The Blue of Summer
Blue was summer, bright yellow blinding mornings, heartbreak orange sunsets that fade into black nothingness, sprinkled with silvery starlight like little white lies amidst an unbreakable nightmare, it was a mere fantasy played in loops over the years. Because blue were the eyes he remembered, yellow locks like little girls in lullabies, heartbreak painted on an orange carpet, now a black stain that refuses to fade, the glitter in his silvery eyes, falling, falling, a memory that played in loops over and over again.
Summer and he was fifteen.
Near got off the plane at noon and on a cab by two, his silence like a travel kit he couldn't go without as his six hour journey slowly came to an end at the driveway up his parents' two-storey, seven-bedroom, five-bathroom, pool and flamingo furnished bungalow. He paid the driver a fifty, didn't bother with the change, slung his backpack over his bony shoulders, grabbed his hand carry and started making his way up the front porch. He rang the doorbell twice, more silence. Allowing himself a little sigh, he fished his keys out of his loose white pants and let himself in. He climbed the stairs, found his room on the right. Throwing his bags to a corner, he switched on the A.C. and fan, changed into a pair of shorts and a loose singlet before flopping down on the fluffy mattress and fell into dreamless sleep, too tired to wonder if anyone was coming home that night.
Hours must've passed before he groggily got up from bed, his curly white hair a butchered piece of art, a vicious growl rumbling right under his ribcage. He stood up, got changed, grabbed his cell, wallet and keys, trying to comb out his tousled curls with his fingers to no avail as he paced through the carrot-lit house, switching on the lights before it got too dark, the clear emptiness of living space resonating in his own lonely shell, he promised he wouldn't let the feeling linger.
Outside was humid and warm, too sticky for his liking, the sun an exceptionally ugly tangerine like oily stool that had gone bad. Near instantly shielded his eyes, pulled his hoody over his head, it was already starting to get a little chilly. The silence seemed to drag on for ages.
"Hey! You there! Kid, hold up!" a loud voice suddenly broke the unimpeachable quietness.
Near turned, looking around, wondering if he was imagining voices in his head when all he saw were bushes and stone walls. He started to take a few steps forward again when a rock fell from the neighbour's roof.
"Wait, up here!" the voice called with desperation.
Grey eyes shifted toward the top of the next door neighbour's roof, squinting at the intensity that shone from the setting sun behind it, spotting a small dark figure waving back through the bright orange and yellow. "H-hello?" he called back tentatively.
"Ya, sorry, uh, could you grab me the ladder?" the shadow answered back, his voice carrying remarkably well from high above.
Near glanced down, immediately noticing the ladder lying flat on the ground from where it had fell, leaving its owner trapped on the roof. "Okay, I got it," he replied, walking over to the next house and placing the ladder back where it was supposed to be. He watched curiously as the man climbed down, the colours returning to his body as he stepped into the shade of the building. Long legs, six packs, broad shoulders, Near tried not to let his eyes stay on one part for too long, anticipating at the same time, the face which comes with such perfect measurements.
"Thanks a million, you're a lifesaver," the man smiled his pearly whites. Of course, he just had to be blonde. The man, probably not over twenty took off his gloves and the hair tie from his hair, straightening himself out to look so disturbingly handsome before putting forth a hand to the boy. "Hi, I'm Mello, nice to meet you," he greeted.
"H-hi," Near answered in a tiny voice, feeling his face stiffen in strange places, wishing with all his might that he didn't look like he just ate rotten toads for lunch. "I'm Near, I live next door," he said, his sweaty palm queasily taking the other's hand in an awkward handshake.
"Hi ya, thanks again, sorry about the rock," the blonde smiled, having a firm hold of the boy's smaller shaky hand, his blue eyes seem to stare eons into Near's own ash-like eyes. They continued to shake hands long enough for Near to start noticing little things, like the sweat dripping down the blonde's wide chest.
"So you're the River's-?" Mello asked, tilting his head slightly in an oh-so heartthrob manner.
"Son," Near answered simply.
"Oh, funny meeting you after two months of moving in the neighbourhood. Where have you been hiding?" the blonde smiled, though the way he spoke seem to imply something somewhat flirtatious.
