A.N: YAY! okay to all you pplz this is a one-shot! ever wandered what inu characters would never say? Well here you go!
Disclaimer: I dun't own any inu characters...:sobs:...but I wish I did...:is staring hopefully at Sesshy:...
Title: Stuff the characters would NEVER say!
(A.N. First up...Inuyasha:claps:)
Inuyasha: Naraku you are just too strong, here take these shards.
Inuyasha: Sesshomaru you deserve this Tetsaiga(sp?) way more than I do...here take it..
Inuyasha: What are you talking about Kagome? I hate ramen, I would much rather have a salad.
Inuyasha: Naraku I like totally forgive you for like deceiving me and Kikyo so long ago, here take these shards as a peace offering.
Inuyasha: Hey Kikyo...why don't you just fuck off?
Inuyasha: You're right Shippo, I was a jerk to Kagome.
Inuyasha: I'm sorry for hitting you Shippo.
Inuyasha: Tailor, I'd like to trade in my fire-rat outfit for something a little more stylish...something in pink maybe...
Inuyasha: Naraku, I'm to busy reading this interesting romance novel to fight you right now, so take the shards and leave me alone.
Inuyasha: Kagome I love this egg omelet.
Inuyasha: Hey Hojo. I really don't like Kagome anymore you can have her.
Inuyasha: Sesshomaru, may I become you're loyal minion? I will lick the bottoms of your boots when you come in from the stables...etc...
Inuyasha: Hey Kagome do you think I'd look better if I cut my hair and dyed it purple...no wait pink...wait...I have it...bright BRIGHT blue!
Inuyasha: You know what Kagome? You were right, in fact you're always right and I'm always wrong...let's just keep that in mind from now on...
Inuyasha: I beg for mercy of your great power...please ..spare me...please Kagome...
Inuyasha: Ahhh...run!It's the purple monkeys!
Inuyasha: Kagome...here suck my blood.
Inuyasha: You're such a sweet little kitty, yes you are...
(A.N.: Now on to Kagome:applause:)
Kagome: I love you Koga!
Kagome: Isn't Kikyo the nicest person you've ever met?
Kagome: Sure Miroku, I'll bear your child.
Kagome: Kikyo, let's face it, you are way prettier and smarter than me, so Inuyasha's all yours...
Kagome: HEEL!
Kagome: Umm...Inuyasha and I were...redecorating...that's it we were redecorating...:she blushes rubbing the back of her head:..yes...definitely redecorating...
Kagome: :is singing sailor moon theme song: Fighting evil by moonlight...winning love by daylight...never running from a real fight..she is the one named sailor moon...:continues singing:
(A.N.: Sorry I'm a sm fan...a moonie...yes I am...and I didn't feel like typing the whole fucking song so get over it)
Kagome: Hey Hojo! Wanna go to the movies and make out?
Kagome: Woot! Woot! PARTY!
Kagome: Could this mini skirt be any shorter? :tugs at the back of the skirt on her school uniform:
Kagome: Naraku's all that...and a bag of chips...
Kagome: Pink Sugar...Heart...ATTACK!
(A.N.: Told u I was a moonie)
Kagome: Shippo...leave poor Inuyasha alone...
Kagome: Wahahahaha! :cries: That bitch shot me with an arrow...Inuyasha...this is all your fault...sit boy!...:continues crying:
(A.N.: Except for that whole crying bit...she might actually say that ..but oh well...)
Kagome: DIE KOGA! DIE!
Kagome: Sango...Miroku...cut the act...you love each other and there's no way to deny it...so kiss...and get it over with...
Kagome: Hey Naraku! You're kinda cute...I got a friend back home looking for a guy...so you want me to set you up? I can...just tell me what your looking for in a girlfriend and I'll have you one by say...tomorrow afternoon...what cha think?
Kagome: I want to take over the world...but first...I must take over this anthill...:stomps on anthill: Muhahahahahahahahahaha! That's just a sample of my power! Feel the wrath of Kagome! Die mortals! DIE!
(A.N. Next up...the pervert we all know and love...give it up for Miroku...:VERY loud applause filled with cheers and screaming:...)
