Disclaimer: I do not own MH or Underworld. I just happen to like them both hence I made this ff. Please give due credits to their respective creators.

This is a sort of parody of the movie Underworld. I love, love, love that movie and I can't get enough of watching it. I've always had a thing for blood and pale individuals in general and then I thought why not let Shiznat have their own twist of the movie.

See when I wrote this, I was having internet withdrawal (three days) so pardon if you read anything remotely bizarre than usual. My working title for this was 'Underworld-ly' *silence* Yes, crazy I know.

Btw, If you dislike yuri, Underworld (blasphemy!), and dialogue story(not sure what you call this) then I suggest you press the eject button ;p

Bite Me

"Shizuru, we had this conversation ages ago and to be honest, I'm getting sick of hearing it." Natsuki Kuga exasperatedly told her lover of blood-knows-how-many-years.

Her lover, the infamous vampire Countess Shizuru Fujino, only gave an in fatuous smile in return.

"And don't get me started with that silly grin of yours. I'm not going to fold, you fool."

Shizuru feigned a hurt facade. "Ara, my darling you called me fool. How your words hurt my feelings. I once heard that a woman who—"

"I've had enough of your annotations as well. I just came here to tell you to leave me alone for a while. I don't want to see you some time."

This time the vampire turned serious. "And why is that?"

"Because you annoy me with your suggestions! Honestly, even your mere presence right now irks me! Not to mention your kind, oh your kind, infuriates me!"

"But you do love me, don't you Natsuki?" Shizuru gently inquired, fearing her assumptions be wrong.

Natsuki stretched her neck and stared directly to those bloody orbs. "Of course I do. You know that."

"Tell me."

"I love you, Shizuru Fujino."

"Tell me again."

"Blood dammit! I said I love you, are you deaf? Why are you so damn insecure?"

"Because..."

"Because nothing! If I don't love you then why do you think I'm still here hearing your insecurities? I could have cut off your head, blood knows how many would worship me if I do that, but I don't dare because of my feelings for you."

Shizuru sigh. "I miss the times wherein you are so shy about your feelings for me."

"That was ages ago!" Natsuki flails her hands upward.

"So you mean to say, you've grown tired of me? Of us?" A fearful query again.

"Blood dammit Shizuru! Your insecurities are endless! How many times shall I tell you that I'm not leaving you for a blood damn squirt."

"But he is from your clan. One of the candidates to succeed your grandfather from what I hear."

"And when did you hear that?"

"I have other friends, you know."

"Inside our clan? Who is it?" Natsuki asked suspiciously.

"Don't be jealous now, my love." The vampire grinned.

"I. AM. NOT. JEALOUS!"

"If you say so..."

"Shizuru, I'm asking you. Who is it?"

"Now, who is insecure?"

"Blood dammit woman your attitude is worst than a child."

"But I am still a child."

"Right. Centuries ago." She emphasized every word.

That struck a nerve and realization Natsuki hit her when she saw the dumbstruck look on Shizuru's face.

"Right. That I am. I'm sorry for taking so much of your time. You can leave whenever you please, I'm going back to my quarters."

"Shizuru! Don't be like that. I don't—"

"Mean it? Darling, you mean every bloody word you say. Isn't that what you told me the first time we've met?"

Natsuki decided to change the subject. "Aren't you going to insist your proposal?"

"Ah yes, I thought about bugging you for hours even knowing you won't do what I plead..." A sigh. "But I am tired now. Please leave. We will meet again."

"Shizuru."

"Yes?"

"I'm so—"

"Hush. Don't say something you'll regret."

"But I mean—"

"I understand. But as I said, I'm tired. Please leave."

"Shizuru?"

"What?"

"If you understand then why won't you look in the eye. If you understand then why are you so damn cold. If you understand then why can't you even say my name? If you understand—"

"As I said, I am tired. Please leave."

"Before I go, tell me you love me."

Shizuru rushed towards Natsuki, held her chin roughly and ravished her lips thoroughly before stating, looking directly in those eyes. "I love you, Natsuki. My love for you is eternal."

"So you had a fight again."

"Yes, Nao we had a fight again."

"Is this something to do with the girl you two had sex with?"

No answer.

"I know it bothers you that Shizuru would even suggest it. Although I can't see why not it's perfectly nor—"

"It's not normal, Nao. We are a couple. In a couple, there are only two people, not three, not four or five, but TWO!"

