Silk
A Queer as Folk Drabble.
Tag to episodes 122 and 201.
He wound the scarf between his fingers over and over again. Twisting this way and that. Odd that a day or so ago, the same scarf had been noosed around his neck, pulling him away from his thirtieth year of life.
And now, the white silk was stained with the blood of another.
He wound tighter. Michael was at the payphone around the corner, calling Debbie and everyone else he could reach.
His teeth were clenched shut, the tears dry. He traced a pattern into the wall opposite.
Trace. Twist.
The bustling of the hospital surrounded him. Machines beeped. Nurses chatted on phones. Doctors entered rooms and exited rooms. It was very robotic for such an unpredictable job.
The blood was dry now. It could never be removed from the once beautiful silk. It was ruined.
But Brian liked it that way. It would serve as a perfect reminder of just how imperfect and unfair the world was. How a thirty year old could be pulled back to life by a friend, but an eighteen year old may never wake up again.
Everything was different. He could not entirely comprehend his emotions without revealing them to himself. He didn't want to feel. To think. To know. To remember.
But his smile floated across his memory. That last laugh as he walked away.
What could he possibly say to explain the attachment? What would he do if he never woke up?
Brian had never allowed himself to lose. He was never close enough for anything to bother.
But it was different now.
He was different.
He got to his feet, his jacket swaying around him.
He needed out.
He needed escape.
He broke off in a run. No one stopped him. No one knew.
He didn't stop until he was home. Until he could close the door to the world.
He stripped, and stepped into the shower to wash away the pain and memories. But, as he sat under the spray, he felt emptiness inside. So he reached a hand outside the glass shower wall and pulled at the scarf, where he had discarded it on the tile.
He felt the cool fabric slide between his fingers. Chills ran up his spine despite the steam rising.
His fingertip traced the patterns the red made against the white silk.
And then he slipped it around his neck.
Where it would stay.
A/N:
Queer as Folk is the property of Showtime, Russell T. Davies, Ron Cowan, and Daniel Lipman.