Miroku: Listen to me everybody, I've decided to take a vow of virginity, I shall never womanize again.
Miroku: Inuyasha...will you bear my child?
(A.N. Besides that being impossible...and EXTREMELY gross...I wouldn't put it past that lecherous monk...)
Miroku: Sango...would you PLEASE put on something besides that skimpy bikini...I'm trying to watch t.v. here!
Miroku: I never want to see another beautiful woman again...:sees Sango bathing:...no I mustn't...:walks away:...
Miroku: Does this robe make me look fat?
Miroku: Come little children...I'll take thee away...into a place of enchantment...come little children the times come to play...here..in my garden...of magic...etc...:is singing the song Sarah sings:
(A.N. Yeah...I'm a fan of Hocus Pocus...got a problem with it?)
Miroku: Ladies and gentlemen...I give you...the most beautiful woman in the world :Some little brat comes onto the stage only to be followed by a furious Sango: Ooooo...conflict gotta go...:runs off stage:
(A.N.: So he probably would say that...who cares? It was funny...)
Miroku: Nice ass Naraku...
(A.N. Ewwwwwww...sick...now...give a hand to our next guest...Sango:more applause accompanied by whistles and howls)
Sango: :Miroku gropes her: Hey Miroku, meet me by the lake tonight around nine o'clock.
Sango: Hey Naraku, sorry about stealing my brother back from you, he's really annoying, so you can keep him.
Sango: Hey Inuyasha...how 'bout I bear your children.
Sango: Evil HamHams! RUN! Run for your no good, useless lives! RUN! O.O hamham eyes
Sango: RAMEN! Gimme! :hungrily gulps down ramen:
Sango: Oh hey Naraku, so what's been up with you lately? Created any incarnations? Killed any humans? Oh you have? That's good...
Sango: Oh I wish I was an Oscar Mayer wiener..that is what I'd truly like to be...cause if I was an Oscar Mayer wiener...everyone would be in love with me...
(A.N.:is doing her Oscar Mayer wiener dance:)
Sango: Oh Miroku I'm so sorry for slapping you! Did it hurt? Oh you poor baby! :holds him close saying stuff like this while he is grinning goofily:
Sango: My village deserved what it got...killing all those cute little demons...
Sango: :Miroku is once again groping her although she's just walking along like he isn't:Kagome asks "You do realize he's groping your ass don't you?": Yeah...I've just gotten used to it...
(A.N.: oookkkkayyy...like that'd ever happen...anyway onto our next guest...Sesshomaru:crowd goes wild and women are screaming, some even taking their shirts off...then the author on stage growls at them and they immediately stop: Well here he is...and he's mine:growls and bares fangs: mine...)
Sesshomaru: :sings: Ring around the rosie, a pocket full of posies, ashes ashes we all fall down...
(A.N. hahahaha! Hey, did you know that that children's song was based off the symptoms of the black death? I didn't until my world history teacher told us about it...man that is one morbid children's song...)
Sesshomaru: Hey Rin, would you put my hair up in a ring of daises? Pretty please?
Sesshomaru: Hug me brother!
(A.N.: yes I know...I watch way to much Drake and Josh...or t.v. in general...but it summer vacation and I'm bored...so very bored...)
Sesshomaru: I'm sorry Inuyasha...for all those years of torment I put you through! I'm so sorry! :cries and hugs a confused looking Inuyasha:
Sesshomaru: Rin get out of my sight!
Sesshomaru: But why's the rum gone?
(A.N. Courtesy of P.O.C...Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom are so hot! But not as hot as Sesshy...who is mine...grrrr...:growls:)
Sesshomaru: When life gives you lemons...make lemonade...and then find someone who's life gave them vodka and have a party!
(A.N.: Ahh...I just love watching comedy central...and that little line was from Ron "Tater Salad" White...a very great comedian...who's joke I don't own...in any way...)
Sesshomaru: Cut! Okay, okay...that acting sucked...it needs more feeling ...more emotion on my characters part...he needs to look like he's enjoying this sick little game he's making his captors suffer through...got it? Okay...ACTION!
Sesshomaru: Does this tutu make my tail look big?
