Family before Lovers

by xcarey

Amber is getting to the point where she can't stand her brother's fiance, Nicole. So, before the wedding, her goal is to break her and her brother up.

Authors note: I recently entered this short story, Family before Lovers, into a short story contest. I did in fact win, but I still don't know what place I got in. but either way, this short story WILL BE PUBLISHED! (:

-

It was cute until she made me start a new school. It was cute until she made me move away from my friends. It was cute until she made me give up guitar. It was cute until she took my brother away from me. It was cute until she took my life away from me.

Nicole has been dating my older brother, Steven, for three years now. At first, she was a blessing to him, she was his savior. Besides me, she's the only thing keeping him alive. And now that they're engaged, she's starting to take over everything—including me.

She took me away from my public high school and moved me to a private school, so I could get a better chance at college. Then, three months after that, she wanted us to move from our quaint New Jersey loft back with her to her hometown in North Carolina. I ended up going to Cary Christian Academy, even though I didn't believe in God anymore. "Going to a Christian school will bring you back to believing, Amber. It will all work out for you!" she told me the day before we moved. A couple weeks after we moved, she threw my guitar my Dad got me for my eleventh birthday into her closet, and told me I would stop making that racket.

Next thing I knew, my brother was whipped. He sat right in the palm of Nicole's hand. "Wrapped around her finger," as Avril Lavigne's song Girlfriend would say. Anything she wanted, he got for her: the beautiful house and the kitchen on the inside, the boat for Lake Jordan, and the Jet Ski, too. The two pom-pom dogs she calls Lily and Liam.

Next thing to come, besides their wedding in five days, is a child. But according to Steven, that won't happen for a while. He may be twenty-three, "in love", and ready to be married, but he's nowhere near ready to be a real father.

For the past four years, Steven's been my father, or my guardian I guess you'd call him. He took over the "father" position when both of my parents died in a car wreck. He didn't want me to stay with my grandparents all the way in Alabama, and he was nineteen, so he offered to be my guardian. He had to cancel his college plan so he could work full time to support us.

He was a good "father" and brother, at the same time. He still watched out for me from the boys I liked or dated, still gave me advice for life like a brother would, and help me with my seventh grade pre-algebra. As for a father figure, he made money for us to live, drove me around to my friend's or the mall, and made sure the guys treated me well and had me home by nine.

But he absolutely failed at being a mother. That's why I was so happy Nicole moved in right away when they started dating, around a year after my parents died, two days before my twelfth birthday. Ever since then, so for the past three years, she's been my "mother". She helped me more with guys, giving me the talk every year before school started, helped me when I started my period, and cleaned and cooked for us.

So, I should be thankful for Nicole, right? Helping me keep my brother from killing himself, and being a "mother" to me, I should be her slave, right?

Well, Nicole, newsflash: I despise you. Moving schools, I could handle. Leaving my friends and New Jersey, not really. My guitar, my life, something my real dad taught me, not at all. But taking my brother away from me, no, never. That's where I drew the line.

For the next five days, my goal was to break Steven and Nicole up. Yes, I would feel horrible, but I had to do it in order for me to be happy, to keep me from killing myself. All Nicole thought of was her, and what she wanted, and how she wanted it now. And if Steven ended it all, then she'd realize it's not all about her. "Family before lovers, Amber," is what he told me before she came along. And now, three and a half years later, I'll be enforcing that quote, but on him.

"Are you ready for your first day back, Amber?" Nicole slapped pancakes down on my plate. One thing I did like about her was that she always cooked our meals—breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She even made my lunch for school sometimes.

I rolled my eyes at her attempt to be nice to me. She was only nice to me when Steven was in hearing distance. "Of course I am, waking up at five-thirty, and then learning for seven hours. Then wearing this comfortable uniform makes me so happy."

"Amber, be nice," Steven sipped his coffee.

"I apologize, Nicole. I'm just too tired to have a conversation," I smiled at her.

She poured me a cup of coffee, just the way I liked it. "It's not your fault; you went to sleep late last night. Probably too excited for your first day of junior year," she smiled back at me.

We played this game all the time. The 'we get along GREAT, we love each other SO much, you're my best friend' game. I knew she disliked me because for two years I needed attention, and it was all about me. She knew I disliked her because she 'owns' my brother. It all worked out well.

"Do you want me to drive you on my way to work?" Steven asked me. He worked in downtown Raleigh at a car dealership. He was always the top salesman for every month we've lived here. He makes a good amount of money each month, and it pays for everything.

