Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its subsidies.
Summary: What happens when everything you know is a lie and you begin to see the side that you're fighting for as corrupt as the side you're fighting against? AU sixth/seventh year. Eventual Dramoine. Rated M for darker themes and cussing.
Author's Note: This is a story that I've had running around in my head for a while. A bit AU. All events happen as is through fifth year, but in the sixth year not much happens. It is a bit of a stasis year. They do know about the horcrux, but that is all. Dumbledore is not dead and they are back for their seventh year. Hermione is Head Girl and Draco is Head Boy. I hope you all enjoy!
Chapter One
"I'm sorry Hermione. It's just not possible."
No words had ever cut into her like the ones Harry just uttered. He could not even look her in her eyes when he told her. Hermione felt like she was drifting off in an ocean, unable to catch ahold of a support to keep above the water.
"You obviously haven't tried hard enough." She hissed, not caring if she was causing the rift between her and Harry to widen.
Harry sighed, turning even farther away from her, anger slowly building. "I've been talking to him for the past three months, Hermione! What do you want me to do? Use imperious on him to let you into the Order? If he hasn't let you in by now, he won't. I don't know why! It makes no sense! You've always been the one who was able to come up with the plans. You've always been our brains. Why doesn't he let you join?"
Hermione realized then that Harry was just as hurt as she was with her rejection from the Order. She felt that Dumbledore was hiding something from them and that something was the reason he wasn't letting her in. It wasn't like she didn't know where the headquarters was. It wasn't that she didn't already know everything that was going on in the meetings thanks to Ron and Harry. Dumbledore was not making sense and Hermione was going to get to the bottom of this. She wasn't the brightest witch of her age for no reason after all.
"I know what we have to do, Harry." Hermione was smiling. Harry in all the years that he's known her, has never known that smile to mean anything but a devious plan that Hermione has formed that will no doubt have her risking expulsion.
"It's no use. He won't change his mind."
"I don't care if he doesn't change his mind. I'll still know what goes on in the Order thanks to you and Ron."
"No you won't."
"What?" Hermione couldn't believe that Harry actually was going to deny her the details of the Order's plans, of their plans. "And why won't I know the plans?"
"Dumbledore has made everyone take an unbreakable vow. No one can know what goes on in the Order without being in the Order."
"That no good wrinkled ball sack of a geezer!" Hermione exploded, kicking over the chair and the one next to before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
"Hermione! Wait!" Harry yelled running behind her. "Where are you going?"
Hermione whipped around and stalked back towards Harry. "To tell that useless old man off." Nothing, nothing, had ever made Hermione this angry before. There was no reason to deny her from the Order. That was the part that she couldn't get her head around. She was going to get an answer from the old bastard if it was the last thing she did. Even if it meant using the Crusiatus Curse.
"Hermione!" Harry called after her retreating form. She was stalking down the hallway causing everyone to make way for the normally approachable and friendly head girl. Part of Harry felt sorry for whatever Hermione was going to do to Albus, yet deep down he felt the Headmaster deserved it. No one really understood why he was so adamant against Hermione joining. It was Ron and him that caused Dumbledore to resort to binding everyone against telling outside people about the Order's plans. If Dumbledore hadn't forced them into silence, Hermione would be part of the Order, even if it would've just been informally. Harry still wasn't sure if he'd make it through the war without Hermione being his brains.
That was always the arrangement. He and Ron would act and Hermione would plan and tell them what to do. She was never one for action. For some reason it always seemed to take her a few seconds longer to cast defensive spells or to think of the spell to use. But that was Hermione. Always over analyzing the situation just so she could tell herself that she cast the right spells and did not mess up anything for anyone else.
Sighing, Harry turned away from the doorway to the empty classroom where he and Hermione were previously located. The house elves had already tidied up the room from her outburst. They were always fond of her after they had forgiven her for SPEW. The house elves certainly went out of their way to make sure Hermione never lacked anything or would get in trouble for any messes. They, of course, always made sure that she never noticed them. They knew that she would feel guilty and think that she was enslaving them. But they didn't blame her. She simply wasn't raised in the right environment and didn't know that the house elves loved to make sure everything was in its place. The Hogwarts house elves especially loved their jobs. They cared for the students more than anyone realized.
Trudging back up to the common room, Harry was worried that Hermione would permanently ruin whatever chance she had of getting into the Order. She was angry. Angrier than Harry had ever seen her and that made him afraid for her safety as well as the Headmaster's. Whatever became of this meeting Harry knew that he could not stop it and could only hope that she wasn't stupid enough to get herself expelled from Hogwarts, although deep down he knew that this was an illogical fear. Dumbledore cared for Hermione like she was his daughter. Perhaps that was why he wouldn't let her join the Order. Or perhaps it was because he didn't want to lose the greatest mind of their generation in a war she had no guarantee of getting out of alive. Yet again Harry was frustrated with the contradiction of that logic. Voldemort was the greatest mind of his generation, and that was a fact Harry grudgingly admitted. How did keeping Hermione out of the war do anything but help the Death Eaters?
