kisame stood up, "Well, you could… become a fish vegan."
"A fish vegan?" He asked.
"Yes, which means that you will not eat fish or any products with fish anything in it." He huffed.
"Well, I can do that, however…" Naruto stood up and walked towards Kisame. Instinctively, the shark-like man backed up. The blond haired man took another step towards him. He continued to back up. This went on until Kisame was in one of the four corners of the kitchen. The Jinchuriki stood in front of him, blocking Kisame in. He leaned in a took a whiff, "…can we make an exception this time?" Naruto's eyes raked over the large man's body.
"What?" Kisame blinked confusedly.
"I've craving something fishy tonight and you seem like the perfect candidate to satisfy my need." He stated lustfully.
"Oh?" He raised an eye, "What makes you think I'll let-" Kisame didn't finish his sentence because he found a pair of lips on top of his own. A tongue darted out quickly before Naruto backed away.
He grinned, "Even better than I thought." Kisame blushed but hid it well enough to return the blunt kiss. Naruto chuckled, pulling away, "I don't think I'm going to become a fish vegan anytime soon if we keep this up."
"I agree, so…" Kisame nipped at the younger man's neck, "…let's keep going."
Hidan leaned against the wall. His Akatsuki cloak was off somewhere in the distance, leaving him in uncomfortably tight pants. He desperately searched the area for prey whether it be for a sacrifice or for his own pleasure. So far, he'd found none. Everyone was either a guy or already taken. Seeing so many people make-out in the same vicinity as him was almost too much. However, when it got to the point where Hidan almost joined in, the pair would hobble off to a nearby house. The Akatsuki member groaned, obviously annoyed by the turn of events.
There was a sexy whistle coming from in front of him. He blinked and stared up at the woman hovering over him with a hand beside his head. Her impressive bust showed more so from her position. Kurenai stared him up and down lustfully, licking and biting at her lips. She gave a sexy chuckle before whispering lowly, "Did you just come out of the oven? Because you're hot!"
That threw him off for a second, "What?"
"Is my vagina crying or are you just sexy?" Kurenai batted her red eyes and pouted slightly.
Hidan had never, ever blushed in his entire life… up until this point. Girls weren't supposed to use pickup lines on guys; it just didn't happen. He also had no idea what to say back to her so instead, he scanned her body, "Um…"
Seeing him obviously interested, Kurenai grinned, leaning closer to him, "You know, that's a nice pair of pants. Can I talk you out of them?"
"I um…" Hidan felt like a complete idiot in the palms of this horny girl… and he was loving it!
"Hey, you want to do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one." She grinned passionately, her perfume wafting into Hidan's nostrils.
He felt like he was about to lose it, "Well, I-"
"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but have we met before?" She purred leaning her body up against him. That one took the cake and Hidan couldn't stop himself once he'd started. He pounced on her, pushing Kurenai down onto the living room's carpet. Kurenai narrowed her eyes sexually and licked her lips. He crawled up her body before descending onto her neck, nipping and sucking her throat harshly. She didn't seem to mind, wrapping her slender legs around his torso and squeezing. Hidan smirked before biting into her collarbone. She gasped. It was somewhere around this time that each lost all control and had a blast in the corner of the living room.
Tsunade sighed, checking her pockets to see if there was more cash in it. Sadly, there was nothing but a dead fly. She really wanted to gamble with someone here, but with the lack of money in her greedy palms, she was out of luck here. The blond haired woman pouted, dragging a bottle of sake out from who-knows-where. Just because everyone else was partying with that awful drug in their systems didn't mean that it wasn't allowed to drink here. She guzzled down a quarter of the bottle, swirling around before taking a small sip. Tsunade could already feel the warm feeling in her stomach as she gave the bottle a funky grin.
"You shouldn't spend your money on such stupid things like alcohol and poker." A gruff voice stated from above her.
Looking up from the table, Tsunade sent the Akatsuki member a glare, "As if you would know!"
"As a matter of fact, I do know," Kakuzu stated, annoyed by the busty woman as he sat down. He snatched the bottle from her hand and downed half of it before giving it back.
With shocked eyes, she looked down at the bottle before glancing up at the older man. Her cheeks burned with fury, "How dare you? Didn't you just say that alcohol is a waste of money?!"
He smirked, "Yes, a waste of your money, not mine. I didn't purchase the bottle of sake. You did."
She growled, finishing the bottle off, "I did no such thing! Orochimaru bought me this earlier!"
Kakuzu chuckled, "Well, then it's a waste of their money to buy that."
Tsunade rolled her eyes, "Yeah."
There was silence for a few minutes. Kakuzu pulled out a bag of pre-made joints before grabbing one and lighting it. He sucked the smoke like a professional before looking at the busty woman in front of him. She grinned, "You got another bottle?"
She chuckled, pulling out three more bottles of sake from under the table. "Of course not." Tsunade gave a sweet smile despite her sarcasm.
Kakuzu looked at his bag and the booze, "I'll pay you to share that alcohol with me."
"Aw, but Cockatoo, didn't you say that using your money to buy alcohol was a waste?" Tsunade fluttered her eyelashes.
He scowled at the nickname she'd just given him. He sighed, desperately wanting some more of the alcohol. The weed he'd just inhaled made Kakuzu feel stupid and more open to trying new things, which he never was. He held up the bag of joints, "How about we just trade?"
She tapped her chin, eyeing the pre-made Mary Janes in the bag just waiting to be lit. Tsunade bit her lip, staring into the man's mixed-matched eyes. "Sorry, but a small bag of weed isn't enough for me." She laughed when she saw the man opposite from her groan quietly.