"I was attending boarding school, yesterday was the first day of summer vacation," Near had just finished explaining when his empty stomach conveniently made its grand entrance, rumbling a kick in his centre. "Ex-excuse me," he blushed a beet red.
"That's cute," Mello stifled a laugh, patting the boy on his grey hoodie. "Are you waiting for your parents to come home for dinner?"
"Um, they're not home….I was just about to head to the convenience store," Near answered awkwardly, lowering his gaze, hoping Mello didn't press further on the issue. Honestly, the last time he had a meal with his family was when his father remarried his stepmom.
"Oh…well…I was just about to heat up dinner, you're welcome to join if you'd like," Mello offered in a perfectly-neighbourly manner.
"…Sure," he replied after a short pause, nervously twirling a lock that had fell loose in front of his face, suddenly recalling what a messy state he was in, without a bath, in his tracksuit and uncombed hair, for once, he felt uncomfortably self-conscious.
"How does spaghetti and meatball sound?" the blonde crooked another smile, trying to find the boy's eyes behind his constant hair twirling.
"Yeah, sounds delicious," Near nodded, working even harder to hide his face from the blonde's view.
"Great, come in," the blonde welcomed, leading the way through the front door, into the cosy little home decked with wooden furniture, a large fireplace and a really furry coral carpet in the living room.
"That one's my favourite," Mello commented when he noticed the boy staring at his prized rug. "I'm still fixing up around the house, s'why I was on the roof, the lawn will be the last. Two months and it's finally starting to really shape up," the blonde smiled, almost to himself.
"It's really nice," Near answered sincerely, flashing back on the cold black and white interior of his own house that was meant to be elegant and modern but instead just seemed cold and distant.
The blonde began to heat up the spaghetti in the pot, stirring with a wooden spoon gently. "Take a seat," he offered, watching Near approach the kitchen area with his hood still over his head. Near took his offer, sitting down at the wooden table while glancing around at the kitchen area next.
"How old are you? Is your school far?" Mello began making small talk as he prepared their meal.
"I'm fifteen, I go to Whammy's. It's a little far that's why I stay at the dorm," Near answered, though he felt it was more accurate to say his parents sent him away so that he wouldn't be a bother. He shoved the thought away violently, diverting his attention to studying Mello's sculpture perfect back instead.
"Seriously? I was a Whammy boy too! Talk about a small world," the blonde grinned cheerfully, thankfully not noticing the loneliness in the boy's voice as he was busy grabbing their utensils and placing the food on the table, still baring his perfect packs to the world. "How about a beer for cheers?" he asked, going over to the fridge next. He didn't wait for an answer though, uncapping two bottles and placing them on the table with the food.
"O-okay," Near smiled uncertainly, anxiously forcing a few sips down his throat while trying to look like he was holding in barf, it was definitely a first. "Thanks," he said, trying to hold back a cough by clearing his throat several times, taking in the scent of food to get rid of the nauseating taste in his oesophagus.
The blonde laughed gently at the boy's reaction, taking a sip from his own bottle and meeting it with Near's bottle with a soft clink. "Cheers to Whammy's," he smiled, taking a seat next to the boy, a little closer than what would be called normal, stepping into Near's personal bubble.
"Let's dig in," the blonde invited. Near didn't have to be told twice, he was famished, spinning strands of spaghetti with his fork and bringing it to his mouth. Home-cooked food tasted exceptional after years of not having any.
The food was gone pretty quick since they were both not the kind to talk during a meal. Near thought it was only polite to clean up together, helping Mello dry the plates and pots as the blond did the washing.
"So, what time will your parents be home?" Mello asked after they were done cleaning, while waiting for Near to finish his beer painfully slowly.
"Um, I'll just check," Near said, checking his phone to see if there were any new messages. "My father says his conference has been delayed," Near continued, reading his messages.
"Will you be alone at home until he comes back?" the blonde continued to pry, with a sort of special interest.
Near nodded simply, beginning to twist and turn his hair as Mello's intense blue eyes focused on nothing but him.
"Why don't you stay here for the time being?" Mello offered suddenly, surprising Near.
"Will that be okay? I don't want to be a bother," Near said softly, his cheeks turning apple red, the upfront advances the blonde made was getting harder and harder for Near to convince himself that Mello was just being a friendly neighbour.
