Disclaimer: Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto, owner of Naruto and Naruto Shippuuden!
Warnings: Deisaso, Sasodei; Whatever you want! Cheating, broken relationships, etc etc
Author's Note: I originally wrote this oneshot in Swedish. The song I used is Swedish, I translated it myself. If you want to listen to it meanwhiles, you're AWESOME, because I say so!
watch?v=zNbnNAJ4oGY
Enjoy,
"Danna..."
No answer.
"Sasori..."
Not a look.
"Please..."
Not a single move.
He only sat there, on the couch. That once had been theirs. That they used to share. They used to sit there on it, together, by the evenings.
Used to watch favorite programs.
The evenings.
Evening, it was now, too.
But this evening wasn't like the others.
This evening was a lot like a scratched CD. Scratched, almost thrown away.
You usually try to make scratched CD's work before you throw them. But it didn't work.
Not our try. It just wasn't working.
Because the CD didn't want to.
"Danna, please... Stop..."
Silence. Or, well, it wasn't like I expected more than pure silence.
Not at all. Not a thing.
I didn't expect a shit. The whole thing was my fault, I was the one who had scratched the CD, for hell's sake... I did one single mistake with the DVD-player and; BAM!
Everything crashed, fell down and died.
It was his fault. His own fault. It was his own fault, because he couldn't keep away from the danger. The risks.
Couldn't keep away from the blast.
The worst thing about him was,
he loved it when everything went bang.
But this time, the explosion came right back at him. It totally backfired him.
Kind of tough how Sasori didn't look at him. He was looking at the complete opposite side.
Deidara bit his lower lip; Fuck, why?
The worst thing was that he didn't know, was he looking away because he thought Deidara was disgusting? Or was it because he just didn't want to see him, because he would become sad?
Both were horrible.
But he was too, so it evened out.
I can't talk to you when you look away
"Danna..."
Please give me two seconds before you give up
Deidara didn't have courage enough though. He didn't dare taking the risk to sit down next to the person he loved. Loved so much... More than anyone. Sasori meant... Everything.
No.
He was everything.
"I don't want you to do this to me..."
Shit, that sounded so... Haha, Deidara could have laughed! Did he, not want Sasori to do this to him?
What the hell?
Everything was his own fucking fault? What was he saying?
Deidara was the one who made everything collapse!
But... He was going to gather all the pieces, and put them together. Everything that had fallen down, he would put back up in it's right place. He was not giving up. Never give up. He never did.
But... When he moved closer to Sasori, Sasori just moved away.
The feeling was awful.
Fuck you.
It was the redhead's indirect way to say that.
No doubt about it...
Deidara almost bit his lip so hard it started bleeding. He had never moved away from him before... Never rejected him. Vice versa, Sasori usually craved closeness.
Close...
Close.
Can't we be close, just for a minute
"Fine, then..."
Is it now, now that it ends
"I'm going to... Speak to you anyways, un."
Even though he, deep down knew; Sasori wasn't listening. Or was he?
Maybe Deidara's fantasies desperately wanted Sasori to listen. If Sasori wasn't listening... Then why didn't he say anything? Stop him, from talking. He didn't do that.
Everything...
Because...
Everything would be just fine again, soon, right?
Everything would be okay, right?
Sasori would take Deidara back, right?
And Sasori would be Deidara's again.
Right?
And they were... They were always going to be friends, right?...
No answers, to the questions.
Nothing.
What was left? To answer with.
Who was supposed to answer?
It didn't matter; Deidara would fix everything. Everything would work out. And anyone who didn't want to believe him could just shut up...
"It's not what you think it is, hmm."
Even though you're not listening, I know you're still hearing
"I didn't want to... I wasn't even the one who..."
I want to say everything before I go
Sentences, cut off, in the middle. Everything was out of order, nothing in his mind was organized. Where should he start, how should he start?
He couldn't 'start' when he wasn't looking at him... LOOK AT ME! That was all Deidara wanted to yell at him.
Please... Don't be ashamed of yourself for choosing me. You said you love me. With your whole life. That nothing would come between us two...
Deidara shook his head slightly, left, right. He had to explain, didn't he? Yes, he was. He was explaining.
If Sasori just looked at him... Showed that he wanted help Deidara fix this...
Despite all the ignoring actions Sasori had thrown at him, Deidara decided to once more try to sit closer to him. It was all he needed. See that Sasori would try, just once... Once! Listen, one sentence, at least, please...
Listen to me.
"Sasori, don't forget that you're the one I love..."
Love, wait, may I just sit next to you
"I should have done that. Please, you have to forgive me, because, I wasn't even the one who... He was the one..."
He was the one who wanted to kiss me
"Not me!"
He bit harder on his lip, memories starting to hunt him down. Sasori tilted his head a bit, he looked straight forward.
Finally. A movement.
Did he listen?
Was it enough?
Oh, Deidara hoped, so much.
He wished, he hoped, he wanted...
A lot...
But Sasori's gaze only screamed one single thing:
Fuck you.
Please be mine again
No, let it be like in a movie
please be mine again
let me stay
"Because, Danna, I don't want to... Don't want to leave you. After everything we have-... Everything I love, I- I..."
yes, let it be
"Danna-"
Shut up
Deidara's heart maybe stopped for less than a second. Right there.
Sasori didn't just move this time. He...
He took Deidara's hand in his own. Which Deidara first took as a good thing, but no, it seemed to be a sign; The end. Ending signal.
