Title: Never again
Author: thousand_miles
Episode: 4x03 Minimal Loss
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine I just have fun with them.
A/N: My first fic in a long, long time and my first CM fics. I always liked the show, but only a couple of weeks ago the Hotchner/Prentiss ship hit me. Totally excited about it and I immediately bought S1-S4. Still trying to get the hang of the characters but I'll get there. Not sure yet if this fic deserves a second chapter. I kinda want a second chapter but maybe it should stay as it is. And English isn't my native language. Reviews are appreciated.
Never again
When she and Reid had left to go to Cyrus he'd had a weird feelings, as something was about to go wrong. And now it had. It scared him more than he expected, more than he wanted to show. All the anger and apprehension he'd put in his confrontation with Jimm Wells. Maybe it hadn't been the wisest thing to do, but he didn't regret it. This man had put his agents in danger. Jimm Wells had put Emily in danger.
He didn't like it when she was alone on a case, or should he say when she wasn't with him. Even if Reid was with her it still felt like he'd left her alone. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, that he didn't think she was a capable agent. She was more than capable. She was an excellent agent. Yet there was a part of him that made him more protective of her than any of his other agents.
He also didn't remember when he'd started to notice her more than the others. When he'd become more protective of her. He found himself drifting towards her whenever they were in a room together. He felt the need to sit next to her and if that wasn't possible then he wanted her in his eyesight. Somehow wanting the connecting, maybe even needing it.
There was a reason why he'd asked Dave to lead the negotiations. The reason was simple, he couldn't do it. He couldn't be objective, not when it came to her. He also knew Dave would understand. Even though none of them could be objective, he knew he would make the wrong decision, just to save her.
He suspected her screams would haunt him for a while. It took all his self-control not to barge in there and beat that bastard to a pulp. But she was strong and he'd heard the determination in her voice. She needed to follow through. He knew he had to give her that chance. Show her that he trusted her. He remembered how she'd said that he trusted men more than women. That wasn't entirely true. It was just there was a part of him that needed to look out for her.
She was still in pain. He could see it, even though she tried hard to disguise it. She'd refused to go to the hospital. The EMT had only been allowed to patch her up a bit. He was worried about her ribs. He knew Cyrus had kicked her hard. He was going to make sure she was going to go to a hospital when they were back in Quantico. Even if he had to drive her himself. In fact that was probably for the best. That way he knew for sure that she was going to be okay.
He watched her talk to Reid, probably reassuring the younger agent. He knew Reid felt guilty and understood the younger man. But Emily wouldn't have wanted it any other way. He saw she was tired. But there was also hurt in her eyes and that got to him more. She needed to deal with everything that had happened. And that wasn't always her strength. She tended to ignore her own wellbeing. But he knew, from personal experience, it would always come back to haunt you. He didn't want this to haunt her. No, she needed to deal with it and hopefully he could help her. She wasn't as strong as she let people to believe. But there were only few she trusted enough to let in on that secret. He knew she confided in JJ and Garcia. He wondered if Derek was one of those people too. Yet he knew he wanted to be one of those she trusted. He wanted her to turn to him in her time of need.
Her dark eyes met his and he knew with certainty she was putting on a brave face. And as if she knew he wasn't fooled, she quickly averted her eyes.
" You do know staring at her won't make it all better." Dave Rossi brought him out of his musings. " And don't look so mad."
" I'm not mad."
" You're mad at Cyrus. That's normal. But you make it seem like you're mad at her. Like she didn't do her job. " Rossi paused for a moment. "Don't make this anymore difficult on her than it already is."
Was Dave right? Did she think he was mad at her? He wasn't. He just had all this rage within him, rage he wanted Cyrus to feel, but couldn't.
" We saved a lot of people today and we saved the both of them. That's the most important thing."
" Yeah.." He was quiet for a moment. "Thanks." There had been a few close calls when he'd wanted to bust into the place. But Rossi had kept him sane, kept him from making the wrong decision.
Seeing that Emily was alone at the table he decided to join her. To make sure she knew he wasn't mad at her. As he approached her and saw her apprehensive look he knew she'd misunderstood him. Sitting down opposite from her, he held up his hand stopping the apology he was sure she was about to make.
" You did a good job today." He watched her, wanting her to meet his eyes so she could see he meant it.
" Thanks." Her words were a mere whisper.
He wanted to reach out and put the hair that hid slid over her eyes behind her ear. Let her know that he was there. But he couldn't, not here, not with the others around. And so they sat in silence the rest of the flight home. Emily looking out the window, avoiding his eyes, and he kept his eyes on her. She was okay, she was still with him and he was going to make sure this was never going to happen again.