"Sure, I'd really like to get to know you," the blonde smiled, tempting the boy further.
Near bit his lower lip, his cheeks dusting an even darker hue of red. Could Mello really being making advances on him? He didn't have the confidence to belief such a thing, especially not after what happened in school.
"Here," Mello suddenly leaned in, tugging gently at his hoodie. Near didn't put up much of a struggle, mesmerized by the blonde's sharp features. "You have the most amazing eyes," the blonde's said, his voice dream-like.
Being fifteen and lonely as he was, how could Near not help but fall hopelessly in love. For a while, he wouldn't notice things like how the house was too big for one, or the pictures in frames in the box at the corner, or how there were more sets of everything than one in the home.
The next few days were some of the best for Near. It was like falling into a perfect fantasy he always imagined of living. Mello was the sweetest, kindest, and gentlest to him. They spent time working on the lawn together, fixing giant lego pieces, cooking meals and chocolate dessert, and chatting away until the late hours of the night. Near felt like he couldn't mistake the feeling for anything but love, and this time, for once, it was mutual.
It was the small things Mello did that really got his heart racing, like how he tenderly runs his hands through his tousled curls as they lie on the orange carpet, the way his kisses his forehead and gives him little compliments and encouragement, or the way he rubs their hands together playfully. Nothing was ever overdone or forced, everything was just natural between them, as if they were kindred souls. It felt so surreal, a dream to never wake up from…until he realized, that's all it was, a sweet white lie.
It was the third day Near had been staying over and they were lying in each other's arms, almost falling asleep when a car pulled up at the driveway. As soon as the blonde heard the sound of tyres screeching halt, he jumped up and pulled himself away from the boy.
"Who's that?" Near asked innocently, rubbing his eye.
"They're home," Mello said as he walked toward the door. Near was about to ask again who it was, but something in the blonde's voice made him hesitate. He got up quickly and went after the blonde, thinking perhaps it was his housemates.
"Hey there, my sweethearts," Near heard as he walked through the front door, immediately freezing in place.
"Daddy!" a little girl with blonde pigtails cried out, leaping into Mello's arms in a tight embrace. The blonde caught her, swinging her in a twirl before hugging the child and showering her in kisses.
"I see you've started on the lawn," another blonde stepped out of the car, wearing a fitting dress, fashionable sunglasses and bright red lipstick.
"Welcome back," Mello smiled, meeting their lips together, her red lips staining his.
The lady smiled, taking off her sunglasses, revealing her lovely blue eyes that matched Mello's so well. "And who's this?" she turned to Near, obviously she had noticed him standing there for some time before.
Near tried his best to pull himself together and not let the utter shock and instant heartbreak show on his face like a pair of badly drawn marker eyebrows. "H-hi," he gulped, feeling his cheeks tremble.
"Oh this is Near, he lives next door, he's been staying over and helping me with lawn," Mello replied effortlessly, guiltlessly, making Near doubt everything that happened between them the last few days.
"Hello, I'm Mello's wife, Misa, this is our daughter, Mia. Say hi Mia," Misa instructed the bubbly looking toddler.
"Hi Hi! I'm Mia!" the little girl waved one chubby hand, smiling adorably.
"Um…I need to get going….my parents might be coming back soon," Near said quickly, starting to feel nauseous and light headed all at once.
"Are you sure? Why don't you stay and chat?" Misa asked, clicking her high heels towards the door, not really making much eye contact with the boy, making it seem like she didn't really mean it.
"No, it's fine, thank you," Near replied, ready to take off as soon as possible.
"Alright then, but join us for dinner, I'd like to thank you, for the lawn I mean," Misa added.
"O-kay, maybe later then," he muttered, his voice beginning to get unsteady, turning to walk home briskly, trying not to think how Mello didn't stop him.
As soon as he was passed the front door, Near ran for his room, tripping painfully on the stairs a few times that was sure to leave a bruise the next day. He shut the room door and locked it, sliding down on the wooden frame as he stared wide eyed at nothing in particular, trying to let what just happened register in his mind. He went round and round in circles, thinking how he could've misinterpreted things so badly, going over and over everything that happened in the past few days and wondering if it was all just a one sided illusion. He guessed and pondered, finally he had no choice but to realize he was played for a fool again.