A last goodbye.
A goodbye, and shut up, go to fucking hell, have fun, stay there, never come back. Die.
Deidara should, he thought.
You take your hand away from my arm
and move away
The brown eyes said everything. Everything that body did, the movements. Everything, so ive cold. It said more than everything.
Sasori managed to say everything without even speaking. Not even a word.
While Deidara got nowhere, even though he was using, what he barely dared to call, words.
And now, Deidara was going to fall into silence too, right? Because Sasori just showed him;
Nothing I say matters anymore
But, Sasori, WHY?! You don't even try. Then, does it even matter?
Why not?
Why?
Why won't you just listen?!
Why don't you feel what I feel?!
See what I see?
Does it?
What does?
"Nn..."
No.
Nothing.
Nothing was left. Deidara had nothing left to say. Or, more correctly; He didn't know what to say anymore, how to say it... There was nothing left in that thing people called brain.
No, it was lost. Sasori was obviously out of reach, lost.
Deidara didn't want to think of it. It hurt, so much. He just wanted to... He wanted to...
Sob.
He did.
He sobbed.
Before he moved. Moved to the hall. So damn close to the exit.
Sobbing turned into real, actual crying, tears kept falling. Music was born; Deidara bet his crying was music to Sasori's ears.
I stand in the hall, I get what has happened
Nothing. Nothing more?
Nothing would be fine,
nothing would be okay,
Sasori wouldn't take Deidara back,
Sasori wouldn't be Deidara's again.
No.
And they wouldn't even be friends.
Would they?
They wouldn't.
Fuck.
Fuck everything.
He didn't realize that. He was so stupid.
He didn't want to believe, in any of this. EVERYTHING WAS SHIT. THE WHOLE WORLD, WAS SHIT. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT.
The whole world should go lie down somewhere and die. Slowly.
Get fucked. Get raped.
May I even keep you as my friend
Dumped.
Tch, it didn't matter anymore.
Because, now when he thought about it, Sasori didn't even deserve him. Not after what he had done. Fuck, he didn't even know why he had...
Why did he have to...
Screw up...
Shit.
He sometimes would ask Sasori the question;
'Why are people ever unfaithful?'
And Sasori would always answer with a soft, a slightly sad smile, and a chuckle. A warm, wonderful kiss - Wonderful kiss? All of Sasori's kisses were wonderful. Whole him was. -
'I don't know. Thank god we're not people.'
Deidara's blue converse had dark dots on them now, caused by the blonde's wet tears. Fucking, damn tears. Never did they stop, those tears. Never did those memories back off. All those emotions, they always pushed they way forward, around. Deidara would try to make his heart big enough for everything to fit in it, but it was always aching.
Stop it!
But nothing stopped. They never stopped.
Everything kept moving around in there.
Maybe it was meant to be? All the moving around?
If it stopped, what would there be left? Nothing. A sad thought; Having a hole in his heart.
Why would he let that happen so damn easily?
So very easily...
At least... He should try ONE more time, to talk to him.
Just once.
He had to give up, today, but one time wouldn't hurt. Just so he could tell himself later, when he was walking around alone, wherever;
'At least I tried'
Was there courage enough?
No.
Determination?
Probably.
Need?
Definitely.
Tie my shoes and go back in again
He decided, ONE, last time.
Last try.
He promised to god.
Just for his own sake. Just so he wouldn't regret not trying, later.
It wasn't worth losing Sasori because of one single, little, fucking kiss.
And a little bit alcohol. And a little bit sex.
It wasn't... Worth it.
Damn it, he was so selfish...
Wiping his tears off, he was slightly surprised; Sasori wasn't in the living-room.
"Sasori?"
He looked around. The kitchen, the hall, bathroom, work-room; Painful, beautiful memories.
Someone was in their bedroom though.
Or what used to be 'their' bedroom.
Sasori was there.
The bed was there.
The wardrobe was also there.
And Deidara's clohes, were in a big bag. On the bed.
Clothes nicely put in it, and some other personal belongings.
Oh.
Okay.
Sasori? Forgiving him?
Sure.
You keep dreaming.
No chance.
No change.
Not at all.
And the most pathetic fact was,
that Deidara still sat down at the edge of the bed.
As if there was hope.
He wasn't moving.
He was in shock.
Terrified.
Hope?
There was no hope. Maybe there was a little bit. But it was probably in that bag by now.
The blue eyes watched, just started, as the person who once used to be his lover folded his clothes and put them, one by one in the Adidas bag.
That fucking Adidas bag.
Fuck it.
Sitting here on the bed until you tell me to go home
Something, please...
Give me something,
one thing,
to say to him...
Please.
Please, please, please, something to say.
Please, he didn't want to. He didn't want to go. Didn't want to leave. Be erased.
He didn't want that cold look.
So cold.
No words.
Looking for something to say that can change everything
But as Deidara had realized;
There was nothing left. Not anymore.
Something more than I've already said
There was no CD to fix. No DVD-player. Nothing.
Not even a couple.
It was gone, quite some time ago.
It was all empty.
Please me mine again Let me stay
No, let it be like in a movie
please be mine again
Yes, let it be
"Fuck you, Deidara."
"Yes. I know."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Goodbye."
"Goodbye, un."
Reasons didn't matter. Words didn't matter. Actions didn't matter.
Love didn't matter.
All that mattered was nothing.