A/N I got this idea for a short fic. It features Alice and Charli from my fanfic Stigmatic. If you haven't read that you won't be lost, but you can find it on my profile. This is from Negan's POV. It's completely AU and takes place before the outbreak. I have all the characters on my profile if you want to see what they look like.

Some days, I just stare down at my toolbox wondering how things got this fucked. After I lost Lucille to cancer, nothing was ever the same. I work these shit long hours rebuilding and fixing bikes with nothing to show for it. I'm just some corpse drifting through life.

"Time," my boss shouts, pulling me from my self-loathing.

At least at the shop I'm good at what I do. I don't feel like every decision I make is the wrong one. My ride home is the only time I feel like I have to myself. For those eight minutes, I'm entirely at ease. Home is a motel on the outskirts of town. The place is falling to fuck, but there's not a lot of options here. I'm exhausted, but it's nothing in comparison to what I'm about to walk into.

"Finally," Debbie huffs, scooping up her coat. She's already at my feet waiting for her money before I can even get in the fucking door. "She's got like… math homework or some shit."

"The fuck do I pay you for?"

Debbie smacks the wad of gum in her wide open trap before swiping her cash and hurrying out.

Please, god, just cut me a break tonight of all nights. "You learn anything today?"

"That Debbie is getting her utters pierced, and it's like so totally cool," Lulu mocks Debbie's valley girl tone.

I don't know what I really expect in a baby sitter that I pay six bucks an hour to. "I meant at school." How fucking pathetic, I can't even talk to my own child.

"I'm hungry, Negan."

"I told you not to call me that. Can't you at least try to call me dad?"

"Not going to happen, Negan."

I'm in way over my fucking head. I promised Lucille I'd take care of Lulu but every day is fucking worse than the day before it. Christ, the kid would probably be better off with the utter queen. "Grab your coat and let's go."

"May I take Crusty with us?"

Christ alive, don't get me started on Crusty. It's a fucking lobster Lulu refused to eat from the lobster tank and cried until I took the goddamn thing home from the restaurant with us. "We've been over this. You can't take Crusty from the water or he'll die."

"Whatever, let's get this god forsaken nightmare over with."

At least that feeling is mutual. Lulu has a fit every time we have to take my motorcycle anywhere. I'm not in the mood to wait for the goddamn bus and yell at her to get on the bike. This evening is starting off fan-fuck-fucking-tastic.

...

Lulu lets out the most disapproving sigh.

"What now?"

"There's a new waitress. She's not going to know how to fix my food."

"I think she can figure it out."

"You say that now," Lulu mumbles.

I'm not sure at what point waitresses started introducing themselves before asking what your order is, but I find it fucking annoying. Like I give a goddamn what their name is. Just bring me something edible and the ketchup.

Lulu, however, is the pickiest person I have ever seen. All her food has to be the same size. The same shape. The same consistency. Nothing can touch, and she refuses to eat off of plates. It has to be in a styrofoam container. That way it's not contaminated by other people's germs as she puts it. Where my child picked up that idiosyncrasy is beyond me. I've pulled a nail clipping from my burger before and kept going. "I want butter noodles. No parsley. In a to-go box, please. Chocolate milk in the carton. Do not bring me a cup with filthy water spots on them."

Why this waitress can't close her mouth and just do what my daughter asks fuels my frustration this evening, and now I'm stuck with the task of explaining those idiosyncrasies to the waitress. "Oh, you poor, dear."

I roll my fucking eyes so hard. Just get us our goddamn food.

"I told you she wouldn't know how to fix my food."

"Color the goddamn menu, please."

"There's only three crayons." Lulu also has this fear of odd numbers.

I drag myself from the booth to find her more crayons before we have a meltdown.

"Good color choices."

Did she just… compliment me? I better not question it. Sometimes I feel really guilty about shoving all these things in front of Lulu so I'm not stuck talking to her. I hate small talk. It's always made me awkward and uncomfortable. I debated getting her one of those hand phones that everyone seems to have nowadays. Even as I look around the restaurant, several people have their noses stuck so far in them they're completely oblivious to what's going on around them. My eyes shift over to this anal fuck in the booth next to me when I hear something that catches me off guard.

"Excuse me, this is not what I order."

The waitress looks at the girl confused.

"I specifically asked for the potatoes to be on the side. Not slopped on my plate like it's going down an assembly line, and there's gravy on them. I dislike gravy touching my potatoes which is why I said no gravy."

"Yeah," a redhead in the booth with her starts, "there a fucking earthquake back there or some shit? Make it fucking nice!"

I actually chuckle at the comment.

"Charline," the anal fuck snaps under her breath embarrassed by the redhead's forwardness.

Jesus fuck, why do I have the feeling I'm getting a glimpse at my future with Lulu? I rub my brow in annoyance.

"Here we are," our waitress says.

Finally. Now to choke this shit down and hopefully get five solid hours of sleep before I start this fuckshow over again tomorrow.

"I need plastic silverware," Lulu asks her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear, but we're out." She gives Lulu a rolled up napkin with metal silverware tucked inside.

