The Unremarkable and totally unfabulous life and times of Nico Di'Angelo
Disclaimer: Tis' never mine.
Oh hello, I didn't see you there. My name you ask? Oh you didn't ask? Too bad. Nico Di'Angelo at your fucking service. Yeah, it's not nearly exciting as I'd like, or exotic enough to have girls playing horizontal cowboy with me. Maybe if I could manage a guido or fake Italian accent that would change? Nah, I doubt it, not with my rep.
You see kiddies, I'm a demi-god (oh you know you're jealous bitches) at the rather infamous Camp Half Blood. One of the big three, my pops is that necrophiliac dude, Hades. If you ever talk to him, I was totally joking in that last sentence, and I swear he's never fucked a corpse. No lie. So, let's begin.
A few years back, my cousin-brother-guy-thing Percy Jackson took down Chronos in a soap-opera worthy epic, and shit's been pretty chill since then. Five years ago to be exact.
Since then, he and his girlfriend Annabeth have frolicked off to college. Can you believe the audacity, the sheer gall of them, to leave little old me to fend for myself? Just to "study" (FUCK), party, and figure out their life together? Ugh, I feel sick to my stomach thinking about them and their disgustingly atrocious displays of love.
I really don't want to throw up that awesome pizza I had earlier, so I will stop there (but I can never un-see). Life isn't as outrageously tormented and angst-brimmed without them, I just have a talent for dramatic flair.
So in this day and age, us wacky demi-kids have been on some quests, singing around the campfire and shitting rainbows and all assorted things associated with the epitome of gay. Well, not all of us, but as a child of Hades, I figure I am genetically pre-disposed to lurk in the shadows and commit no-no's of the worst kind.
My friends (Yes I have friends. No, they're not held captive) and I enjoy scaring the shit out of others and smoking as much pot in the forest as we can, so in all technicality, I guess I crap out as many rainbows as the other campers. But I will firmly put this out there; my rainbows are so much more colorful and gay than everyone else's, and my eyes can commit to the perfect tone of red. I bet nobody else can say that, huh?
So besides being a creeper and a pothead, I've had my fair share of adventuring as well, and I always make sure to trip that one annoying little pecker on the quest so he can hobble back with a broken ankle (I am not mean spirited, that kid's just a total prick, scout's honor. Wait, I was never a scout). Life's been pretty good, barring that one unfortunate incident when my father abruptly called me into his underworld throne room while I was stoned out of my mind. We'll talk about that another time.
But indeed, things are about to get better. Some of the older demi-children, like my bro Percy and Annabeth are coming to visit camp this summer. The best part about this is most of them (including my two favorites) have not frequented this place in a couple of years, and woo-boy is it going to be fun to show them who I've become and the anarchy I am capable of reaping (my father is extraordinarily proud).
Even better, they're all staying for the whole summer, and I think I just jizzed in my boxers thinking of the amazingly awesome possibilities. I have t-minus 12 hours (it's seven p.m. now, they arrive at breakfast time) to prepare. Grab your goggles and floss, kiddies, there's gonna be a shitstorm, and it's no good to have corn in between your teeth.
AN: I'm here, not queer, and get used to it? Tah-dah, I am back, and worse then ever. After completely falling into a mud-pit in that Potter-verse story I failed at writing, I have finally managed to will enough brain cells to at least slowly limp out of it. My take at what I believe could be a hell-spawn Nico without the guidance of Percy and Annabeth.
Inspirational song of the day: Rock the House; by The Gorillaz.
Until next time….