Writers,
Since when am I "Mione"?
Please explain.
I will never love Hermione in that way.
Or Malfoy.
Or Ron.
Or Any Weasley but Ginny.
Stop it.
I am not a bloody idiot!
Nor am I a fool.
Or stupid!
Please, feel free to worship at my feet.
I know I am handsome.
But, please, no more "I'm Sirius" jokes,
they hurt my head.
I am not a mean, frigid woman.
I only want knowledge.
I never asked for my daughter to leave me,
nor did I mean to act in a way to make her do so.
Just leave me alone.
Why does it matter that I choose a badger?
Sure, it's alright for brave, courageous Godric to have a lion.
And perfect for witty, wise Rowena to use an eagle.
And what else would crafty, sneaky Salazar use but a snake?
You classify the Hufflepuffs as witless, hapless creatures,
and a badger is tough and stubborn.
I happen to like badgers.
STOP.
CALLING.
ME.
NYMPHADORA.
I am not a tramp!
Nor am I insanely jealous!
Stop being stupid fangirls,
and messing with my thoughts!
Honestly, I though you people had more sense.
As if I would ever date Lilly!
James would have castrated me!
And I never dated Sirius either!
Your imagination is quite alarming.
I don't blow everything up!
I got some spells to work!
And I've still got me eyebrows!
I am not that obsessed with Quidditch!
Honestly, get your wits about you!
Now I've gotta stop the twins,
those bloody Bludger-happy boys.
Please stop writing about Remus and me.
We're just friends, nothing more.
And without him, I never would have fallen for James!
Would you all stop it with the idea of me
falling for Mudblood Granger?
I think my father should hear about this!
Stop it with the whole,
bloody "I'm so gay for Harry" bit.
It's so horrible!
And I'd never let anything truly happen to Hermione!
And I would never, ever cheat on her!
I will never love!
You filthy Muggles,
dirtying our pure blood!
Sincerely yours,
Hermione Granger
Harry Potter
Godric Gryffindor
Sirius Black
Rowena Ravenclaw
Helga Hufflepuff
Tonks
Ginny Weasley
Remus Lupin
Seamus Finnegan
Oliver Wood
Lilly Evans Potter
Draco Malfoy
Ron Weasley
Lord Voldemort
A/N: Please, tell me what you think of this! I thought it was a cool idea, and if you want me to expand it, I might. I just couldn't come up with any more ideas, so drop me a review!