"He has a wife," he said it aloud because he knew he had to hear it for himself, "and a daughter."
"No…" he sniffled, gritting his teeth and wounding his hair tightly in his fist, wishing someone would just slit his throat open at once.
Fortunately, his parents really did return that day, at least he had a reason to stay away from the house next door. Though they ignored him and avoided talking about what happened in Whammy's, he was thankful of the familiar silence and loneliness that he felt in their presence. It was like walking backwards, pretending those three days never happened. Near was fine with that, he was hurt once, he survived, he was sure he would survive this time too. Someday he'll be okay, though it'd be a long time before he ever let himself fall in love again, but even that little, couldn't be granted.
It was the weekend where both his parents had to attend another conference and Misa had taken Mia back to her parents' place, when Mello came knocking on the front door with tickets to a movie premier.
"I'm sorry, I can't," Near answered firmly, his grey eyes still a little puffy.
"Come on, please?" Mello cajoled, pursing his lips.
Near furrowed his eyebrows, he was so confused about what the blonde was attempting to do. It certainly felt like Mello was coming on to him but for some reason the blonde was acting completely innocent about it. Did he think the boy would so foolishly walk into such a blatant trap again? Near couldn't help but feel offended.
"You have to stop this, it's not right…you have a family," Near replied, casting his eyes down, all sort of emotions running through him.
"Hey," Mello called softly, lifting the boy's face by the chin, "you worry too much. It's just a movie."
He really should've refused decisively, but the blonde seemed to have the ability to keep him from saying no. He always had a way to make things seem so simple. His dazzling azure eyes that stare deeply into him, magnetic and hypnotizing. Once he bought into Mello's words, he couldn't help but began lying to himself. A movie or two wouldn't do any harm, so does dinner at a hotel, forehead kisses, holding hands, lying in each other's arms. They didn't need to define themselves and what they do, as long as it felt good. The back of his mind was yelling no, but his heart has never felt so at ease with anyone. He just kept convincing himself that they would figure it out later on, and their relationship continued throughout summer by sneaking around during the weekends.
They laid on the car hood after burying their time capsule, staring out at the city lights on the hilltop when Mello met their lips for the first time. Near smiled, studying Mello's eyes through the lights.
"Have I ever told you how much I love your eyes?" Mello joked, kissing the boy again, sliding his hand under the boy's shirt. For the incredibly slow pace their relationship had been going, Mello was suddenly acting quite eager. Near had been anxious, not really knowing if they were ever moving forward, or what were the implications of moving forward, but once their lips met, he was finally sure that what he felt for the blonde was reciprocated.
Mello moved his lips down the boy's jawline and neck, unbuttoning his baggy shirt. Near mewled, tangling his fingers in the blonde's silky hair. His hands roamed Near's small chest and the side of his body, the warmth of his touch incredibly soothing. He moved to pull down Near's pants, revealing his erection. Suddenly, the blonde's actions ceased when he saw the boy's manhood.
"What's wrong?" Near panted, glancing at the man through hooded eyes.
"I'm sorry…let's stop here today," Mello answered, his face turning pale, quickly fixing himself so he could get away immediately, nearly leaving the boy naked at the roadside in his hazardous state.
Mello cut off all contact with him for two weeks, he didn't reply to text or call, and during their weekend getaway, he went with his wife back to his in-laws instead. Near started to panic as his summer vacation was closing to an end, anxiously wondering if his relationship with Mello would really just come to nothing, all the long overdue regret coming like an avalanche.
Near didn't have any choice but to barge in during the weekday while Misa was away. He needed to talk to the blonde.
"Near?" Mello said with surprise when he saw the boy at his front steps.
Near tried not to let Mello's reaction hurt him, and said, "Can we talk?"
"Um…" the blonde hesitated, looking left and right before agreeing, "Sure, let's talk upstairs, Mia is sleeping on the sofa."
"What did you want to talk about?" Mello asked when they entered the study, leaning against the table.
Near wondered if the blonde was feigning ignorance, "Did I do something wrong?" he asked sadly.
"No," the man answered simply.
"Why haven't you been answering my calls or messages?" he pressed, holding back his tears.
