A.N/ Hello, so, I wrote this one two weeks ago, it's kind of sad at the beginning but thig's will get better. I have another chapter almost ready, and I'll post it as soon as I can.

Sorry for any mistakes, PM me if there is something bothering you in this history. Thank you

Two months. That's how long it's been since Sam left me there, standing alone in the rain. Since then, I've been through some phases such as denial, anger, bitterness and I the most expected one…acceptance. I know I'm never going to be completely over Sam, we had the kind of love that only happens once in your life, I still suffer when I think about all the good things we did together, but I can't stop living my life just because I was dumped, I still have a job to do and great friends by my side, that's all I need now.

It also helps that Sam is barely around anymore, actually, thinking about it, he is NEVER around, the last time I saw him was three weeks ago when he showed up at my door wanting to talk

August 1st

Shift had been pretty busy for everybody and Andy had decided to skip The Penny, she just needed a hot shower and her bed, nothing else. So she got home, prepared a chicken soup, watched the news and then spent almost thirty minutes under the hot water washing the day's events away. She was already making her way to bed when there was a soft knock at the door.

Andy huffed annoyed when she looked through the magic eye and saw Sam standing there, he was the last person she wanted to see.

"What?" she spat

Sam didn't say anything and Andy took the opportunity to take in his appearance, she noticed that he smelled like scotch, his hair and clothes were soaked, indicating that he had been under the pouring rain for quite a long time, his eyes were red, probably from all the drinking and they were unfocused, darting from the wall to the ground and then to her repeatedly, but Andy didn't care if he looked bad, she was kinda glad that he wasn't doing so well

"What, Sam?" she asked again, annoyed at his lack of communication.

Andy just wanted to get this over with and crawl into her comfy bed

Sam was struggling to find words, he opened and closed his mouth a couple of times but nothing coherent came out, just a "I…hmmmm…I need…to…to….hmmm….can you…"it even looked like he was frustrated with himself for not finding the words he wanted

Andy rolled her eyes and shook her head, she didn't have the energy to do this tonight, or ever "Just…don't say anything, go away"

Sam nodded and moved his gaze that was previously on the floor to Andy's eyes, he smiled and turned around, slowly walking down the hall.

Andy watched him go away and noticed how shaky his legs were and how he held the handrail for support, it was unusual and strange, just like the smile he had given her minutes ago, it wasn't really a smile, it was the most bitter and fake smirk she had ever seen, Sam used to show it to the bad guys, never had she expected to be the one receiving it and that hurt, she felt the need to run after him and demand to know what was going on, but then she remembered how mad she was and closed the door with more force than necessary

"McNally, lunch time, I can hear my stomach screaming" Oliver said, getting my attention

I couldn't help but chuckle "It's always screaming" I said, mocking Oliver's appetite, no matter what time it was, there was a sandwich in his hands ready to be devoured

He looked at me widening his eyes comically and placing a hand on his chest, feigning hurt "You are going to pay for that, rookie"

Yeah, well, probably something involving paperwork, just like Sam used to do to me when I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

Sam

I avoided thinking about him because I knew that every time I thought about that man, all the great moments we had together would come back haunting me and then I would feel miserable

I guess Oliver noticed that I was lost in my own world because next thing I know, he has a hand on my shoulder and his eyes are kind of inspecting me

"Are you ok?" he asks

I smile a little and nod "Yeah, just thinking about…" I let the sentence unfinished because I know he knows what I'm talking about, he turns his head and looking through the window mutters something that looks like "so am I, so am I"

And I find that really strange, Sam and Oliver are best friends, they play poker, drink beer and see each other every day, don't they? Another thing that gets me worried is the tone Oliver uses, it's like he is worried maybe? But I don't want to ask him what's going on, it won't do me any good, but then, there is a part of me that really wants to know what's happening, so I hear myself asking "Why's that?"

Oliver looks at me surprised, like he didn't mean to say his thoughts out loud "A man can't think about his brother anymore?"

If it wasn't for our long term friendship, I would have bought his lie, but I don't

"Oliver…"

And all of a sudden, the atmosphere changes, I can feel it and I don't like it "Andy, drop it please, let's just…focus on the food"

The rest of the day goes by pretty fast and I don't have time to think about what happened early, it's when the shift ends that my mind betrays me again and I caught myself waiting for Sam in front of the man's locker room. If he wasn't on my shift then he has to be on the night shift, right? Wrong, he isn't, after everybody from the other shift walks out, I made my way to his locker to see if his stuff are there, they aren't, but I notice that his locker door has been punched recently

Next stop is his house, the truck isn't there and the lights are out but I knock either way. I don't know what I'm going to say once he opens the door, IF he opens the door and I try to remember what the hell I am doing in his porch and I can't remember why. Maybe it's a good thing that he's not at home, it prevents me from making a fool of myself, so I go away and try to focus on something else, something that's not tall, handsome, with dark eyes… Nop, not going there Andy

