Short drabble.
JEALOUS HEART
by MapleRose
"Kohaku…"
My heart clenches at the sound of that word as it fell from her lips. She's thinking about him again. I sit down beside her and watch her face. She is mournful as usual when she thinks about him.
"Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be alright," I smile. A somewhat forced smile, as I find it hard to smile when she is so depressed.
She doesn't answer, just stared straight ahead with a faraway look in her eyes. I wish I knew what she feels, for I want to share her pain, I want to take some pain away from her so that she won't be so burdened with it. I'd do anything to make her happy. I love her, more than anything I know.
I stare at my right hand and give a tiny sigh. I love her, but I cannot tell her. I can never be with her because of this cursed hand. I don't know what hurts more: knowing that I love her but cannot be with her, or knowing that she can never love me back.
She's been through so much. In one day, her whole family and village are gone, leaving her all alone in the world. I cannot ask her to suffer more by being with me, a man who has a limited time in this world. When she looks at me, I can see in her eyes that she agrees with me.
I've tried. I've tried so hard to push her away, telling myself over and over again that I can't have her. I would make her angry, so that her slaps would remind me that we are not allowed to be together. But it doesn't work. I find myself more and more attracted to her.
I admire her. She is so strong, both physically and mentally. Even though I try to convince myself that I've accepted my fate, I go to sleep each night, fearing that tomorrow will not come, fearing that this might be my last day on earth. I can see her fighting spirit, the fire that is within her, the will to live and to fight. She fights to avenge her kin, but also to free her brother from Naraku's grasp.
I feel a pang of jealousy squeezing my heart. Kohaku. He is always on her mind, and is always in her heart. I wonder, is there room for me?
I see her uncertainty, tears, and fear that she holds for her brother. She is willing to do anything to save him, to have him close to her. Would she do the same for me?
Life isn't fair. Kohaku hardly remembers her, yet she loves him unconditionally. I comfort her, love her, and care for her, yet she thinks of me as nothing for than a comrade.
I gasp as I shake those wicked thoughts from my mind. What am I thinking! I feel so ashamed as I glance at her form. Am I really this selfish?
She has every right to be concerned for him. It is not his fault that Naraku is controlling him. Kohaku does have a will of his own; there is hope for him. Besides, I remind myself, she is not mine to claim, for we are not destined to be together.
I understand her fear and her love for him. After all, he is her brother. But I still can't help but feel envious, because I'll always be second in her heart. I don't even know if there's any room for me.
"Houshi-sama?" her voice interrupts my thoughts.
"Yes?"
"Thank you," she smiles at me, a lovely smile that warms my heart.
I am caught by surprise as she reaches over and kisses me lightly on my cheek. The kiss is like being touched by a feather of an angel. It melts the ice and doubt of my heart and causes it to soar.
I smile in reply, a genuine smile that reaches from ear to ear.
Yes. There is room in her heart.
I know Miroku seems a bit OOC, but just a thought of what he might be thinking. Please review!