I stuffed a bite of pancakes into my mouth, and then washed it down with coffee. "Amy's giving me a ride today. Thanks, though."

"When did Amy get her license?" Nicole tried to be the "mother".

"Last month, on her birthday," I checked my cell phone to see if she had texted me again.

She nodded, and walked out of the room, probably going to go get ready for work. She worked for her Dad at his restaurant, managing it. She brought in some money, too, but of course, she spends it all on her and her pom-poms.

"Call me if you need a ride home or anything," he patted my head. "Try and be good today, please. I'd rather you not get detention, or suspended, on your first day back. Junior year is a big year for you, sis. You start applying for colleges soon. You can't screw up this year." And just like that, he left.

"Yeah, Amber, listen to your brother for a change, will you?" she stalked out from the stairs, fully dressed in her uniform.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Nicole," I glared, chugging down my coffee. I had minutes before Amy would be pulling up in her new car.

"You never listen to me, or Steven. It's 'all about you,'" she used air quotes. "You should have left your self-centered attitude in Jersey, hon."

"Maybe we should've left you in Jersey, hon."

"If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be here, darling. So, maybe we should have left you in Jersey."

"How about we just leave you here, and go back home? I'd love that."

She smirked. "I'm sure you would! But I know for a fact my fiancé wouldn't appreciate that."

"When I was eleven, before you came along, he told me 'Family before lovers, Amber'. So, I think he'd pick me over you, babe."

Amy honked the horn.

"You and Steven need me! You even admitted that when I moved in with you guys. 'I'm glad you moved in with us, Nikki! You've been keeping Steven alive, and now you're helping me stay alive. You're the best!' and then you hugged me. You had just turned twelve, and both of you were suffering with depression, and you both wanted to kill yourself. You cut yourself a lot, and were on the verge of being anorexic. I saved your life, Amber. You owe me."

I grabbed my bag from the bar, leaving the food on the table. "I'll see you tonight, Nicole. Hope you have a horrible-oh, wait, I mean fantastic day!" and I slammed the door behind me. "That's what I call leaving, bitch," I muttered under my breath.

"Heyy!" Amy squealed, refraining from honking the horn again, to push the fact that she had a car. "Ready?"

I stood in front of her car door, staring at her through her open window. "No, I'm just standing near you car, my bag in hand, my uniform on, and I'm not ready," I joked.

She laughed and then rolled her eyes. "Get in the car, we only have twenty minutes, and you live fifteen away.

"Yes, ma'am," I joked again. When I hopped in the car, I saw Nicole glaring at me through the kitchen window. "God, what a stalker."

"Do you really think you should be taking the Lord's name in vain while we're going to our Christian school? Or ever, for that matter?"

I hate when she brings up this subject. She always said something like this when I would say 'Oh, my God' or I would curse, or something that good little Christians don't do. "Amy, you know that I don't believe in God anymore."

"I know, I know. Ever since your parents died, you don't believe. But don't you think it's a little ironic, at least?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Do you think that if you prayed and prayed for two days straight, asking for at least one of them to live, and both of them died conflicts the fact that there really is a God? Would you still believe after that?" Just talking about my parents stung me. Brought back memories of everything: crying myself to sleep for three weeks straight, sleeping in my parents bed wishing they'd come back, cutting myself too hard I had had to go to the hospital and be on suicide watch for a month, and therapy till I moved here. Nicole said we couldn't afford it, which is complete bullshit.

"I'm sorry, Amber…" she sighed, pulling out of my neighborhood. She could obviously see the despair in my eyes, the emptiness I showed, the frown painted on my face as if I were a clown.

I shook my head, and kept myself from crying. "It's whatever," I turned the radio on and sang along with I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat.

-

I was doing my calculus homework in my room when Steven decided to just walk on in. "Hey," he sat on the bed and faced me. "What subject?"

"Calc."

"Is it hard?"

I shook my head. "You know I'm a natural at math, dude."

"Okay, what's up? What's with the attitude?"

I slammed my pencil on my work. "Nicole! She absolutely loathes me, Steven! Ever since I stopped being suicidal, she started thinking that it's her turn for your life to revolve around her. For the first year you dated, your life was all about me, and keeping me alive and everything, apparently. But the minute the psychologist told you two I haven't been suicidal for two months, but to keep an eye on me, she's been making my life hell! Can't you tell? She wants me gone!"

