AN: If you really think I own Harry Potter, then I will pay for your shrink.
Sorting Hat Gone Wild
Silence. Dead silence. No one could believe what had just happened. Since when did the Sorting Hat have any sense of humor? Let alone a vicious one.
Welcome, my young ones,
To the Hogwarts House of Horrors
Where the master's insane
And the teachers are all bores.
And if that wasn't enough, the hat had to go on. It was almost as if Snape – sorry! sorry! Professor Snape – had possessed it.
Bumblebee's senile,
So the asylum is run
By the inmates instead
Of the teachers – what fun!
No one moved. You could have heard a pin drop if anyone was cliché enough to drop said pin. Even Dumbledore's eyes were as wide as a set of plates – and they did not have a hint of his customary twinkle.
Now I sort you in groups
So stand straight up in line.
I'll put on your straight coats
Then you'll fit in just fine.
Maybe hats go through teenage rebellion too? Or maybe it was on THAT time of the month for the Sorting Hat?
If a Gryffindor, I pity you;
Reckless beyond repair,
Knowledge-less and quick to run
Right into your enemy's lair.
At this everyone started and looked around. Every eye in the Great Hall was looking at the blushing, downcast Harry Potter. Other Gryffindors were starting to look angry.
Or perhaps you go to Ravenclaw
Where you'll have no life.
Anti-social bookworms with
Boring ends and strife.
The Ravenclaw table looked affronted. Terry Boot and Ernie McMillan were each clutching their knives in threatening ways.
The evil-doers go to Slytherin
Where Hogwarts outcasts roam.
Inbred idiots and Death Eater sons
Until Voldemort calls them home.
A shudder passed through the school, but the Slytherins seemed more frightened then angry.
Last and least is Hufflepuff,
Where the leftovers go to spoil.
Left to no use with no talents to use,
What good is their supposed 'hard-working' toil?
The Hufflepuffs seemed ready to cry. Professor Flitwick actually did cry. Right onto Snape's – sorry! sorry! Professor Snape's – arm. Just when you think a man couldn't look more murderous…
I live on a shelf
And yet am wiser then you.
The Houses must join
For a cause that is true.
Maybe the girls would have put their scissors away, if the hat had stopped its song there.
The four Houses together
Provide a good trait or two,
And you need them, believe me
'Cause without them ya'll are a bunch of foo's
After a few minutes of a ringing silence, the most amazing thing happened. For the first time in Hogwarts, A History, the four Houses put aside their differences and helped each other to reach a common goal; their quest to destroy the Sorting Hat. Unsorted First years watched in terror as Slythindors and Ravenpuffs advanced on the Hat with teeth and claws extended. Some First years actually wet their pants when they saw how viciously the teachers and the Headmaster went after the poor, misguided Hat.
Yep, it is going to be a most interesting year.
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AN: Well, as an authoress I eat, sleep, and breath reviews. Please feed me! I know it's crap, don't be afraid to tell me so! Just feed me before I waste away to a mere shadow of my former glory!