AN: Hello peoples! I wrote this during English class, when I was supposed to be working on my book review for an exam grade. I didn't write this to offend anyone, and if you are then you can kiss my a. I feel entitled to write whatever I want about Judaism because I am a Jew. Besides, I wrote this after someone asked me some of the most retarded questions about being Jewish. So, to sum up my rambling fit: I am Jewish, and I am not JK Rowling because she isn't Jewish and she is filthy rich. Don't sue me, I don't own anything!

New Jew

"'lom, yeladim."

The entire Gryffindor table turned to look at her as she sat down. Untroubled, Chaya piled her plate high with scrambled eggs, some questionable looking bacon, and ketchup. After a strange, garbled stream of noise left her mouth, the transferred sixth year began to eat at a rate that left Ron Weasley in the dust. When she finished (in a record breaking three point eight seconds), she finally noticed the stares.

"What? Never seen a Jew eat before?" Her tone of voice was light, and a smile danced around her mouth. Ron Weasley, insensitive pureblood extraordinaire, decided that it had been too long since his foot was intimately acquainted with his mouth.

Leaning across the table, he peered at her like she was a shiny new Nimbus before asking, "What's a Jew? Is it some kind of creature that can mate with wizards? I thought you seemed a bit inhuman, what with your strange speech – and you look funny! Is a Jew a dark creature? What powers do you have?" Every muggleborn at the table froze in shock, and as Ron's speech echoed throughout the Great Hall, every table turned to watch Chaya; the purebloods in interest, and the muggleborns in shocked dismay.

Chaya looked across the table and smiled pleasantly. A cold fire seemed to creep down Ron's spine and settle in his stomach.

"Oh no, Ron. Jews are so much more then that. We are all born with the same innate powers, but some generations have a stronger affinity for them then others."

Eyes darting around as if in search for an escape route, Ron took the bait. Open mouth, insert foot. "What powers are those?"

Chaya's eyes were twinkling now, but not in the amused, comforting manner of Dumbledore's. "Oh, some run of the mill discrimination, anti-Semitism, greed, protection against disease, and bad luck. Oh!" Her eyes got big in a faked expression of surprise as she raised her hand to cover her twitching mouth. "Can't forget the horns!"

Again, Ron stupidly opened his mouth to insert his foot. "What horns?"

"Well, you see Ron – I can call you Ron, right? Okay, good – you see, Jews are all the minions or the spawn of Satan – it all depends on who you ask. As such, Jews are recognizable by their red horns and pointed tails. Or you could simply crash one of our ritual sacrifices. Passover would be a good time, and then we use the blood of Christian babies to make our matzos. See you in Defense Against the Dark Arts first period. Maybe we could be partners?"

With that said Chaya got up and walked to the door, swinging her hips and humming a tune. Every single eye was on her, until Hermione turned to Lavender and asked, "Did anyone else notice that she wasn't in uniform?"

finite

AN: The words you don't understand are Hebrew transliterations. Next chapter, since this is a one-shot, will be a glossary. I'll upload it tomarrow...or today since it's 1:35...And everything I had Chaya (pronounced as Hi-ya, except the H is from the back of the throat) rant about is something that I have been asked about. I hate stupid people.