"This is all your fault." Clint accused, folding his arms over his chest with a sour expression.
"My fault? How is this my fault?" Tony asked defensively.
"We learned last time that opening portals is a bad idea. But, you did it anyway." Clint reprimanded in his now small voice.
"Well, he was drunk." Bruce commented, "That tends to cause bad ideas."
You see, Tony Stark had gotten drunk last night, and with Pepper Potts gone on some business trip, made a very ill-advised decision. He had stolen Selvig's notes on the tesseract and tried to recreate the technology. Having no idea of this, Clint Barton had followed Tony when he said he had something to show him. Tony had turned it on, hoping to test it on the archer. Unfortunately, the portal it created was not what Tony was hoping for and it exploded into a bright light blinding both of them for a few minutes. When they could finally see again, they could have died from the shock. Clint was no longer a deadly man with a bow. He was a little boy.
It was around 7 am now.
Steve stared at the archer, who now only came up to Natasha's waist, "Does anyone know how to fix this?"
"Not a clue." Tony admitted, "Though, there are so many possibilities for messing with him now."
The tiny S.H.I.E.L.D. agent glared at the billionaire.
"We'll find a way to turn you back into an adult, Clint." Natasha assured and joked at the same time, "I can't take a kid with me on missions."
"Maybe Thor could help. He knows more about the technology than we do." Bruce suggested.
Clint groaned, "Great. Right when you need him, he's off in Asgard."
"Calm down, Legolas." Tony snorted, "This isn't so bad. You might even enjoy being a kid for a while."
"I'm three feet tall! I can't even hold my bow anymore!" Clint complained.
"You won't need it." Steve told him.
"But, I want it." Clint argued.
Natasha sarcastically replied, "We'll buy you a toy version."
Clint rolled his eyes.
"We can talk about this later. Right now I'm starving." Steve announced.
They all decided to have breakfast. Steve made bacon, sausage, and eggs while Bruce had cereal and Tony had one of his green smoothies. Clint's scowl remained the entire morning.
"Lighten up, Clint." the Captain told him, "It could be worse."
"Don't jinx me, Rogers." Hawkeye glowered.
He was so short his feet didn't touch the ground as he sat in the chair at the table.
"Don't tell me you're being superstitious." Black Widow frowned.
"Better safe than sorry. Apparently, magic's real." he scowled.
His usually muscular arms now looked scrawny in the sleeveless shirt of his uniform. At least his clothes had shrunk with him.
Clint folded his arms over his chest again.
"You should eat something." Bruce remarked.
"Not hungry." he stated in a whiny voice, pushing away the plate in front of him.
"Now, look who's acting like a child." Tony laughed.
"Shut up, Stark." Clint snapped.
"Eat or I'll force-feed you." Natasha ordered.
The kid archer muttered under his breath, but did what she said. The rest of them had the sense not to say anything, except for Tony. Bruce shot him a pointed look before he opened his mouth.
A few hours later, Bruce and Tony were in the lab while the rest of them watched TV.
"Boring." Clint rejected yet another show.
They'd been channel surfing for two hours.
He interrupted Steve before the words came out of his mouth, "I swear, if you're about to suggest cartoons, I'll break your face."
"I thought you liked cartoons." Natasha was sitting on the couch next to the little archer while Steve sat in one of the armchairs.
"Yeah, but I'm not giving Tony another chance to make jokes about this." Hawkeye explained.
"He's not even here." Captain America pointed out, "You're being paranoid."
Clint didn't respond. He finally settled on a show.
Tony, seeming to appear out of nowhere, interjected, "Oh, Animal Planet. You might want to take the remote, Natasha. Wouldn't want to scar Little Hawk's eyes. Have you seen those giraffes?"
"I swear, Stark..." Clint began.
"What? That you'll throw a temper tantrum?" Tony joked, "Talk to Bruce. The Other Guy is great at that."
"Do you ever shut up, Stark?" Steve asked, "Give it a rest for once."
"I'm just getting started." Iron Man told them.
J.A.R.V.I.S. interrupted, "Sir, you're needed in the lab."
"Sounds like Dr. Banner needs assistance." Tony commented, backing out of the room, "I guess we'll have to continue this conversation later."
Clint groaned in annoyance; it was starting to become a habit. He'd only been a kid for a few hours and he was already the grumpiest one in New York.
Bruce and Tony were still in the lab. Natasha had said she was going out for a while and for Steve to watch Clint, much to the child archer's chagrin. Currently, the two were in one of the training rooms.
Clint had tried to punch one of the punching bags and complained, "I'm not strong anymore. It didn't even move!"
"How old are you right now?" Steve asked, having broken another punching bag off of its chain with a couple punches.
"I don't know. Six, maybe." Clint answered, unintentionally reinforcing this supposition with a childish pout.
"Six year olds aren't that strong. Sorry." Steve replied.