"Yes, I know how to count. Two pe...Holy cow! Wait a minute! Are you telling me you shag five people?"

"I dislike that word, Nao."

"Wait! You let Shizuru shag not only one complete stranger, but three? Holy cow! No wonder you were pissed with everyone. You should have seen yourself snarl at those innocent bystanders just now."

"It was her awakening gift. She requested for it. I cannot deny it even if I hated the idea."

"No, you hated the fact that your beloved Shizuru requested to fuck another woman, no wait they're women, than you after she has woken up from her century of slumber no less. It pissed you off sharing her, didn't you?"

"Of course I was!" Natsuki admitted.

"You still are."

"Of course I am! Who wouldn't? What would you feel if you haven't seen your girlfriend for a hundred of years then when she wakes up, she asked for a quick fuck with you and a couple of sluts?"

"I wouldn't know how it would feel because I don't have a vampire for a girlfriend."

"Ugh. Don't remind me what she is."

"Touchy, touchy aren't we? Anyway, how was it?"

"How was what?"

"The quick fuck? Was it really quick? And was it worth waiting for so many years?"

Without hesitation, Natsuki proclaimed, "It was the fuck of the century."

"Aren't you in a sour mood again? I'm guessing you had a fight again with Natsuki."

"Quiet, Reito. It's none of your business."

"Oh yes, it is my business our dear Countess if you are neglecting your duties because of a ridiculous fight."

"It's not ridiculous."

"So you admit that you had a fight?"

"Yes."

"What's it about this time?"

"Nothing."

"It's never nothing with you."

"It is for a change."

"Okay fine. You won't tell me then don't. But I'm here to remind you, not because I'm a loyal servant of this coven but because I'm your friend, that the others are doubting your governance since you've taken a liking to Na—"

"Natsuki, she refused to be bitten." Shizuru quickly announced.

Silence.

"Bitten by me." She clarified.

"By you? What the hell Shizuru? What are you thinking? You know it's an abomination of even thinking the act, but you suggested it? To Natsuki no less? What are you thinking?"

"But—"

"No buts, Shizuru. When the rest hears this they'll trample this very ground you walk on. They won't have it! It's because of your charm and influence that they tolerate your fling with that woman."

"Fling? You take our love so lightly, Reito?"

The countess stared at him like a prey and he shivered in fear.

"No!"

"That woman you speak of is my woman. I won't forgive you if you say one ill word towards her or our relationship, do you understand?"

"I—"

"Do you understand!"

"I do, my lady, I do." Reito knelt in front of her, still frighten of the sudden outburts.

"You better be. Or I'll have your head presented in a silver platter."

A gulp.

"I am leaving. Take charge of the house."

"But—"

"Are you going to defy me?"

"No, my lord."

"Then leave me be and do what I say."

Not minutes have passed after Reito left that a beautiful woman entered the room.

"Twist your panties in knots, Shizuru?"

"What do you want, Ahn? I'm not in the mood to entertain your games."

"I am not here for games. I am here to entertain you."

"Ahn, I said I'm not interested having sex with you."

"I know. You've said a hundred and twenty times. I remember them all vividly."

"So my rejection is quite clear, then why are you still here?"

"I am here to be your escort to the ball."

"What ball?"

"Your ball. A celebration of your awakening. Don't tell me you're still asleep? It has been a week since you've awaken, remember?"

"I remember. But I do not need such meaningless celebration."

"Yes, it is meaningless without her, isn't it?"

Shizuru scrunitized the woman before her with careful eyes.

"Oh don't look so alarm. I know about your affair with a certain wolf, I'm not naive."

"Then why—"

"Why am I still after you?"

A nod.

"Truthfully, I was only after you before for the power and fame. After all, you are the great Shizuru Fujino. A mere call of your name brings fear to those who hear it. We are childhood friends and we are both expected to lead our clan but you fell in love with a beast."

"Don't call her that."

"But that is what she is Shizuru, a beast. Whether you are displeased to hear it or not, it is the truth and you know it. Do not give me that look because I'm not scarring her name, I'm merely pointing out the facts. I am your friend Shizuru, longer than that idiot, Reito. We are friends, but I just happen to love you as well even if you don't feel the same. Again, do not look at me like that for I won't harm your beloved. I know what you feel for her is not fickle... All I'm saying is, I'm just here, patiently waiting to earn your love."

"I've heard from Nao."

"What did you hear, Mai?"

"Everything."

"So you've heard everything, so what are you still doing here?"