A sudden idea struck his head as Kakuzu grinned, raising an eyebrow, "Well, how about I add something else to this trade?" Leaning over the table, staring at her.
"Oh, and what would that be?" Tsunade perked up, a grin spread on her face.
He chuckled, grabbing her chin, "I think you already know, so, do we have a deal or not?"
The blond haired woman bit her lip again, raking her eyes over him, "You present something quite nice, Cockatoo. I accept your trade."
"That's all I needed to hear." Kakuzu grinned as the two leaned in and shared a hot kiss over the table. Their hands balanced them as they shared each other's mouths. After a few seconds of the table getting in the way of their kiss, Tsunade growled and punched the table making the two lose their balance. The tanned skinned man fell backward, the other falling on top of him. He smirked as Tsunade took her position straddling him, grinning victoriously as she leaned down and continued what they'd started before. She rolled her hips, waiting for him to groan. Kakuzu separated their lips, making her pout. He chuckled, "With all the stuff that we're going to break, we might want to take this outside."
"C'mon then, Cockatoo!" Tsunade taunted as the two got off of the floor before sharing another heated kiss, making their way towards the living room down.
"Well, there goes another one," Kakashi muttered as he watched Tsunade carry Kakuzu, as if the man were a bride, out of the building and down the street. So far he'd seen at least every Konoha ninja in here hooking up with someone that they'd been partying with earlier as if they were a lover of some kind. The Akatsuki had all picked their matches before going to town with them. He rubbed his temples in memory as Hidan and Kurenai's interactions from earlier proceeded to play in the back of the Jonnin's head. The way that the two didn't care if anyone saw them have sex in the corner of the living. Kakashi suddenly shivered as he remembered Orochimaru and Neji making out on the floor, letting everyone see their… passionate display of affection. They hadn't even managed to get out of the living room before their shirts were flying. Fear ran through Kakashi as Guy, his supposedly eternal rival, and Sasuke, his prized student, popped into his head. The two had been breathlessly sucking faces before rushing out of the building in a hurry.
Most of the couples he'd witnessed today made him cringe, but there was just something that made his heart ache. He took a deep inhale of the Mary Jane in his hand. If he had, to be honest, he was fucking lonely right now. The only company he ever got was the small orange book in his hand that he read religiously.
"You are Kakashi Hatake, correct?" A woman with orange hair and the rinnegan questioned, obviously one of the Pains from the Akatsuki. She was about a foot smaller than the towering Jonnin with piercings all over her face. He looked down, nodding slowly, putting his devil book away.
There was a tap on his shoulder from the right. Kakashi whipped his head to the side, looking at a taller man with the same orange hair and rinnegan. This Pain had a round face, his hair pulled back in a small ponytail. The silver-haired Jonnin looked between the two, "Can I help you?"
A hand slipped around his waist from his left. Kakashi jerked his head in shock, looking at another one of the Pains. Orange hair, rinnegan. This one had longer hair and stared Kakashi down. With a monotone voice, he spoke, "No, but can we help you?"
Arms suddenly appeared on top of the Jonnin's shoulders. Glancing behind him, Kakashi saw that this Pain had the same orange hair and rinnegan. This was the leader of the three around him with his spiky short hair sticking all over the place. "Yes, Kakashi, do you require our assistance?" The Pain stated, his mouth dangerously close to the man's ear.
A pleasured shiver ran up and down his spine. Two sets of arms wrapped around his legs, gleaming up at the silver-haired Jonnin. Realization hit him hard, as he grinned. "This is exactly what happened in my book!" He thought, giving the six Pains a look of sexual frustration. Kakashi leaned back into the leader of the Pains before him, "Why yes, there is something that you can help me with?" That seemed to spark the six into action. The two down by his legs started to massage his thighs sensually as the girl in the front was capturing his lips. The two Pains on either side of his started to lick, nip, and bite at his neck. The leader of these sexually frustrated people started to grind harshly into Kakashi's back. All of this came from his book, all of it. He was the main character and these six Pains were pleasuring him.
Kakashi broke from the kiss, making those around him stop. "We won't have enough room here." He stated breathlessly before grinning, "However, I believe I saw a dojo with a large mat somewhere around here." The six Pains nodded in sync as the leader picked Kakashi up, throwing him over his shoulder as they all ran out of the house. Kakashi could barely keep himself from… well, we all know where this is going.
A woman sits back in her seat, smiling and giggling to herself. She knows how much fun that this was to write and couldn't help herself from reading it over and over. The writer grins brightly, "Happy Halloween everyone! I hope you loved my mischief but if you weren't, sorry not sorry. I warned you earlier, this story is complete crack. No matter how hard you looked, you will find no such things as canon here. Though I want to say, thank you so much for reading. Please wish my bestie a happy birthday, also! Also, there is no possible way to stop THE ULTIMATE CRACK-SHIPPER! Well, thanks for reading and have a wonderful day/night."
P.S: Here is the list of pairings in order of the story. Later!
1. Tobi X Choji
2. Konan X Tenten
3. Kabuto X Sakura
4. Asuma X Kiba
5. Orochimaru X Neji
6. Itachi X Lee
7. Sasori X Shikamaru
8. Deidara X Shino
9. Guy X Sasuke
10. Zetsu X Ino
11. Naruto X Kisame
12. Hidan X Kurenai
13. Kakuzu X Tsunade
14. Kakashi X Six Paths of Pain