"Amber, come on, she doesn't hate you; I don't know what you're talking about. She moved in with us because she wanted to help not just me, but you. She wanted you to be safe, and wanted you to stop thinking those thoughts, stop cutting yourself, and start being a normal ki-"

"Steven." My nose stung. "I haven't been a normal kid since my eleventh birthday. I'm almost sixteen now. I live with my brother, and his fiancée who hates me, and my parents are dead. I've lost my hometown, my friends, the guitar Dad got me three days before he died, and something he taught me to do. It's been almost five years now, and I'm still depressed about it! It still have those thoughts about cutting myself, and sometimes killing myself comes up, honestly. I can't be a normal kid, Steven. It's impossible. So stop thinking that it'll happen one day."

He sighed. "Either way, that doesn't mean that Nicole hates you. She loves you!"

I shook my head. "We play this game, a game that makes you think we get along. She'd never admit it because she wants you in the palm of her hands. She wants to be the ONLY thing in your life! And right now, it's getting to be that way."

His eyes widened. "'And right now, it's getting to be that way'? What's that supposed to mean, Amber?"

I shook my head again. My eyes were filling up with tears. "I have no idea, bro. I have no idea if I'm wanting to run away and go live with Savannah in Jersey, like her parents offered me, to just get emancipated and live on my own somehow, or if I'm going to kill myself."

"I think you're being a little obsessive here, Amber. Yes, you were the only person I had in my life for a year, and then she came along. But just because I'm getting married doesn't mean she's replacing you."

"That's what she's trying to do! And you're not seeing it! You're not seeing how she treats me when we're alone! Whatever happened to 'Family before lovers, Amber'?"

He shook his head and looked away from me. "I'll talk to Nicole about getting you a psychologist here. Why didn't you tell me you needed one still? Nicole told me you told her you didn't want one anymore, that you felt trapped."

I rolled my eyes. "Nicole told me we 'couldn't afford it'" I used air quotes.

"Stop making up lies."

"I'm not! I swear on Mom and Dad's grave, Steven. You have to believe me," I coughed, let a tear out of my eye. "Please, Steven, you have to."

He bit his lip. He had no idea what he wanted to do or say versus needed to. I could tell in his eyes that he believed me, but didn't want to- four and a half years of therapy helped me read people well. He looked at me finally. "I'll go find a psychologist for you. Then I'll talk to Nicole about what you're telling me, okay?"

I turned back to my homework. His answer wasn't good enough for me.

"Don't bother, dinner's about ready. Nicole made spaghetti. We should just talk about this during dinner, okay?" he stood up.

I could feel him over my shoulders waiting for a hug. I looked into his eyes. I sighed, "Okay, fine. Just don't be surprised when she starts lying. Watch out for mean looks she'll give me. She did it during breakfast. Actually, after you left she told me that you should've left me in Jersey."

"That, I don't believe."

"'Family before lovers.'"

He rolled his eyes, hating that five years later, I'm using his lines against him. He opened his arms.

"Thanks," I half hugged him, and then sat down to finish the problem that Steven interrupted me on.

"Dinner's ready guys!" Nicole called up the stairs.

"And here's where the fun begins, huh, bro?" I smirked.

He smiled back at me, just like any brother and sister would do.

"Do you want milk or water, Amber?"

"The same as every night, Nicole," I pointed out, totally not meaning to send attitude across the kitchen.

She pursed her lips and swung around to get a glass from the cabinet.

My head flipped to see Steven's from behind me. "Did you see that?" I mouthed.

He nodded. His face kind of frowning, but it wasn't at the same time.

"Here," she set it next to my plate. She took her designated seat next to Steven and smiled into his eyes. "How was your day, dear?"

His eyes flickered to mine. "I think we need to get Amber a psychologist. She's been having…thoughts lately."

Her eyes glared at mine. "What kind of thoughts, Amber?"

I sighed. "Those same suicidal thoughts from years ago, Nicole."

Her lips pursed again. I could read her mind that she hated this. She knew it was going to go back to how it was when they met if I started having suicidal thoughts again—that it'd be 'all about me'. "Since when?"

"About six months ago."

"Have you started cutting yourself again?"

I showed her my wrists. The same scars from months ago were there. "Not recently."

"This is unbelievable. Why didn't you say you needed help, hon?"

I slammed the fork that was in my hand down. "Dude, when we moved here, you told me we 'couldn't afford it'! Of course I need a psychologist, Nikki! Just because I haven't been suicidal for those two months, and stopped cutting doesn't mean I'm not depressed and doesn't mean I don't need someone to talk to!"

"You can talk to me, you know that."

