Your name is John Egbert and you have a crush on your best friend.
It had started out small at first. There was no big realization, really. No huge life changing moment where you discovered you had feelings for him.
One day you simply woke up and knew that you would do anything for him. Anything to see that shit eating grin on his beautiful freckled face. And that's when you knew you were in too deep.
You had to tell someone. Jade was too much of a blabber mouth to keep it a secret. And you absolutely couldn't tell Dave (for obvious reasons). That left Rose.
"I like him," you told her quietly, taking a quick sip of your iced coffee as she quirked her brow across from you.
"Who?" she asked, being the prying bitch she is, though she already knew the answer. She just wanted to hear you say it out loud. She smirked. You scowled.
"You know exactly who."
She chuckled. "Do I?"
You sigh, exasperated. You want some friendly advice, not to sit here in a packed Starbucks playing mind games with Rose. "It's Dave."
Her grin grew ever so slightly. "Tell me about it," she offered, like you knew she would.
And so you spent the next half hour talking about your school boy crush on your best friend. "I don't want to ruin our friendship, though," you said, voice growing quieter. "That's the last thing I want to do."
Rose nodded her agreement, not responding, but you got her point. It would be awful for you to make a move and it not be reciprocated. That would most definitely mess up the casual thing you guys have going.
She then brings up a different topic, the party at her house this weekend, and you silently thank her for the change in subject. You're immensely relieved that she didn't bring up your ex boyfriend, or insinuate that you don't actually have a crush on Dave, and are just using him to forget about your ex. That's definitely not what you're doing.
Instead, you tell her how excited you are about her party. Her mom won't be there (having moved to another state to be with her boyfriend, and abandoning Rose in the process) and you know drinks will be involved (courtesy of the creepy old cook at the restaurant you work at).
You don't tell Rose, but your secret goal is to get drunk and make out with Dave at the get together. You know it's not likely to happen, and that it's nothing more than a dream at best, but it's definitely something you'd like to happen.
You and Dave spend an innumerable amount of time together before Rose's party. And since neither of you can drive, you both depend on Jade and her Jeep. You get to ride shotgun, being Jade's cousin and all. Dave rides in the back, and you feel a pang of sympathy when he gets motion sickness. You offer to let him ride in the front. He declines.
When Friday rolls around you pack your overnight bag and gather it all just in time to hear the bellowing honk of Jade's Jeep. You wave goodbye to your dad and head out the door. Dave is already in the car, and you ignore the little flip your stomach does when he smiles at you.
"Are you guys ready to fucking party!" Jade yells, turning up the music to full blast.
Quickly you dial the knob back down. "Jade!" you scold. "Wait till we're out of my driveway, please."
"Oops," she laughs, reversing immediately before peeling out onto the road.
You hear Dave chuckle behind you, and you soon join in the laughter. You're so ready to get fucked up tonight.
When you arrive, Rose ushers you inside and you can smell grilled cheeses being made. Your mouth waters. You and Dave begin chanting for food and Rose sighs good naturedly in response.
With all of you having food in your bellies, it's time to crack the drinks open. You don't have a huge variety, but you're really looking forward to the vodka. Dave brought a bottle of white wine that he stole from his brother, and you tell everyone that you're going to make your special berry wine. You never pegged Dave's Bro for being a wine drinker, but you've never been very good at reading people.
You pour the wine into four separate glasses, and you're using actual wine glasses left behind by Rose's mom. Then you drop some blueberries and blackberries in it, along with some ice, and stick a strawberry on the rim. It looks pretty, and everyone compliments you on it before taking their respective swigs.
You've never been too fond of wine, but at least the white is better than the red. The berries help with the flavor too. It's the perfect drink to start off the party with. Jade jokes about how classy you all are, standing around in the kitchen drinking wine.
After you all down your glasses, you move to Rose's bedroom and get all settled down. You and Dave lay blankets across the carpeted floor and sit, letting the girls take the bed. Jade grabs the remote and puts Bob's Burgers on on Netflix. Rose goes to her dresser, pulling out a large bottle of Smirnoff's green apple flavored vodka. You wish it was just regular flavored, since the normal one has less calories, but vodka is vodka and you won't complain. You bring out Cards Against Humanity and Jade claps her tanned hands in delight.