Next day I'm early to parade- which is rare- so I decide to grab a cup of coffee to start my day with the right foot

I'm on my way to the coffee machine when I see Oliver and Noelle having what seems to be an argument, and even though they are whispering I hear Sam's name being thrown in the middle of their fight. Not that I wanted to hear what they were talking about, not at all…nop, not even just a little, ok, maybe a little and that's why I hid behind a wall

"You know that's wrong" Noelle says, looking from side to side to make sure nobody is listening

Oliver takes a deep breath and shakes his head "I don't know anymore"

From where I stand, I can see Noelle's face and she shoots Oliver a sympathetic look, like she understands what he is talking about

"Oliver, he is a grown man and he knows what he is doing" she tries to reason poorly

Apparently Oliver doesn't buy it "Does he? He didn't even tell us Noelle! We had to hear it from Joshua"

It looks like they are getting nowhere with this and I'm starting to doubt that I'll understand what they are talking about, I contemplate about leaving because this is none of my business, but when I hear my name being mentioned, I change my mind

"I know, and that's why we can't tell McNally, he wouldn't want that, think about it Oliver. They aren't even together anymore, I even think she hates him right now" Noelle says

Hate? No, I don't hate him per say, I do hate what he did to me, to us and to our relationship, but hate him? Never

A silence falls over them but I can see they aren't done whit this, so after a few moments, when they are about to say something else, a group of Officers interrupts their internal discussion and they decide to leave things as they are

"This is not over yet, talk to you after shift" Oliver says when they are walking to parade

Like most of the days, I'm partnered with Oliver again, and I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, because knowing me and my big mouth, I'm pretty sure I won't be able to hid from him that I heard his chat with Noelle this morning and I also know that I'm not going to rest until somebody tells me what's going on, because last thing I checked, my name was being thrown around too, so I deserve to know, don't I?

Not that I care if Sam is in trouble for breaking some stupid rule again- because probably that's what this is all about- because no. I. Don't. Care. Not even just a little. Don't give a damn about it. No. His problem is his problem. So yeah, I just want to know for pure curiosity. Nothing to do with the fact that for the last two days all I can thing about is Sam. Oh damn, who am I kidding? I care. I care too much and that is my soft spot.

"With all the thinking you are doing, I'm sure you will fry your neurons McNally" Oliver tells me when we stop at a diner to buy muffins.

And well, I decide I'm not going to postpone what I want to ask "I heard you and Noelle today. Care to explain what's happening?"

I know I sound demanding and a little harsh maybe, but gee, I'm tired of this. So Oliver drops the bag he is holding and looks at me like I am from another world, I notice him thinking about what to do and he looks indecisive, I raise my brows, waiting for him to do something and he motions to an empty booth.

"What exactly did you hear McNally?" he asks before we start

"Almost everything, you saying he doesn't know what he is doing and how Noelle thinks I hate him…" I say, remembering pieces of their chat

"Yeah, well…Sam's got a problem and he is not dealing with it very well, he didn't told anybody what happened, not even me. I had to find out from a friend of ours" Oliver tries to explain to me and I can see he is a little nervous, like he doesn't know if what he is doing is right

Honestly, I'm tired of Sam's crap, he is a grown man but when it comes to dealing with problems he acts like an immature child "He is an idiot, that's what he is. If he can't trust a friend like you to help him go through hard times, then he is an ass" I say angrily

Oliver shakes his head "I just…don't know what he is doing, I haven't heard of him for three weeks"

So it isn't just me that haven't seen him around for three weeks. Well, you know what, if the guy wants to be alone, shut everybody from his life and behaves like he is a five year old that didn't get a Christmas gift, so be it, I'm not going to run after him like he is some kind of lost baby, he clearly doesn't want help.

But wait, why were Oliver and Noelle talking about me?

"So, what do I have to do with this mess?" I ask a little lost

"Well, we thought you could help, maybe he would talk to you if you tried"

I think for a moment and then shake my head "Not going to happen, if he wanted my help then he would have come looking for it, I tried to help him once when Jerry died and that didn't work, so…I'm sorry Oliver, I'm not going to do this, 'im tired of this, done"

Oliver doesn't look surprised, I think he expected this from me "that's ok, I just wish he comes back"

Come back? from where? and I remember that Oliver still haven't told me what's Swarek's problem, and righ now I'm not so sure I want to know anymore, it's just...but I wask anyway "You still haven't said what happened"

His mouth opens and then closes, he looks to his hands and then back up at me, plays with his ring and thinks... I fell a shiver running through my body and he struggles to talk "August 1st…Sarah died"

OH CRAP!

Ok, that's it. Thanks for reading it and review, or don't... =]