Sesshomaru: :bows: How may I serve you, Lord Inuyasha?
Sesshomaru: That Kagura sure is easy on the eyes...
Sesshomaru: Ohh...looky Rin! I made a sword out of mud...
(A.N.:notices screaming fan girls:growls and glares daggers while bearing her fangs: I think that's enough Sesshomaru...now give a nice round of applause for the annoying little toad demon...JAKEN! ...:utter silence:...okay..here she..oops I mean he...is...)
Jaken: Lord Sesshomaru, I'm tired of doing all the work around here! So sit down, shut up, make yourself useful, and kiss my ass!
(A.N.: He just signed his own death warrant...stupid toad...)
Jaken: Coming Lord Inuyasha!
Jaken: ...dots...so many dots...
(A.N. yeah...he'd never say that...I would and do...constantly...but he definitely wouldn't...dots..so many fucking dots...ahh...get them off of me!)
Jaken: Ohh...pretty lights...
(A.N.: okay he's not too popular so let's continue...give it up for...Koga:many girls scream loudly while the guys clap politely: Ayame comes and stands beside the author:She growls...and gives a death glare to the audience: ...)
Koga: Who is this Kagome that you speak of?
Koga: :On bent knee: Kagura...will you marry me?
Koga: Inuyasha ...I give up...Kagome is your woman...
Koga: Die Kagome die! Evil witch!
Koga: Oh look...yummy fried wolf on a stick...yummmm...
Koga: Who cares what Kagome thinks?
Koga: :is busy snogging his pillow because he can't get a girlfriend: Ohh...pillow...you're so soft...I love you...
(A.N. ummmmm...am I supposed to comment or should I keep my remarks to myself:ponders: ...I better keep them to myself...okay next on our show...Rin! Who has only one line so give her and the person after her a nice round of applause...the next person will be Naraku...)
Rin: Hey Fluffy! Wait for me!
Naraku: Why can't we all just get along?
Naraku: Rainbow Monkeys...rainbow monkeys...etc...
(A.N. I got that from K.N.D...just leave me alone..)
Naraku: Babababababa Bad...bad to the bone...
Naraku: I'm made of sugar and spice and everything nice!
Naraku: Grr...I'm a bad boy...so what's my punishment...?hmmmm...tough guy...?
Naraku: Dragon Dragon...Rock the Dragon...Dragon Ball Z...etc...
Naraku: Hmmm...Roll on or stick...? So many choices...
Naraku: I don't wanna be evil anymore...:grabs mini skirt:...I wanna be a Sailor Scout! :Sailor Scouts are looking at him in disbelief...Serena, " No freakin' way...":
Naraku: What's up doc?
Naraku: :sucks thumb: I want...my ...MOMMY!
Naraku: I need to go to the tanning salon...I've become awfully pale...oh yeah...I also so must get that bikini wax...
Naraku: :playing inu game on Must beat Naraku...
(A.N.: Give it up for that crazy little fox kitsune...Shippo!)
Shippo: Th...th..th..that's all folks!
A.N. SOOOOO...what cha think? Was it good...?Hmmm Hmmm ...was it? And I'd like to thank the pplz who helped me write this extremely long hilarious waste of time...now where was I? Oh yeah..if you want me to make another one with dif characters...just tell me in a review! And it's a FLYING EVIL POPTART!RUN!I SAID RUN! You fools! You have invoked the wrath of Sesshy's mate...now SUFFER!MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
...:laughs evily:Laughs so hard she falls down a very steep hill: Weeeee! Oh no...not the tree again...NOOOO:dodges only to hit a large boulder..: Owww...pain...hurt...torture...oww...my fucking sides...they are in PAIN!...MY BOLOGNA HAS A FIRST NAME! IT'S O-S-C-A-R..MY BOLOGNA HAS A SECOND NAME...IT'S M-A-Y-E-R...OH I LOVE TO EAT IT EVERY DAY...AND IF U ASK ME WHY I'LL SAY...CAUSE OSCAR MAYER HAS A WAY WITH B-O-L-O-G-N-A!... :does happy dance: I'm loopy I'm loopy I'm loopy...DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!