"That's so not fair!" Clint complained.
Steve continued what he was doing, paying little attention to the gripes and groans of the archer.
A few minutes later, he heard a crash. Running to see what'd happened, Steve saw Clint lying on the floor. He'd apparently tried to jump from the top of the railing of the stairs to a box a few feet away.
"Stupid, short legs!" Clint yelled, throwing in a few curses.
"Are you alright?" Steve asked, about to help him up.
"I'm fine." the little archer pushed him away, irritated, "It's not like I haven't fallen before. I'm not made of glass, Rogers."
"Are you crying?" the Captain questioned.
"No!" the child Clint wiped at his eyes and sniffled, "I don't cry. Why would you ask that?"
"It's normal for kids to cry. I won't tell anyone." Steve told him, helping him up anyway.
"Good. 'Cause I'd kill you." Clint replied, "Not that I was crying, because that never happened."
Steve turned and carried on as if nothing had happened, "I'll keep that in mind."
Three hours later, Natasha returned.
"Where the h*** have you been?" Clint questioned, "I've been stuck with Captain Goody-two-shoes all day. I swear, if he tries to make me have a positive attitude about this one more time, I'm gonna take that positive attitude and choke him with it."
"I was shopping." Natasha commented.
"Since when is shopping in your vocabulary?" he asked.
She shrugged, "I have to do something. I can't spar with you when you're a three year old. I got myself some clothes and books and more ammo for my guns."
"I'm six, not three." Hawkeye argued, "There's a difference."
"Whatever. I got you this." Black Widow set a toy bow on the table.
"Are you kidding me?" Clint said in an exasperated tone, but unconsciously clutched it to him, "Now, I'll never hear the end of it from Stark."
"You're the one that kept complaining about not having a bow. If he bothers you about it, I can end him." Natasha told him, "You're the one that told them I can kill three men with the pointy part of a paper clip."
J.A.R.V.I.S. spoke, "Agents Romanoff and Barton, Dr. Banner wishes to see Agent Barton in the lab to conduct some tests."
Clint groaned, "I hate tests, of all kinds."
"Let's go." Natasha said, starting to walk down the hall, "You can eat your stash of cookies and candy later if it makes you feel better."
The little Hawkeye groaned again and they went to the lab. Several hours later, Bruce had done hundreds of tests on Clint and gotten no answers. It was getting late and the archer was beyond bored.
"Ugh, are you done yet?" Clint whined, "You've put enough needles in me for the rest of my life."
"We haven't found anything yet." Bruce replied, staring at a computer screen.
"Maybe we never will. I have stuff to do adults can't get away with." Clint announced, "I'm leaving whether you're done or not."
Bruce glanced at the clock, "It's too late for that. Stay here for more tests and maybe we'll find a way to turn you back into an adult by morning."
"I think it's passed his bedtime." Tony laughed.
"Shut up, Tony." the archer said angrily.
"See?" Tony joked, "He's getting cranky."
Clint spit at him.
Natasha interjected, "As unnecessary his reason for bringing it up, Tony's right. Children need sleep more than adults. He should go to bed."
"Where'd you get that; Mom's Monthly?" Tony asked, surprised by Natasha's comment, "I was just making fun of him. I couldn't care less about his need for sleep."
"Stop talking about me like I'm not here." Clint told them, "I'm not going to bed just because you say so. I'm not really a kid and you're not the boss of me."
"It's a reasonable idea." Steve suggested.
"Shut it, Rogers." Hawkeye said, "Go kiss the Statue of Liberty or something."
"We're just trying to help." Bruce pointed out, "You could be a bit more appreciative."
"It's Tony's fault I'm a six year old." Clint stated, "I'll be as unappreciative and in whatever mood as I want."
"You really are cranky." Natasha commented as she proceeded to pick up the small S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and throw him over her shoulder.
"Nat, put me down!" Clint yelled, trying to get away from her, "Let me go! Natasha!"
"Not going to happen." she proceeded to walk out of the lab and down the hall, her partner cursing the whole way.
The other Avengers were laughing hysterically before she'd reached the door and kept on laughing for a long time.
The Black Widow had taken advantage of the fact that she was bigger and stronger now. She had literally wrestled the little archer into bed with one arm and held him there with one hand until he gave up struggling. Eventually, he unwillingly fell asleep.
Natasha laughed quietly and Clint rolled over, unconsciously hugging the toy bow he'd forgotten about. This whole Clint-as-a-six-year-old thing was pretty funny.
Looking at the sleeping archer's face, Natasha could still see the man in the child. The man; the one who was her best friend, who she worked with, the one she wanted back. That's what she cared about. She hoped him being a child wouldn't last long. He was a cute kid, though.
Natasha got up, kissed Clint's forehead, and left.
She'd have to remember to use this time he was a child against him in the future. Blackmail was an easy way to manipulate people.
