Total Drama Battle Royal
Chris slicked back one of his jet black hair with Dippity Do hair gel as he checked out his smile in the trailer. He put on a feathered hat and walked out into a barren fairground. He looked around and smelt his underarm before noticing a camera in front of him.
"Oh we're already rolling?" He uttered in shock. "Last time on Total Drama, we went all around the world singing a few tunes. It was a wild ride for many and in the end Heather was victorious. What is in store for this season? Well, we're heating things up with an all out war for 5 million dollars! Bigger the cash, bigger the fights, bigger the drama! Welcome to Total Drama Battle Royal!"
The Total Drama Battle Royal opening begins.
Back on the field Chris introduces the returning contestants: Eva, Heather and Sadie.
"Ladies, welcome to where you're going to be staying at for the next few weeks," Chris announced.
"This place stinks," Eva remarked holding her nose.
"I'm not staying here, there isn't any shelter," Heather snapped.
"This season's going to be extra challenging. You are going to have to make your own shelter and sleep on the ground," Chris snickered. Heather gave a snarl at him.
"I don't know if I can sleep without Katie," Sadie remarked shedding a tear.
"I won last season! I deserve better quarters," Heather shouted. "And I still don't know where the f—is my money!"
"So last season's problem," Chris said, a hand gave him a note and then slipped out of the scene. Chris read the note. "I am legally obliged to say that stolen cash prizes will not be the fault of Cartoon or Teletoon network…and I'm pretty sure Ezekiel ate it so you might not want to know where it is right now."
"Ugh," Heather cursed.
"Hey, welcome back Trent, Tyler, and Noah," Chris remarked.
"Nice to be back," Trent announced.
"I don't want to sound redundant, but this is where we're staying?" Noah said.
"There's no doubt about it my man," Chris laughed, Alejandro comes up in a black car. "Wow sweet ride dude."
"This time I'm not going to lose to that vixen!" Alejandro shouted pointing to Heather. "No more senor nice guy! You hear me!"
"Dude, stop screaming we can hear you," Chris said, He clogged his ears with cotton balls.
"I think my ears are bleeding," Noah remarked putting a finger in his ear and looked at the blood stain.
"Courtney, Gwen, best friends together again I see," Chris remarked, he walked away. "This is such a touching moment. I'm going to be standing over here for a little while."
"Hi," Gwen remarked.
Courtney growls then barks like a dog and scared Gwen towards the other contestants.
"Oh hi Trent," Gwen said, Trent just glared at her. "Look I'm sorry about Duncan, but I seriously need some friends right now and…"
"Then go get some friends, I'm over you," Trent remarked yanking back his guitar. Gwen slouched over and walked next to Sadie who gave her a pat on the back.
"Let's get this party started," Geoff shouted as he slapped Chris's hand. "Where are the nachos? I got the case of the munchies."
"Chef Hatchet is on his way with the catering van," Chris said, "but you best not know what he has in store for the menu if you know what I mean."
"This is so not cool," Geoff remarked as he went with the other contestants.
"Oh my gosh Sadie!" Katie squealed as she came out of another black car. She ran towards her friend and hugged her.
"I missed you," Sadie remarked.
"Why? We were at my house last night," Katie replied.
"Oh right," Sadie uttered.
"I missed you too!" Katie exclaimed and they hugged again.
"Hi Tyler!" Lindsay uttered as she got out of the other side of the car. Tyler ran towards her and they started making out.
"Can we break up this cutesiness 'cause we got a battle to start," Chris snapped. "Oh and I have five new contestants on the show."
"What?" most of the contestants exclaimed.
"Yup, meet Stephanie," Chris said as a petite dark brown haired girl with a black tube top and cargo pants came out of the trailer straightening her hair. "She's been on the Serendipity Teen cosmetics line for five years."
"Nice to meet you," Stephanie remarked as Alejandro too her hand. "I've always liked Latinos."
"Ah, you're a fair maiden that has a certain fire in her eyes," Alejandro said taking in her beauty. He kissed her well manicured nails.
"Welcome to Total Drama John," Chris said, he looked over to a cowboy with a cowboy hat and a lumberjack shirt with stained blue jeans.
"How's it going y'all?" John greeted.
"Dude, this guy's awesome!" Geoff remarked. "He has an accent! Party on!"
"Awesome," John replied as he joined Tyler and Geoff.
"Hello Arianna," Chris muttered to a girl with blue and pink braids. She had pink platform shoes on and a tube top with the British flag on it only the red stripes were cotton candy pink and the dark blue was light turquoise. Her eyes sparkled like jade.
"Ooh hi Chris," she said with a giggle. She popped her gum loudly and tip toed towards the others. She flipped her cell phone on and tried to dial a number. "Allo Allo Allo. What's all this then? My phone is broken."
"There's no reception out here idiot," Heather remarked showing her own cell phone.
"I'm Arianna, but many people call me Bubble," She said she popped her gum one more time. "I have no clue why."
"Moses, how's it hanging?" Chris remarked to a guy with long red hair and a small beard. He wore dark sunglasses over his eyes, a navy t-shirt with khaki shorts and sandals.
"Nothing much," Moses replied with a grunt.
"Oh my god it's JESUS," Lindsay remarked.
"No Lindsay, it's Moses," Chris replied. "…and last but certainly…last is Emmet."
"Hello my baby! Hello my honey! Hello my ragtime gal!" Emmet sung as he entered stage left in a striped olive shirt and cuffed blue jean shorts. "Ooh, is this a renaissance fair? I love the Renaissance! All those dukes and ladies dressed in tight bodices and puffy shoulder pads."
"I thought I'd never say this but this guy is worse than Harold," Noah remarked. "I mean GOSH!"
