Disclaimer: However much I wish I did, I do not own PoTC or Jack Sparrow.
Chapter 1: Can You Cook?
The smoke in The Black Duck could have possibly suffocated any weaker of people, but every person in this small tavern was a regular and quite possibly weretoo drunk to notice the thickness of the smoke billowing around their heads every time they took a breath.
"Out of curiosity how long until my shift is over Paul?" Paige, the woman that spoke these words was surprisingly beautiful for being in such a place. Her crimson red dress was low cut to reveal her ample cleavage, giving her the look of a whore but as soon as you allowed your gaze to wander away from her chest and look into her green eyes, you'd regret ever thinking such a thought.
"Two hours. Ye've only been here for but a few. Why d'you wanna leave so early girly?" Paul was the owner of the tavern and the only one ever allowed to poor the rum or any other popular drink out of the bottle. He was considerably taller than anyone sitting around idly and would have been handsome if he hadn't allowed the tire to form around his belly, giving him a cheery but imposing air.
"I've been bum has been groped 6 times, my breasts have been fondled twice, and at least four men and two women have asked me how much I charge for an hour. There's one over there in the back that keeps trying to pull me onto his lap, and the next time he does it I'm going to accidently fall onto his crotch with my knee." She smiled at him in a good-naturedly way that he had known to learn meant that she would do it and not think twice about what it could mean in the end for her.
"Avoid doing that me girl, I'm pretty sure he'll be right sloshed in a couple of minutes anyways." He smiled at her as he poured more rum into mugs and handed them to her, pointing to which tables needed to be served… one of which was the table in question.
"Thanks so very much. Couldn't someone else do it?" She glanced at the door as a group of men walked in… "Pirates, yo ho" was what came to the girls mind. She set down the mugs and brushed back her brazen red hair. It was the only thing that didn't look bleak in this shack… except for the trinkets in the hair of the pirate that fairly ran into the bar.
"What the hell? Who is that?" She pointed the group out to Paul, whom shrugged his shoulder and turned away to get more bottles. He always did that, ignored her when she was supposed to be working but wanted a question asked. She flipped her middle finger up towards his back and grabbed the mugs of beer, watching the newest additions to the tavern out of the corner of her eye. "That one man already looks like he's hammered out of his mind… now he wants more? Jeez! He better be a good tipper…"
As soon as she finished delivering the first of the drinks and picking up the empty mugs to be "washed" and refilled, she went to the table where the drunken fondler was sitting.
"Here's your rum, now drink it down and have a good… What are you doing!" The man had put his hands onto her hips and was trying to pull her forward so that he could nuzzle his face into her cleavage.
"Mmm… A wench like you should just sit down and have a little fun with me... now!" His glazed over eyes attempted to focus on her face and look imposing, but all he did was annoy the hell out of Paige, and annoying her any farther was really not something he should have been attempting to do. She leaned back and put her foot onto the wooden bar placed between the two legs of his chair.
"Awe, now really baby, is that was I should do? I can think of some great things to do to have fun." She batted her eyelashes at home and trailed her hand down his chest leaning in close enough that she could smell the rum on his breath and the sweat on his body. He started to lean forward, closing his eyes in preparation to plant his lips on hers – at least that's how it seemed – and let out a girlish squeal when she pulled back suddenly, hooked her foot under the wooden bar and flipped his chair over onto its back.
"That, for example, was a mighty lot of fun." She said with a slight smirk as she began to walk away. When she walking past the table which was full of the newest addition to the tavern, the pirates, she glanced down at them but made eye contact with certain brown eyes that were outlined by char kohl. The staring contest that was silently initiated was broken off by a roar coming from the direction of the back.
"You… You wench! You whore! You downright… I'm going to kill you! I'm going to… I'm going to… I'm going to strangle you and then I'm going to feed you to my dogs."
Paiges eyes widened and the pirate in front of her glanced over her shoulder, lookingtowards where the noise was coming from. It was obvious that the man she had just happened to flip onto his back was mad… after all, who would want to be bested by a woman – even if you were falling over drunk in the first place.
