Disclaimer: Final Fantasy does not belong to me...however much I may like it to. I own no characters, places etc. etc. so please don't sue me! I'm a nice person :)

Author's Note: Sixty-First Fanfic! Slight AU...Written for 'The Sacred and Profane...PLEASE review as I really enjoy reading your views and they inspire me to get better! It would make me very very happy! Anyway stop reading this and get on with reading the fic! Hope you enjoy! :)

Chapter One: The Slating of Statues

The clacking sound of footsteps against the softly polished, ash wooden floor, echoed lightly around the vast, open space of The Fitzwilliam museum's Ancient Rome section, in which both the brunette and her boyfriend had been pottering about in for the past thirty minutes.

Tifa had tried to insist on viewing the Museum's displays in the order imprinted upon the back of a promotional leaflet, which she'd picked up in the entrance hall, but of course, the red head was having none of it, and instead decided to stroll off in any random direction, forcing the young woman to follow him in the fear he might get lost, or the more likely; in trouble, without her and in turn they'd ended up in many a different section, already finding their way around Medieval Armoury and Contemporary Gaian Sculptures.

Although the brunette had been both fascinated and intrigued by them, neither displays had seemed to have any effect on Reno, other than bringing up a moody bout of complaining restlessness within the red head.

After staring at a rather large, and particularly well restored mosaic of Apollo, the Sun God for a while, Reno gave a deeply exaggerated huff of bored impatience and proceeded to launch into a speech about how mosaics where only made by people who couldn't draw and that it was a waste of good pottery, but when Tifa began to point out the fact they didn't break already finished works to create the pieces of glass or stone, she was cut off with a rather loud wail from the red head.

A red hue quickly appeared upon the brunette's pale cheeks as she looked around in embarrassment, and although they appeared to be alone on the floor, she still insisted upon pressing one of her slender fingers firmly upon the young Turk's parted lips and hissing out a rather annoyed; ''Shhhh!''

Reno's body slummed down in a sort of tired apology, but the moment she lowered her finger, he immediately started back up, ''Why did you drag me to this snore-fest Tif?''

''What are you talking about?'' The brunette couldn't withhold both the angry confusion and the befuddled amusement from her voice, ''You agreed to come here!...In fact you choose to!''

* Flashback *

Tifa slumped herself down next to her Turk boyfriend, who was currently slouched out on her large, brown suede sofa, his legs propped up upon the coffee table and his eyes glued to the screen, which flashed brightly coloured images, whilst also blaring out various crashes and screams as a particular favourite of his; Buffy the Vampire Slayer, played out upon the network.

The brunette sighed with a hint of amusement, as she observed Reno's utter engrossment in the program, before beginning to flick through the magazine she'd left on the table now half covered with the red head's feet.

Over the past two weeks, she'd found herself seemingly being cooped up within either the bar or the flat, not out of a suddenly inability to work the door handle, but simply because she'd spend all evening working and then during the day all she'd wanted to do was eat and sleep.

As she scanned her crimson-tinted eyes over the glossy pages filled with everything from gossip, to political news, and not to mention an obnoxious amount of pages completely covered with adverts for both new and old attractions around the city of Edge, she found herself being drawn to a few of the promotions and soon made the decision that going out to one of them would be just the cure for her recent spell cycle of; bar-tending, resting, consuming.

After narrowing down her choices to two; 'Cadbury World' and 'The Fitzwilliam Museum' the young brunette shifting her gaze to the side, where her eyes were soon met with the lounging red head, his aquamarine eyes still seemingly glued to the screen, unblinking and focused.

Tifa gave a small cough before airing her question, voice raised enough to get through to the Turk, but not to loud so as to disrupt his viewing, ''Reno...You free next Tuesday?''

Without even briefly glancing away from the screen, which was now apparently showing a rather pissed of looking slayer and a rather beaten up blonde vampire, he shifted his hand up to her line of sight and raised one digit, giving her a clear thumbs up.

The brunette's pale face lit up immediately, and there was no doubting her overwhelming sense of relief, ''Oh good! Well do you fancy doing something with me? We could go out somewhere?''