The next day, Clint decided to use being a child to his advantage.
"Do you have to do that?" Steve asked after a suction cup arrow was shot at the back of his head.
"Yeah, I do." Clint stated from the top of the refrigerator, "I got Stark earlier. It's even more fun when he can't do anything about it."
"We could put you in timeout." Natasha commented, casually reading a magazine.
"Oh, ha ha. So funny, Tasha." the little archer rolled his eyes.
Dr. Banner walked into the kitchen and Clint promptly ambushed him with a box of cereal. However, the usually more controlled scientist's reaction caught them all off guard.
A roar exploded from Bruce as his size quickly increased and his skin turned green. The Hulk's head almost went through the ceiling. He swung his enormous, muscular arm and knocked over the kitchen table, barely missing Steve, who'd been sitting and reading the paper.
The Captain and Black Widow jumped up, Natasha pulling out her gun. Tony ran in a second later.
"Whoa, Bruce! Sorry! I didn't mean to tick you off!" Clint yelled, "Don't hit us!"
"Uh, actually, that may have been partially, maybe a little, two percent my fault." Tony announced, staying far away from the Other Guy.
"What did you do!?" Steve ducked as a chair flew at him.
"I might have put a certain fast-acting drug in his coffee that gave him short-term emotional instability." Tony told them nonchalantly, "I wanted to see what'd happen."
"What is wrong with you, Stark!?" Natasha considered aiming her gun at the billionaire.
"I got this." Clint said and jumped on the Hulk's back, wrapping his arms around his neck.
The big, green guy growled and tried to grab the small S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, smashing everything in the kitchen in the process.
"Hey, Hulk! Buddy! Calm down. I'm sorry, okay. I didn't mean to make you angry. Please, stop smashing everything." Clint tried to calm down the angry, giant Avenger.
"Hulk smash!" Hulk roared, trying to grab and pound the person on his back into the ground.
Clint tried to sooth him, "You don't want to do that. It's me, Clint. Bird Man, Cupid, Arrow Man. We're friends, remember? I give you some of my cookies sometimes and we beat up bad guys."
The Hulk stopped punching things for a moment, "Hulk not like things hitting Hulk."
"I'm sorry, big guy." Clint apologized, "You usually don't get so ticked off about it. I was just playing around."
"Why Bird Man so tiny?" Hulk asked, pulling the archer off his back to look at him.
"That's Tony's fault. I'm six right now. He did some stupid science experiment that didn't go very well. I got tricked into being his guinea pig." the mini Avenger explained, scowling at Tony.
"Metal Man shouldn't do bad things to friends." Hulk actually glared at the billionaire.
"Uh, yeah." Tony said, slightly nervous, "Sorry. Won't experiment on him again." He walked out and back to the lab.
The Hulk grunted and calmed down, but did not set down his smaller-than-usual friend. Natasha holstered her gun.
"Um, you can put me down now." Clint commented, currently several feet off the ground.
"Hulk like little Bird Man." the green giant told him.
"I like you too, Hulk." the child archer replied, "When you're not trying to hit me that is."
The Hulk almost looked embarrassed, "Little Bird Man want to play with Hulk? Can smash things together and give Little Bird Man rides and eat cookies and candy."
Clint held back a laugh at how innocent the "rage monster" sounded. Leave it to the guy ten times his normal size to somehow be adorable.
"Sure, big guy." Clint smiled, "I'd love to."
"Be careful! Try not to crush him, Hulk!" Natasha called after them as the green giant stomped off with his little friend.
"You sound like a mother." Steve commented, "I bet you'd be a good one if you ever had kids."
Natasha told him, moving to the living room and opening up the magazine again, "That would never happen, Rogers."
About an hour later, Clint returned with Bruce, who was half naked and had bits of rubble in his hair.
"What happened?" Bruce asked the female assassin, "I woke up outside. So, how much of the city did I destroy?"
"I told you, the city's fine." Clint insisted, "The Hulk and I were just hanging out."
"Clint's right. New York is fine. Tony's kitchen on the other hand, not so much." Natasha told him, "He forced the Hulk out, again. Clint calmed him down and then he wanted to play."
"Play?" Bruce questioned, taking another extra pair of glasses out of a drawer and putting them on.
"Yeah. It was actually pretty funny." she said, "He was like a giant kid."
"We ate candy and he ran and jumped around with me on his back. It was fun. I let him smash a few cars in a junkyard." the little archer explained, "We were outside 'cause there was more room. He even petted a stray cat. I thought for sure it'd be crushed, but he was very gentle. Never hurt me either. The cat liked him."
"That's a bold cat." Bruce commented, "I'm going to put on some other clothes."
Bruce walked off and Clint sighed. Dr. Banner still didn't fully accept just how friendly and kind his other half could be. Oh, well. He was a lot of fun. Maybe this being a kid thing wasn't so bad.