"That's…" there was a long pause. "I'm sorry, I can't do it," he finally said, holding his hand over his mouth.
"What?" Near's voice came out as a helpless whisper. "What do you mean? After everything…" he really wanted to cry at that moment.
"I can't get it up for you," the blonde admitted, sounding angry and strained, "I thought I could, but I couldn't…" he frowned, running his hands through his hair, his blue eyes starting to look runny, "I really thought I could this time…I still…" Near stopped him with a kiss, he couldn't take another word from those lips. He ravished the man's mouth, his hands working on his pants, trying to prove everything the blonde said was wrong, that their love would prove otherwise.
"Daddy…?" a little frightened voice came from behind them through their slobbering kisses. "Ooh, what are you doing?" she started sobbing, clutching on to her favourite Nemo stuffed toy. Mello stared wide-eyed at his daughter, too shocked to get out of their compromising positions. "I'm telling mommy!" she shouted angrily, running away.
"Mia wait!" Mello panicked, pushing away Near roughly and going after the girl.
A loud thud was heard before Mello even got to the door. "MIA!" Mello screamed, jolting Near back to his senses. He went out as fast as he could to see what had happened, but it was already too late. Mia laid motionlessly with her neck bent backwards, the blood from her open skull seeping into Mello's favourite rug.
"MIA! No, no, no, no, please…" Mello fell to his knees, crying, not even daring to touch her body.
Near held his breath as shivers ran down his spine, the scene making him sick to the stomach. His shaky hands pulled out his cell from his pocket, dialling the ambulance wrong three times before finally getting it right and calling for help.
Everything that happened after that was a huge mess. Near was questioned by the police and his parents, he didn't know how he should've answered, but in the end the truth came out anyway. His parents immediately sent him back to the dorms once the interrogation was over, he never got to talk to Mello for one last time.
The police ruled it as an accident, but reality was much less forgiving for Mello. The things that came out through Misa's bright red lips could've ruined any man if the death of his daughter didn't already do so.
Misa sat across Mello, tidying up their divorce papers. She was finally quiet, studying Mello's hollow appearance carefully.
"Once wasn't enough, you had to make the same mistake twice?" Misa asked, crossing her arms, he puffy eyes and cheeks covered recklessly with thick makeup.
Blue eyes that didn't dare to meet hers finally looking up, wide and rimmed with dark circles.
"You think I didn't know about Matt? After what happened with him, shouldn't you know nothing good comes from homosexual relationships?" Misa sighed as the blonde buried his mortified face in his hands.
"You cheated on him with me, and now you've cheated on me with Near, just what exactly were you trying to achieve?" his ex-wife shook her head.
"I don't know, I thought I loved them, I thought I loved you… I don't…" he sobbed.
"You were too greedy, and now you've lost everyone," Misa said, throwing the final blow, not even caring about what it would do to the blonde mentally as she stalked out the door.
That night, Mello went and got impossibly drunk. He walked out of the pub and into the freeway, and was ran over by a truck. His body laid cold on the first few leaves of fall.
Summer and he's thirty.
He got off the plane at noon, on the cab by two, his silence an old companion as the car drove up the windy road, up to their old rendezvous point. He paid the cab driver a fifty, and didn't bother with the change. Carefully he started digging the ground where they had buried the time capsule.
"No matter what happens, with this, we'll remember that we shared a moment together," he recalled Mello saying. Even just a little, after fifteen years, he hoped there was something left of their time together, maybe it could offer him some closure.
He dug until finally he found a worn and rusted can. As he was taking it out, it fell into pieces and the contents inside were nothing but dust. All that was left was the blue of summer.
Hello there everyone. So it has been forever. I was busy with my research and thesis, but now it's done and I'm heading toward my final clinical year. This story was actually inspired when I was exchanging messages with one of my reader, mihaelnia. I'm so sorry it took so long. Honestly, I'm not really satisfied with the delivery of this story, the idea is there, but since it's quite a new topic for me, I don't think I did justice to how destructive cheating and having affairs can be on every person involved. I personally am totally against cheating, I've seen first hand what that does to a family. The flow and pace of this was pretty awkward I feel as well, I think I wasn't able to get a feel on it as I could with my other stories, but I really couldn't fix it. Anyway, feedback is very much appreciated, thank you again :)