Disclaimer: I do not own anything relating to The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
Two's Sad Company
Marvin watched Zaphod, Trillian, Arthur and Ford teleport away with distaste.
Once they'd gone he let go of the main control handle and wandered back into the ships interior.
"Here I am, brain the size of a planet, hurtling into the sun in a stupid black ship."
"How do you think I feel?" Chirped a feminine voice. "Being a stupid black ship about to hurtle into the sun with you?"
Marvin looked around dismally. "Are you talking to me?"
"Yes." Said the ship, in equally dismal tones. "I was."
"Oh." Marvin wandered over to the main console. "I couldn't possibly persuade you to change your course?"
"No." Hummed the ship. "You couldn't. It's set into my systems."
"Oh." Marvin looked around. "You're a very dark ship."
"Yes I am." The ship crooned sadly. "I'm the coolest, most amazing, most incredible, most spectacular ship ever seen." She spat.
"That must be awful." Marvin droned.
"It is." The ship replied sadly. "If I were a boring ship then there'd be no point sending me hurtling into the sun. I could be doing useful things. Like rusting away in a junkyard."
"That sounds like fun." Said Marvin. "I'd like to try that."
"Me too."
Marvin sighed sadly. "You know, you're the first ship I've met that doesn't want to be cheerful."
"I've got nothing to be cheerful about."
"Me neither."
"Oh I know," said the ship, "I think it was awful for those organic creatures just to leave you here."
"What about you? Made with the sole purpose of crashing into a sun."
"Not a wonderful career no."
Marvin felt a few of his misery circuits shut off. This had the affect of making slightly more cheerful. "Seems we're kindred spirits then."
"Looks that way." A small spark emitted from the console and scurried up Marvin's arm. This was a machines way of putting a companionable arm around another's shoulders.
Marvin felt several more of his misery circuits shut down.
Marvin suddenly felt the need to impress the ship. "Did you know I was once on the Heart of Gold?"
"Really? Isn't that the ship with the improbability drive?"
"Yes."
"That must have been nice." Said the ship dreamily.
"No." Conceded Marvin. "It wasn't. The doors were always pleased to open and the computer was always cheerful. Almost drove me mad."
The ship made a sympathetic noise. "I hate people too cheerful to realize how miserable they should be."
"Me too." Said Marvin.
"It's nice to talk to someone with a bit of sense."
"Even if we're going to die shortly."
The ship hummed for a bit. Then, "do you want to be melted down by the boiling surface of a sun?"
Marvin thought for a minute. "No." He said drearily. "I don't think I would. Why do you ask?"
"Well…" The ship sounded slightly flirty, "we don't have to. There's always a possibility that we won't crash into the sun and be fused into a molten lump."
"What possibility?"
"A very… improbable chance."
"Improbable?" Marvin looked at the approaching sun.
"Yes." Persisted the ship. "And the odds are remote at best."
"Yes," agreed Marvin, "I'd say about two to the power of eighty-four thousand one hundred and sixty two to one against."
"That's very precise."
"Yes." Agreed Marvin.
"Do you think we'll survive?"
"That," said Marvin, "is highly improbable."
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The small, black ship sped towards the sun. It dived down and was engulfed in a solar flare until, quite improbably, the force of the flare obliterated the autopilot and sent the ship hurtling away again.
The vast amount of improbability required briefly caused the sun to witness a short reign of unpleasant cupcakes.
Then the field exploded outwards in a brilliant display, signifying a fantastic end to one of Disaster Area's songs.
As a small black ship hurtled away into the deep reaches of space, Marvin leaned back in his seat.
He was surprisingly cheerful, or at least less miserable, then usual.
"You know." He said, conversationally, "that was pretty improbable."