"Bull! I can't talk to you about anything anymore! Ever since my psychologist told you those words, you've been meaning to get me out of my brother's life."

She didn't say anything; she just put spaghetti in her mouth.

"Nikki, is it true?" Steven gasped. "Nikki, if it's true, then we have to rethink this getting married thing. If you don't want my sister, who's my life, to actually be in it, then it can't work out."

"Why is she your life, Steven? Why is your little sister your life? That could be considered incest! If anybody's your life, it should be me if you love me so much."

I kept biting my lip and snapping my hair tie against my wrist: the two things that kept me from cutting the most. My heart pounded against my rib cage and my eyes starting filling up. Yes, I wanted to break them up, but I loved that Steven was happy, and it took him a while to be happy. Like he said, I was his life, and it was vice versa. I never really had anyone going through my parent's death beside him and Savannah, but now that she's gone, I just have him. But he's being taken over by Nicole. It's been five years since I've been legitimately happy; it's about time I could be, too.

"I do love you, Nicole, I swear to you that. But Amber's my sister. Family before lovers, babe. If my little sister's having trouble living, then we need to fix it." He ate some of his food.

I kept biting my lip.

He turned his attention towards me. "How can we start to fix it? Besides a psychologist, obviously."

"First of all," I smirked towards Nicole. "I'd appreciate if I could have my guitar back. The one that Daddy gave me on my eleventh birthday, that's the only one I really want. And I'd love it if I could go back to public school. I'm a smart kid, Nikki. I have all A's, despite my depression. That doesn't usually happen at the same time. I've always been a good student, just not when they actually…" a sharp pain went towards my heart. I snapped my hair tie again. "Died. I can get into college without going to a private or Christian school. Just because I go to a Christian school doesn't mean I'll start believing again. It's impossible for me to start believing again. I promise you that." I ended my speech. I would've asked that they wouldn't get married, but I knew that would go too far. "Oh, and I'd like you to stop hating me, and get over the fact that Steven does love me, and that his life does not revolve around you."

She shook her head and scooted out of her chair. "Of course, hon. Anything for you." She walked up stairs, and we heard movement directly above us.

"Thank you, Steven."

He blinked, and then ate more of his food. I haven't even taken a bite yet. "I just really can't believe it. But I told you she didn't hate you, Amber. She's going to do what you ask, and she's not making a big deal out of it. She wants you to be happy."

"I haven't been happy since the day Mom and Dad were in that accident." More sharp pains entered my chest. I couldn't handle thinking about it.

"Your guitars are on your bed. Tomorrow I'll take you to enroll you to the high school, and then while I'm at work, I'll find you a good psychologist and get you an appointment for as soon as possible," she sat back down and gave me a genuine smile.

I couldn't tell if she meant it or if she was just acting. "Thanks, Nikki," I smiled back at her.

"See? We can all get along," Steven ate more.

She slid a quick smirk at me while his face was down.

Yep, this was not over.

-

"Amber Ford," I told the guidance counselor at Cary High School, my new school. I missed public school, it made me joyful to be back.

"Printing your schedule now, Miss Ford," she replied.

"You can go now, Nikki."

"Like Steven told you yesterday," she raised her eyebrows. "Don't screw up," then she walked right out.

"Here you go, Amber. Do you need someone to give you a tour?"

I nodded, "I kind of don't know the way around the school."

"I'll call someone from your class. You can go wait outside the office," she shooed me.

"Cool, thanks," I muttered. Outside the office, the walls were green and white, the school's colors. An Imp was painted on the wall across from it. I looked into the glass and made sure I looked okay. Usually I wouldn't care, but it was my first day at a school, and I could wear what I wanted to.

My bleach blonde hair was up in a pony tail, just wrapped up. I had on eyeliner and mascara, nothing else. My ears were naked, and my lip ring was in—I couldn't wait until my sixteenth birthday, and I could get my nose pierced. I was wearing a t-shirt that read I don't give a tweet with a picture of the Twitter bird, and jeans. I couldn't wear shorts anymore.

"Are you the Amber chick that I got to show around school?" a guy with a deep voice asked me. I turned to my left and saw a tall, shaggy dark brown haired guy. He wore a shirt I recognized from Hot Topic and jeans, too. I was surprised anyone would be wearing pants in August, and the fact we were in North Carolina.

I nodded. "And you are?"

"James. And thanks for getting me outta History, I hate that class."

"Isn't it only the second day of school? How can you hate that class?"

He started walking further into the school. "The teacher sucks." He nodded towards the right. "That's the cafeteria," then to the left, "and the gym. Around the corner is the auxiliary gym, if you take any sports class."