Reno gave another 'thumbs up' gesture just as a rather loud bellow boomed out from the Television speakers, leaving a deep rumbling, reverberating within the small, black grid.

Another beaming grin spread over Tifa's face, her hands busily fumbling around with the magazine, quickly bringing it to face the red head, the double spread open and clearly displayed for his viewing, even though the apparatus needed for viewing; the eyes, were still fixed upon the hypnotising images of slayer action.

''Ok Reno, you've got a choice, either we go to-'' She pointed a slender finger at the picture of a white, pristine, marble like building, ''The Fitzwilliam Museum or...'' Her finger switched over to the picture of a large factory, decorated with highlights of purple and brown, ''Cadbury World.''

The red head just gave another, rather enthusiastically distracted thumbs up, which in turn received both a confused and quite irritated grunt from the young woman seated beside him, ''Well which is it? The Museum or the Chocolate factory?''

Reno's brow furrowed slightly, his mind trying desperately to concentrate upon the screen, whilst also attempting to satisfy the young woman whom was intent to receiving an answer to her question and after a short pause he managed to point one of the five fingers already raised, in the direction of one of the two adverts.

The brunette raised two rather surprised eyebrows, before asking with rather more than a hint of curious wonderment, ''You sure?''

There was no pause this time, as the red head proceeded to respond with a quick nod of the head, clearly wanting to get the distracting voice of his girlfriend to be quiet whilst the Scoobies went into research mode.

''Ok, Museum it is.'' Although Tifa was quite obviously baffled by his choice, she decided to ignore it for now and go check the opening times on the internet, after all, why should she care which they went to, either way she got her day out.

Ten minutes later when the program came to it's end with a definitive ''Grr Argh'', the young Turk stretched, allowing a large yawn to wisp out from behind his thin lips, before proceeding to make his way to the kitchen for a snack, smiling proudly to himself, believing he'd managed to watch his beloved show, whilst also pick out curtains with his girlfriend.

I am a genius...

* Flashback End *

Reno grimaced slightly at the recollection, and went quickly into defence mode, ''Well...You should know better than to ask me things when Buffy's involved!''

''Hm.'' The brunette looked more than a little unimpressed, but couldn't deny that he did have a point, after all she had been subconsciously aware that his attention had been somewhat elsewhere during their conversation, ''Well we're here now, so why don't we just make the most it it?''

When this received a less than enthusiastic groan from the red head, Tifa decided to try a different tactic, ''Come on Re...I promise we can watch as much slayer action as you like when we get home hm?''

An almost elated grin started to form upon the young Turk's face, before he realised and covered it with a cough, proceeding to reply in a very, over exaggerated tone of tired defeat, ''Ok...I suppose I can get through it...for you.''

The pair were half way through the display when they came across a rather broken, rather worn, and really rather battered looking statue, with only one thing really intact upon the form; a cornucopia held in one arm, inside which was an array of finely sculptured coins, fruit and flowers, all overflowing down across the stone material.

''Well...he's seen better days...'' The red head had a solitary eyebrow propped up whilst he inspected the item with a genuine disgust, with hints of pity underneath.

Tifa cocked an eyebrow too, but more so out of amusement at her both boyfriend's childlike stupidity but also his lack of observation skills, before muttering quietly, though close enough for him to hear, ''...It's a she Reno.''

True enough on closer inspection, the young Turk found himself staring at rather large, if slightly hole ridden, pair of breasts, ''Oh yeah...''

The brunette leant down slightly to view the small, silver plaque, nailed on the slab, white base upon which the statue stood,

'Fortuna, the Roman Goddess of good luck and fortune, her eyes were blindfolded to make sure she gave her gifts out completely randomly and impartially. She has also been revealed to represent the capriciousness of life and fate, when she claimed the lives of Augustus' two hopeful grandsons, educated to take up princely roles. Her father was Jupiter, and though she had no lovers or children of her own, Fortuna was propitiated by mothers.'

Reno grunted slightly, obviously unconvinced by the plaque's claim, ''Hm...Doesn't look so lucky to me...''