"I know who that is and I don't say gosh. If you don't refer to me as Harold we'd be friends in a lickety split," Emmet announced.
"Harold," Noah shot as he rolled his eyes.
"Alright settle down back there, I'm officially making the first ever gory seeming reality show challenge a little more interesting," Chris said through the speakerphone. He was tossing and catching one water balloon in his hand. "Before we begin I'd like to say this is gender wars people. So it's girls versus guys!"
"YES!" Heather yelled, "In your face Alejandro!"
"Oh great," Gwen said with a sigh. Sadie looked over and saw that Gwen was looking at Courtney who was ignoring Gwen. She walked over and smiled.
"You can be with us if you like," Sadie remarked. Gwen smiled.
"Alright, guys team all the way!" Tyler said as he smacked John and Geoff's hands.
"For the ladies, we have the Harpy Heartbreakers," Chris remarked giving them a purple flag with a winged woman emblazoned on the center. He gave the red flag with a noose on it to the boys. "Guys, you're the Lynching Lechers."
"Wow a noose, that so screams out victory," Noah rolled his eyes. Emmet glared at him.
"Shut up you fruit," Emmet shouted.
"Who you calling a fruit, you fruit?" Noah remarked.
"I'm calling you a fruit," Emmet stated. Noah went for Emmet's neck and they began pulling each other's hair and cussed at each other.
"I think this is the start of a good season," Chris remarked and threw the water balloon towards the two. It exploded with bright red paint. "Oh I forgot to mention your challenge starts right now? Emmet and Noah, you're out buddies."
"You didn't tell us the rules yet," Courtney shouted. "I demand you tell us the rules before throwing challenges at us."
"Well, it's a simple survival challenge where you try not to get hit by a water balloon filled with paint," Chris remarked and threw a balloon at Courtney. She dodged the balloon quickly and got purple paint splattered all over the ground. "Last team members standing win and don't get to go to the Beheading Ceremony."
"Beheading? Is that like in cutting off our heads?" Gwen exclaimed.
"Unfortunately there isn't going to be any real bloodshed except for a few paper cuts so we can't cut all of your heads off," Chris replied. "It's just like the elimination ceremony where one of you gets the boot off the show. Are you happy now?"
"Perfectly," Courtney replied with her arms crossed.
"Then let's get some battle action here!" Chris shouted, he whistled and four interns came out with water balloons in baskets. Heather grabbed the first for the Harpies and aimed straight for Alejandro, but Arianna who was attempting to get a connection had gone in front of her and was splattered with purple paint.
"This is couture! No fair," Arianna whined.
"Sorry," Heather exclaimed. "Why am I saying that for?"
"Move Heather!" Gwen shouted. Heather dodged one from Moses and Tyler dodged one from Lindsay.
"Oh I'm so sorry Tyler," Lindsay murmured, "I don't know what to do."
"That's okay babe you've been helping me on my core strength," Tyler remarked and they began making out again.
"Lindsay! Stop sucking face with the other team!" Courtney remarked and threw a water balloon at Tyler. Alejandro threw his water balloon at Courtney. Courtney didn't dodge and got a face full of red paint. Tyler had a back full of purple, but didn't notice. Trent threw a water balloon at Lindsay but she didn't notice either.
Eva was malicious as she threw several water balloons at Alejandro. Alejandro dodged them all but wasn't successful with the last one. His face and chest was full of purple paint.
"Dios Mio," Alejandro remarked. Trent looked around to see that John was throwing his balloons at Stephanie and he decided to jump in front of the water balloon and took the hit.
"Wow, you did that for me?" Stephanie said in amazement.
"Yes," Trent gasped. Stephanie smiled but looked up to see that John was hovering over her. He had splat Stephanie on the head. Stephanie looked up and gave John the finger before throwing one of hers right in his face.
Gwen looked over to see Stephanie sitting over Trent and felt a pang of jealousy. In that millisecond pause she got hit by Moses' balloon.
"I thought Moses is supposed to be a kind leader and a visionary," Gwen remarked with a furrowed brow.
"Yeah, well I'm just here to win!" Moses replied, but while he was talking Eva had pelted him with balloons.
"Good job Eva," Gwen said giving her the thumbs up.
"Screw you," Eva remarked.
"And Eva wins it for the Harpy Heartbreakers," Chris remarked. "Lynching Lechers, someone's going to get axed."
That evening at the big guillotine next to the camp fire the boys sat down on the stumps around the campfire. Chris was there standing next to a pile of watermelons with the boys' faces on them.
"Welcome to the Beheading," Chris announced. "For this you will each have a watermelon. The one name I do not call must put their watermelon in the guillotine to be chopped. You can never come back ever! This time we're serious. Okay? Let's see…Alejandro, John, Moses, Geoff, Noah, Tyler. The bottom two are Emmet and Trent. Who will be the first beheaded?...Emmet."
"WHAT? What did I do?" Emmet shouted.
"We found you annoying bro," Geoff remarked.
"What? I never did my signature jazz hands or sing Liza Minelli songs yet! I can be more annoying than this!" Emmet exclaimed Chris put a finger to his list.
"Bup bup! I don't think we need you to be more annoying, at least not on my show," Chris snarled. "Put your watermelon into the guillotine and shove off already."
"Cellophane, mister cellophane shoulda been my name Mister Cellophane!" Emmet sung lowly as he put the watermelon into the guillotine and Chef chopped it off.
"GET OUT AND NO MORE SHOWTUNES!" Chris yelled. The big black car came again and Emmet sat down in the coffin that the prop department had provided them with. The hurst rolled away and Chris came back on screen. "I don't mean to be that way, but singing those showtunes, come on he's bound to get eliminated sometime in the present. Who will get voted out next week on Total Drama Battle Royal? Stay tuned to find out."