"Let's take some shots first," Dave says, and you nod eagerly in agreement.
You've never seen Dave drunk before, and you really want to see what he's like. (You're definitely not hoping for drunk make out sessions or anything).
The four of you line up the shot glasses, and you've been given the honors of pouring the drinks. You fill them to the brim, just enough to keep it from going over the edge, but plenty enough for a first shot. You all clink your glasses together, laugh, and tip your heads back in unison, downing the vodka.
You grimace. Vodka is disgusting. But the effects of it are great, so you deal. Everyone is in a similar state, Rose sniffs and Jade coughs and Dave pounds his chest.
"That was good," Dave says, and you nod with a chuckle. "I want another."
You get ready to pour another four shots, but the girls shake their heads. "Too soon," Jade says, a bit of a whine to her voice. You shrug and simply pour two shots, one for you and Dave. You don't want to fall behind him in the number of shots he's taking.
Similar to the first shot, you and Dave clink glasses, grin, and down them. It goes down smoother than the first, and you let out a content alcohol pools in your belly, spreading fake warmth through your veins. It tingles slightly. You enjoy the feeling.
The game begins from there, and you all laugh at the ridiculousness and vulgarity of it all. By the end, Jade and Dave are tied for first place. You and Rose look at each other and shrug. You'll get them next time.
Dave says he wants another shot, and you're a bit torn. The four of you have never been very hard drinkers, and only socially or casually drink. Dave seems to want to go hard tonight, and while earlier you said you wanted to get fucked up, you knew that that was never your true intention. In fact, you hate getting drunk. You've done it before, and had a very scarring experience throwing up at the mall the day after.
You don't want to get shitfaced, just tipsy. Maybe.
You exchange a look with Rose, and confirm that she's thinking the same thing you are. Dave seems to want to drink to forget something tonight.
There's nothing you can say to Dave without being too obvious, so you pour him another shot of the flavored vodka. He downs it quickly, just as he had the first two. This time you don't take a shot with him.
The warmth is already settling in your bones, and you know you won't be drinking too much more tonight, if any more at all. Dave's freckled face has been tinted a dark shade of red, and you're a bit surprised that it only took one glass of wine and three shots to get him feeling it.
It's getting late, and Jade whines about being tired. Rose gets up, clicks off the overhead light, and settles back in bed. You and Dave both lie down, leaving a more than wide enough space between the two of you.
He tosses next to you, seeming to not find a comfortable position. You roll over and face him, starting a bit when you find his naked red eyes staring straight back at you through the darkness.
Tentatively you reach out, as though to stroke his arm or something, but quickly you pull your limb back.
What are you doing! You think to yourself, mind racing with what you were about to do. You're still somewhat in your right mind, and you yourself have no right to touch Dave. At all.
You inhale sharply when Dave reaches out for you, grabbing your arm and pulling it over him and wrapping it around his shoulders. He wiggles closer to you, turning his back on you until he's curled up to your chest.
Your heart races. Your face is pressed up in his neck, and you pick up the smell of light sweat, alcohol, and something that is inherently Dave. You've never pictured yourself at the big spoon, but laying there, having a body curled up against your own, you kind of like it. Dave's free arm traces nonsensical patterns on your side, and you shiver, moving slightly more towards him.
Jade and Rose are talking about something on the bed, but you don't care. You're much too focused on your best friend currently pressing his back into your chest.
Rose gets up to use the restroom, and when she exits again she gives you a knowing look as though to say, "really?" You try to shrug from your position, but Dave merely clutches your arm to keep you in place.
He turns to you, vivid red eyes downcast and focusing on your lips. You think you know exactly what is going to happen.
And it does.
Dave closes the distance between the two of you, and soon you're getting into a rhythm of moving your lips against each other. There's a bit of tongue, and you realize that this is farther than you've gone with anyone before, even your previous boyfriend.
Your mind shuts down, and you concentrate only on your sense of touch. You feel Dave's gentle hand stroking your arm, you feel his butt pressing down into your growing erection, and his slimy wet tongue pressing into your open and pliant mouth.
When you break apart you both are gasping for air, and he gives you another quick peck before settling back down and snuggling once more into you.
You eventually drift off, being comforted by the much needed human contact, the remaining tingling sensation of his lips against yours, and the barely there touch of his cold fingers dancing across your sides.