There's no hiding the disgust on Lulu's face. "See? And you thought I was crazy for telling you to bring my own." She extends her small hand out to me.

"Uh," I stammer with a mouth full.

"You forgot my silverware?"

"Just use the silverware here."

"You must be joking. Do you know what types of diseases you can catch?"

"No, but I'm sure you're about to tell me."

"Escherichia coli, Listeria innocua, and norovirus. No thank you, I'd rather starve."

I just stare back at Lulu with my mouth open like a fish. The fuck? This child can't be mine.

"Here," the anal fuck beside us offers, handing Lulu a packaged plastic fork and knife.

Lulu's face lights up. "Thank you!"

I haven't seen that expression in months. All over some plastic fuckery? I give Lulu a second look over, enjoying the smile on her face. It chokes me up a bit and I have to end up looking away. I don't remember the last time either of us smiled. Though her smile has long faded after dinner because I can't get my motorcycle to start up.

"Negan, I'm cold."

"Just give me a fucking minute to think." Goddammit, the tool I need is at home.

"Do you require any assistance?"

I look up at the anal fuck from dinner next to my bike. "My bike won't start."

"The child rides on this thing with you?"

"Not by choice," Lulu mumbles, folding her arms.

Where the fuck does she get off questioning me? Look, I know a motorcycle isn't the best place to put my kid, but not all of us can afford a brand new fucking Cadillac. Hoity toity bitch. "Hey, where are you going?"

Lulu is already climbing in the back of this anal fuck's car. "Alice said she'd take us home."

I don't really have a fucking choice at this point. There's some books and papers laying in the seat from Johns Hopkins University. It looks like this Alice girl is going to school to be a surgeon.

Lulu and Alice both sigh when I set the stuff on the floor.

"Do you have a better place I could put it?"

"Give it to me," Lulu says annoyed.

Jesus Christ, I think I'll walk.

Alice refuses to go until I put my seatbelt on.

"He's a grown man, Alice," Charline tells her.

"When you ride in my car, you will wear a safety restraint. That goes for you as well."

"Hands at ten and two," Charline mocks, putting on her seatbelt.

I start to snicker at Charline.

Lulu gives me a glare. "We'll see how funny safety is when you're a vegetable."

And this is my life.

...

I don't know if Alice felt sorry for us or for Lulu, but she offers to stay with Lulu while Charline drives me back to fix my bike. It's an easy fix, but it takes twice as long because I've got Charline looking over my shoulder asking questions about everything I'm doing. Guess I really didn't mind it if we're being honest. It felt good to teach someone something, and them actually give a shit. Everything I do in Lulu's eyes is wrong. Shit, that reminds me… I still have to help Lulu with that math fuckery.

"You know, you're in really good shape for a dad."

I knew things were going too smoothly. "Please stop that. You're like seventeen, Charline."

"Whatever, bitch, I'm nineteen. Suit yourself. And my name is Charli. Only Alice calls me Charline because she's a proper anal fuck."

I bellow out a laugh. Truthfully, I haven't even thought about women like that in years, which is how I know I haven't been myself. Let's just say as much as I loved Lucille, I wasn't the most faithful during our time together. Another thing I loathe about myself.

"Damn, she's loud." Charli runs her hand down the handle bars in a rather suggestive way.

"Yeah," I smirk.

"Maybe you can take me for a ride one time? Take that any way you want."

You know how in movies you'll see a devil and angel pop up on the characters shoulders? On mine it was a devil on each side. Though they fade when Charli gets into Alice's car.

...

My eyes narrow to slits once I walk inside my motel room. Now, we hadn't been gone that long, but in that amount of time Alice had already helped Lulu with her homework, done my dishes, and was now in the bathroom supervising how Lulu brushed her teeth. I'd rather a knee to the dick than fight with Lulu on her brushing her teeth.

Alice grunts disgusted at my bathtub.

All the motor oil seeps into every crack and nook. There's also a nice size ring around it. I think if I didn't show up, the anal fuck might have cleaned that, too. "Thank you for your help, Alice."

"Very well. If you no longer require my assistance, I'll be leaving for the night."

What a strange broad. There's this awkward exchange as we both try and leave the bathroom at the same time.

Alice flushes before leaving for the night.

I squint, looking out the peep hole as I watch her to her car. She has the nicest legs I have ever seen on a woman. Too bad she's not the sister wanting me to take her for a ride.

I've walked into some shit in my day, but never my child with her nose against the glass of the TV watching a gory horror flick. "What are you watching?!"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Debbie, what the fuck?"

"Sorry, Mr. N." She doesn't even look up from that hand held phone, her hand turned over so I can pay her.

I've got to find another fucking babysitter. I slam the door behind Debbie before stabbing the button on the TV.

"I was watching that, Negan!"

"Hey, smart mouth, you better watch the way you fucking talk to me!"

"You're an idiot," she murmurs, picking herself up and going over to Crusty. Her small finger taps on the glass as she sighs. "We're both trapped," she whispers.

I don't know at what point shit went this fucking far south, but every day is a constant struggle wondering why I'm raising a child that loathes me. She's only eight and she has this much animosity towards me. Lucille would know what to do. She'd make everything better. I know I promised her I'd take care of Lulu, but what if I'm not the best choice? Some days raising Lulu is harder than losing Lucille.