"I came to check up on you."

"There's nothing to check upon."

"Natsuki, for once, be honest with yourself."

"I am honest. Brutally honest, Nao would often say."

"You are with other things, but towards what you truly feel, you're not."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That you are an idiot."

"Is that theory or a fact?"

"A working theory that became a fact just now."

"I am not."

"Says the woman who just rejected her lover."

"I didn't reject Shizuru."

"I don't know the exact details but I assume that she had another proposal for you and you declined."

"Because it's preposterous!"

"Whatever it is. You declined her wish, ergo rejecting her." Mai explained like she was lecturing a child.

"That's not the same."

"Check the thesaurus. They both carry the same meaning."

"When did you have the time reading books?"

Mai's eyes glazed a bit. "Well, I met this mortal. He was a bit of a geek and—"

"Spare me the story. I'm not interested."

"'Course you're not. If it doesn't include your Shizuru then it isn't important."

"What are you trying to say?" Natsuki snapped.

"What I'm saying is you've changed Natsuki. You've changed because of her."

"I did not. I'm still me."

"You keep saying that to yourself, but here you are dismissing whatever is happening in my life. We are best friends before you've met her, Natsuki. We used to tell each other's secrets however mundane it appears to be. But now, you won't even talk to me. You won't even let me finish my sentence. I only hear your stories from the others. You know it irritates me that Nao knows more than I do."

Natsuki knew Mai is right. "I'm so—"

"Do not apologize, Natsuki. It doesn't suit you. What I wanted from you is to be honest with me again. We are best friends. You know, you can tell me everything and I'll stay on your side."

"Even when I'm wrong?"

"Duh. Of course. I'll even marry that bastard for you."

"You'll marry Takeda for me?" Natsuki asked incredulously.

"That's a figurative speech which is not meant to be taken literally, you know."

"Heh."

"Shut it!"

"What? I'm not saying anything."

"You are thinking it!"

"What?"

"It!"

"What is it?"

"SHUT IT!"

After a few seconds, Natsuki said. "Okay fine. And Mai, I'll try to act like one again...being your best friend, I mean."

"Thank you. Anyway, I'm not going to probe Shizuru's wish but I have to ask."

"What?"

"Are you really serious when you said you won't see her for quite some time?"

"Yes."

"Didn't she wake up just a week ago?"

"Yes."

"If I recall the last time you asked her not see each other...Wasn't it for three decades?

"Yes." Natsuki didn't know where the series of questions are going and she has a feeling she won't like it. But she promised Mai she would try to be a friend again, so she answered honestly.

"And isn't that over something petty?"

"Forgetting to bring mayonnaise in our picnic is not petty." Natsuki said seriously.

"Yes, it is."

"No, it isn't."

"For me, it is."

"I bet, it only applies to you."

"Shut it."

"Fine. So what was it now? From the depth of your grimace it looks something grave. So how many decades are you going to pass before you see her?"

"I don't know."

"You do know. And you also know that you are also punishing yourself by not seeing her."

"But I'm making a point."

"You are, but isn't this kind of extreme? Why not meet for a year, then have a make up sex for five decades?"

"Shut it, Mai."

"See, you're blushing with just the thought of making love with her. And didn't you just had an awesome five some...Is that even a word? Whatever. You had a fill of her for a week and you're still blushing?"

"It's Shizuru."

"Right. Right. I don't know what you see with her. She's extremely pretty, but I don't know. Aren't they awfully pale? Though I shouldn't judge her appearance. Who knows she might be the beast when it comes to sex.

"Enough of that, Mai!"

"I'm just teasing you. You really are easily to blush."

"Mai..."

"Right. I surrender. But before you go, there's one thing I really, really need to know."

"What is it?"

"Sex scale question, 10 as the highest and 1 as the lowest. How would you rate Shizuru's performance?"

"MAI!"

"What? I'm just asking."

Silence.

"So? Spill it!" Mai asked expectantly.

Finally, she answered. "Simply out of this world."

AN: I have to say, it's easier to write dialogues throughout a story. Haha. When I try to become more descriptive, I turn out into such an emotional freak (heh) plus adjectives disrupt the lines. Bah. This is a draft. So I'll leave the imagination to you and I'm going to stick in having them talk with this story.

And as stated in the summary (which is not really a summary if you ask me lol), don't expect too much. I'll write whenever the muse is up.

You like it? Tell me.

You hate it? Bite me.

Either way, it's a win-win for me.