New story, not really sure where it came from and I don't know where its going but I hope you enjoy.

Review!!!!

I don't em.

When he left I lost it completely, I turned into a zombie. I don't really remember details, I wasn't interested in living, but I had made him that damn promise. So I didn't try to live, but I didn't try to die either.

Then one day I did something dangerous and stupid. And for the first time in months I felt better, because I had heard his voice telling me not to do it, to be safe. So I started testing boundaries. I bought motorcycles for Jake and I, we cliff dived, I drove too fast, I drank, all the while hearing that voice telling me how silly and ridiculous and downright stupid I was being.

I got Carpe Noctem tattooed across my lower abdomen. Igot my tongue pierced. Maybe I was being stupid but I was becoming happier. It was mostly Jake, he let me do my stupid things while keeping me safe. He took me to the ER and held my hand when I was sick after drinking too much. He put lotion on my tattoo and made me gargle salt water so my tongue didn't get infected.

I kept it all pretty well hidden from Charlie, he didn't know about the stupid things I did. He would have tried to stop me, tried to help.

Last night Jake told me we couldn't be friends anymore. He spouted off a bunch of BS that I didn't care to listen to and then he left. Just like him. And now I was sitting in my room and I had a decision to make. I had two perfect lines of white powder in front of me and I knew I was either going to fall off the ledge I was standing on or I was going to jump. I chose to jump.

I took the straw and held it to my nose and the powder and did one line and then the other. I had no regrets as I waited for it to take effect. Anything to be happy. Anything to forget about him.

Edward

My phone rang again and I hit my head against the wall. Christ what could be so important? I knew the annoying little pixie would keep calling so I flipped open the phone and listened.

"Edward? You need to go check on Bella. I wasn't trying to look I swear but something is wrong." My heart would have stopped if I had one. What was wrong with my Bella?

"What did you see Alice?"

"She was dead Edward. Whatever she's doing right now…it's going to kill her."

I was in my car driving before I'd hung up the phone. I was in London; it would take me a few days to get to Forks. I hoped I had the time.

Bella

Charlie was banging on my door and I was trying to not lose my high but it wasn't working. Charlie knew something was going on. I couldn't hide this. My highs were high and my lows were low. It had been weeks since I did those first lines. I poured out some powder. This was something fairly new to me, something better than blow, Crank. I did a line. I waited. I lived. Fuck. A smile lit up my face. I felt great. I felt whole. I felt like I could fly. I needed to do something. I needed to do someone. Jake. I'd go see Jake, it was perfect. I opened my door and pushed past Charlie. I jumped in my truck and took off. I was impatient. I needed to be there now. I needed to be there 10 minutes ago.

I pulled up in front of Billy's and Jake came walking out. He looked angry. I don't why he would be angry with me. I hadn't done anything. Had I? The last few weeks were one big blur but I hadn't seen Jake.

"JAKEY!" I threw myself out of the truck at him. He looked surprised. God he was warm. Hot. I grabbed a fist full of hair and yanked him down. I kissed him. I felt him tense up and he pulled away.

"Fuck Bella what's going on?" He looked at me carefully and fidgeted going from foot to foot and wringing my hands. I couldn't stand still. "Christ Bella, are you on something?"

I didn't answer. I didn't know if I could lie right now. My mind was in too many places at once. Jake grabbed my truck door and yanked so hard that he almost pulled it off. He grabbed my backpack and started rifling through it. I knew what he would find. He laid it all out. Baggies of white powder, a CD case. A few rolled dollar bills. The needles. I loved the high that came with the crank. I loved the numbness that came with the smack. I needed them both.

Jake was staring at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. "Bella…why?"

"Come on Jake. Let's not play games here. You're ruining my buzz. You fucked with my mind. He fucked with my mind. I had to do something." I grabbed the needle. Pre-filled and capped. I flicked off the cap with one finger. Jake's eyes were wide. He was shaking.

"Bella."

"You gonna stop me Jakey? Hmm?" I had a few seconds to wonder why he didn't, why he just stood there shaking uncontrollably, and then the needle was in my arm.

And then the pain was gone. Completely. Totally. Gone. I was free. I didn't care that they didn't want me. I didn't care that he left or that Jake didn't want to be my friend. I smiled lazily at Jake. I melted towards the ground. And then I started hallucinating. Jake was a wolf. A big wolf. Oh wait no, he was human again. He was carrying me into his house. There were others there. They were talking with Jake in low voices but it didn't matter. I was happy not to hear them, not to be bothered. I don't know how much time passed. A few minutes, a few hours. But suddenly I needed more. I was waking up. The pain was coming back.

I was cold and sweaty and so sad. Neither of them wanted me anymore. I was alone. I needed that other needle. I needed more. But Jake wouldn't let me up. I heard my cell phone ringing and one of those other boys answered it. He was talking about me. I heard him tell who ever was on the other end that I was using. That I was in too deep. It made me laugh. It's not like whoever was on the other end of the phone could do anything for me. Only the drugs could help me.

I struggled when they picked me up but they were strong. Jake held me on his lap while someone else threw all my stuff in my bag. I needed that bag. It was set down right next to me in the truck but Jake was holding my arms and I couldn't get to it. I didn't know where we were going and I didn't care. I just needed what was in that bag. I was struggling to get it and then Jake was pulling me from the truck and I went from held in his hot arms to ice cold one. I was so shocked that I stopped struggling.

He flipped me around to face him and he looked so angry. I'd never seen him angry with me like this before. Not that first day when he smelled me and wanted to kill me, not ever.

I imagined what I must look like to him. I was so skinny. So pale. I had dark circles under my eyes. I had chopped my hair off at some point. My pupils covered my brown eyes. If I had been beautiful I would have looked like Alice.

I looked at him defiantly. How dare he come back now? Couldn't he see that I had jumped off that ledge? That I was a different person. I used to be addicted to Edward, now I was addicted to a different type of monster.

Edward put me in his car and I didn't even try to run. He would catch me. He drove us to his house and I sat with my arms crossed. He carried me upstairs and shoved me in the shower fully clothed. He stood and watched me. I stripped. I didn't care. Let him see what he had done to me. I saw his dark eyes narrow as he took in the tattoos and piercings. I had a belly button ring. I had a huge dark angel wings on my back and shoulders. I was a fallen angel. I was his fallen angel.