4

A/N: Another episode and another scene I wanted to write. I couldn't find a spot for Cas this time. Next time maybe. sheila moriarty

About Dean

"Hey. Thanks for meeting me," he said as he slid into the diner booth. He was a big man, long legs and muscle, yet she noticed that her youngest son always seemed to move with grace even when squeezing into a booth that allowed him little space.

She reached for one of his big hands- hands that reminded her of John, and she held it. "I told you that I needed space, Honey."

"I know, Mom," he said gesturing for a cup of coffee and a menu. "But this world is still new to you, and I just need to make sure that you understand enough about how to navigate it."

"Well, I sort of conquered the internet although there is a lot of confusing information there. It feels like millions and millions of people spend all day spreading information that is contradictory."

"Yeah," he sighed. "The internet is not actually a huge repository for facts. Stick to the .org sites for factual information."

She picked up her phone. "I don't quite get what that means, Honey, but I can always call if I need help."

He took the phone and peered at it. "Mom, I told you how to keep this charged. You're almost out of juice here, and we can't have that. If you get into a tough spot, you're going to need this phone."

"I can't always find a place to plug it in."

"Mom, I'm going to get you a plug for the car too. Keep it plugged in as much as possible."

"How do I plug it into the car? There are no outlets."

He winced. "Okay. You being on your own is going to be okay. I'm just going to keep telling myself this."

She squeezed his hand. "It will be. I promise."

"Okay. You have the credit cards I gave you and the ID's, right?"

"Sam, I'm going to keep it simple. I'm just taking to catch my breath. Gonna get a room somewhere. No hunting. No danger. Everything is just moving too fast, ya know?"

He nodded. "I know. I really, really know what that's like."

She slipped a curl behind her ear and smiled. "You are so easy, Sam."

He threw back his head and laughed. "I think you are the only person who will ever say that."

She bit her lip. "Your brother is not so easy for me right now…he was the sweetest, easiest little boy. Followed me everywhere. I thought he would be jealous when you were born, but he was the best big brother ever. He just wanted to help all the time…Now, he's complicated. Driven. Intense. Angry. I tried to explain this time away to him, but the look on his face. He feels betrayed…I don't know what to do…"

Sam stared down at his coffee and said nothing. The waitress, a seasoned veteran of many decades, stopped. "Hey handsome! You like something on the menu?"

He looked up and smiled. "Sorry. I think I'm just coffee for right now."

She winked. "You're a whole lot more than than that, Sugar. I'll check on you in a bit."

Mary shook her head. "You have no idea what you look like, do you Sam?"

"Huh? Do I have something on my face?"

"Nothing. I'm just trying to get used to you and your brother is all."

Sam went back to studying his coffee. Then he looked at her. "Mom, did you read Dad's journal?"

"I did."

"What did you notice?"

"A lot of things, I guess."

Sam sucked in breath. "Mom, how often does he talk about us in there?"

She shook her head. "I'm pretty sure I don't want to know this."

"I know. That's why I gave you the journal. This should really happen for you gradually. And I wouldn't push, but I see you struggling to understand Dean and I want to tell you who he is."

"John was obsessed, wasn't he?" She couldn't meet his eyes.

"Yeah, he was, Mom. He loved us and we loved him, but he was obsessed. Hunting, finding the yellow eyed demon, missing you- that's what he was focused on."

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Not your fault. Not his either, really. He loved us, but when you know what goes bump in the night…How do you not get obsessed?"

"Did you have a childhood?"

He nodded. "Thanks to Dean, I did. He sacrificed his for mine. Protected me. Taught me. Took care of me."

"Your dad?"

Sam sighed. "Dad taught me how to shoot. Dean taught me how to live and be a boy and then become a man."

She covered her mouth, and Sam stopped. "I'm sorry, Mom. I don't want to hurt you, but It's the truth. I know I should've waited, but this is the only way you can really understand me and Dean- especially Dean."

"Why would he do this to you?"

Sam grabbed her hands. "Look at me, Mom. I'm okay. I mean, maybe not okay. Okay is a stretch for a Winchester, but I know who I am and I do things to help others, and that has to be good enough, don't you think?"

"I just wish you had better."

"No, Mom, you don't understand. I had the best. Dean was and is the best family anyone could ever have. Our family suffered tragedy when we lost you. It happens. And we all coped the best we could. Dad focused on keeping us safe and Dean focused on me."

She patted his face. "You are amazing, Sam."

"I am who I am because of Dean. You have no idea what he will do for family. That's why it was so hard for him to watch you walk out. Getting you back is- was- a dream we never allowed ourselves. It took everything in him not to get in between you and the door."

"Are you telling me to stay?"

"No, Mom, I'm not. I think you leaving is a good lesson for all of us. You're doing something for yourself, and sometimes, that's the healthy thing for all involved. We need to learn from that. I get that."

"Thanks Sam."

"Mom, I want you to know who Dean is. Your son is hardwired to step in front of any bullet fired at someone he loves. You. Me. Cas. I'm not the amazing one in this family. He is. I just spend my days trying to keep up."

She smiled. "Help him understand."

He snorted. "It's not an issue. Dean just needs time. If you only knew what he forgave in me."

She looked at him for a long moment and then picked up the phone. "I'm going to keep this charged. Promise."

He nodded and slowly extricated himself from the booth. "I should let you get on your way."

She grabbed his arm. "I could use one of your patented Sam hugs."

He leaned over and enveloped her. "Take your time, Mom," he said softly.

"Listen to me," she whispered into his neck. "I have two remarkable sons. You have such a generous spirit, my baby boy. You've given up a lot to be with him. I'm very lucky to have both of you. You tell your brother that I love him. Okay?"

Sam nodded, not trusting words as he let go. He looked at her one last time and headed for the door.

The End