"I'll be right back to take your order. Just… hold on a minute." She turned around to see him lumbering – more like stumbling – towards her… she wouldn't have been very afraid except she had miscalculated his size. He towered over her 5'8" inches and looked like he had enough rage to match up to that too. Paige turned around and sprinted over to the bar, grabbing an empty bottle of rum which Paul had just placed onto the counter and threw it at her attacker. It hit him straight in the forehead and bounced right off.
"Okay then… that definitely wasn't expected." She turned around for a moment to grab something else to hit him with, or to wait for Paul to help her out, when she felt two arms wrap around her slender waist.
"Shit! Let go of me! You damned scallywag! I swear, I'm going to rip your nuts off and fry them up if you don't let. Me. Down!" Paige began kicking her feet in frustration as the arms around her tightened, and then suddenly loosened just before she was about to give up and play dead.
"What the…" As she slid to the floor she turned around to look at the hulk of a man lying on the ground with a large goose-egg looking bump raising on his head.
" Ye've got to hit 'em 'ard enough to break the damned bottle, luv. It won't do a damned thing if it bounces off the skull." The pirate fairly slurred as he held up the rest of the broken bottle in his hand… which was only the neck of the bottle.
"I had that completely under control thank you. He would've stopped eventually." She glared at him and crossed her arms over her chest, which only proved to make her cleavage look deeper and felt her eyes begin to narrow when she noticed where he was fairly obviously staring… considering his face was tilted downwards towards her chest like he was about to dive into the ocean.
"Would you like something to drink, or would you like to stare at my chest all day? Either one will probably end you up on your back in pain eventually." She smiled as she walked up to him saucily and slid her finger down his chest, staring up at him seductively.
He watched her finger and swayed back and forth for a moment, almost as if he were rocking on his feet, and smiled at her in a mischievous sort of way. "Girly, I'm sure that staring at your chest all day would be amusing, but I would rather see you lying on your back."
Paige's eyebrow began to raise and she continued to smile at him, pressing her chest flush against his and winked at him. "Don't tell me I didn't warn you darling." Paige raised her knee sharply and drove into the pirates' groin. He crumpled over and groaned in pain. When she turned around Paul was staring at her, his blue eyes dark with frustrating.
"Just one night you can't go without hurting, maiming, or kneeing a man in the nuts! Do ye know who ye just kneed me darling little Paige? Mr. Captain Jack Sparrow, the Captain of the Black Pearl."
Paige turned around, shock apparent in her green eyes, and started down at the man whom was slowly unfolding himself from the standing fetal positing that he had recently been in to stand only a few inches above Paige's height. He looked at her with something completely unexpected… amusement.
"I've been smacked almost ten times since I set foot in Tortuga, but that has to be the first time that any lass has chosen to kick me in me family jewels." He rubbed at his groin for a moment, and Paige glanced down at his hand being as blatant and bold as he and his pirate friends were while staring at her chest.
"Like what you see, girly? Or would you like a closer look?" He winked at her and swayed his hips in her general direction. That drunken look wasn't nearly as endearing as Paige was sure Mr. Sparrow thought it was.
"Would you like to take a closer look at my knee again?" She glared at him but the glare quickly devolopped a case of daggers when he started laughing at her.
"Can you cook?" He gave her a good once over, skimming her body from head to toe, only lingering on her cleavage for a moment this time before staring into her eyes.
"What does it matter to you?" She stared back into his eyes boldly and put her hands onto her shapely hip and cocking it just so in defiance. The question had caused a tad bit more shock to her system then was expected. Going from kicking him in the groin to if she could cook.
"Yes, the girly can cook. She picked up some sort of skill from her mother, bless her soul, when she was alive. Why, pray tell, are ye asking?"
"I need to find me a wench to do some cooking. This girly here seems next to perfect for it."
"You've got to be kidding me." If it were possible for Paige's draw to drop any lower, it would be touching the floor and picking up some of the dirt lying there.
"Girly, I don't think so. I'm as completely serious as Captain Jack Sparrow can be, savvy?" He smiled and waved his hands around in a comical fashion, which probably to him wasn't comical at all.
God help me, I should've let the drunk catch me.