Harry let himself flop onto a weathered sofa in front of the fire and brood. He could do nothing but fret over what Hermione was going to do until she came back to the common room and told him herself. He slowly let his mind wander as the fire flickered, kept alive by magic, and let himself be lost in his mind for a while, a practice he might as well get used to if Hermione was no longer going to be the one telling him what to do.
Hermione stood outside Dumbledore's office, suddenly very afraid of what she might find out. Her fear just made her angrier. What had she to be afraid of? It wasn't like she was going to lose her chance of getting into the Order! That was clearly never going to happen! All she was going to lose if things went wrong is any relationship between her and Dumbledore, and she strangely didn't feel remorse about that. It was a numb subject to think about and she'd cross that bridge if she came to it, not before.
"Miss Granger, are you going to stand out there all day?" Dumbledore called through the door. He sounded tired, Hermione noted, and was probably tired because he knew what was to come. Just like he always did.
"Headmaster," Hermione greeted politely as she opened the door and walked into the office, "I would just like to know why I'm being denied entrance into the Order of the Phoenix for no reason."
"I have reasons, Miss Granger." Dumbledore sighed, seeming ancient. Sometimes Hermione forgot just how old he really was.
"Enlighten me then." She snapped at him.
"I'm afraid I can't. It's Order business."
"The FUCK it is! How can it be Order business if it involves me? Or am I so fucking special that I can't be in the Order, but anything that I would like to know that involves me specifically has to do with the fucking Order?" Hermione leveled a glare at Dumbledore who was sitting behind his desk, hands steepeled, observing her over his fingertips. "I'm not an idiot that you can play as a pawn in your war, Headmaster. All I want is a reason."
"You are so much like him that it frightens me sometimes." Albus sighed over his hands, almost like a thought that escaped his mind before he could stop it.
Hermione narrowed her eyes and leaned forwards, touching the desk. "Like who?"
"Tom Marvelo Riddle."
"What?" Hermione hissed, drawing back as if she had been physically assaulted.
Dumbledore stood up as if feeling his age and slowly moved around his desk to stand in front of Hermione. "You wanted to know my reason, Miss Granger. You and Mr. Riddle are more alike than anyone would care to acknowledge."
"And for that you keep me away from the Order? Just because I remind you of Voldemort?"
"Not of Voldemort, Hermione. There is a distinction. You remind me of what he used to be. What he was like as a student. I want to keep you out of this war, Hermione. I don't want to ruin you."
Hermione was furious. He was afraid just because she reminded him of Voldemort? Sorry, not Voldemort. Tom fucking Riddle. The boy before he became a dark lord! That was no reason. That was a cop out. If he didn't want her in the Order he could just say so. Even that would be better than saying that she reminded him of fucking Voldemort! "And can I not decide if I want to help win this war and stop him?"
Albus Dumbledore knew he would never stop her from helping the Order of the Phoenix. Just as he knew that he was being unjust to this girl. He should have forced her away from Harry and Ron in their second year when it was obvious that it was going to be the Golden Trio to win this war. This girl was too precious to put on the front lines, but if he were to use her in some other way. Alas, this is what he really wanted to protect her from. He sighed and leaned against his desk. Going through three wars was a greater stress than he could ever imagine and Voldemort was even stronger now than he was the first time. He always knew that he would have to use the girl. Sometimes it would just be easier if everyone did what they were told and he didn't have a very intelligent, very angry young girl in his office going against what he wanted.
The silence stretched out for what seemed like a millennium while Albus Dumbledore battled against himself and tried to figure out something other than this solution. "Very well, Miss Granger." He said, finally breaking the silence and startling Hermione, "You can be of help after all. There is an… important meeting this evening that I will require you to attend. Do not tell Harry or Ron that you are leaving. Be back in my office straight after dinner and tell everyone that you are going to the library."
Hermione's eyes lit up in excitement. A meeting that not even Harry was allowed to know about? Perhaps Professor Dumbledore did know how valuable she could be in the war after all. "Thank you Professor!" she exclaimed gleefully and ran out the door. Everything had gone much better than she could have ever hoped. Perhaps she'd even get into the Order!
Dumbledore stared at his office door with a feeling of dread. He knew what was going to happen tonight and he knew that it would break the girl. It had to be done, he forced himself to reason. It had to be done so she would stay out of the way. Sometimes he could not see why everyone had so much faith in him and believed him to represent the absolute good. Could they not see that he did what was necessary and not what was always good? He would win the war, yes. He always knew that. At what cost, though?