I gave him my schedule. "Just show me where my classes are, that's all I really care about."

"AP Calc? Smart girl, huh." He turned a corner. "We obviously have APUSH together. You're in all AP classes?"

I nodded. "I'm really smart. Gives me something to do."

He squinted his eyes at me. "There's Calc." he kept walking forward. "What's up with you?"

"Meaning?"

"You're so mysterious. You like to block people out." He turned another corner. "Music Theory," he kept walking.

I made a note: that was my next class. "I just don't really trust people that easily."

"Why so?" he led me towards back of the school.

"Just everything I've been through," I followed.

"I can't say sorry since I don't know what you're talking about."

"I won't tell you because we aren't friends."

He stopped and faced me. "I'm James, and I'm your new friend," he smirked and stuck his hand out.

I thought about it: I did need a friend to go to the wedding with, and someone to walk me down the isle since I was a bridesmaid. "Whatever," I shook his hand.

"So, what's up with you?" he pointed out a room. "That's English, and across the hall is our Hell History class."

"I'll tell you at lunch," I smirked and walked into my new class.

-

Fifteen minutes until the wedding, the wedding I did not want to happen, the one I wanted to stop. But I failed my goal; another reason not to believe in God. For the next two and a half years, I'd have to deal with my sister-in-law trying to beat me out of my brother's life. The minute I turn eighteen, I promise you she'll kick me out.

My bridesmaid dress was pink. I looked decent in it, but I couldn't stand wearing the color. My hair was down and curled by the stylist that Nicole had Steven order. I had light pink eye shadow up to my eyebrow arches. Luckily, I could still keep my heavy mascara and eyeliner. Nicole made me leave my lip ring out until the pictures were taken. My ears were not naked today; they had silver hoops in them.

"Oh, my God," Nicole gasped at me. "You're eye shadow's horrible."

I rolled my eyes. "Your make up artist did it."

"Okay, girls! We're ready to line everyone up!" the wedding planner knocked on the door.

I walked out of the door to see James standing by the closed door to the chapel in a tux. His tie matched my pink dress. I would've thought we were going to prom if we were actually dating.

He smiled at me.

"Thanks for doing this, James. I'm glad that you didn't like judge me after I told you everything. And that after only a week of knowing me, you'll walk me down the isle of my brother's wedding," I chuckled.

"Don't worry 'bout it. You needed a friend, and here I am," he winked.

I linked arms with him, just like I was told to do at the rehearsal.

Then Emily and her husband, Mark, came behind us. Mark was the Best Man considering Steven didn't have anyone else to fill the position.

Nicole filed behind the center of them.

The ushers opened the doors, and everyone turned to look at us.

I could see Steven grinning. He couldn't wait for this day. We started walking forward, slow like a turtle. We didn't have a cute little Flower Girl, or an adorable little Ring Bearer. I guess her dream wedding didn't include the traditions.

We walked up the stairs, and I looked into my brothers eyes. James and I split apart.

He noticed me, and saw the pain in my eyes. He blinked a couple times, sending me a message I couldn't comprehend.

By the time Steven gave up on trying to send me a message, Nicole was standing in front of him, waiting to get it over with, waiting to get it official.

He looked to the Pastor, and called him over to talk to him alone.

Nicole glared at me.

Steven came to the center of the chapel. "I'm sorry everyone, I can't do this." He backed up to Nicole. "I can't be with you if you hate my sister; she's all I truly have, obviously," he kissed her cheek for about thirty seconds. "I'm sorry," he jogged down the stairs and out the door.

I felt my mouth drop open. Right away, I looked at James, and shrugged my shoulders.

"You bitch!" Nicole yelled at me.

"Just shut up already!" I ran after my brother. He was sitting outside the church, and I could tell he was waiting for me.

"I just couldn't do it. I knew you guys hated each other. I thought the closer we got to the wedding, you two would get over it. But you mean more to me than Nicole. Family before lovers," he smiled.

I hugged him, tighter than I ever have. "I hate to see you become depressed again, though."

He shook his head. "I'll be fine, as long as you don't leave me."

"I love you, bro."

"I love you, too, Amber." He pulled away, playfully hitting my arm. "Let's go back home and talk about everything."

I nodded.

It was cute until she made me start a new school. It was cute until she made me move away from my friends. It was cute until she made me give up guitar. It was cute until she took my brother away from me. It was cute until she took my life away from me.

But now that I look back through the past three years, I see that it's even cuter now.