''Well...she is old...'' The brunette was trying her best to sound dignified in her reasoning, but even she couldn't withhold the hint of amusement that had slowly began to creep up on her, the red head's decision to pick a fight with the poor statue both silly, and yet also strangely adorable.

''And she's fat.''

The moment the words left his lips, Tifa quite literally burst out into a fit of childlike giggles, her hand grasping around in thin air for some sort of stable support, which she eventually found in the form of the red head's jacket cuff, and within seconds she was wrapped around him, still giggling merrily, whilst a proud, almost cocky smirk played across the young Turk's face.

Though unfortunately for the pair, their cheery mood didn't last for much longer, as without any warning or understanding, a bright, almost blindingly white flash, shot seemingly from the statues hidden eyes and bathed them in such a pure, incandescent light, that both were unable to see one another any more, the only assurance that they where both still together, was the fact they were still clinging onto each other, though now for dear life, rather than amused support.

The light disappeared as quickly as it had been created, through when it left, it didn't leave them in the same place they had started, but instead, when both the crimson-tinted, and aquamarine eyes adjusted once again, the pair found themselves in an almost completely empty, seemingly floor-less, wall-less and ceiling-less space.

One side of Reno's face lifted, contorting slightly in a confused sort of grimace, ''Well that was weird...you sure those welcome cookies at the entrance weren't...funny?''

''Reno...''

''What?'' The red spun around to face his girlfriend, whom now stood a metre from him, their touch being slightly separated by the transportation.

''Oh my Shin-Ra!'' It would have been an understatement to say his jaw dropped at the sight he had been directed to behold.

There, in front of him, stood his girlfriend, on long, toned legs, the only problem was, there were four of them, and where her once petite feet had been, now was home to four, beautifully dangerous looking hooves, but that was only the start of it; every inch of her skin up to her torso was covered in a glossy, chestnut shaded coat, her lower body elongated in width and completely transformed into what looked like the muscled, smooth body of a horse, and when she shifted in place, a long, daring untangled tail could be seen, the strands of thick, coarse hair wisping about with the rise and fall of the young...woman's emotions.

After a few minutes of only managing to give a mass of floundering fish impressions, Reno got out a few stuttered words, ''You're a...you're a...''

The brunette stamped an angry, confused hoof down upon the invisible floor, salty tears threatening to overspill and prickle down her pale cheeks, ''An ugly fatty, with a big ass?''

''Well, I was just gunna go with Centaur...but whatever floats your boat babe.''

''Don't call me that...I'm not a babe!''

Reno's eyebrows raised ever so slightly as he gave a confidently calm shrug, ''Well maybe not a babe...but still...it could be worse...''

''It is! Have you even seen yourself?''

''Huh?'' It was then that the red head turned his aquamarine gaze upon his own form, and soon found himself viewing a rather unfamiliar, and rather furry new version of himself.

He too appeared to have gained hooves, though much to his own relief, he only had two, though his legs also had become coated with hair, though again, his slightly differing from the brunette's, in the form of a much rougher, grittier texture, and a much more orangey shade of red.

Over the course of a few more seconds, he continued to inspect himself, finding along the way, a smaller, ever so slightly curled tail, a short, spiky red beard and a pair of small, though still quite sharp horns growing out from underneath his flame red locks, replacing the spot where his goggles usually sat.

He didn't seem to bothered by the alterations in his form and instead gave a half gently surprised, half softly amused sigh, ''Would you look at that...''

Tifa on the other hand didn't seem to be in the same frame of mind as her now, not so Turk-like boyfriend, ''See, you've been transformed into some sort of-''

The half goat form of Reno flashed a playful smirk at his girlfriend, whilst his tail twirled about enthusiastically, ''Sexy beast?''

''No!...a small...bearded...fat...half goat!''

The red head trotted over to her, his form ever so slightly wobbling as he got used to walking upon the flattening, clacking hooves, ''I beeeliiivvveee you mean S-A-T-Y-R.''

Tifa looked down at him with both indignation and shock, ''How can you be relaxed about this! We've been kidnapped and transformed into a pair of mythological monsters!''

It was then that a loud, rather squeaky sounding voice reverberating around the impossible room, ''Well it serves you right!''