Lulu looks over her shoulder when the TV is turned back on. "Now that I missed the good part." She trots back over and sits in her little plastic chair.

"You actually like this shit?"

"Why would I watch shit?"

"Watch your mouth." I don't have to see it to know she's rolling her eyes, but her mouth and her eye rolling are the least of my problems right now. What eight year old watches Hellraiser? I really am a terrible parent because I encourage it by watching it with her.

"I like him," she giggles. She mimics the show by chattering her teeth like the character on the movie.

"You're not going to have nightmares from this, are you?"

"It'd be no worse than the ones I have now."

"What do you, uh, have nightmares about now?"

"Mom."

"Yeah," I frown. "I do, too, kiddo." My eyes drift off to the side as I become lost in thought. I think the only reason I snap out of it is because the TV turns off.

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving. Bring your homework. We'll try to finish it there." I can't shove crayons in her face another night this week. I'm starting to feel guilty about it. We take the bus to dinner tonight so we don't have another fit like yesterday.

"Hi, Alice," Lulu smiles, helping herself up in the booth beside her.

Hmm, what are the odds of this?

"You gonna just stand there," Charli laughs at me.

This is… a little awkward, but I have a seat next to the redhead. Charli does enough talking for all three of us, and I'm not even sure what the fuck she's rambling on about in the first place. At least she's not looking for any type of response from me. I notice that Lulu and Alice are oddly similar. Similar in ways that used to make me question if something was wrong with Lulu. Alice puts that fear of mine at ease. Here is a girl that has her shit together, going to school to be some kind of surgeon, yet lives with these little tics like Lulu has. It gives me hope. Lulu really seems to be taken with Alice, which is a good thing because Christ knows I'm not any kind of role model.

"Wanna play pool, big foot?"

I haven't played pool in forever. "Alright, Red, you're on." Charli was actually pretty decent at pool, which made the game enjoyable.

"So, you're a mechanic? You think maybe you could help me with my bike?"

"You ride?"

"I mean… kinda. I have this stupid dirt bike I can't get to work."

My eyes shift over to Alice helping Lulu with her homework. I've never seen Lulu that attentive. "Yeah, bring it by one Sunday." Maybe in exchange for the work on Charli's bike, I can have Alice tutor Lulu. I know Lulu has the potential to make better grades than she does. Let's face it, I'm not sending the kid to college on what I make at the shop.

"Your go," Charli says again.

"Sorry," I smirk, taking my shot. Tonight was actually relaxing. Lulu didn't fight me once. It felt like before Lucille passed. Back when I actually used to live life, instead of just trying to survive it.

...

I help Lulu from her coat once we get home. "You were pretty chatty with Alice tonight."

"I like her. She brushed my hair for me and gave me some of her perfume." Lulu lifts her arm up.

I inhale a spot by her wrist. "Wow." It smells incredible. "So, I was thinking… maybe Alice could help you with your school work a little more often?"

"Okay," Lulu smiles, smelling her wrist again. "I'm going to get ready for bed."

My eyebrows knit in confusion. Get ready for bed? My Lulu getting ready for bed on her own? Without a tantrum? I don't know what this Alice girl said to my kid, but I'm goddamn grateful for it.

I squint at the sun shining in the window before I snap my eyes open. "Shit, fuck! We're late! Wake up," I scream, tripping out of bed.

"Way to go! I told you that stupid alarm clock needed batteries!"

Fuck, it's so late once I figure out the time that Lulu has missed her bus to school which is only going to put me behind. I should have been at the shop an hour ago. "Lulu, you have to come on." If I'm late with her any more, I'm going to get my ass chewed by that principal. I thought those days were over. "What are you doing?!"

"I'm brushing my hair nice like Alice showed me."

"Brush it when you get to school, come on!" She's not budging from in front of that goddamn mirror so I pick her up, swiping some shit from the fridge and throwing it into a brown bag for her lunch. Backpack. Keys. Wallet.

"I'm not getting on that thing."

"Tough tits, we don't really have a choice."

"Negan, I don't want to!"

"Get on the bike!"

"I hate you," she cries.

"Yeah, change the goddamn record." As if I don't feel like a big enough piece of shit for yelling at her, Lulu cries the entire way to her school. I hand her off to her teacher as well as Lulu's lunch. "Sorry, we overslept." Her teacher despises me. I always feel like she's ready to call CPS on me.

...

I already know how tonight is going to go before I even get in the door. If any nights Lulu could cut me a break, tonight needs to be that night. I'm a very observant person and the one thing I notice before I even get in the door is Debbie's car isn't in the parking lot. I frantically fumble for my keys and get the door open. "Lulu," I shout, my eyes skimming the empty motel room. Oh, Jesus Christ, where is she?! I fling open the bathroom door but that's empty, too. Everything is exactly how it was left this morning which means she never came home. What have I done? Who loses their child?! What if she's hurt, or even worse… "Lulu!"

A/N I'll have another update shortly. Reviews are always appreciated! :)